Kingdom Hearts:
Hurt No More
Chapter 2
Gone but Not Forgotten
An all-white room stood in silence, as if all time had stopped. Sketches and rough drawings lined the walls of the stark room, and pure white light flooded in through the window. A person, a young blonde boy, sat at the head of a white, wooden table adorned with small knick knacks and other odds and ends. The boy was dressed in a combination of a white jacket and shoes, and a black shirt and pants and sat in an awkward, sort of pent up fashion. He seemed anxious, as if he didn't belong. As he sat in silence, he slowly moved his hands inside of a box and pulled out something that could not be seen from behind. Then he turned in a nonchalant manner, looking behind him with deep blue eyes and spoke.
"Hey," the greeting was very passive, lacking any emotion save a twinge of melancholy. "What are you doing here, Sora?"
"I, uh, dunno." He looked around at the room devoid of contrast and how out of place he seemed. "I guess I fell asleep and ended up here." He knew he was being studied both his words and placement. How he had come to be there, he did not know but he did know the resident. As he began to step forward he noticed the small, flat object and box that the other boy held and tried to crane he head in a casual manner. "What is that, Roxas?"
"Oh," the blonde boy looked back to his hand and turned away from his new companion, "Just some old photos. Reliving some old memories, I guess." He let out a small but hollow laugh and threw the picture he held on the table. "Funny, some of these photographs aren't even real, just fake memories that were given to me. But, I keep them. I go over them, maybe because I was never real, either."
"That's not true…" Sora spoke in defiance but as he ended, it sounded slightly desperate. It was if he was trying to make sense of some answer to a question that hadn't even been asked yet. As he neared the other chair opposite of the despairing youth he looked upon the picture he had thrown. It contained four people, one girl and three boys standing in front of an old mansion and smiling easily. One of them was Roxas
"Maybe the reason you hold on to them so much is because the meaning and connections were real, even if the memories weren't." His tone changed to an optimistic strength and he smiled at Roxas who did not even look back.
"So you're asleep? That's ironic. So am I. One of us gets to wake up, though." Roxas words were veiled in contempt. He looked up to Sora's gaze for just a moment before looking away in disgust.
"I'm sorry, Roxas, you don't deserve this. The only reason I made it this far was because of you, I know that. I wish there was something I could do."
"Yeah, me too," Roxas did not look up but responded with sarcasm and disdain, "I miss having a body of my own. Then again, I guess I never really had one to being with." Again, he gave an empty fragmented laugh. Sora could say nothing. What was there to say even if he had the ability? Everything Roxas had said was correct; one of them did get to wake up after this. After countless minutes in silence Sora tried again in a new way.
"Why are you going through them if you don't believe in them?"
"I'm looking for something. I have this feeling like I've forgotten something important. It's like a word on the tip of my tongue or a picture I can almost see but there's not enough light." Roxas still searched inside the box, occasionally pulling another photo from it to study before setting it aside.
"Can you describe it at all? Like, was it a place or maybe something you said?" Sora cocked his head in a quixotic way as he studied his host. "Anything?"
"No. I've gone over everything I can remember." The tone he used was despondent, as he let out a long sigh afterwards. Finally, he withdrew one last object before discarding the box, keeping it in his lap for a moment before holding it aloft. It was a small pink and white seashell, delicate and beautiful.
"I can feel her… but I can't remember her."
"Wait!" Sora leapt up in exclamation. "You just said 'her'. Was it a person you were trying to remember?"
Roxas was taken aback for moment. He hadn't even been aware of the words he said, let alone their implication. Something about the shell he held so tenderly had struck something and he looked back to his counterpart.
"Yes… but who? I can't remember anything! Just that…" He paused in contemplation for a moment before setting the shell down gently and kicking his chair away in frustration. "Why can't I remember?!" He stalked from his spot and slumped against the wall.
Shocked by the sudden outburst of emotion from one he knew was usually so cool and uncaring, he too stood up.
"She must have been real important." Sora stepped towards Roxas but turned away. He had this urge to go and try comfort him in any way he could but knew that there was nothing he could do. Looking down upon the seashell, something inside of him was compelled and he grasped it lightly. As his fingers touched the smooth and cool surface he saw a flash of something, an image that left so quickly it may have never been there at all. He had to shake his head for a moment as it swam trying to make sense of it all. Looking back at the shell, he took hold of it delicately and stopped.
There was something that happened but in a different sense. There was this intense sadness that saturated him. Sora felt the unmistakable sensation that had wracked him with guilt and pain before: the realization that you've been forgotten. There was also a new feeling; a thought that was not his own but manifested itself in little pieces and broken parts. The words came and went, sometimes inaudible or just outside of earshot. He strained so hard that every fiber of him seemed tense. He wheeled around to look at Roxas, now resting on the floor and that's when he heard the whisper.
"… He kept his promise."
"You promised her something, didn't you?" In a flash, Roxas was upon him. He grabbed the front of Sora's shirt, twisting in with anxiety and shock.
"What did you say? How did you know that?!" Sora tried to step back in bewilderment, but could not. He held the shell up to Roxas, shrugging and shaking his head. Roxas looked to Sora's hand in confusion before finally letting go. The look of hopelessness began to replace the desperate intrigue that had come over him as he reached out to take the shell again. When he touched the shell, still clasped in Sora's hand, however, the world around him bled away.
There was nothing around him, no light, no sound, no white room or objects, and no one else. He was alone.
Roxas took a step back, confused and uncertain of everything that had happened. He called out to Sora but there was no answer. He took a step forward but touched nothing. The young man began to panic after a few moments. He looked around everywhere, but all he saw was a vast void encompassing the entirety of his existence.
A soft voice spoke out to him, its source unknown but welcome and soothing.
"You don't have to be sad. You kept your promise, you know?" The voice was beautiful, gentle and understanding, but disheartened. It seemed to radiate a sense of acceptance that he could neither understand not abide.
"Who are you? What promise are you talking about? Are you the one I've been trying to remember?" His voice seemed unable to carry at all, losing definition and meaning. It was a struggle just to speak. The silence closed in around him once more and for the longest time he thought he would hear no answer.
"You helped to undo my mistakes. Thank you. Thank Axel too, or whatever he calls himself now." He searched all over but could see no one, frantically he looked and ran, hoping to see the speaker whose words moved his heart so much… but it was hopeless. His frustration began to turn to despair as he stood still, looking down. That is when he noticed he was still holding the shell in his hand. There, in the dark, the pearlescent object gave off a dim glow and he felt something inside slowly brush away.
Then there she was, standing opposite from him, her hair black as pitch and skin white as snow. Her eyes pierced through him, eyes that he had seen and known well. They were his eyes. In the dark she watched him, her eyes and mouth shaking as they projected a smile so sad that it seemed to knock the wind out of him. Roxas opened his mouth to speak but his throat closed and no words would come despite the questions that he wished to flood her with. Finally, mustering his effort he managed to stutter out one query.
"I… know you, don't I?"
She gave no answer, smiling wider even though the tears that had welled in her eyes now streamed down her cheeks and broke his heart to pieces.
"You know," she said in a sweeter tone that buckled under her pain, "it's almost worth being forgotten again as long as I can see you one last time." She moved her face away, sending the tears cascading from her face and sparkling into the endless dark. "I just- I wish we had spent more time together. That time… that's what I cherish most." On instinct he moved to her, trying to wipe away the tears that he knew, somehow, he had caused in his ignorance.
"Please don't cry." His fingertips were only inches away from her face, her closed eyes still shedding her glistening streaks. Before he could alleviate the hurt she felt his hand passed right through her, her outline shimmered, and he retracted his hand slowly in surprise before the memories flooded him. Such force was too much for him and he collapsed to the unseen ground, trembling.
He remembered everything in that one instant, looking up at her as she kneeled beside him and tried her best to smile. For what seemed like a lifetime, he remembered all they had shared so long ago and felt all of her joy and sorrow all at once. Then, like water through a cloth, he began to lose it all.
"Oh, Xion… I'm so sorry. I- I couldn't save you."
"Please don't…" she said so hurt that his throat closed and burned with loss and lament. "You kept your promise and were there with me in the end. That's all that mattered. And even though you'll forget me again, I'll always have those memories."
Roxas rose to his knees as she stood looking down on him. He sought something, anything to make her anguish go away, if only for a moment. He leaned closer to her, trying to find some way to touch her, stopping just short of her now fading image. She moved closer, wrapping her weightless arm around his neck and tried to hold him close. In that one moment, they connected and felt the warmth of each other completely.
"I promise I'll never forget you. I swear."
The light broke through the darkness like a tidal wave, leaving him on his knees in the blinding white room he had left behind. A boy in red and black clothing stood before him, holding a pale pink seashell, his mouth open and crying silently.
Sora took a few steps back, stumbling to the side before collapsing to his hands and knees. His chest felt like it was caving in; every time his lungs tried to expand and return air to his body they seized and stalled violently. Roxas did not move or speak, lost and powerless. Silently, his vision began to blur with tears that fell in a numb and swift response knowing he had lost her again and would slowly forget what little he remembered soon. Then he started to shake, his entire body quaked and became hot.
He was on his feet, walking slowly to the table whence he sat. In a sweeping arc and fury, he flung the pictures from the surface to the floor. He grabbed the smooth edge of the table with his open hand and flung it vertically against the wall. The sounds of snapping wood echoed in the small room as his punches and kicks splintered the once pristine piece of furniture. Roxas only stopped once there were no more fragments large enough to break.
"So much pain," Sora finally gasped. Roxas turned suddenly, surprised that he was not alone and took stock at the devastation he had wrought. Looking at the pictures and the fractured pieces of wood, he saw that he still held the seashell in his hands
"All these false memories I can recall on command… but I can't hold on to the one real thing I have." Roxas felt like his whole body was crushed from all sides as he fell to the ground. "I can't. I can't bear the thought that she suffers because of me." He wanted to call to her and apologize but her name had already begun to slip away and there was no more breath in his lungs.
Sora could do nothing, and that was the worst of it. That for the first time in his life he watched someone suffer and was helpless to do anything about it. The true tragedy was that he was seeing such sorrow and torture from someone that was never supposed to exist. But he did and so did she. Because of him.
"Please, Sora," Roxas looked up and the two boys locked eyes, "you have to save her. I did this to her. She sacrificed herself to free me. The reason you made it wasn't because of me but because of her. I beg you… don't let her be forgotten. You have to do something." Sora slowly stood up, letting the truth of his mirror image's words crash upon him. Both of them felt their hearts break and tighten in their chests, pushing them to action.
The young man made his way over the broken pieces of the table that Roxas had torn to shreds. He looked at the devastated object then to the wall, closing his eyes and steadying his breathing. Already the images of the girl and the encounter were slipping completely beyond recovery but the connection had latched on like gravity. He took a sharp piece of wood and began to scrawl upon the unmarked walls with heavy strokes, often breaking the splintered piece of table further only to start again.
After minutes of scratching he finished and stepped back to help Roxas. With hesitation, the blonde boy looked up to Sora and struggled to his feet alone. As they looked at one another both tried to regain some form of composure. Then Sora spoke in serious tone that neither thought him capable of.
"I promise, Roxas. I'll save both of you. Then you two can make new memories to treasure." Slowly, they both turned to the wall Sora had carved upon and stood admiring it. "Until then, this will help you remember. Ok?"
All collected pretense left Roxas for the first time. He slowly touched the wall, tracing each curve and line as the tears continued once more. Even though both of them had now forgotten the image of the person, they were no longer gone from memory.
Roxas spun on his heel and embraced Sora, never saying a word but speaking full well with his intent of gratitude. Sora felt the world and everything in it begin to dissolve way. His eyes closed against his will and fell once more into oblivion. As he fell, there was only one thought in his mind.
"They both deserve to be their own person…"
There, in the white room stood a young man staring at the wall that read one word:
"Xion"
