A/N: so this was definitely meant to be a twoshot… then I started writing the second part and this happened. Apologies for the slight lack of Jac/Jasmine content, but these scenes felt necessary for it all to make sense (plus who doesn't love Jacha?!). It's also the longest chapter I've ever written so sorry about that!
Initially, Jonny was only going to make a brief appearance in the next chapter but before I knew it this had all flowed out, and I actually really like the way I managed to write their relationship for once lol. So I hope you guys love Jac/Jonny as much as I do, and if you like the way I write them then I may be persuaded to write more of them in the New Year!
Part 3 will finally see them all spending Christmas together, and I'm far too excited to write it! I'm working every day now up until Christmas, but I'm doing everything I can to try and get it uploaded by Christmas Day at the latest.
Please let me know if you're enjoying this, reviews are the best Christmas present a girl could wish for!
Happy early Christmas (again) xo
PS. How incredible was this week's episode?! It really inspired me to keep writing this. Such a festive, emotional, feel-good ep to round off the year 3
"Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling…"
Jac tried her best to tune out the hospital radio (which had been driving her insane for the past 6 hours) as she stepped through the doors to Keller. Catching Dom's eye, she smiled briefly and threw a quick "merry Christmas" in his direction. She watched in amusement as the F2 furrowed his brow in confusion, clearly shocked at her sudden goodwill, before reciprocating the gesture. See, this is what happens when you're nice to people, she mused to herself. Arriving at her destination, she knocked on the staff room door which swung open to reveal her best friend, appropriately dressed in a hideous festive shirt that Jac couldn't help but laugh at.
"You look ridiculous," she snorted, looking Sacha up and down as he pretended to look affronted at the suggestion.
"And glad tidings to you too," he replied sarcastically. "Where's your festive spirit?"
"Here, actually," the redhead sighed dramatically, producing a pair of reindeer antlers from her bag. "Jonny and Emma insisted that we all have to wear something Christmassy tomorrow, I had to run out and get them before my shift. Honestly, I don't know which one of them's the bigger child."
Sacha smiled, knowing from the tone in her voice that Jac's disdain was all a front. "You know you love it really," he teased, causing her to smile ruefully. "I'm surprised you didn't get yourself a halo."
"Well, I can't be an angel all the time," she smirked.
"I was hoping to catch you, actually," Sacha changed the topic of their conversation swiftly. "I had an interesting conversation with Jasmine last night after you'd left. Am I to take it things have changed between the two of you?"
He looked at her with a mixture of confusion and hopefulness that warmed her heart slightly, and Jac knew that she had to tell him everything.
"It's a long story," she replied. "I bumped into her after I left you and we talked, and we've decided we're going to give the whole sister thing another go. Properly, this time." Sacha could see the uncertainty in her eyes, but there was also an unmistakeable hint of relief and happiness which made him swell with pride.
"Jac, that's amazing!" he exclaimed, earning himself a sharp nudge in the ribs for not even trying to keep his voice quiet. "Seriously, I'm really proud of you. I know how hard it is for you to deal with a lot of the history between you both, but I really think this is the right decision."
"Well, they do say Christmas is a time for family, don't they?" Jac replied with a bashful smile, secretly pleased with the encouragement from one of the only people who knew the truth about her. She knew that Sacha understood her reservations, but knowing that he was proud of her for making the effort meant more than she'd ever tell him.
"They do indeed," Sacha winked. "And look at you. You've come so far over the past few years, and you deserve this. As does Jasmine."
The redhead averted her eyes, unsure of how to respond – she'd never get used to people actually having faith in her and wanting to see her happy, but this was Sacha, and a tiny part of her couldn't help but believe him.
"Don't go getting all mushy on me, Levy," she joked, trying to steer the conversation away from getting too emotional. "Anyway, what did Jasmine tell you?" She wasn't annoyed that Jasmine had spoken to Sacha – they both trusted him not to go blabbing their secrets around the hospital without permission – but she was curious to hear how much he knew.
"Not much – she didn't want to upset you by telling me your private conversations," he replied. "I just noticed she looked a damn sight happier than she had done earlier, and asked her if something had happened. She said she'd spoken to you, and thought you might finally be getting somewhere. But she didn't disclose much else," he reassured her.
Jac shrugged.
"It's fine, she knows you know about… well, what happened last week, so she must know I tell you things."
"You told her about that?" Sacha raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Wow. That's a big step."
"I know," the redhead agreed. "I didn't mean to. It just sort of slipped out. But I'm glad she knows."
"Me too," Sacha smiled, patting her arm gently. "Anyway, she stayed for a couple of drinks and we got to talking about our plans for the holidays. Did you know she's spending Christmas alone?"
Jac stilled, turning towards him with an unreadable expression.
"Why would I? The only real conversation we've ever had was last night's, and I had to dash off halfway through. I hardly know anything about her."
Sacha bowed his head apologetically. "Sorry, I just wondered if she'd mentioned anything. She said she volunteered to work the night shift, so the people with families can be with their children on Christmas morning, and then she'll go home and hopefully sleep right through to Boxing Day. Sounds an awful lot like someone else I used to know," he smiled sadly.
Although Jac's heart went out to the younger woman, she understood exactly why she'd chosen to spend the day like that.
"She has a point. Better to keep busy at Christmas than remind yourself how alone you are," she recalled, a sharp edge to her voice that only appeared on the rare occasion she spoke about her past.
"Except she's not really alone, is she?"
Jac blinked. She wasn't sure what Sacha was implying, but she got the feeling he was encouraging her to include Jasmine in her own plans, and the thought of that was more daunting than she was prepared to admit.
"What are you asking me to do, Sacha?" she exclaimed, perhaps more defensively than she'd intended. "We barely know each other, we've only just made up. We're not even close. She has other people around her. Why isn't she spending it with Morven? I thought they were best friends."
Sacha glanced at his friend knowingly.
"I'm not asking you to do anything, Jac, that decision is yours and yours alone. I just thought you should know. And from what I gather, Morven has gone home to her family and Jasmine was invited, but she politely declined. I'm sure you more than anyone understand why."
I just don't like family Christmases. It doesn't matter how hard they try, you just don't feel like you belong.
As Sacha spoke, Jac was instantly transported back to a time when a family Christmas had seemed impossibly out of reach for her. A time before Emma. She remembered the conversation she'd had with her friend almost five years ago to the day, the unusually honest and open reason she'd given for declining his invitation, on what was to be her last proper Christmas before becoming a mother.
Her last Christmas pre-Emma, but the first Christmas she'd spent with Jonny.
To this day, that Christmas remained one of her most treasured, a memory that would always be special to her despite anything that happened between them. She thought back to how desperately alone she'd felt, how much she'd longed to feel like part of a family just for once, and how Jonny had sacrificed his own plans to comfort her and give her the best Christmas she'd ever had up until that moment.
Jac also remembered the girls she'd had to deal with that day. Two teenage sisters, relatives of an old lady who was hours from taking her last breath, spending their Christmas terrified and without their parents. Those girls had never quite left her mind – they'd had a lasting impact on her in more ways than one. She remembered the way they'd clung to each other, each staying strong for the other, and most of all she remembered the twinge of jealousy she'd felt as an onlooker, knowing she'd never have that bond with anyone.
As Jac thought about that day, the Christmas that had changed everything for her, Sacha watched the conflicting emotions pass over her face. He didn't want to force her into anything, knowing that to even try was a big mistake, but he hoped that the part of her he knew saw herself in Jasmine would eventually win out. It tore at his heart that both of them, such bright, talented women with so much love to give (even though the redhead would dispute that claim) had known such pain and loneliness. He felt almost as protective of Jasmine as he did of Jac, saw so much of the older woman in the younger, and he silently prayed that the blonde would never have to face Christmas alone again.
"I don't know," Jac said unsurely, bringing Sacha's attention back to the present. "I just don't know if I'm ready for that. I'll think about it, okay? I need more time."
"Of course," the kindly consultant assured her – the fact she was even considering it was a definite improvement. "Maybe talk to Jonny, too. He might be able to help you decide what to do for the best." The corners of Jac's mouth twitched as she nodded her agreement.
"I'll try," she replied. Looking down at her phone, she stood to leave. "Speaking of Jonny, I'd better get back before Emma drives him up the wall. She's never been so hyper before, god knows how we'll cope tomorrow."
"Ah, you're going to have such a magical Christmas with her this year!" Sacha grinned. "Now that she understands a bit more, she's going to love it. Enjoy every second, Jac," he reminded her. "These are the memories that will stay with you forever. Take lots of pictures – and don't forget to send them to me!"
"I will. I can't wait," she replied honestly. "I'm going to make sure she has the best Christmas ever."
"I know you are. And I tell you something, she's the luckiest girl in the world to have you as a mother."
Jac had to suppress the lump in her throat that had developed as Sacha spoke. Moving closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his cuddly frame and in a rare moment of acquiescence allowed him to hug her in return, turning her head to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Sacha."
"You okay?"
Jac started at the sound of Jonny's voice. Upon getting home, she'd spent the afternoon baking with Emma - who was currently occupied by some Christmas cartoon in the living room while they waited for their cookies to cool down – whilst Jonny had snuck upstairs to finish wrapping the last of their daughter's presents. She'd been so distracted, however, that she hadn't even heard him come downstairs, having spent the past ten minutes staring absently at the wall.
"Yeah," she brushed off his concern, moving across to the table in order to check on the cookies and appear busy. "Just thinking."
"About what?"
Jac sighed. If there was one thing she knew about Jonny, it was that when he latched onto something he just wouldn't drop it. It'll be easier if I just tell him now, she reasoned with herself. He'll wear me down eventually anyway.
"Family. Christmas. Jasmine. All of it," she admitted as he moved closer. She watched as he prevented himself from reaching out and pulling her into his arms, knowing his actions wouldn't be welcome just yet, but still wanting to be within arm's reach. The gesture made the corners of her mouth twitch despite herself.
"Jasmine? What about her? I thought you two didn't have anything to do with each other," Jonny asked confusedly. Although he tried his hardest to keep up with the turbulent private life of Jac Naylor, he was no stranger to her secretiveness, but he was surprised (and slightly affronted) that she'd managed to keep something this big from him.
"Don't be like that," she rolled her eyes. "I haven't kept anything from you on purpose. It only happened last night, I haven't had time to tell you until now."
"Okay, okay," Jonny held up his hands in mock surrender. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, in a gentler tone this time. "Whatever's bothering you, I mean."
The redhead fell silent for a few moments, hands absently picking at a loose thread on her shirt as she attempted to make sense of the jumbled thoughts swimming around her head. The Scot waited patiently despite this, knowing that if he stood any chance of getting Jac to open up he'd have to let her come to him. Pushing her would only push her further away, he knew from bitter experience.
After a few moments, she began speaking quietly, causing him to strain to hear her. He wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want Emma to overhear them, or because she was admitting to being afraid – probably a combination of the two, he mused.
"I saw her yesterday at work. She was really upset, and I went over there, and somehow we ended up talking. I told her everything – the cancer scare, the baby scare, all of it. We were both honest with each other, and we decided to try again and see if we can make some kind of relationship work." She paused for breath, but Jonny knew there was still more to come and so remained silent, sliding his hand gently across her back as a means of reassurance. Relaxing slightly into his touch, Jac continued.
"She was with Sacha in Albie's last night, and when I went to wish him a merry Christmas he told me that Jasmine's spending Christmas alone. He said that the way she spoke about it, that it reminded him of me- the person I was before you came along. He basically suggested that I should ask her to spend Christmas with us so she has some company. And immediately my mind started screaming no, but it's all I've been thinking about ever since," she confessed. Taking his chances, Jonny pulled her into an embrace, seeing the insecurity written across her face and knowing she needed reassurance.
"Well, what do you want to do? It's your Christmas too," Jonny asked soothingly. Turning her face into his chest to avoid looking him in the eyes, Jac thought for a second.
"Part of me thinks it's far too soon. We hardly know each other, we've only just decided to try and build a relationship and I'm worried that this would be jumping in too fast. I'm scared of letting her into the one part of my life that's mine and mine alone. Work is one thing, but here she'd be in my private space, the one place where I don't have to worry about how other people see me." Jonny nodded in understanding, not wanting to contribute to the conversation until she was finished. "And that's not to mention Emma. What would we tell her? How's she ever going to understand this whole mess? I want her to have the kind of Christmas I never had, and I don't want anything to ruin it."
"But Jasmine said something to me yesterday that really struck a chord. She said that she'd always envied me around Christmas time, because at least in care there'd be people around. How sick is that? How awful must her time with that woman have been if she'd rather have been like me?"
Jonny tightened his grasp slightly, knowing how much talking about Paula upset Jac even now.
"I don't think she's ever had a proper Christmas, Jonny. I think she's always been lonely, just like I was until you came along. And the thought of her feeling the way I felt is unbearable. I don't think I can live with myself knowing she's alone when we're right here. She's family, and as much as I've tried to deny it, I can't ignore it any more. She deserves to feel like she belongs somewhere for once."
At this, Jac manouvered herself so she was facing him, eyes glistening as she stared into his. "I don't know which part of myself to listen to, Jonny. I don't know what to do," she pleaded. Jonny shook his head gently.
"I think you know deep down what you want to do, sweetheart. You're just scared to admit it."
He looked into her eyes searchingly, and was rewarded after an age by an almost imperceptible nod.
"I do," she whispered, letting out a deep breath as he stroked her hair calmingly. "But what about Emma? How are we going to explain it to her?"
"We'll think of something," he reassured.
"And what if she doesn't want to come, if she thinks it's too much. What if she pushes me away?" she sounded unusually on edge, her lack of self-belief painful to Jonny who spent so much of his time trying to convince her of her worth.
"Well then at least you'll know where you stand. But honestly, Jac, I really don't think that'll be the case. You know how desperately she's wanted to get to know you for years." The redhead squeezed her eyes tightly shut, nodding before opening them and steeling herself.
"I'll go ring her now," she suggested. "Get it over and done with." Jonny nodded.
"Good idea. But not before I tell you how proud I am of you for doing this." He kissed her forehead gently, causing a slight blush to rise in her cheeks, before releasing her from his grasp and propelling her towards her phone. "Now, go talk to your sister."
Jac paced the kitchen as she waited for Jasmine to pick up the phone, head spinning as she tried to formulate a plan for what she was about to ask. Just as she was going over her lines in her head, a loud voice made her jump.
"Hello?" It took a second for Jac to remember that there was no way her sister would have her number saved, hence the confusion in her voice.
"Jasmine? It's Jac," she replied.
"Oh, hi!" She could practically hear the younger woman beaming down the phone, a thought that made her smile in spite of herself. "Is everything ok?" She probably thinks something's wrong, or that I'm ringing about work, Jac realised.
"Everything's fine," she reassured her sister. "Are you at work?"
"No, I don't start until 10," Jasmine babbled. "I'm on the night shift. Thought it was only fair, seeing as I have no one to get home to and everyone else has families and kids of their own." Her tone was fairly even, but Jac noticed the slight tinge of sadness as she spoke, reinforcing her belief that she was doing the right thing.
"I used to always do that before I had Emma," she offered. "But now I wouldn't miss Christmas Day with her for the world."
"Of course not!" she heard Jasmine exclaim. "It must be so special, having your own little family to spend Christmas with. I hope I can have that someday."
Sensing the perfect opportunity, Jac took a deep breath and reminded herself to breathe. It's just Jasmine. It'll be fine. Nothing to freak out over.
"Actually," she began tentatively, "that's kind of why I was calling."
"Oh?" The younger woman sounded utterly confused at this point. "About work?"
"No," Jac rolled her eyes although of course Jasmine couldn't see her. "Not about work. About Christmas."
There was a beat of silence.
"What about it?"
She could tell instantly that Jasmine at least had an inkling about what she was going to ask, the quiver in her voice a telltale sign of nerves. It seemed she was intent on making Jac say the words, though, not content to draw her own conclusions – maybe she was scared she'd got it wrong, that the older woman was taunting her, laughing at her? It wouldn't be the first time.
"I was wondering… if you'd like to come to ours for Christmas dinner tomorrow." Jac almost stumbled over her words, nerves winning out as she tried desperately to sound calm, to no avail.
For a moment not a sound could be heard, and she began to panic. She must have overstepped the mark, she'd known it was too soon and this was exactly what she'd been dreading – rejection, after everything it had taken for her to get to this point.
"Look, I'm sorry, forget I said anything," she quickly backtracked, wanting the ground to swallow her up. "We're only just getting back on track, and you'll be exhausted after work anyway, and I totally understand why you wouldn't want to-"
"Jac," Jasmine interrupted. "Don't be stupid. That's not… that's not why I didn't answer straight away. I'm just a bit speechless right now," she replied, emotion evident in her tone.
"Oh."
Maybe she'd got a little bit carried away with her negativity, then. After all, she'd just dropped one hell of a bombshell on Jasmine – she had to give the girl some time to get her head around it.
"I just… Are you really sure about this, Jac? I don't want to intrude on your family Christmas, I know how much it means to you. I don't want to ruin it."
Jac sighed.
"Of course I'm sure. You don't think I haven't spent the entire day wondering whether this is the right thing to do? You won't be intruding, I promise. We have a very low-key Christmas, neither Jonny or I ever celebrated properly growing up so it won't be too overwhelming." She softened her tone slightly. "I want you to be part of this family, Jasmine. I can't stand the thought of you being on your own. I've been there and it's awful, nobody should ever feel like that but especially not at Christmas. Especially not family."
"What will Jonny say? And Emma?" the blonde asked timidly.
"Jonny already knows, I talked it over with him and he's more than happy for you to come. Emma… we'll have to figure out a way of explaining it all to her, but I'm sure she'll be thrilled to have someone else to play with," Jac tried to encourage her sister to accept the offer, knowing that the prospect of seeing her niece would make her happy. She could almost hear Jasmine's brain whirring through the phone, weighing up her options.
"My shift doesn't finish until 10am, though" she worried.
"That's fine," Jac replied. "We usually do dinner mid-afternoon, anyway. And that gives you time to catch up on some sleep after your shift."
"Well…" Jasmine chewed over her decision, "if you're absolutely sure, then I'd love to. Of course I'd love to spend Christmas with you."
Jac breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't realised just how much she wanted this until that very moment.
"That's settled then. You'll come round about half 2, we'll eat and you can spend some time with Emma before she goes to bed."
"Jac…" Jasmine spoke, gratitude evident in her voice. "You have no idea what this means. Thank you so much." The older woman chuckled. Little did Jasmine know, she felt the exact same way.
"Believe me, I do," she replied. "Look, I better go, I need to get Emma fed and bathed soon. I hope your shift goes well. Text me when you're on your way."
"Ok," Jasmine agreed. "I will. And thanks again, for everything. See you tomorrow."
Ending the call, Jac leant heavily against the worktops, heart pounding. Part of her couldn't believe what she'd just done, but she couldn't deny that she felt happier than she had in weeks.
Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind.
"So how did it go?" Jonny's lilting tones comforted Jac as she began to relax.
"She's coming," she replied, a small smile lighting up her face.
"See, I told you it would all be fine." She playfully slapped Jonny, his smugness at being right both irritating and amusing her.
"Mummy!" The two pulled away from each other as Emma hurtled into the room, her eager grin causing Jac's own to widen.
"It almost Christmas, Mummy! We finish cookies now?"
The redhead lifted her daughter up, placing her on the counter beside her. "Of course we can, baby. But then you have to go to bed early tonight, or else Father Christmas won't come," she teased the little girl.
"Okay Mummy, I be good girl," Emma nodded, eyes wide. "We have special story?"
"If you're extra good then Mummy and Daddy will read you The Night Before Christmas, but only if you promise to go to sleep without a fuss. Do we have a deal?"
"Yessssss!" Emma yelled, showing off her baby teeth as Jac and Jonny exchanged glances over her head. Tomorrow was going to be a big day for all of them, even if Emma didn't know it yet, and they were determined to make it the best Christmas yet.
