Chapter 2 – Hardship Before Happiness *REVISION*

A/N: Some revisions were made to this chapter to help it flow better with next chapter. It's been a while since I've posted so a re-read might be good.


"I know what it's like to possess sensitive, unwanted knowledge." Callen's face, now buried in his hands, surfaced as she continued. "I know that whatever you tell me about your job and past, stays with me." Katie needed to connect with Callen in a way that would allow him to tell her what was bothering him.

His eyes widened. "I trust you Katie. I've never doubted that."

"And I trust you Callen."

Scratching the stubble on his chin, he pondered the subliminal message she was trying to get across. "You think there's more going on than just my decision to retire from being a Field Agent."

She moved to crouch in front of him.

"Am I right?"

He nodded.

"And if I were to guess that it has something to do with a specific incident and person, would I also be right?" Her perception was on target. "But you're not ready to talk about it." Katie moved back to sit beside him.

"I've put my name in for consideration for Hetty's job as she's retiring at the end of the year." Callen knew he would eventually have to talk to Katie about why he was contemplating severing his personal relationship with Hetty. And as for why he won't ever again talk to a 'shrink', he was dreading that even more.

Katie respected his temporary avoidance of her observation as she had become accustomed to him steering conversations away from topics that exposed his vulnerabilities and compartmentalized feelings. Eventually, though, he would find his way back to the abandoned conversations. With her inadvertent persistence over time, he gradually realized that he no longer had to compartmentalize everything and that tension brewed between the couple when he didn't talk to her about what was troubling him.

"Assistant Director Granger asked me if I was interested in taking over as Operations Manager and I told him I was." Callen welcomed the return of Katie's presence beside him. "I can keep my personal life from affecting my work but I'm not doing so well with keeping my work from affecting my personal life. This new position would still be demanding on my time but aside from the six weeks of Management Training in Virginia, I wouldn't be away for extended periods of time. And the pay would be almost double what I am making now. " He had given this a lot of thought.

"I like that. The part of you not being away for extended periods of time." They didn't need the extra money but it would be nice to have it if they decided she not to return to work after they started a family. "But you would still have late nights."

"Only when the bad guys won't cooperate."

Katie's eye roll and one sided smile indicated she appreciated his ability to find the positive in a job that was centered around criminals.

"So no field work?"

"No. But I would provide backup if needed."

"What does Sam think of this career move?" she asked.

Callen's gaze diverted from hers.

"You haven't told him?"

"I haven't been offered the job."

"Would you have talked to me before you made your decision? I mean, had I not insisted we talk today?"

Callen was miffed by her accusation. "You know I wouldn't make this kind of decision without talking to you first. I was waiting until after I met with Granger this week. Although Sam is my partner, best friend and one of the most objective people I know, I couldn't have his personal feelings affecting my decision."

Katie's emotions were running high dealing with the busiest time of the year at work and now Callen amid a major job change. Katie had always found her way through the tough and chaotic times in her life but life with a Special Agent tested that ability with situations unlike any she had ever encountered-or imagined happening in her life.

"When will you know if you get the job?" She snuggled into him after he gestured for her to do so.

"Not sure."

"Won't the team miss you in the field? And you would be their boss. That could be awkward."

"They'll see me every day and as team leader I have already asserted an authoritative position within the team."

"I have to say that I admire your confidence about this." He sensed one of her notorious 'buts' coming.

"But you know the saying, 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch." She could sense he was quite confident that the job was 'in the bag' or would that be 'in the basket'?

Callen knew there was a possibility that someone else could come along and get the job but he was steadfastly sticking to the scenario he had in his mind that Granger was looking close to home for Hetty's replacement. Callen positioned his body so Katie could see his eyes.

"I know the difference between confidence and arrogance. And to know when I have crossed the line."

There were a few moments of silence before he continued.

"Listen, I know I will miss being a Field Agent but I know I miss being apart from you even more." He was on a mission to live the life he had spent the past three decades dreaming about. "I spent my childhood dreaming of being part of a family and then as I got older, I longed to find someone to have my own family with. Not once did I ever dream of being a Federal Agent. That was Hetty's vision when she took me into her care when I was fifteen. My job is just that, a job. Yes, it's a big part of who I am but it's not all I am, nor is it all I want to be."

Katie was all but consumed by his heartfelt words and after a firm squeeze of his hand to reassure him she was with him all the way in this endeavor, he continued.

"This job will literally consume you if you allow it to. I need to make a change. I know there is a possibility it won't work out but I must try. And that includes keeping hope that Granger will see I am the best person for the job."

His words hit Katie hard as a wave of relief surged through her. Living day to day, not knowing if she would get a visit from someone on the team to tell her he wasn't ever coming home, was a subconscious stress that constantly filled her life. It was imperative he not only tell Katie, but show her, that she is his number one priority. He cupped her face with his hand and then brushed his thumb across her cheek. "You're my everything Kates. My new past, my present and my future. I can't give you what I want to give you and what you deserve, being a Field Agent."

She stroked the area under his right ear, an action that always hitched his breath and then verbalized what her earlier hand squeeze meant, "I support you no matter the outcome. I do, very much so, like the fact that you won't be dodging bullets daily. And that I won't be worrying, as much, if you will be coming home."

Leaning in for a kiss, Callen's breath mingled with hers before meeting in a deep, passionate kiss that let her know he wasn't avoiding finishing the conversation but that it could wait as he wasn't quite ready to voice the other things he had to say.

Katie felt she still needed to say the words when Callen broke from her lips and took to kissing her neck, "We still have so much more to talk about."

He moaned in understanding with "Always so much to talk about," before he stood and attempted to pull her to her feet. "Bedroom."

Katie shook her head. "Here," she stated as she bit her lower lip.

He took a moment to view the come-hither look on her face before kneeling on the cushion beside her, laying her down and appreciating the sunlight streaming through the window that accentuated her physical beauty.

It had been thirteen days since they had been physically intimate due to Callen's current life issues and it showed in the intensiveness of their actions. Katie's nails gripped her lover's shirt before pulling it over his head, her fingers then sinking into his back as he ground his covered erection into her thigh. The couch was great for making out but he preferred their bed for love making. And he wanted to give her everything he had that Autumn afternoon. While he contemplated picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom, Katie pushed him off her so she could remove her clothes. His thoughts then quickly shifted as a naked Katie stood before him, her stance saying what she wanted. She reached behind him, her breast brushing over his cheek, but not before his mouth jutted out to quickly cover her nipple, and pulled a cushion out from behind him. He sat upright but Katie shook her head. As she dropped the pillow to the ground and knelt before him, Callen slid down on the couch cushion, now fully aware of her intentions. Although he had wanted to assert his alpha male characteristic and ravish her into the late afternoon, the sound of his zipper slowly being undone made the transition into submissiveness very easy for him.


"This is what I want," Callen said as Katie's head lay upon his chest, her fingers caressing the skin around his scars, slight smiles adorning both their faces, and both parties thankful that they had eventually made their way to the bedroom.

"Sex on Sunday's?"

"Happiness," he said as he moved to face her. "A comment was made a few weeks ago at work that life is about hardship before happiness. I know I can't predict the future but I feel I have faced more than enough hardships in my almost thirty-nine years on Earth. I'm ready for the happiness."

Had Katie been insecure about herself or their relationship, she could have taken offense to his comment and interpreted it as though he wasn't happy. When his sensitivities – most of his life was sensitive in nature - and vulnerabilities were exposed, she worked through them with him. Sometimes by offering advice. Sometimes with sex. But mostly by allowing him to talk and her listening. He had opened up more since their cohabitation began and the ease in which the words flowed were both welcomed and surprising to Katie. It was still baby steps for Callen in revealing some of the darkest parts of his life with the woman he loved but he did it. His current mood and the look in his eyes were that of sadness and as the words came out of his mouth he felt as though he were hearing someone else say them. And how his wished that were true. He would never be accustomed to her tears and the sadness her own eyes conveyed when he recalled the dark parts of his life.

And then the word torture stung Katie's ears.

"I don't trust her," Callen admitted as Katie pulled the blanket over them, the recollection of his time being tortured by a colleague caused a chill to move down her spine. "And Nate, well, I know he wanted to prove himself as an Agent but …" The moments of when he was convinced his number was up fluttered through his mind. "In those moments I knew Hetty had betrayed me because she was the only one who could have given him that information. That was difficult to take but thinking I would never see you again was unbearable - and all because of her. I won't forgive her for that." He paused a moment and wiped away the few tears that had made their way to his cheeks. "She never cared about me. She only cared about easing her own guilt for not protecting my mother. She was more aware than anyone of my lack of trust in people. How ironic is that?" Katie shivered again as she felt the sarcasm laced words penetrate her ears. He took a moment to search his inner being to express his true feelings about what happened with Hetty and Nate. It was time he said it to someone. "Her blatant betrayal of my trust in her was soul crushing."

Callen had never told Katie how his mother died and Katie had never asked. As Callen recalled what he remembered and was told (by Hetty) about his mother's death, Katie felt as though it was surreal, even for his life. Katie then responded with the revelation of how her own mother had died. She was a nurse in the ER and had just arrived for her night shift. Twenty minutes later as she was passing an instrument tray to a doctor, she collapsed on the floor due to a ruptured brain aneurysm. No symptoms or warnings. Katie now understood why Callen hadn't told her about how his mother died and why he hadn't asked about her mother's death - she would have asked about his. And there was never a good time to tell her that his mother was the victim of long lasting blood feud. Katie saw how difficult it was for him to talk about it so she veered the subject back to the current source of upset in his life.

"Does Hetty know how you feel?"

His facial expression was answer enough. No

"There's not much point as I know she will try to make excuses for what she did. From my stance, she could have found another way to keep Nate's cover protected and save me the …" The 'T' word wouldn't come out a second time.

"I'm glad that you don't plan on telling her how you feel. Telling an elderly woman, one who took you in when you were at very low point in your young life, that you wished you had never met her, would be mean... and cruel."

Many a times he had thought of telling Hetty his deepest and often dark thoughts about her but had refrained because despite them, he had never lost sight of that fact that had Hetty not intervened that potentially fatefully day many years ago, he knows he would not be on the right side of the law.

And like clockwork, Callen spoke the words, "I'd like to talk about something else."

Some people would say he was over reacting about his feelings towards Hetty and how she handled the situation with Nate, but it wasn't them who had been water boarded and verbally assaulted with sensitive, personal, and highly classified information. It was time to change the topic of conversation.

"Let's have a Christmas Open House slash House Warming Party." His voice was enthusiastic which helped quickly turn the mood into a happier one for them both. "And then we could take that vacation we have been talking about. Timing would be good as we both have two weeks of vacation time over Christmas and New Year's.

Katie moved to face him straight on, "Are you serious?" She wasn't blind to his blatant change of topic but was delighted in the topic he had chosen.

"Very."

"I love the idea of combining them!" Katie's love of planning and list making quickly went into action. "Thanksgiving at Sam's, party two weeks later, Christmas dinner with Mike's family. And then" ... Her eyes lit up. "Two-week vacation with my favourite guy."

Callen couldn't help but smile at Katie's reaction. "So, where should we go?" he asked, trying to pretend he had forgotten the discussions on where their much-needed vacation would eventually be.

Katie didn't pick up on his fake reaction as she was caught up in her mental list making. She thrived on challenges and the next two months would be full of those in terms of getting things organized and in action in both her work and personal lives. Although Callen would still be doing his current job she knew he would be by her side, whenever possible, pitching in with whatever needed to be done.

She looked at him and practically shouted, "Are you kidding me?"

His absent smirk made it difficult for Katie to catch on to his playfulness. Immediately after she said Aruba, his crooked smile appeared.

Without another word, she rolled him to his back, pinning his hands over his head.

"You're a sassy man G. Callen. And you're lucky it's one of the many things I love about you." She was torn between wiping that grin off his face with a sexual favour and don't the things that needed to be done before Monday morning. "If we didn't have things that must get done today, I would give you a preview of what you can expect during siestas on our vacation."

Siestas were usually for rest but Callen knew that's not what Katie had in mind. He grabbed her hips, "I can give you a preview and it will only take five minutes."

His set jaw, smoldering blue eyes and budding erection had her interested. Five minutes. It would be fast and intense. The coiling tension between her legs brewed. All thoughts of her to-do-lists were gone and even though she knew he could take her to ecstasy and beyond in his announced time frame, she wanted some foreplay. And it looked like he would require some as well before he could begin his preview.

"How exactly do you plan to achieve that?" she asked.

"Are you questioning my ability to perform?"

"No." She straightened her back and shifted her hips which caused his hands to fall from them. The gyrating of her hips had him getting him closer to full arousal. Although they had had sex more than once in a day, this was the first time the act was so close together. It was easier for her to be ready than him so she chose her words carefully-although a challenged G. Callen had proven to be a very hot and sexy version of the blue eyed Federal Agent. "I'm just curious as to how you are going to achieve that task in five minutes."

Perhaps a revelation would help, she thought.

She leaned down, her lips brushing over his ear as she spoke.

"I had a dream last night. Well more like a fantasy crept into my subconscious." He stilled her hips as she continued. "You couldn't wait until we got home. Check in at the hotel took longer than our stay."

Her hot breath couple with image she had presented him - and he was almost there. He hadn't had a dream about that but the thought had crossed his mind more than once. There was something alluring about unplanned sex in a hotel-and leaving right after.

"You don't approve?"

He pulled her down and kissed her hard.

"I approve," he groaned into her lips as he lifted his hips off the mattress before he flipped her over, pushed her knees up against her chest and covered her mouth with his. G. Callen wasted no more precious time in showing Katie that he was (still) a man of his word. Katie's wordless noises fueled Callen's thrusts as heart rates increased, skin meshed together, bodies sweated and mutual love was silently proclaimed - all in five minutes.


"As much as I would love to stay in bed with you for the rest of the day, things need to get done," Katie voiced as she glanced at the beside clock.

He nodded in agreement.

Callen was very much looking forward to two weeks of vacation (and siestas) with Katie. No bad guys. No guns. No bullets. As he watched Katie get dressed another pivotal moment occurred. Katie Mitchel was, without any doubt, the woman he wanted to go to bed with, wake up with, be with and think about in the hours in between—for the rest of his life.

He then got dressed and met Katie in the kitchen where they divided up the tasks that needed to be done. After kissing him and reminding him to check the dates on dairy products, he took the list and headed out to his car.

As he drove the familiar route to the grocery store the confidence that the decision to take the promotion (once it was offered to him) was the right one, wavered. How many candidates could there be for a position like Hetty's? He felt a twinge of nerves in his stomach when he thought about Lauren Hunter who had appeared out of nowhere upon Hetty's last (failed) attempt at retiring. There wasn't any doubt about Hetty retiring this time but there was some doubt creeping inside him that he wouldn't be the last one standing after all other potential candidates were weeded out.

Callen wasn't naive in thinking it would be easy to make the decisions that Hetty had all those years but as Team Leader he had gained a great deal of leadership experience. One of the cons of the new job would be reporting to Granger. An audible laugh came about as he remembered the many times Hetty had ignored her boss. He wondered if The Assistant Director would have him on a short leash or would the grizzled veteran trust his instincts on the respect he had learned to have for the team and the way they did things?

As he pulled into the parking lot he attempted to turn off work thoughts, checked that the list was still in his wallet and made his way into the store. Katie would be waiting for him to return so she could make her lunch for work. The Special Agent envied her for having a scheduled lunch every day. She had encouraged him to take a lunch but that lasted five days when he returned home with all the food uneaten. He told her that the bad guys of Los Angeles didn't care if he had eaten his fruit and vegetable quota for the day.

The bright lights of stores never appealed to Callen but as he walked up the cereal aisle he was distracted from the brightness by more thoughts of his boss, and once guardian, when he eyed a box of the sugar-coated cereal he had only been allowed to have on weekends while living with Hetty. As he made his way to the section that housed Katie's favourite teas, a memory of his young adult life in University was triggered. Care packages would arrive at his dorm room with his favourite cereal, snacks and Hetty's favourite teas with a short note updating him on the happenings back home. Life with Hetty wasn't perfect but she did the best she knew how to give him the home and stability he needed.

He stood there for several minutes replaying the earlier conversation with Katie in his head. If heads could spontaneously explode he was certain his was going to with everything flowing through it. Although he would never tell Hetty he wished she had never come into his life, and that it would be mean and cruel to tell her so, he couldn't let go of her blatant betrayal for the sake of the mission. His plan was to just avoid her unless absolutely necessary after she retired. He wouldn't see her at work anymore and she really wasn't a big part of his personal life outside of the office, so avoidance would work well.

He passed on the cereal but stocked up on Katie's favourite tea as it was on sale. Callen had never checked prices on any of the (few) items he bought at the grocery store – until he met Katie. She was conscientious when it came to spending money, something Callen could relate to very well. Despite the renovations costing more than anticipated, the end results were beyond their expectations and Callen wasn't willing to put a price on their life together. After paying for the groceries he loaded up the Jag and then headed home. Home. Knowing someone would be there when he opened the door it sent his stomach fluttering.

Sam had teased him about being domesticated despite being 'raised by wolves' but deep down Callen knew Sam admired him for taking his life in a direction neither of them had thought probable since they had gotten to know of each others personal lives. Even through their rough times Callen never forgot how fortunate he was to have Kathryn Mitchell in his life. By the time the blond haired, blue eyed boy had reached his first double digit birthday, he had started to question if he was a person worthy of being loved. Years later Hetty showed him he was. Then Sam invited him into his family with the Hanna women taking immediately to his charm and loyalty. But it was Kathryn Mitchell, the intelligent, compassionate, independent blue-eyed beauty who found her way into the depths of his heart.

The feeling he had in his gut as he carried the groceries inside wasn't about being in love but a feeling of anxiousness. Katie was a modern-day woman but (some) traditional values were deeply embedded in her. And that meant it was up to Callen to make the move towards the next step in their relationship. But that would have to wait until after it was decided whether or not he would be then next Operations Manager.