I completely love this chapter and it was so easy to write, I wrote it in an hour and a half.
Given the last bit of insight of the gods I have given you, you should know all about Melvin the dachshund, Zeus' closest confident. But how really did Melvin come about? This was going to be different, but I love the way it turned out. Here is his story, the untold one which was forgotten in Greek Mythology because Homer thought it wasn't cool enough to be included in The Odyssey, or even the crappy movie adaption of it. Some people think it's weird that the king of the gods talks to a dachshund, but if you had the weight of the world on your shoulders you might want someone to talk to too. Without further ado, I give you…
Adventures of the Gods
Chapter 2:
Adventures with Melvin
(I lied. There is more ado.)
I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, but I do own Melvin, he's MINE! Also, We Weren't Born to Follow is not mine either.
The next two gods to enter the party were none other than two of Zeus' favorite children. Of course, like any of them whom he actually cared about, they were illegitimate and Hera had tried to kill them before they were born. Artemis and Apollo, the twin gods born to him by Leto, walked toward their father, the latter obnoxiously singing. Oh well, he was the god of music after all (Everyone present knew that was the excuse he would make if they objected.)
"We weren't born to follow
Come on and get up off your knees
When life is a bitter pill to swallow
You gotta hold on to what you believe
Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow
And that your saints and sinners bleed
We weren't born to follow
You gotta stand up for what you believe"
The god of the sun had wide smile on his face, unlike his twin.
"Of course I know the sun will shine tomorrow," Apollo bragged. "Given that I'm god of it."
"Only when you're not too lazy to get up from the pile of dirty dishes and clothing you call your bed," Artemis added under her breath. It was loud enough for Zeus to hear.
At that both of them had reached the throne where there father sat and knelt at his feet. Even though they were gods, he was their king and father and demanded respect first. Like, literally, demanded. As in, you don't pay the correct respects he believes he's owed; the only thing you'll be able to feel for a long time is his master bolt penetrating your skin. But that's being optimistic and thinking that you'll live (Not likely).
Not to dwell on the negative, as it was Zeus' birthday after all, the twins muttered the exact same phrase. "We honor you, Lord Zeus, and present to you this gift in celebration of your birthday. Please accept our humble offering and wish that the faith of mortals tied to your existence will never waver." Apollo tossed the box unceremoniously to the nymph stacking presents next to the king god's throne, then winked at her flirtatiously. Artemis rolled her eyes and dragged her brother away by the wrist. It didn't matter that he was bigger. Zeus only stared after him children and stroked his beard thoughtfully. The only problem was that this increased they static electricity in the air and a few party goers suffered from a few third degree burns.
After the god of medicine (Apollo) had sorted out the matter, everything was in full swing, and he saw Dionysus engaged in a drinking contest with Hermes and a few godlings. Idiots. Challenge the god of wine and parties to a drinking contest, what a brilliant idea! How could they not get that he was totally in his element and they were trespassing on his turf. Apollo reminded himself that Athena, not him, was the god of wisdom and that he stood for the exact opposite. After that he went back to normal and made out with somewhere between 10 and 20 guests in the next hour. It didn't matter that he had no idea of number or gender of the recipients, because his make-out fest were as always accompanied by increasing amounts of alcohol.
In fact, he was about to go and join in th contest (Most of them were accompanied by buckets of vomit that were steadily increasing in quantity and volume filled. They still refused to give up.) when Artemis showed up again and steered Apollo forcefully away from the table. His eyes were totally bloodshot, his breath reeked, and he was unknowingly rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. She was amazed he hadn't fallen over yet.
He was having an extremely pleasant fantasy involving a squirrel named Lenny created entirely out of buttons when Artemis snapped her fingers in his face. "Apollo! Apollo, you big dunce, you're totally wasted! Gods, you're lucky you're not a mortal or you'd be dead by now! How could someone tongue that many people and consume that much alcohol in an hour?" Apollo drunkenly interrupted her rant by putting an unsteady finger over her lips. "Look, babe, I may have kissed you tonight, but that does not mean that you get to start acting like Artemis."
Then she interrupted his rant with a slap across the face and a can of ice-cold Pepsi to the head. "I AM ARTEMIS, YOU IDIOT!" she barely attracted any more attention as it was so loud around them. Hermes however interrupted this scene.
He ran across the dance floor, people immediately clearing a path. He ran straight up to Zeus. He ran and ran and ran, until he was at his father's feet. Already his face was flushed bright red, his symptoms of being drunk evident to Artemis even from the distance between them. She dully noted his state of intoxication before turning to pay attention to what he had to say.
"HI POPS!" he screamed, loud enough for it to be heard on the first floor on the Empire State Building. "EVERYONE, I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT THIS IS MY DADDY AND I LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE'S MY DADDY AND HE'S COOL LIKE THAT! HE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO HAVE MY WONDERFUL STEPMOMMY OVER HERE THROW ME OFF THE MOUNTAIN! THAT'S RIGHT, I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU HEPHAESTUS!" this earned a deathly glare from the afore mentioned god.
Hermes was no where near done yet. "ANYWAYS MY DADDY IS JUST SUPER COOL AND NOT JUST BECAUSE HE'S IN CHARGE OF THE WORLD- No wait, that's about it- BUT HE'S STILL COOL! AGREE OR HE KILLS YOU! I'M STILL NOT KIDDING! IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY TODAY SO NOW HE'S REALLY OLD. LIKE 2,000 YEARS OLD! Meanwhile, while I have the attention of all of you people on Olympus I have some really important issues I need to discuss.
"Number one, do none of you find it weird that Hera, my wonderful stepmom, and Zeus, the one who had me as an accident because he couldn't keep it in his pants, are brother and sister? I just think it's, like, really strange. Number two, Hera, the stepmom who loved me more than her own son because she didn't throw me off the mountain-THAT'S RIGHT, HEPHAEUTUS, I WENT THERE AGAIN! AND THIS TIME YOU GOT BURNED! SSSSSSSSS! I AM BETTER THAN YOU! - I FEEL THAT IT'S TIME WE HAD A DISCUSSION ABOUT WHY YOU LIKE, STOPPED HAVING KIDS 2000 YEARS AGO.
"None of you laugh! Menopause is a normal thing that happens to all women! Number three- Athena," he turned to face his sister. "We all know that this- "My babies are born from thoughts!" bit is bull, so just admit it already! You had kids through-" he turned and put his hand on the side of his mouth facing away from her, and then mouthed S-E-X. "Issue number whatever, this-" he put his hand up in the same gesture- "Makes a conversation completely private. Everyone on the other side of the hand CANNOT hear you. At all. That's why none of you know what I said to Athena. Issue number next-" and then he finally passed out.
The present stacking nymph interrupted the dead silence that followed by shouting, "Present time!" Now Apollo took his turn to drag Artemis by the wrist and grabbed their present (He had been throwing down scotch through Hermes' entire speech), throwing it into Zeus' arms. Hera, now sitting next to him, muttered, "So all the moronic idiots are drunk today." A moronic idiot was her favored phrase used to describe all of Zeus' kids that weren't hers- a.k.a. 90% of them.
Zeus, quickly readapting to his 4-year-old on Christmas attitude, ripped off the paper. Inside was none other than a stuffed dachshund, a rich chocolate brown color. The pink tongue was slightly protruding from his mouth, and his teeth were just visible. The king squealed like a child. "I LOVE HIM! HE SHALL BE…MELVIN! AND WE WILL BE BEST FRIENDS AND- OMG, HE COMES WITH A HOT DOG OUTFIT! THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER! HE'LL KNOW ALL MY SECRETS AND WE'LL BE BUDDIES AND-"
The rant continued. And continued. Basically Zeus had not time to open the rest of his presents that day, but no one doubted where Hermes got his shouting skills from.
"Sis, I think we scored," Apollo whispered, once he was sober. "Ya know if this was a movie we'd kiss now. Hermes was right; brothers and sisters go out all the time on Olympus-"
Artemis slapped him poured another can of cola on his head, and then hugged him. He was her brother after all.
"We starting a new tradition?" he asked. And then, like all sisters do, she told her brother to shut up before she kicked him in a place men do not like to be kicked.
So good or bad? I loved it, but what do you think? Reviews appreciated!
