*blinks*
*points at story*
*walks away blushing with head bowed*
Disclaimer: Yeah…. No. I only wish I owned these fabulous characters.
B is for Badinage-Concerning-Badious
"—and I just saw this wonderful, badious pair of boots—"
"I'm sorry, you saw what?" Brian interrupted the conversation Emmett and Justin were having over breakfast at the diner. Something about Emmett's shopping spree the day before.
Emmett huffed and glanced at Brian, who had an eyebrow raised at the queen in disbelief. He rolled his eyes and answered impatiently, "I said, I saw a wonderful pair of badious boots—"
"What the fuck is 'badious' supposed to be?" Brian interrupted again, which seemed to irritate Emmy Lou. Too bad, he wanted to know.
"It means chestnut colored." He dismissed Brian by turning back to Justin. "As I was saying, right as I was about to grab them—"
"Then why didn't you just say chestnut?" Brian the-bane-of-Emmett's-existence Kinney asked impertinently.
Justin snickered as Emmett scowled and promptly ignored him. "This woman comes out of nowhere, and tries to grab them! And believe you me, honey, with her skinny little—"
"I mean, it would've caused a lot less confusion. Unless… Did Theodore give you that damn word-a-day calendar? I thought I broke that thing…"
Emmett made a sound of impatience. "What," he ground out, "Do you want?"
Brian looked back innocently. "I just asked a question, and you never answered. Which, Auntie Em, is quite rude—"
"Yes, well, I don't want to answer you. Now, if you could kindly stop being so barathrum concerning questions and answers—"
"Barathrum?" Brian asked incredulously. "He did give you that calendar, didn't he? I knew it. What the fuck does that one mean?"
Emmett made his hands into claws on the table as he replied through gritted teeth, "It means an insatiable person. In your instance, insatiable when it comes to asking questions." He glared.
"Why 'B's', Em?" Justin suddenly piped up curiously. Brian cocked an eyebrow at him, waiting for clarification.
"B's?" Emmett questioned.
"Both of your 25-cent words both started with B's. Why?"
"Maybe he was fucked by a guy who spouted random words beginning with 'B' every time he humped." Brian mused.
"No." Emmett protested. "I most certainly was not."
"What's wrong, Emmy Lou?" Brian mocked. "You don't like our badinage?"
Justin chuckled and turned towards his lover. "Badinage?"
"Yes." Brian nodded. "That B-letter word means playful banter. I figured I'd throw out some words too, so Emmett doesn't feel left out of course."
"Of course." Justin replied in obvious amusement.
"Stupid, irritating, batrachivorous asshole." Emmett muttered.
Brian stared at him. "What did you just call me?"
"Doesn't that mean something about frogs?" Justin inquired. Brian now stared at him.
"I know you randomly pop up with bullshit that is pretty useless, but how do you know that?"
Justin chuckled, and took a sip of his coffee. "I'm pretty sure I heard it during biology. Something about some animal that ate frogs."
"It means frog-eating, baby." Emmett replied, happy that Justin knew what it meant.
"You called me a frog-eating asshole?" Brian still seemed to be incredulous.
"No," Justin said calmly. "He called you a stupid, irritating, frog-eating asshole." He emptied a pack of sugar into his coffee, not looking at Brian. "Big difference."
Emmett laughed, and Brian glared at him. "You still haven't said where you were getting all these words."
Emmett waved his hand in dismissal. "Not important. I'm tired of your bavardage, now let me talk to Justin."
"Another one?" Justin asked, glancing at Emmett from pouring over his coffee with sugar packets and cream. He looked remarkably like a mad scientist at the moment, in Brian's opinion.
Emmett sighed, seemingly accepting the fact that he couldn't continue his discussion. "Yes. It means insignificant chatter or prattle." He looked meaningfully at Brian.
Who turned away and ignored him. Emmett sighed and turned his full attention back to Justin. "Now, that woman who tried to steal my boots—"
"Good Morning." Melanie said to the three as she came in with her suitcase. She blinked at Emmett when he screamed and dropped his head onto the table. "What's wrong with him?" she asked the other two.
"He's been rambling on about large, B-letter words all morning. It's irritating, especially when he won't tell us where he got them all." Brian glared at the top of Emmett's head, as if that would make him suddenly tell them why he's suddenly become a b-lettered dictionary.
"No, his problem is, is that you've been irritating him by not letting him tell his story, and keep badgering him," he ignored Brian's growl at yet another word beginning with B, "about where he learned all these words, specifically just to annoy him."
"He's been saying these words like, frog eating, and chestnut, and prattling and shit." Brian defended.
Melanie sighed and held up a hand before Justin could argue back. "I'm sorry I ever asked about this bêtise betwixt you three. I honestly could care less. Now, Brian, let me bewray a little secret. It doesn't matter if you are a bibacious bibliophilic bitch, Emmett might've just looked at a dictionary. Now, if you'll excuse me Sir Belonephilia, I'm going to inform Debbie that you three might need a bersatrix, and am going to grab a coffee so I can go to work. Bye bye." Ignoring the dumbfounded lookes she was getting from the three, she did just that, and walked out the door without looking back.
Brian picked his jaw up from where it was hanging on the table and looked at the other two. "What the fuck did she just say?"
They just shook their heads.
So I think I had a little too much fun with this one… A couple of these words I actually have heard before in a normal conversation (like batrachivorous).
Now, for the definitions from Melanie's spiel;
Bêtise: foolish situation.
Betwixt: between.
Bewray: to divulge.
Bersatrix: a baby-sitter.
Bibacious: overly fond of drinking
Bibliophilic: fear of books.
Belonephilia: sexual obsession with sharp objects.
If you've enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, you should review and tell me which word was your favorite. Or suggest a topic for a letter, I'm not picky :]
-Soho
