HOW TO: Volume II

How not to fall in love with a Time Lord

A guide for future companions (you're welcome by the way)

*This is a step by step how not to fall for a dashing Time traveler.

*Effectiveness: 23 %( ±48%), but you should still give it a stab.

Step I

Fall in love with the Time Lord. Because, let's be honest, it's gonna happen anyway; might as well make it a part of the plan. What? You still want not to do that? Fine. Listen up then.

Step I

And this one is very important, so pay attention! OK, here goes: Do not search for galaxies and burning supernovas flying in the universe's dust inside Tile Lord's eyes. Because you'll find them, and then that's it. You're lost. On step one -how embarrassing is that? Right, moving on.

Step II

Do not touch the Time Lord! Whatever you do. This is essential! Time Lords have intoxicating energy that can be transferred through your skin, and it will make all sorts of unmentionable things to you. So take care, right?

Step III

Do not ask the Time Lord questions, or even listen to him talk. Honestly, that's the worst one. His voice will touch the most inaccessible reaches of your soul; creep in there and slowly tease every time it feels like it. It's an agony.

Step IV

Do not dream about the Time Lord. OK, I know you can't really control that bit, but here are some tips on how to minimize the possibility of that happening:

1) avoid going into the Time Lord's bedroom- that is how the dreams start.

2) remove all pictures of the Time Lord from your phone and put a very unattractive one as his profile picture. I don't know-a cabbage or a turnip or something. No! Not the turnip! Something else. Phew that was close…

3) do not stand too close to the Time Lord. His scent will linger in your memory and awaken in your deepest dream state, and that's it. Their smell is alluring you know…

4) do not imagine running your fingers through the Time Lord's curly-silver-dashing and most-softest hair in the universe…

5) Right, where was I?

12) Step III, no… Tip number whatever: do not look at the Time Lord's fingers while he's explaining something to you. Just don't do it. Trust me…

13) do not watch the Time Lord: run, walk, lean, talk, move around or sit in his chair. It's a turning point this one if you're still holding on thin air.

14) do not inquire upon the Time Lord's choice of fashion. Just go with it. Because if you do- he'll start talking, and you'll regress to step III

15) Avoid eye contact, and do not let your gaze drop below the Time Lord's stomach. I said no! What are you doing?! Damn… Another lost soul. Oh well, I tried…