Hi, thank you for the three reviews I got! That's what I get for breaking them up right?!
Brittany POV
I'm sit in my hotel room with my phone in my hands, am I going to call one of them? Am I going to stare at the phone like the last two weeks? I don't even know where I'm, when I left on my wedding day I just turn on my bike and drive, nowhere to go, just somewhere away from New York, away from Santana. Once I thought I was far enough I stopped and found an hotel, so here I'm, hidden from everyone, they are so going to kill me.
I don't think I'm ever going to come back there, I can't see Santana, I don't know what I'm gonna do but I have to figure out something and first of all, I have to find the courage to call them. My phone was full of texts and calls, I never answered, only one of them was from Santana and it wasn't something I wanted to hear.
"Leave a message after the BEEP: I don't know where you are and honestly I don't care, you can't ask me to marry you and then leave me there on the aisle. What have I done to you to deserve this? I read the letter you left Quinn, and notice that you left a peace of paper, and not even to me, are you serious bringing those things back? I thought we moved on, why the hell you asked me to marry you if you weren't over those things? We could have postpons the wedding, fuck we could have not get married at all. This Brittany was too much, I will never forgive you, what you did was.. I don't, I just.. I don't want to see you ever again, I don't want to hear anything about you, you own me this.. I just don't understand.. Why? I love you Brittany why do you think I want someone else? Didn't I love you enough? What did you want more? I gave myself to you, I was going to marry you, what else did you want from me?.. Well, I think it doesn't matter anymore, everything we had now is over.. Goodbye Brittany."
It was really hard to hear her voice, she was so angry, sad and I think she was drunk, it broke me even more. I cried all the first week and now I don't have any more tears, I just have to move on, try to move on. I get out of the room and walk around, I have to face them, I have to face what I've done, more I wait and worse it's gonna get, I take my phone and I go to my contacts, mom.
"Brittany?" She sounds tired.
"Mom? Mom I'm sorry" I say before she could say anything and I start crying immediately.
"Britt honey are you ok?"
"Yes mom, I'm just really sorry, I shouldn't have left you an-"
"Britt it's ok, I'm just happy you're ok, just come home, please Britt, we can talk then, please, where are you?"
"In a small city, about an hour or so from New York"
"Ok, do you want me to come get you?"
"No mom it's ok"
"You are really going to come right Britt?"
"Yes mom"
"I love you Britt"
"I love you mom"
After I hung up I start thinking about what to tell to Rachel and Quinn, how am I gonig to contact them? Mostly Quinn, I don't know what to do with her, and the Lopez? I have to see them, but how can I? They must hate me, I wouldn't want to see me too. I decide to rest all day so I can leave in the morning.
Making my way home makes me realize that I really did it, not that I didn't get it before, but just, it's hard to also come back home where it all started. I arrive home in the early afternoon, I park my bike and I open the door, I leave my bag on the floor and I go toward the kitchen.
"Mom? Are you home?" Before I can enter she runs and hugs me, I immediately hug her back. How could I have done this to her too?
"Don't ever do it again Brittany, I was so worried" She says crying.
"I'm sorry mom"
"I was going crazy, no one knew where were you and the police did nothing, God I'd kill you if I weren't so happy to see you" I smile "You are ok right? You're not hurt or anything"
"I'm not hurt, but I'm not fine"
"I know honey, no one thought you could do something like that, do you wanna try to explain to me?"
I practically tell her what I wrote to Quinn, she understands my reasons, but still don't understand why I left her and maybe she's right, I could have handle it better, but I believed I was going to marry her until that morning, something snapped in my head and everything changed, I really believed in us.
"She must have been beautiful" I say.
"She really was, have you talked to her?"
"No, you're the only one I contacted, not her, not Quinn, not the Lopez and not Rachel"
"You have to call Rachel, she's worried sick, she's going crazy"
"I know, I just don't know how, how can I just call her? She's gonna kill me"
"Probably, but you have to, Britt honey you hurt more than just one person, they have to understand you but you have to understand them too ok?"
"Have you talked to Santana?"
"Just the day after the wedding, she wanted to stay alone, she is not really talking to anyone, even her parents"
"How do you know?"
"I talk to them, they ask me about you almost everyday, they are worried"
"Really? I thought they would have me dead"
"Well, they are not happy but they love you Britt, they care about you, they just want to talk to you, to understand, why don't you go to their house?"
"I can't, and I have to call Rachel and Quinn. Mom, can I stay here?"
"It's your house baby"
"I mean can I live here again?"
"Of course Britt, but why? Your life is in New York"
"Not anymore mom, I can't go there, I shouldn't even stay here, but until I find somewhere to go-"
"Britt maybe I can understand that you don't wanna come back there, but this is your home, you can't run away from here too, she knows it, you're gonna stay here"
"Thank you mom" I hug her and we talk about those two weeks we past a part.
After two days I decide that I need to call Rachel and Quinn, also because I wanna talk to the Lopez, I need to apologize to them, I wanna apologize to them. I keep walking back and fort in my room, what should I say? Hi Rachel how are you?! God why the hell haven't I called her immediately after I left? She's my best friend, she's my sister, why haven't I told her where I was? I make her number and I call.
"Brittany?" I don't know what to say "Britt are you there?".. "BRITT!"
"Hi Rachel" I hear her start crying "I'm sorry Rach, I wanted to call you I.. I'm sorry"
"God Britt I'm so gonna kill you.. Are you ok? Where the hell are you?" I tell her where I was and that I'm home now, I did nothing in those two weeks so it's not like I have too much to say "We are so pissed to you"
"I know and I deserve it"
"When are you going to come back?"
"I'm not, Rach.. I think I'm gonna stay here"
"WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Then I hear someone talk to her.
"Why are you shouting?" It's Santana.
"Oh, Santana, I didn't know you were home..I'm gonna.. Talk outside"
"How come?" Rachel doesn't say anything "It's her?" She asks again "Well, you can tell her to go fuck herself, DID YOU HEAR ME BRITTANY? FUCK YOU, FU-"
I hear some noises, I think Rachel drops her phone or something, hearing her like that made me immediately cry, then I hear some door slammed and Rachel talks again.
"Britt are you still here?"
"Yes" I sniff.
"I'm sorry you heard her"
"It's not like I don't deserve it"
"Britt.."
"It's ok Rachel, that's why I can't come back"
"It's not fair, you're my best friend"
"Am I still?"
"Don't be stupid, of course you are, I didn't like what you did but it doesn't change anything ok? We're sisters Britt, we know eachother since forever, your mom is practically mine too, I love you so much and I know you. I'm gonna book the first plane to see you"
"Thank you, I really need to see you, I missed you so much"
"I missed you too"
"See you soon then"
"Yes and Britt? Call Quinn, now, I'm going to call her later"
"Fine, bye Rach"
I missed her so much, even if she pushes me to do things! But she's right, I have to call Quinn, so I call her, saying that I'm scared it's saying nothing. She wouldn't tell me to call her if Quinn wouldn't want to talk to me right? And even i-
"Hello?" Shit,shit,shit "Helloo? Who I- Brittany? Brittany you better talk right now"
"Hi Quinn"
"HI QUINN? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Where the fuck are you? Where the fuck where you? You can't do something like that and not say anything to me, what you did was.. Grrhh.. You fucking left, you left everything, what the hell where you thinking? You left my best friend at the altar and didn't have the gut to face her, you left her to us and then what? You disappeared for two weeks saying nothing, we were worried sick, your mother called me crying every day Brittany" I hear her breathe as she was trying to calm herself "Where are you now?"
"Home.. How are you?"
"Well, my stupid roomate slash bestfriend left me and my other bestfriend slash sister is heartbroken so, yeah I'm fine"
"I'm sorry Quinn"
"I know you are.. How are you?"
"I.. I don't know.. Lost"
"Maybe if you'd come back you'd feel a bit better, you don't get a chance to Santana, but you have a long way to ask forgiveness to me and Rachel so" Here we go.
"I'm not gonna come back Quinn"
"Say what?"
"I can't Quinn, New York is off limits for me now, I'm gonna stay here for awhile, find a job I don't know, I'll see, I can't see Santana or want her to see me, we can't live in the same city after what I've done even if it's huge like New York"
"What are you talking about? You can't give up on everything Britt, you have friends here, a job, an house, me and Rachel, you can't move away, you're life is here. You fucking followed all of us here"
"I'm sorry Quinn"
"Yeah it's the only thing you can say lately" And she hungs up.
I knew already she was gonna be pissed, it's not like I can do otherwise, she has to understand, I need her to understand, I need all of them to and I hope they do.
Quinn obviously called my mom because that evening she came into my room and hugged me, telling me that she will understand, that she will forgive me eventually, she just needs time to process everything, that now she's still mad at me and telling her I was not gonna come back just got her madder. For now there are too many people who has to forgive me, I made a really huge mess.
The next morning.
I wake up when I hear the front door close, it's probably my Mom, I hear her run upstairs but then someone jumps on me, holding me tight. I turn and it's Rachel, I cry in her arms and she lets me,I needed my bestfriend, I needed to cry with her, I cried so hard that I fell asleep on her. I wake up with Rachel caressing my hair, I hug her again and then we go downstairs to lunch with my mom.
"Here you are beautiful" My mom hugs her.
"Have you talked to Quinn?" I ask.
"Yes, she's pissed, she said she's gonna come here when she won't want to kill you"
"Good to hear that, do you think she will forgive me?"
"She's gonna be fine Britt, we talked and she calmed down, she kinda understands, she's just not happy about it. We didn't come together so one of us can stay with Santana, she's gonna fly here next week I think"
We don't say anything else, when her name is said everything stops. I can see that Rachel doesn't want to talk about her and my mom doesn't want to make me feel bad, but I don't want this. I feel like I have to say something, like you know I love her, that I left her because I love her so much to sacrifice everything, but it's useless to say it, so I just stay quiet like them.
For the rest of the day we stay at Rachel house, I played some xbox game with Liam meanwhile Rachel talks no stop about jobs I could find here. Maybe I could go to Carl and see if he could hire me back, I already worked there so I know what I have to do and everything, it's not the dance studio I was working in New York but it's fine. Right now I would do anythjng, I need to do something or I'll go crazy.
Some day later
Rachel left and she made me promise to text her everyday and to call her at least twice a week, she said she will come here everytime she can, but she's going to take her degree this year so she never knows when she has free time.
I decide to talk with the Lopez, but I asked my mom to call them first, I wanted to be sure they want to see me, so I'm in front of their door, I'm sure Maribel already knows I'm here, she always caught me, but I'm glad she's waiting me to ring. Five minutes and I do it, I barely touch the ring and the door opens immediately, I already have tears all over my cheeks, Maribel looks at me for a second and then she hugs me. I didn't expect her to hug me, I let myself go and cry hugging her back.
"I'm sorry Maribel"
"Come inside" We walk into the kitchen and she starts making some tea "ROBERT BRITTANY IS HERE" Then Robert enters the room, I look at him, what should I do?
"Hi Brittany" He says giving me a light hug, we sit and wait for the tea.
"How are you?" He asks me.
"I'm.. Trying" He nods slowly "How are you?"
"Good"
"Why did you accept to see me? I thought you would never want to see me again..I didn't expect this, I bet Santana would be mad to know I'm here"
"Brittany you hurt our daughter really bad, but you didn't kill her, we know you're an amazing girl, we know you, we just want to talk" Maribel says giving us the tea.
"I didn't know I was going to leave her" I look at them and then on the floor, O try to not cry "When I woke up that morning I was sure I was going to marry her, but meanwhile I was getting ready, things got in my mind"
"What kind of things?" Maribel asks.
"Santana.. I know she loved me, but I think that she was going to marry me just becausd of that"
"Because she loved you?" Robert asks confused about what I said.
"She was going to marry me to make me happy and not because she wanted to marry me, don't get me wrong, I know she was happy about it, but I also know that she was never sure about being married to a girl, to be with a girl for the rest of her life. There were fights and break ups in our relationship and most of them were because of that. If we'd have got married she would have that doubt forever and with time it would have destoyed us"
"How can you know it?" Robert asks again.
"Because it already almost happened, when all that mess about Jason came up, we fought really bad, we broke up, we almost ended things for good, I cheated on her, I know we weren't together when it happened, but still I did. What was happening to us was destroying our relationship. We're young and she needs to date people to understand what she wants"
"And what do you want Brittany?" Maribel asks.
"I did this because I love her, not because I wanted to leave her, I love Santana so much that I prefer to see her happy with someonelse that unhappy with me"
"I don't understand, she was happy with you, she loved you Brittany, I understand what are you saying, it's honorable and full of love even if it doesn't seem, it's just, I don't see that as your situation, I don't see Santana as the girl you're saying"
"She always looked at the 'perfect' couples, boy and girl, with eyes that never looked at the same way at gays, as they were perfect and we missed something, when we talked about childern she always got weird, she always thought that 'making' a baby was easy or at least not so complicated, because for the classic couple it is, but when we talked about clinics, donators, doctors etc she got all nervous and uncomfortable. I was her first girlfriend, we are only 22 and we were together for almost 5 years already, she just needs to experience, she doesn't know if she can still be with a boy or not, she could be bisexual, we don't know, she always had the doubt about having a conventional relationship. She needs to date other people to understand it, she has to delete that chance from her, she has to understand that being with a boy it's not what she wants, that making a baby through a clinic or something like that it's what she wants because she's with a girl or maybe she'll understand that she still likes boys and be with them so the doubts she had were true. I've always been gay, I never liked boys, I were with some other girl before Santana, I'm young just like her, but I'm perfectly sure of who I am, she isn't, she loved me and that was hiding everyting else and it came up when we fought, or when somebody looked at her weird or when her grandmother disowned her" Robert doesn't say anything.
"You were amazing with her Brittany, you helped her when she didn't want it but she needed it, I'm grateful she met you, she'll be hurt for a long time by your actions, I hope she'll forgive you one day, your love was something you don't see everyday. Most of all I hope she will understand what you did"
"I hope that too.. I should go, it was really nice to see you again, but I don't think I'm going to come back often, to respect you and her and because it hurts, but if you ever need anything please call me"
"We understand Brittany, we love you"
I hug them one last time and then I leave, I don't go home, I keep walking until I reach the school, here it's where all began, our love story, I walk to the football field and I sit on the bleachers, with my hand I touch the empty space next to me and I smile when I feel the engraving on it. On our senior year Santana and I engraved our names here, it seemed so romantic but then coach Sylvester caught us and put in detention. Coach made her run so long that day, Santana was so pissed that she almost murdered me, but then I kissed her and told her how sweet was what she did and she smiled, a huge smile before she kissed me again.
I walk home, I need to get away from there because I was start thinking of taking part of the bleacher away to have that memory with me, when I get home I see bags on the floor, lots of bags, I call for my mom but Quinn appears. She walks to me, I don't say anything because I'm sure whatever I say to her is gonna piss her, she stops in front of me, I see my mom on the kitchen's door and then she pushes me on the shoulders.
"This is for leaving Santana" She pushes me again "This is for leaving me" She pushes me "This is for leaving your mom" She pushes me again "This is for leaving Rachel" She pushes me again "And this is because I had the strength to not murder her while you weren't there" That made me almost smile "It's not funny Brittany" This time she hugs me and I hug her back.
"I'm sorry Quinn, really really sorry" She leans back still with her arms around me.
"Are you really sure about moving back here?" I nod, one last hug and she lean back.
"I have to leave New York and Santana behind me"
"It's not fair you know? I shouldn't let you do this"
"But you're gonna do it, because you love Santana and you know that having me there is gonna hurt her more and it's not gonna help neither of us" She stays quiet "What are all these bags?"
"Your things, since you're gonna stay here I thought to bring your stuff back"
"Thank you, but you shouldn't have"
"Well, half of it was packed by Rachel she said you are unable to pack correctly and the other half.. Santana did it, most of your things were at her house so"
"I'm sorry I left all of this to you two, I should have been the one who had to take care of these things.. Did she take her things from my room?" She nods.
"The day after, we helped her, there's only one thing missing, the engagement ring"
"It's not missing, it's hers and she can do whatever she wants with it"
"Britt that ring costed you a lot of money"
"It's fine"
"No it's not, anyway here there's yours" I look at her while she takes something from her pocket "I know, you didn't want it, but she wanted you to have a wedding ring so she brought you one, not too much showy she knows you hate it" I take the box and I open it, it's amazing, something I would wear it without problems. I really didn't think she would have brought me a ring, I told her I didn't want it, that I didn't want her to spend money, but she brought it anyway.
"It's really beautiful" I say putting it on my finger, she wides her eyes.
"What are you doing?"
"It's a ring"
"Nope, it's a wedding ring, from a wedding that didn't happen, from a girl you are not with anymore"
"Give me a hand with these bags"
We go upstairs and she helps me with all my stuff, I know I shouldn't wear it, I'm not married and I'm not with Santana, but I want to wear it, I want to see it on my finger, as it happened for real, I don't know why Santana still has hers, maybe she just throw it away, but I'm gonna keep mine tight.
I tried to put the ring links but it didn't work..
Guys I need to know what to do with this story, I expected some more feedback, tell me something.. Would you like maybe some flashback of their story? I already wrote some other chapter , but I won't go on if you're not interested, it's a bit of a work for me, I told you I'm italian and not a writer so ..
Just let me know
-Deb
