"He's so creative, Carl." Monogram said. "Look at him coloring with the crayons."
Perry wasn't listening to the conversation. He was too busy drawing a picture of a giant teddy bear stepping on Monogram.
Carl made a face as Perry began to scribble all over the drawing with red crayon.
"He's pretty good, isn't he?" Monogram asked.
Perry realized he could make red dots if he slammed the crayon straight down on the paper. STAB. STAB. STAB.
Carl looked even more disturbed. "Do you think he's angry?"
"No, he's perfectly content."
An elderly couple came in and sat across from their table. Their waiter came at the same time.
"Here's your order." The waiter said. He passed out the meals.
Perry looked at his plate. Monogram had ordered him a shrimp salad.
The shrimp in the salad were a lot bigger than the kind Perry would have found in the wild. He started on the lettuce.
"This restaurant reminds me of the time I had surgery." The old man at the table across from them said loudly to his wife. "You see, I had to get brain surgery…"
Perry ate one of the shrimp. It still tasted good, even though it was the size of his palm.
"And the doctor brought me in, and he sawed my head open…"
Perry stopped chewing. He spit his shrimp into a napkin.
"And my brain was just out in the open there, all gray and mushy."
"You know, I had surgery once too." The wife said.
"BE QUIET!" Perry snapped. "I'M LOSING MY APPETITE!"
"Agent P, hush." Monogram said. "That was an awfully loud chatter you made there."
"I remember, on your toe." The old man said. "I was right directly there. I remember the doctor started to…"
The old man began to recite the procedure in great detail.
Perry threw a shrimp at him. It landed on the old man's head.
The man didn't notice, completely absorbed in his story.
Perry smiled and tossed another shrimp.
"You know, Carl, I think this is very good for Agent P." Monogram said. "He just needed to get out a bit."
"Uh, sir, Agent P is…"
Perry aimed a fat shrimp to land on the very top of the shrimp pile that had formed on the old man's head.
"He's such a good agent." Monogram said. "So close to his host family, too. Did I tell you that he managed to drag the youngest child from the Flynn-Fletcher's all the way from Danville Forest to my house, all without disclosing his secret identity? The kid was completely unconscious and weighed much more than Agent P did…"
"Sir?"
"Quiet, Carl! It's a good story! It's a good thing he brought the kid to me, he might not have made it. He was very badly beaten…"
"Sir, Agent P's shrimp-"
Monogram looked over at Perry's plate. "Great googly moogly! Agent P, did you eat all of that shrimp already? I'm glad you liked it."
The old man had a shrimp hat now. Perry was very proud of himself. He ate the rest of his salad.
"So well-behaved." Monogram commented. "I can take him anywhere."
"This ISN'T FUNNY, Darren!" Perry shouted, banging on the locked bathroom door.
"Our agency is really weird." Darren the duck responded through the door. "Why did they put the lock on the OUTSIDE of the bathroom?"
"Unlock this door RIGHT NOW! Or I'll punch you so hard-"
"You can't punch me when you're in the bathroom."
"I HATE YOU."
"Gosh, that's a little harsh. I'm just messing with you, Perry." The knob turned a couple of times. "Um…"
"Do NOT tell me you broke the knob."
"Well, I didn't. But the lock isn't unlocking."
"Darren, I promise you, IF I ever get out of here, I will slug you so hard…"
"Hang on! I'm going to go get help." Darren said.
Perry waited.
A few minutes later, the bathroom door came open. An ancient platypus stood in the doorway, balancing on a cane.
"What kind of an idiot puts a lock on the other side of the door?" He croaked.
"Thanks for opening it. Did Darren send you?"
The platypus shook his head.
"Don't take this personally…" Perry said. "But… should you be walking around? I mean, how OLD are you?"
"Shut up."
"Sorry."
The platypus smirked. "Never mind. I walk around because I'd go crazy if I didn't. And as for my age, I'm twenty-five."
"That's impossible. You're eight years past the life expectancy of a platypus!"
"The only reason I've lived so long is because I refuse to die."
Perry raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I have no idea why I'm still around." The platypus said. "I'm not complaining, though. Anyway, I can't talk long. I don't wanna mess anything up." The platypus began to advance slowly away from the door. Darren collided with him.
"Watch it." The platypus snapped. "I'm not a bowling pin."
"Sorry." Darren said. He slipped around the platypus and ran to Perry.
"No respect for the old dude." The platypus muttered. He continued on his way.
"Sorry, Per." Darren said. "It was just a joke."
"I wasn't laughing."
"I promise I will never lock you in the weird O.W.C.A bathroom ever again." Darren said.
Perry punched him.
"OW!"
"I made you a promise too, remember? I promised you I'd slug you if I ever got out of the bathroom."
"We're IN the bathroom!" Darren said, rubbing his arm.
"All right. I'll punch you when we get out."
"No!" Darren ran out of the door, colliding again with the old platypus, who had been standing near the doorway, watching. They fell to the ground.
"Quit running into me." The platypus said. "I'm certain it's jolly fun, but it's also REALLY. ANNOYING."
"Why are you here, anyway?" Darren demanded. "I'm pretty sure you don't work here. The O.W.C.A doesn't have any Jurassic agents."
"I've worked here in the past." The platypus said.
"So you were Dan the dinosaur's colleague?" Perry said, joining in.
The platypus rolled his eyes. "Quit with the old jokes. You're gonna end up like this one day, you know."
"The world's first walking fossil?"
"Yeah. Anyways, back before the world was invented, when I was younger, you know, I worked full-time at the O.W.C.A. Nowadays…" He sighed. "I'm too old to do much of anything. Luckily for me, so is my nemesis. Beating him isn't so hard."
"What's your name?" Perry asked.
"I go by a lot of names, actually." The platypus said. "Just call me Agent."
"Unique." Perry said.
"Why are you here?" Darren asked.
"There's a monster on the loose somewhere." Agent had a coughing fit. Perry and Darren had to wait a while before he continued. "Have you seen one recently?"
"What did it look like?" Perry asked.
Agent wobbled. "Can't remember. And, to be honest, I don't want to remember. I've blocked it from my mind…"
"Doofenshmirtz created a monster yesterday." Perry said. "Named Inatorkiller. Large, red, two mouths-"
"Don't remind me of what he looks like!" Agent snapped, launching himself into another hacking fest.
"Sorry, sorry." Perry took a step back.
Agent finally stopped coughing. "I'm suppressing a memory the best I can. I don't want it to come back. I've seen something horrible, and I don't want to remember anything other than the fact that it happened."
"So… you're looking for Inatorkiller." Perry said. "But he was just created yesterday, how could you..."
"It's hiding out somewhere." Agent croaked. "Waiting to pounce."
"Inatorkiller's only after me." Perry said. "You don't have anything to worry about."
Agent laughed, but the laugh turned into another series of coughs.
"It really is after me!" Perry insisted. "Inatorkiller's sole purpose is to destroy me."
Agent pointed at Perry with a shaking hand.
"If you… see Inatorkiller anywhere… he has to be destroyed. Let me know where he is. I will give him what he deserves."
"I haven't seen him anywhere." Perry said.
"Fine. I'll go look for the idiot." Agent left the room. "Tell me if ya see him."
"Sure." Perry said.
After Agent left, Darren motioned Perry closer.
"That guy creeped me out." He whispered.
"You think he might be evil?" Perry asked.
"He seemed to know too much. He didn't even ask you who Doofenshmirtz was."
"Anyone who hunts down Inatorkiller is a friend of mine."
"What if he's not hunting him down to destroy him? What if he's trying to get Inatorkiller to kill you?"
"You're so paranoid. We go to the movies and you're certain that the popcorn is poisoned. We meet a random old guy and you think he's out to kill me."
"There are no twenty-five year old agents in the O.W.C.A." Darren said. "They're either dead or retired."
"Maybe he's the first to not retire."
"Then how come we've never SEEN him before?"
"Um… different division? Maybe he's from California or something."
"Perry. This guy is bad news." Darren said. "I got a really bad feeling when I first saw him."
"That would be PAIN, Darren. You did crash into him."
Darren sighed. "Just be more CAREFUL, okay?"
"Says the guy who runs around slamming chairs on people's heads."
Darren followed Agent down the streets of Danville.
It wasn't hard to keep up. Agent was REALLY slow.
Agent entered Danville Park. Darren crept silently behind him.
"I know you're there." Agent said, startling Darren. Agent slowly turned around to face him.
"I wasn't following you." Darren said quickly.
Agent rolled his eyes. "You've been behind me since I left the agency. I seriously doubt you just felt a huge need to go to Danville Park."
"I have every right to suspect you." Darren clenched his fists. "You just showed up out of nowhere."
Agent stared at him. His arm trembled slightly. "Suspect me for what?"
"If you're a rogue agent, admit it." Darren said. "We'll just figure it out anyway."
"You dare call me a rogue?" Agent whacked Darren over the head with his cane. "You saucy penguin!"
"Ow! I'm a duck!"
"Yeah, penguin, duck, whatever. Listen, if I was a rogue, I wouldn't be one of those vicious little brainless buttheads who destroys anyone who gets in their path. I'm here because I'm searching for Inatorkiller. If he stays roaming Danville, we all pay the price."
Darren rubbed his head. "Who ARE you? How come I've never seen you?"
Agent snorted. He was in hysterics in a matter of seconds.
"What?" Darren demanded.
"You know absolutely nothing." Agent said, trying to balance himself on his cane. "You're completely in the dark."
"So you ARE planning something." Darren said.
"I am planning SOMETHING, but it has no evil intent. That I can promise you. I fi- I fi… Ah, forget it. My stupid memory hates me at the moment. Quit stalking me and go be useful at the agency." Agent tottered away.
Darren stood and watched until Agent was out of sight.
He was now more suspicious than ever.
