Author's note: So here the story really begins. When I started this idea, I didn't realize how heavily Jacob would appear (in terms of Bella's emotional development), but now that I'm writing it, I'm beginning to be less...antagonistic towards him. That said, this is a Bella/Edward story, even if it doesn't feel like it just yet.
Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. None of the characters featured belong to me.
THOUGHT BUT NEVER HEARD
CHAPTER ONE - SO MANY THINGS
"Bella!"
I grimaced into my pillow. Flipping over in my bed, I shrunk away from the noise.
"Bells, wake up."
I groaned. One second I was burying myself into my pillow. The next, it was gone. I growled into my hands, sleep trickling away quickly.
"What, Jake?"
My best friend grinned down at me mischievously, my pillow clutched between his hands. And despite the post-sleep grouchiness that still hung over me, I couldn't help but return that smile.
The last time I'd been truly angry at Jacob was when we were kids. He'd stolen my favourite toy, a small plastic bird figurine that my mother had left behind, and in a fit of childish rage, I slammed the door in his face. After hearing him bawl his eyes out, I finally opened the door and gave him the toy to keep.
It was hard to be angry or upset around Jacob.
"It's noon," he said simply.
I narrowed my eyes at him and whipped up to snatch my pillow back. Jacob merely held it out of reach and smirked. I sighed, collapsing back onto my bed and leaning against the headboard. Jake sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around his newly acquired pillow.
"It's noon," Jacob repeated, "and we've only got a week left before school starts."
Oh joy. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a short breath. I didn't exactly despise school, not like some of the other kids in my grade, but I much preferred spending my days on the reservation with Jake. Not to mention that in a week, I'd be starting my senior year. That was something I'd much rather forget about.
"So what's on the agenda today, then?" I asked, stretching and pushing myself off the bed.
--
Happiness and sunshine. That's what today was meant to be. It was just supposed to be another summer day before I'd be engulfed in school work again. But life never really played out like it was meant to.
I sat in the Forks Community Hospital waiting room, my legs curled up underneath me in a boxy plastic seat. I'd already been looked at: Dr Gerandy had wrapped up my wrist and told me to take Tylonel for the pain. But it was nothing serious. Not for me.
"Bella, it'll be okay."
Charlie sat next to me, his warm brown eyes watching my every move. Understandably, I guessed. I couldn't stop shaking.
You see, even in the summer, it rained in Forks. Jacob and I had been treated to twenty minutes of sunshine when we left the house before the clouds thickened overhead. Within the hour, the skies threw all they had onto us.
I wasn't a stranger to accidents, and the hospital was my third home after Charlie's and Jacob's; but I'd never had an accident with Jacob. I'd never had to sit in the waiting room while a doctor tended to my best friend. Everything inside me churned when I thought about just how badly he could have been hurt. Seeing him unconscious scared me more than I'd admit.
"A concussion," Dr Gerandy explained when Charlie and I were allowed to see Jake. "Not too serious, but he should take it easy for a few weeks."
The doctor and Charlie spoke about paperwork and checkups. I tuned them out, pressing my lips together and staring at Jacob. It looked serious. A bandage decorated his head and a few scratches darkened his shoulder and the side of his face.
"I'll be okay, Bells."
I shook my head, my throat constricting as soon as Jake spoke. Why had I asked him if I could drive the truck? Why hadn't I slowed down when the rain started? Why didn't I stop when it got way too heavy?
Something bit at my insides. A strange sensation prickled at my fingertips as I looked down at Jacob. Worry and guilt were interlaced with something else, something I couldn't quite identify.
I mean, I'd seen Angela in a hospital bed before – when she collapsed from dehydration a few summers ago – but I'd never felt like this. I was worried for Angela, but this was Jacob. Somehow, this was different.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asked when I didn't say anything.
And all I could do was shake my head.
"Come on Jake, let's get you home." Charlie broke the silence. "Billy's worrying about you."
The drive to La Push was long and silent. And awkward. Charlie was comfortable in his silence, but Jacob and I usually talked nonstop. But there was no talk now. I was lost in my thoughts, trying to decipher that weird gnawing inside me.
Every so often, I thought I might have gotten it. I was on the very edge of discovering what that feeling was. But as soon I edged closer, it seemed to move away. Like trying to catch soap bubbles between your fingers, or trying to remember your dreams.
By the time we got back home from Jacob's, I was drained. Charlie ordered me to bed, saying he'd just call for a pizza for dinner. Usually I would have protested, but I was too tired. After the accident, waiting for Jacob in the hospital, and processing what had happened today, all I could think of was sleep.
After awkwardly brushing my teeth – trying not to get my bandage wet – I laid down in my bed with a sigh. And, as tired as I was, I couldn't get to sleep. I just lay there, my brain working nonstop. All I could think of was how strange I'd felt in the hospital room, in the car.
I closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts completely. But that never worked. My mind trailed back to hospital room, and then even further back.
How long had I known Jacob? It felt like forever. I remember playing with him before either of us started school. I remember being there for him when his mom died. I remember him being there for me when I heard Renee was getting married again.
He'd been there for every moment of my life, the good and the bad. And I'd been there for his. And part of me knew now what was going on. In the back of my mind, it was there. But I wouldn't admit it, not aloud. I wouldn't even allow it to become a fully formed thought. Because it would change too many things, because there were so many things that could go wrong.
If I didn't say it, if I didn't think it, maybe it would go away.
