Stargate Atlantis: Cupid's Arrow2

An alarm was beeping, beeping incessantly.

John rolled over in his bed, audibly groaning as the noise nagged from the vicinity of his bedside table. He flung out an arm to slam his hand on the clock, effectively silencing it. He squinted but no sunlight invaded his quarters. Instead a dull gray gloom slid along the walls and muted the blue green décor of Atlantis to a timid, washed hue.

It was a dull gray rainy morning. It matched John's mood perfectly.

He sat, stretching and yawning. He ran a hand through his disordered hair, over his stubbly jaw. He grimaced at the taste in his mouth. Rising at last he trudged to the bathroom. Quickly he plucked off his navy t-shirt and navy plaid pajama bottoms, carelessly tossing them onto a pile of clothes that needed to be laundered.

He turned on the shower, cranking up the hot water until it was steaming on the walls and the mirrors. He washed with brisk, efficient motions, not really thinking of anything as his dour mood settled on him. It was as comfortable as an old sweater now. He tilted his head back to wash his hair and to let the hot water run all over his lean, trim body as intimately as a lover. He took hold, debating whether or not to invoke this particular pleasure but he decided against it.

If he wanted sex he could always seek out Ann or any woman in the city if truth be told.

He smirked at the arrogant thought. He glowered and stepped out of the steaming water to briskly dry off and finish his morning oblations.

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A headache was forming. John could feel it in the back of his skull, a dull ache just biding its time, waiting to pounce at the worst possible moment. As he strode down the hallway, clad all in black like some dark avatar he directed his steps to the infirmary. He walked over to Carson as the doctor was going over a computer screen scrolling with data. "Hey, Carson, I need something. Like last time. And no, before you ask I haven't been accessing the city too much."

Carson looked up at the raspy interruption. His blue eyes were normally full of compassion and concern but they were cold, harder with recognition. "No."

"Excuse me?" John asked, surprised.

"No. I'm not giving you any more pills, John. They won't help your bad mood. Since you saw fit to contravene my orders and to release yourself for active duty apparently you can treat your ailments as well now."

"Carson?" John blinked, hands on hips as he stared at the doctor. "Look, that mission was important and I had to see that ship firsthand. Surely you can understand that? And nothing happened to me when I flew the Jumper."

"So this headache is from what then, too many beers or a late night? You know what you need, John, so why not just go and get it?"

"I need the pills for my headache, doc. What I need for my bad mood is a cup of coffee. No, a beer. Several."

"Yes, I can see how that's really helping," Carson noted sardonically.

"Are you really that upset about what I did? If it's any comfort to you Woolsey's grounded me again until you give the all clear, since you had a bad reaction at the Podium. It's been a week now! Happy? Well?"

"That's not the bloody point and you know it!"

"Then tell me what is the bloody point?" John's voice was rising in anger, matching Carson's.

"You disregarded my medical advice, that's the bloody point! And don't think I don't know why because I do! Just because I am a clone that doesn't invalidate any of my medical training or expertise and I won't have some brooding boy who canna even man up and admit that he chose the wrong woman and won't go get the one he's been wanting all along to lecture me about how he should be medicated for an ailment that is partly psychological!"

John held up his empty hands. "Whoa there, doc. Have you been connecting to the city too much? I thought you were fine now."

Carson blinked, rubbed his temple. "As a matter of fact I have been in the data base and may have pushed myself a wee bit…sorry." He shrugged. "I want to know what the city is hiding, but she won't tell me. Even Alison can't find a thing in the records. But what I said still stands."

"Now look, doc, my personal and private life are none of your business and I—"

"They are when you think that pills will solve everything! They won't, John. Now get out of my infirmary." Carson moved to a chair and sat, rubbing his forehead.

John was at a loss for words. Suppressing a curse he whirled and left the doctor to his own headache.

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"Hey, look, it's Colonel Grumpy!"

John looked up from his cereal to see Rodney McKay smiling at him. "Shut up, Rodney," he mildly reproved.

"And good morning to you, John," Rodney continued, undeterred as he sat across from the military commander. "Wow. If I'm the cheery one there must be something wrong. I mean something wrong besides the fact that we might be totally screwed by that unknown enemy force and our isolation from any help or allies. What's up today? Did we run out of beer?"

"Ha ha. Just shut up."

"We've got a full schedule, today, John, and since you've been grounded again, ah! That's what this is about, is that it? It's only been a week! What is it about the city that makes both you and Carson so grumpy? I never have that reaction when I am working in the data base. We need to secure the bulkheads and that means another underwater trip which should cheer you up, right? Radek and I are working on that weird alien weapon but so far we haven't been able to crack it open much less determine its energy source. We've sort of hit a dead end there so I was thinking we could go in the Jumper to check those bulkheads. You like taking the Jumper underwater and as long as we don't run into any whales we should be fine. If you're real good I'll give you a cookie."

"Don't make me bring a case of lemons."

"That's not funny, John."

John met his gaze. "And neither are you."

Rodney shook his head, stood. "Fine, Colonel Gloomy. Meet me in the Jumper bay in ten, okay? John…whatever's wrong, I mean besides being confined to Atlantis again and all…if you need someone to talk to…" Concern emanated from the physicist.

John's dour mood relented. "Thanks, Rodney. It will work itself out."

"Okay." He started to leave, but returned. "And I wasn't kidding about the cookies. Katie baked a fresh batch of chocolate chip ones."

John smiled. "Then count me in." He returned to his breakfast, musing over the doctor's words and their strange argument. He mused over his bad mood.

"John?"

He looked up at the female voice and schooled his expression to one of neutrality. "Hi Ann."

Ann Teldy sat across from her boyfriend. She touched his hand as it held the spoon over the half-empty bowl of cereal. "Are you all right, John?" Her gaze encompassed his black clothes, his tousled hair. Stubble revealed he hadn't bothered to shave this morning. His green eyes were darker, pensive. His perfect mouth was downturned, lips forming a perpetual frown.

"Fine. Just eating breakfast."

Ann sighed, blond brows arching over her blue eyes. "Talk to me, John. I know that something is bothering you, besides this new intel on the alien ships and the failure at the Podium. Yes, word gets round," she answered to his surprise. "Is it because you are confined to the city again? I'm sure that Carson and Mr. Woolsey just want to make absolutely sure you are okay and recovered. Everyone knows that something's not right with you."

"That obvious?" he asked.

"Yes. Is it…is it something I did, or something I didn't do?"

"No, no, of course not," he hastily assured, yet he drew back from her touch and set the spoon into the bowl. "It's me. It's…nothing. And I don't like being confined." He grumpily sat back, hating to be analyzed yet again. There was a word, a name revolving round and round in his mind but he fought against it, trying to ignore it but that only made things worse.

"John, if you would just talk to me, or to Rodney, to anyone it might help."

John shrugged again, looking at her as he sat back, arms folded across his chest. The more people pried at him the more closed off he became. And this problem wasn't something he could tell the woman he was dating. Ann was a very lovely woman, even with her blond hair tied back in a military bun, even with her bland BDUs encasing her feminine form. She was smart, athletic, a tad too serious at times and her sense of humor wasn't as sharp as some, but everyone agreed that she was perfect for John. That she was a good match, would understand the military lingo and his job, his responsibilities. Everyone agreed.

Even John had agreed.

Except that he didn't. Something was missing and he couldn't put his finger on it. Ann was a lovely woman who somewhat understood him, didn't push or pry until recently. The sex was good but it wasn't spectacular by any means. John was letting things fall into place as he fell into place, doing what was expected of him just like had all those years ago and had ended up in his disastrous marriage and a dead-end career.

He sat up suddenly, as if jolted.

"John?"

"Sorry…I…crap. I can't let this…I gotta go!" He stood, abruptly leaving without another word.