Chapter two
Second opinion
So she really looks like a human to you?
Yes – mostly human, anyway.
Well, the picture you sent me was definitely a picture of a cat.
So, in other words, I'm crazy.
I didn't say that.
What other explanation could there be?
There was a slightly longer pause between texts this time.
Hmm. Maybe it has something to do with stress?
Kris, you know me. I've got absolutely nothing stressful going on in my life right now.
Maybe it's pent-up frustration over a long-lost ex.
I only have one ex, and she's not a redhead.
It could be sexual frustration. You did say she looks cute to you, right?
I relieve my sexual frustrations every day.
Okay, TMI.
You brought it up.
Anyway, the only other explanation I can think of is that it's a side effect of some massive psychological event that happened in your life recently. Did anything big happen to you recently?
The voice popped up in her head again. Well, there was that one thing-
No, nothing like that.
The voice came back, disapproving this time. Oh, so we're lying to him now? Cool.
Elsa ignored it and focused on Kristoff's latest text.
Well, then I can't think of any explanation for it.
What am I going to do?
I don't know. Buy some tuna.
Kristoff, this is serious!
Is it serious? Because it sounds to me like you just got a cat, and an imaginary friend. That's all. A lot of folks would consider that a dream come true.
I've never had imaginary friends, and I don't even want a cat right now.
Fine, then are you going to take her to a shelter?
Elsa thought about it for a while.
No. It'd be one thing if she was just a normal cat, but…if I'm really the only person in the world who can understand her, then I feel like I can't just abandon her. Do you know what I mean?
I guess. So how much do you know about owning a cat, anyway?
Enough. My mom had a cat when I was growing up.
Then you should be good, at least for a while. Take care of her for a couple weeks, then if you decide it's too much work, put out an ad online. I'm sure there's plenty of people out there that would be happy to own a normal, non-talking cat.
Okay, I guess I'll do that. Thanks for the advice, Kris. You're the best.
If you say so.
Elsa set down her phone, then turned to look at Anna. She was still sitting in the same spot, just staring at her.
"What are you doing?" Elsa asked.
"I was just waiting for you to finish doing whatever you were doing," Anna replied.
"Oh, sorry. I was just talking to my friend, Kristoff."
"Oh." Anna looked at the phone, puzzled. Then she leaned over and pointed her head towards it. "HELLO, KRISTOFF!" she shouted. "MY NAME IS ANNA!"
Elsa put her hand to her head. "No, not literally talking to him. I was texting him, over the phone." She tapped the screen, pulled up her keyboard and typed demonstratively. "See?"
Anna looked at the screen with a blank expression. "I can't read," she said after a while.
"Well, just take my word for it."
"What is that thing? I see a lot of people walking around outside, looking at those things and touching them…"
"It's a phone. You can talk to people with them, text them, browse the internet-"
"Internet?"
Elsa sighed. "Jesus, are you a cat or a questionnaire?"
Anna looked stumped. "A cat…I think. I don't know what a-"
"Aren't you hungry?" Elsa interrupted.
Anna shifted gears instantly. "Yes! I'm very hungry! I forgot because I was so curious!"
"Okay, I'll get you something to eat," Elsa said, relieved at the chance to stop the conversation.
Jesus. If I wanted to talk this much, I'd make human friends!
xxxxxxx
Anna silently devoured her bowl of Lucky Charms, her head down in the bowl. Elsa watched, eating her in dinner while leaning against the counter.
She was standing on the table. That was Elsa's fault. Thinking like a human, she had put the bowl onto the table instead of the floor, and Anna had hopped right onto it before she could say a word. Still, she hadn't knocked anything over, and the table seemed to be in agreement with the scale about her weight.
Elsa closed her eyes and tried to picture a red-haired tabby cat standing on her dining table. She imagined a perfectly normal cat. She opened her eyes. Anna was still on the table, looking just as human as before.
If she's a figment of my imagination, shouldn't I be able to imagine her as a normal cat? God damn it, I don't know how any of this works!
Anna lifted her head from the bowl. "That was yummy!" she declared. "So sweet!"
Elsa put down her macaroni cup and walked towards the table. "Yeah, well, don't get used to it. I'll buy some real cat food tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure they don't add…"
She inspected the bowl. Anna had eaten all the brown pieces, but left the marshmallows. Elsa looked at her.
"I didn't eat the colored ones," Anna said. "I tried one, but it tasted funny." She looked down. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not," Elsa said quickly. "It just surprised me, that's all."
This seemed to satisfy Anna, as she perked up again. Elsa was glad; when she smiled, it was almost like a ray of sunshine. Elsa looked at the bowl again. She reached her hand into the bowl, grabbed a handful of the marshmallows, and shoveled them into her mouth. A few crumbs fell out of her mouth and landed on the carpet.
"You dropped some," Anna said helpfully.
Elsa swallowed. "It's okay. I'll pick it up later," she lied.
This seemed to satisfy her. She sat silently and watched Elsa eat. Elsa realized she was chewing with her mouth open and promptly closed it.
"So," she said eventually, "I've decided to let you stay here, at least for a little while."
Anna jumped with joy. "Really? Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"But," said Elsa, holding up a finger, "we need to discuss some ground rules."
Anna tilted her head. "Like what?"
"First, I've had a cat before, so I know what cats do. Cats vomit."
"Yes, we do."
"I'm not going to tell you not to vomit because I know it doesn't work like that. But if you have to vomit, do it in the kitchen, where it's easier to clean up."
Anna nodded. "Okay, I'll try."
"Second. You are not, under any circumstances, allowed to open any of my dresser drawers. Understood?"
Anna's brow furrowed. "But I can't open any drawers. I don't have any thumbs."
Elsa instantly felt like a moron. "Oh. Of course."
Anna thought for a moment. "What's in your-"
"Never mind," Elsa snapped. "I don't want you to open them, and that's all you need to know."
Anna's ears drooped. "I'm sorry," she said meekly.
Great. Now you're an idiot and an asshole.
"It's okay," Elsa said. "I overreacted, I'm sorry."
Anna nodded, but she still looked sad.
"So, uh, third," Elsa said, trying to change the subject. "The door."
"The door?"
"My old cat used to run for the door whenever anyone showed up at the house. As soon as the door opened, he'd make a run for it."
Anna tilted her head again. "Did he not like staying with you?"
"No, he did," Elsa said. But he just wanted to run around outside, I guess. I don't know for sure. The important thing is, if that door opens, I need you to promise me that you won't try to run out the door. I don't need to deal with running around outside, trying to catch you."
"I won't! Promise!" Anna said energetically. "I'll stay here with you forever!"
Pretty sure I just said, "for a little while," but whatever, I guess.
"All right," Elsa said. "That's everything I can think of right now. Welcome to my house, Anna."
Anna beamed. "Yay!" Then, before Elsa could react, she bounded forward and leapt at Elsa, wrapping her arms around her. Elsa wasn't hurt – god, she was so light! – but it caught her off-guard nonetheless.
"Thank you so much," Anna said. "I'll be the best cat ever, I promise."
It had been quite a while since Elsa had been in a hug. She had forgotten how good it felt. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
Then she thought of tomorrow, and what she'd have to do. She'd have to pick up some real cat food, and a litterbox, and maybe some toys, and probably a bunch of other stuff too.
Outside. Shopping. People.
Great.
