Author's note: Apparently updating at a ridiculously slow pace hasn't stopped being a thing that I do. I'm sorry. unu I'll try to do better!
Be Sollux.
Of all of the people you could encounter in the middle of the hallway, sitting against a locker and sniffling into his jeans, it had to be him.
Of all people, it had to be Karkat.
The person that you have tried to tell yourself over and over again that you don't want to see anymore.
That you don't want to know anymore.
That you don't want to be impossibly infatuated with anymore.
It had to be Karkat, looking like the saddest sack of shit you have ever seen in your life.
What a drama queen.
"Yo."
You drop your messenger bag at Karkat's feet, and raise an inquiring eyebrow (which is really just barely higher than your other because you have never quite gotten the hang of the whole "one eyebrow raise" thing.)
"What happened to you, shit-for-brains? You look like God just took a dump on your face."
Karkat furiously rubs the tears from his eyes with his fists like a toddler, and scowls up at you through red-rimmed, raw eyes.
"You know, no matter how many times you call me 'shit-for-brains,' it will never be an endearing nickname. So fucking stop."
You snort.
"And he did, for your information. God just dropped the biggest fucking load that he could muster right on my unsuspecting, gorgeous face," he continues, standing up again and attempting to collect himself.
"TZ break up with you?"
Karkat looks stunned.
And then suspicious.
This is not the situation you want to be in right now.
"What… how did you know?"
"She told me she was going to."
"And you didn't tell me?"
You groan, shoving Karkat against the lockers "playfully."
"Don't act like you didn't expect it, dickweed. Don't act like I'm the bad guy here."
"Well, I mean, I did, of course I expected it. But fuck dude! You're my 'best friend' remember, you're kind of supposed to tell me shit like that! That's not just something you stash in your wallet and forget about!"
"Right. Whatever."
Bullet dodged.
"Not whatever, give me a ride home to compensate for your miserable failure at being a best friend."
Bullet not dodged.
"No way dude, drive yourself home."
Karkat immediately bristles and his face goes red and shit, you think, he looks totally ridiculous when he's angry, which is always (except for when he's sulking and being a wuss.)
"Wow, okay, you know that I don't have a car, asshole! I missed the bus because my girlfriend of three years dumped me on my ass, it's the least you could do to be a decent god damn human being and drive me home! Let alone you know, comfort me instead of just standing there looking like the smug and condescending prick that you are! I swear to fuck you are the worst fucking piece of shit to ever have been birthed on this planet, I hate you so-"
"Dude, look, as much as I would like to sit here and listen to your long-winded empty insults, I have a math league contest in like ten minutes and I literally cannot take you home."
Obviously this was not the right thing to say.
He hits you right in the shoulder with his hilariously small fist, and gets right in your face.
Way too close to your face.
So close that it's unnerving.
So close that you feel things that you won't describe because one it's fucking embarrassing, and two, you won't admit that you are feeling them.
Things like that are forbidden.
You are not like that.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Captor? Are you serious? You are going to chose math league over your best friend who is currently a total heart broken train wreck and will probably go walk out into traffic-"
"You can wait until I'm done, or you can walk into traffic. You choose."
You shove him away with your shoulder, pick up your bag, and walk away, because god damn, Karkat is like a whiney five year-old.
Of course, he follows you.
Empty suicide threats are one of Karkat's specialties.
He's not happy about the situation, surprising as that is.
The day that you will be able to put a muzzle right over his insult-spewing mouth will be a good day.
"You are literally the worst."
"You are a fucking piece of work, you know that?"
"I hope you're pleased with yourself, you worthless piece of flesh."
"I hate you."
You are relieved when he has to stay outside the cafeteria to sulk while you take your test and you are free of him for 30 minutes.
You aren't relieved, however, when you realize that you, Sollux Captor, cannot focus on the math problems that are laid in front of you.
5 minutes in and you haven't answered a single question.
Nothing but your name has been scrawled onto the paper.
Because no matter what you do, the infuriating ball of teenage emotion outside of the double doors behind you will not leave your mind.
You cannot get Karkat out of your head.
It turns out that maybe you aren't so free of him after all.
You want to drive your mechanical pencil through your temple.
You want to know what happened to make you like this.
You want to know what went wrong inside of your brain to make you think of your best friend like this.
You do not, you will never, have romantic feelings for Karkat Vantas.
So why, why are you sitting with your chin resting in your palm, daydreaming like a 11 year old girl?
You have never found yourself attracted to someone of the same gender before, never in your 17 years of life has the thought even crossed your mind.
You're straight, you've been straight, and that hasn't changed.
You date girls.
You and Feferi dated for a year and a half.
Why are you feeling the same things you felt for Feferi towards him?
Something is wrong with you.
Something is wrong with you, this isn't right.
You are not like that.
He isn't like that.
Nothing could ever spark from these stupid fucking thoughts, even if you, for whatever farfetched reason, wanted it to.
Maybe you're sick.
You're probably just delirious, by morning it will go away.
At least, that's what you've been telling yourself for the past 5 months.
In the morning it will go away.
It never does.
The timer goes off.
30 minutes is up.
30 minutes you have wasted staring a blank answer sheet, having gay fantasies about your best friend of eight years.
You failed.
You are a failure.
You hate yourself.
You hate yourself even more than you hate him for doing this to you.
For ruining you.
You crumple up you entry sheet and toss it on the ground, leaving the cafeteria and passing Karkat without a word.
As you leave through the front doors of the school, you think maybe you'll be the one to walk out into traffic.
