Drabble 2: To Streak or Not to Streak, That Is the Question
Requested by Amelia Lynn (and kinda by maliekal tharakan. Sorry, this isn't potty training, but it is close…)
In ANBU, 12 months old – true age
"Sweetie, hold still," Mouse ordered sternly. The blonde wiggling his way around the changing pad didn't even give her a glance, let alone heed her command. Mouse sighed and pinned the brat as best she could with her forearms, trying to keep the infant still enough to pin the cloth diapers around his hips with a safety pin.
Naruto, revelling in his recently-honed skill of walking, decided it was time to utilise the talent and waited for the moment Mouse relaxed her grip on him to roll off the changing mat (a few too many rolls off the changing table had convinced Mouse that it wasn't a good idea to elevate Naruto during these times) and hit the ground running. Mouse lunged after him, tiny pants in one hand, but Naruto slipped through her fingers like quicksilver and ran for the door.
She sighed. "At least he has a diaper on."
No sooner had she spoken then the toddler stopped, tugged at his nappy for a moment as if to adjust it, and laughed happily as the clumsily attached safety pin gave way and the diaper tumbled to the ground. Naruto grinned widely at his caretaker, then took off like dogs were chasing him, streaking through the corridors of ANBU HQ. Mouse groaned.
During one of his visits, the Hokage had offered the suggestion to change Naruto inside the child's playpen – that way, Naruto couldn't run off. Encouraged by the solution, Mouse had set up inside the wooden cage the next time the child began to smell a little ripe.
Naruto lay still and quiet for the first portion of the changing just as he always did: he didn't care for being soiled and uncomfortable any more than any adult did, and Mouse dared to hope the Hokage's method would work. Unfortunately, the moment she reached for the little pile of fresh laundered diapers, Naruto shot off the plastic changing mat like it was red hot. He looked all around, seeing only bars, and looked back at Mouse with a definite pout at the idea of his fun being ruined so easily. Mouse smiled at him, now confident in her victory.
"Come on, Naruto. Let's put your clothes on," she said brightly. Naruto's tiny face scrunched up in a frown, pout growing to one of epic proportion. He waddled closer, and Mouse put out her hand to draw him near. He toddled his way right into her lap, and Mouse once more reached for the diaper, intent on navigating it on despite the awkward pose. Naruto grabbed the upper lip of her breastplate with his right hand and the top of the playpen with his left, and before Mouse could catch him heaved himself up, tumbling over quicker than either person expected. For a moment, Mouse froze, ready for screaming and injury, but Naruto popped up and took off running, little arms moving to ditch his shirt on the way.
Mouse never fell for that again, but within two days Naruto had learnt to scale the sides of the playpen, rendering it useless for confining him during both diaper changing and play.
Boar came up with the idea of changing Naruto in pairs – one to hold him, one to do the deed. Unfortunately, they underestimated the sheer slippery wiggliness of a baby fresh out of the bath, and Naruto seemed to be able to move his arms and legs in completely contradicting ways. He kicked like he was a propeller to prevent Mouse from capturing his bottom in the dreaded material at the same moment he was busily gumming his way along Boar's arm, happily being as gross and slobbery as possible. He got away very quickly that time, and a thoroughly disgusted Boar never volunteered to help change Naruto ever again.
"Men are such babies," Mouse had complained to the head of ANBU, codenamed 'Head' for simplicity, twenty minutes later when Naruto was discovered beneath his desk. Head had waved her away and dropped his head into his hands, bemoaning the desecration of his perfectly filed paperwork that had occurred when a naked baby rolled all over it and ended up with enough ink splodges on his damp skin to make him look like a Dalmatian puppy.
"You know, you could try these." It was Ox who offered, the shinobi a man-and-a-half tall with a chest three men wide. He was surprisingly taken with the infant resident of HQ, and had been watching Mouse wrestle with the baby in the communal living areas of the barracks often over the last month or so. He'd also borne witness to the many, many times Naruto had won and raced away, stark naked. The kid was getting way, way too good at stripping like greased lightning.
Mouse blinked at the offered package. It looked like a bundle of white plastic compressed together within a clear plastic bag, ready for disposal. "What's that?"
Blushing a little, Ox tore open the package and pulled out a piece of the white plastic within. Shaking it out, he offered it to Mouse. "My sister uses them. They're, um, disposable diapers. They're one-use, and they stick with these strips, see? No pins. Might be easier."
Mouse examined the object – it looked like a diaper, that was true. It even had tiny cartoon figurines dancing across the rump, which would look undeniably cute on her little horror, if she ever managed to get them on.
"Okay," she beamed. "I'll try them. Thanks, Ox."
Ox blushed more and mumbled an excuse before shoving the baby gear into her hands and making a break for it. He didn't manage to avoid his squadmates sniggering at him, but a look from Mouse quietened the other men.
Naruto seemed surprised enough by the new diapers that he lay still and let Mouse put them on. His face screwed up in disgust as Mouse lifted him and set him on his feet, plastic contraption in place, and patted the little mice on his rear end with triumphant affection. Looking into the infant's blue eyes, the ANBU woman knew with a sinking feeling that the next instalment of this struggle would be war.
Sure enough, a couple of hours later, Mouse steeled herself and fetched the changing mat. Naruto started to whine as she pulled him away from his blocks, but as she laid him back on the mat, his complaining died out, and Mouse knew for certain a new game was starting. The old diaper came off, much less messily than the material kind, and Mouse cleaned up the baby quickly, then tried for speed to snap on the new diaper. She managed to get it under Naruto and stick the first tab before the baby really started protesting, but then had to make a grab for the kid as he all but threw himself into the air on his way to rolling over. His free leg kicked and wiggled, and Mouse discovered the main problem with these cool new diapers. While the material diapers were more fiddly, they looped around the baby's hips and gave the changer something to hold on to. The disposable brand fastened one side at a time, giving her little Houdini a convenient side door to duck out of the way of confinement. After a long struggle, Naruto managed to roll his way out of the plastic and scramble under the couch, giggling as he dodged away from Mouse again and again.
When she finally managed to apprehend him nearly a half-hour later, Mouse ruefully thought that these diapers were still cooler than the old-fashioned ones, but were far from a perfect fix.
Owl was the next one to suggest a solution. In his gentle, quiet way, he knocked on the door to Mouse's apartment and let himself in when she called, offering her a bundle carefully wrapped in brown paper.
"I found these on my latest mission to Snow," he said softly. "They're designed to be put on simply and quickly, to get infants out of the snow as fast as possible when they have to be changed and it is cold."
Mouse took the parcel and opened it curiously, and thought for a second that Owl had very thoughtfully given her a gift… that was exactly the same as the option Ox had found for her a month ago. She had just enough time to wonder how the aging man had missed Naruto dropping the diapers around HQ over the last weeks before she realised that there was one crucial difference.
These had no tabs. They didn't require the child to stay still while she secured them to his lower half. Instead, they had a stretchy waistband that seemed to function like normal underwear.
Mouse had to restrain herself from hugging Owl for this stroke of genius.
Her happiness was short-lived. Sure enough, they were easy to put on, and Naruto actually let her, which was a surprise. Mouse honestly thought she'd found the solution to the never-ending struggle, and hummed her way through the following ten minutes.
Until she looked over and saw Naruto happily pushing the diaper back down again. At that moment, Mouse realised the flaw: easily on meant easily off, and Naruto was more than adept at stripping his pants from his chubby little legs. The woman groaned as she realised – no wonder the toddler had no issue with the diapers.
Mouse watched as a naked child wandered happily around the room, and sighed.
"Well, bang goes that idea."
Another day, another trail of tiny clothing leading towards the common room. Another naked baby exploring the room, looking over shoulders and crawling under tables. Mouse was hurrying after him, clothing in hand, trying to coax him out from where he was and failing miserably.
Naruto was laughing, hidden under a corner of a low table just out of Mouse's arm reach. The laughter cut off as a large hand grabbed him from behind and dragged him out from his hiding place, and suddenly he found himself hanging upside-down by one ankle. For a moment, he was disoriented, before he focused on the smooth, white face of his captor.
"Gog! Gog, gog, goggy!"
'Gog' – the 'da' sound was still beyond the one year old – lifted him higher, still holding him only by his right ankle. "Mouse," he said quietly to the woman a little taller than he was, "Why is this child unclothed?"
Mouse winced at the threat inherent in Dog's voice, and explained the situation concisely. She tried not to react as the teen frowned at her, obviously unhappy but too proud to say so.
"Thank you, Dog-san," she said, holding out her arms. "I'll take him now."
Dog hesitated, then held out the dangling infant, the boy's upside-down face turning an alarming shade of red. As Mouse took him and tipped him back the right way up, Dog leant back on one leg and crossed his arms almost defensively.
"Try housebreaking him," the dog handler muttered, and disappeared without another word. Mouse remained frozen in his wake, then looked down at the contented (if naked) child in her arms.
"That boy has more sense than he knows, chibi. Starting this afternoon: toilet training."
