If there are any concerns as to the nature of this Fanfiction, please refer to my profile page or leave a review.
Chapter 1
Shinji Ikari was staring at the ceiling once again. The ceiling that he hated. He could only vaguely remember what had happened. He remembered Toji and how he had almost killed him. He remembered his father. Father.
His father had tried to kill Toji. No, not kill. Slaughter. Shinji's memories flashed back to that moment. Unit 001 snapping the neck of Unit 003. Watching as it ripped the Eva apart, piece by piece. It had taken the pilot plug in its grasp and crushed it, right there before him. And all thanks to his father. I hate him.
Rage seeped into Shinji's heart as he thought the words. As he felt the words. They were trickling into is blood, those words, spreading into his heart like cold black veins. They were so deep in his soul that it hurt. It was hurting him.
I hate him…
I hate him..
I hate him..!
I hate him!
I hate him!
I HATE HIM!
Shinji screamed inside. Screamed so deep and loud inside his mind that it wrenched his soul. Shinji gasped in pain, in what he thought was pain. What is this? What is this feeling? He sobbed into himself, thinking of all he'd done. Thinking of Toji, and Eva Unit 001. Then he remembered. The Eva had gone berserk. It all came back to him. It was after Toji, after he was attacked. Shinji had gone back. He had gone back to the Eva to pilot it. Because that's what made him who he was. He was nothing without the Eva. Nothing at all.
He remembered how he attacked the angel. How he had almost killed it when he ran out of power. That's when it had taken over. The Eva had woken up ad tore the angel apart, just like with Toji. Only so much worse.
Shinji shook remembering it all. The things he had experienced. They were all so terrifying.
There was a knock at the door. A gentle voice called and asked if he was awake and he answered back. It was Rei Ayanami. She was dressed in the typical school uniform. And she was alive. He was so happy that she was alive.
Rei stood by his bed and peered down at him. Her face was always the same. It never seemed to change. She never smiled or frowned. She only looked straight ahead, blankly, as if nothing mattered. "How are you feeling?" Shinji tried to smile, though it was weak. "I feel much better, thank you."
"You're not expected to work today."
"I'll be fine. Please, don't worry."
Rei was silent for a moment.
"There's going to be another Eva." Shinji's eyes widened. They nearly escaped from their sockets. "A-a new? A new Eva? W-who? Who will pilot it? Toji?" Rei shook her head. "Someone new. They are from the United States. Mari will also be joining us. She will assist Asuka in piloting Unit 002. The American pilot will be arriving today." Shinji's voice was about to crack from the emotional strain. "But Unit 003! Don't they remember! How can they do this again, with all that happened!?"
"Irrelevant." With this Shinji's breath hitched. She sounded just like his father, then. "Our purpose as pilots is to protect humanity. Should we die as a result, we can be replaced." Shinji was outraged. "But how can you say that? Aren't you worth more than that?"
"No." Shinji was silent. They both stared at each other for a moment when Rei continued. "Piloting the Eva is what gives me purpose. It is the only way I can survive as an individual. Otherwise, I am nothing." Shinji gritted his teeth in anger. It wasn't fair. They should be more than that. They should be defined by more than whether or not they piloted the Evas. They should be recognized for more than just that. But he fell silent. There was no use in arguing with what he knew to be true. This was reality. This was reality and he mustn't run away from it.
Tears welled up in his eyes and he hung his head low so that Rei would not see. "Who is it? The pilot? Who are they?" He could feel Rei's gaze on the back of his head. She was silent for a while when she finally spoke, dispassionately as always. "Her name is Arden, Arden Vaken. She'll be arriving today. You'll meet her at the sync examination. I suggest you be prepared." Rei paused a moment and then left the room silently, shutting the door softly behind her.
Once she was gone, Shinji let himself go, sobbing into his arms. He brought his knees up and shook from the sobs. He hated the Evas. He hated everything about them, but he couldn't leave them. It was just as Rei had said. Without the Eva, he was nothing. The Eva was all that he was and all that he could be. He was a terrible person.
