A/N: This crossover of two shows in which Samcedes is entirely AU begins with Episode One. After Episode One the story will no longer be a rewritten episode of the The Brady Bunch because Sam is no Mike Brady and Mercedes is no Carol Brady. I don't know if there will be future episodes but I am glad I finally finished what I initially envisioned. Future episodes would be finding out they are to become the Evans 7, becoming the Evans 7, and eventually them being the Evans 8 if I ever have time to write this. I don't own anything but original characters everything else is TV history. Thanks for reading.
Episode One
Here's the story of a goofy gentleman who was bringing up two very silly boys. All of them had hair of gold like their father the youngest one with a cut from a bowl.
Here's the story of a woman named Jones who was busy with two girls of her own. If you count Blaine, there were four of them living together, and they were not alone.
Then one day this gentleman met this lady, and he knew it was love at first sight. That this group would someday be a family was a miracle from above and that's the way they became the Evans Six.
"Are you finished with your juice Shelly?" Micah asked her little sister when their mother came in the kitchen dressed in a slip and hair rollers for her upcoming wedding to Micah's chorus teacher.
"Okay girls we all have to eat a big breakfast today. I know you are bound to be nervous but this is a big day for all of us." Mercedes says as she sits down and plays with her food. She was having last minute jitters and projecting her nerves on her daughters. She couldn't believe that she was getting married outside in her garden later on that day.
"We are almost finished, mom." Micah says and Shelly looks up at her mother's plate and realized that she hasn't eaten anything at all and quickly tells her mother this.
"I know baby girl. I just don't think I can eat anything." Mercedes admitted as Blaine came around to clear the table of the girls almost cleaned plates and glasses.
"It's normal for you to be nervous Mrs. Jones this is Saturday your big wedding day. I know if I was in your place I wouldn't have been able to eat or sleep." Blaine says as he continues to clean the kitchen.
"Well this isn't my first rodeo, but I will become the mother of four today, and instead of us two to clean up after, Blaine you will have three more people. I can understand if you are willing to leave us. Sam and his boys are not the cleanest people in the world. The one time we all went camping together, I think the girls and I spent most of the time cleaning while he and the boys spent the majority of their time making messes."
"Mrs. Jones, I could never leave you and the girls, and if the job gets too big, we can always hire out for someone to come in once a week to help me. Since the girls are now in school, I wasn't doing much anyways. This is a dream job for me, and I would never leave you."
"Aw Blainie you are simply the best. I thank God that we found you. You are a part of this family, and I am grateful that you wouldn't leave us when we needed you most. Becoming a blended family is no joke, and I know Sam's boys love you more than they love me. Sam also thinks that your Star Wars and superheroes fixation make you the coolest bro ever."
"Thanks Mrs. Jones, but are you sure you aren't nervous, you are putting salt in your coffee, and I know you usually prefer Stevia." Blaine says looking at Mercedes who adding salt to her coffee while talking to him.
"Well, I have to deal with listening to my mom and my old family friends berating me making sure that I am making the right choice. When that ratchet website TBZ reported that Sam was marrying me for money all of my old buddies came out to check to see if this was true. When they found out how rich Sam's side of the family was, I was allowed a little breathing room. But those crazy people who doubt his attraction to me or think he's marrying me because I am the perfect mammy to raise his two sons makes me want to throw something at someone."
"We all know how much Sam loves you mom." Micah says remembering she was the one who encouraged her teacher to ask her mom out, and it was she and her future step-brother Craig who put aside their differences, so the families could actually have fun interacting with each other. Sam already knew her, and they had a good relationship. Sam couldn't help but treat Shelly like a little princess because she was their mother's mini me. Sam's boys on the other hand had took awhile to warm to her as a mother. However, when they saw the love that oozed from her pores and how she didn't let fame keep her from being a dedicated mother, they were easily won over by her the more time they spent with her. They were just like their father and couldn't help falling for Mercedes Jones' openness, honesty, and loving nature.
"Yes, that man is the most romantic man in the world. He still sends me a flower and a poem every day or an original song or piece of art. He is nothing like your daddy and Lord knows I loved Mike Chang, but his love for me is like a high school first love instead of a grown up people love. I love those two men equally but differently. Sam makes me feel young again and he loves all of me despite my weight gain after having two daughters. I just feel lucky to have found a man who loves me flaws and all just as much as your father did." Mercedes told her girls tearing up but smiling wide.
"You just have to remember his love for you and your girls, and you will be okay today Mrs. Jones soon to be Mrs. Evans." Blaine said knowing that the tears would make her eyes all big and puffy and his boss needed to show the world that it was Sam Evans that was lucky getting to marry this beautiful, sincere, generous, and very loving woman.
"I know and I am sure Sam is right now chilling and being relaxed while I can't eat because of the butterflies setting flight in my tummy."
"I can't believe the Mercedes Jones is marrying me. I am shaking like a leaf. Boys, I can't find my pants nor my shoes. I have gotta to get dress and have us over to the Chang-Jones' estate in less than an hour." Sam said looking like he was about to lose his mind dressed only in his shirt, tie, and socks.
"Look at your hair Kade. Didn't I use the bowl this morning to trim your moppy bangs. I don't know why I didn't let you go to barber with Craig and I. You are getting a little too old for my old childhood haircut aren't you baby boy?" Sam asked looking harassed.
"Chill out dad. Kade and I will help you find your pants and shoes."
"Thanks Craig. You all do like Mercedes don't you? I am not making you miserable while I make myself the happiest man in the universe?" Sam said looking at his boys knowing that they were slow to open up and trust Mercedes fearing that she was like their biological mother.
"Dad, I like Mercedes a lot." Craig reassured his father by telling him the truth.
"You know how much I like her. I didn't put any snakes in her sleeping bag when we camped out, and I keep Wolverine from jumping on her every time she comes over. Besides when she sings to me I feel like I am a superhero that her voice gives me magical powers." Kade says smiling at how Mercedes' voice made him feel as well as her soft body when she hugged him.
"Thank you Kade for not putting snakes in her sleeping bag or allowing Wolverine our Alaskan husky to jump on her. She is not much taller than you, and Wolverine doesn't know how to play well with the ladies yet."
While the guys are talking, Sam's cell phone rings. "That must be Mercedes" Craig says. Kade asks why do you think so?" Craig replies, "Because that's her ringtone "When a Man Loves a Woman"...Dad is so lame."
"Hello Cedes it's not bad luck for you to speak to me before the ceremony is it?" Sam asks grinning goofily.
"No baby as long as you don't see me in my wedding dress, I think we are fine." Mercedes says feeling better now that she hears the love of her life's voice.
"How are you doing future Mrs. Evans?"
"I am so nervous that I can't eat or think straight. Honestly Sam you would think that this was my first time getting married."
"Well this is your first time marrying me, and I am just as nervous as you are." Sam says forgetting to put his phone on mute when he addresses the boys next with "Why don't you boys run along and find my pants and shoes?" Sam asks his boys so he could have a little privacy.
"You have lost your pants and shoes Sam!" Mercedes screams as the boys leave to help out their dad.
"Baby, I have been a little basket case this morning; it's not every day a man gets to marry the woman of his dreams and convince himself that he is worthy enough for her."
"Sam, don't make me go Whitney on you and sing "All the Man that I Need."
"Babe, if you sing that I will run over without my pants on, and I can't promise we won't have the honeymoon before the wedding." Sam says half jokingly and half seriously. Because of the kids and wanting to set a good Christian example, the two had chosen to wait until after marriage to consummate it, and although they had done some serious making out to make sure they were compatible, Sam couldn't wait for their honeymoon, so that he could rock her slow and not let go all through the night.
"Sam Evans you are too much..." Mercedes laughs and the nerves she felt early drift away with the knowledge that Sam Evans was just so darn funny, sexy, and loving and she would be crazy to doubt marrying this man was the right decision.
After Mercedes got dressed she went to go check on Shelly and Micah. She noticed that Mike's picture was missing off of Mimi's night stand.
"Where is your daddy's picture?" Mercedes asks Micah looking at her suspiciously.
"I thought Sam might be uncomfortable seeing his picture when he comes in at night to tuck us in with you." Micah said looking like a little girl and not the little adult that she pretended to be.
"Mimi, Sam knows how much Mike meant to both us. Shelly has no memories of her father, and I think it's important to have his picture up in your room, so you two will never forget him. He was the best father ever, and I don't want you to ever forget that, okay."
"Yes, mom, I really love that picture of him holding me, but I didn't want to upset my new dad. I know he is looking down on us and smiling happy that we are able to move on, but we won't ever forget him will we mom?"
"Right sweetie. Your dad was one of the best men in the world. He loved me with all of his being, and I loved him with all of mine, and out of our love we have two perfect reminders you and your sister. You are so much like him Mimi and when I see you, I see him, so I don't need pictures to remind me of him. You are so much like him and that makes me so happy that you got to have a relationship with him. You don't have to call Sam dad even though he has formally adopted you and Shelly. We all three agreed to change our last name to Jones-Evans after this ceremony, but that doesn't mean you two aren't Changs anymore. It just means that Sam loves you like a dad and wants to be your earthly daddy that Blaine won't have to try to be anymore."
"Blaine loves us, but not like Sam, I can tell that mom. Blaine loves us like an uncle or cousin, but Sam loves me like I am actually his own flesh. He treats Shelly and me like he treats Craig and Kade. That's how I know he wasn't just the man for you, but the man for all of us."
"Look at my wise daughter. I am so thankful to God that I am fortunate to be Micah Meriah Jones-Evans' mom."
"I am the grateful one because of what Craig says about his mom, I know that I hit the jackpot with having you as my mom. Even when you were blue, I always knew that you loved me and Shelly, and your love helped hold us together right after we lost daddy. Now stop trying to cry and ruin that make-up. Your face is so beat and you are so beautiful, Sam is lucky to have you as a wife. Now let's get downstairs and make sure Shelly isn't bribing Blaine to give her a piece of that delicious wedding cake." Micah says as she and her mom go downstairs.
Later on that morning, Sam is fully dressed thanks to his boys and the three head downstairs. The boys had already hidden Wolverine in the third row seat of their family's Tahoe, and because they had the keys last Sam was unable to find the keys and had went back into the house to get his second pair.
When Sam rolled up to the Mercedes' home, he was told by Blaine to go straight into the gazebo. The boys were slow getting out of the SUV, and Sam knew that they were trying to hide something from got of the car and told the boys to follow him and lo and behold who comes out of the back seat, Wolverine.
"Boys I told you we had to leave Wolverine at home, why did you think it was a good idea to bring him to my wedding."
"Wolverine is family dad. He is our brother, and we couldn't leave him at the house alone. I know we are moving here dad, and Wolverine doesn't need to believe we are leaving him behind."
"Boys, we don't have a shock collar that is set up for this area. Wolverine can't stay in the house because Shelly is allergic to him. Mercedes has a dog house for him but no food and none of his stuff from the house will be here yet."
"Don't worry dad, we thought of all that and packed him a bag when we were packing our own."
"Blaine, I am sorry but the boys snuck the dog here. Is there any place we can keep him secure until after the ceremony?" Sam asks when he sees Blaine coming towards them because they have not yet headed it to the gazebo.
"Well, we can't put him in the house because of Shelly. Her nose and eyes would run throughout the ceremony if she got a whiff of him having not taken her medicine. Let's put him in the farthest building on the property and lock him in." Blaine suggested as the boys reluctantly agreed to move Wolverine clear across the 18 acre estate.
"Can you imagine Mercedes' reaction if Wolverine was actually at the wedding?" Sam asked Blaine after they made sure that Wolverine couldn't escape the house."She would have said 'I know Sam Evans has not lost his ever loving mind and invited that dog who likes to jump on me every time he sees me and hump my leg to my wedding'." Sam said impersonating Mercedes to a T.
"Why does your dog act like that whenever he sees her?" Blaine asks after laughing so hard at Sam's spot on impersonation of his boss and after a year of wondering this but never having the balls to ask his boss this question.
"Well, he has heard her voice since he was a puppy, and I would play her music and music videos in her room. I won't lie and say I may or may not have experienced some lust while in his in presence, and Wolverine recognized my smell of arousal, and when he became older and was neutered he would still hump anything at the sound of her voice, and neutering him didn't change this behavior, but only made his humping furniture and random people a rare occurrence. But when he hears Mercedes' voice, he gets overstimulated and that's his natural reaction. We use Shelly's allergies as an excuse of why he won't be allowed in the house, but Mercedes and I both know that it's best for Wolverine to be an outside dog until he is broken of this lifelong behavior."
"Only you would have a dog trained to hump at the sound of Mrs. Jones' voice. I don't want to know all that poor puppy witnessed when you were jonesing after Mrs. Jones."
"I tell you the fact that that woman loves me and all my quirkiness is a testimony to a fact that there is a God who answers prayer because I know I am totally not her type."
"She once told me that Mike wasn't her type and that she saw him as a big brother and never a husband and a lover but his love for her broke down all her preconceptions of who she saw herself married to. She experienced a lot of racism being black and being married to an Asian man, and I know that it takes bravery for her to marry a white man in the South after all this time, but with tensions after President Trump's election and many Georgians showing their true colors, it makes the world a different place to live in. Even with this, she truly loves you, and you better treat her right or you won't be alive long enough to tell the story how you broke my boss lady's heart."
"I was wondering when I was going to get the speech from you. I have already gotten if from Micah, her brother, and her father. Her side of the family questions her sanity in marrying me. My family, who is a lot cooler than I thought they would be, are the only ones who have not threatened me during the engagement party. They know she is the opposite of Kitty and know that being white, blonde, and uppity is nothing in comparison to being someone whose very essence is love, inspiration, and true transparency. My family loves her, but I can't think of anyone who has met her who doesn't love her."
"So, are you ready to get hitched?"
"More ready now than ever before, so take me to my bride."
Sam's green eyes almost popped out of his head when he sees Mercedes dressed in a light gold lame vintage Bombshell Rockabilly halter tea length wedding gown. She and the girls have gold and white roses embroidered headgear with Mercedes having a sheer gold veil attached. The girls walk hand in hand with their mother in similar dresses in white with gold accessories. Sam couldn't help but cry as he saw his bride coming down the aisle towards him and his sons.
The ceremony was an original one with Sam saying vows to Mercedes and her daughters and Mercedes saying vows to Sam and his sons. At the end of the ceremony Mercedes and his pastor had pronounced them husband and wife and father and mother to their children. They not only signed their marriage certificate but also signed off on their adoption papers making them finally and formally a family.
It was during the reception that Mercedes realized that she may have bitten off more than she could chew, when right after they had cut the cake and began dancing, she couldn't find Craig nor Kade was after she danced with Sam's father and Sam had danced with her mother that she began to look for his sons to dance with them that she noticed their prolonged absence. When she went over to Sam, he too was ignorant at where his boys could be at the reception. The two boys loved food too much to not be seated eating or tearing up the dance floor with their goofy moves.
When Sam heard a bark he knew without a doubt where the boys had been and the DJ made the mistake of putting on one of Mercedes' songs and this had caused Wolverine to tear himself away from Kade and run towards Mercedes ready to launch himself on her as her voice on the song soared from one high note to another. Sam knew if his now dirty dog launched himself on his wife and began humping her at her wedding, he would never hear the end of it, so he got his dad, his brother, and Blaine to try to help him catch Wolverine and prevent him from accosting Mercedes or any other woman at their wedding reception.
Mercedes, who was no stranger to the dog's reaction towards her and her daughter's allergy to him, ran with her baby girl to the house, and this excited Wolverine even more. He set out to chase them both and if he hadn't been for Mercedes' part-time bodyguards who had an escape plan just in case some nutcase showed up at the wedding and tried to hurt her, both Mercedes and Shelly would have been trampled by Wolverine instead one guard quickly whisked them inside while the other guard used a stun gun to stop Wolverine who fell to the ground causing the boys to cry out in anger thinking that their dog had been shot.
All pandemonium rushed through the area as everyone who was anyone got their cell phones out and recorded all of this. Little Kade trying to hurt the burly bodyguard who picked him up with one hand and Craig bent over Wolverine crying as Sam fussed at both boys for disobeying him and bringing Wolverine to the wedding. Micah looked at all of them as they had lost their minds before going in to see about her mother and sister.
Once the boys realized that Wolverine was okay, and his being stunned was their fault, this put a damper on the entire wedding celebration. Sam and Mercedes, after Wolverine was put back in the outer property building by Mercedes' security team, came back outside and plied their guests with alcohol and brought back the romance with the two singing a duet of "Always" an old song that both set of parents liked by Atlantic Starr. After their song had the guests back in the wedding mood, Mercedes threw her bouquet which Sam's 19 year old sister Stacie caught which made her family say "Not today" and tried to get her to give it away to no avail. When Sam removed Mercedes' garter and Blaine caught it, the entire Evans' family breathed a sigh of relief either suspecting Blaine was gay because he worked as a manny/housekeeper and he was several inches shorter than the 5'10'' Evans warrior princess.
When it was time for Mercedes and Sam to leave for their honeymoon a mountain retreat in Tennessee that was close enough to Canton if an emergency arose, they could be back in Canton within three hours if necessary, they hugged and kissed the girls goodbye, but the boys were still hurt by their father's treatment of them and although they gave Mercedes' hugs and kisses, they were very distant with their dad.
The boys' attitude hurt Sam, and Mercedes couldn't leave and go on her honeymoon with a miserable husband. So, she told Sam to go and talk to the boys privately while she left Blaine and her parents last minute instructions on how to not let Shelly eat any more sweets or she would never go to sleep.
"Kade and Craig you know the both of you were wrong in bringing Wolverine to Cedes' home and then bringing him to the reception. I was disappointed in you both, and you both caused Wolvie some harm because you were disobedient."
"I know Dad but..."
"But nothing Craig, you are old enough to know better. You are almost a teenager, and you knew what Wolverine could have done to Mercedes on our special day and made Shelly sick on top of this, do you not care for the both of them? Do you not realized that Mercedes legally became your mother today and Shelly your little sister? I thought you loved them, but am I blinded by my love for them that I don't see how you don't care for them the same way they care for you?" Sam asked his son distressed by their behavior.
"I am so sorry dad. Kade really wanted Wolverine here, and I knew this would be one of our first nights away from you, and I didn't him want him to be homesick or dog-sick. When he said you said that Wolverine couldn't be at the ceremony but never said he couldn't be at the reception, I was bored with the wedding and wanted to explore the property and help Kade free an imprisoned Wolverine. I thought I would be able to control him but I didn't expect the DJ to play that song. I truly love Momma Cedes and Shelly and would never want to hurt them."
"I love Momma Cedes too daddy and Shelly is my lil sister and I would never want to hurt them. I was just thinking about poor Wolverine. I am so sorry daddy. You hate me now. You love Shelly, Micah, and Mercedes more than Craig and me and I don't blame you."
"Kade that is so not true. You know how granddaddy loves Granny Evans, Stacie, Stevie, me, and you two. That is the way I love Cedes, Micah, Shelly, and you two. Just because you love someone new doesn't mean it takes away the love you have for your family. Your heart grows bigger and allows you to love more without loving anyone else less. You know that I only correct you because I love you, don't you?"
"Yes, daddy my head knows but my heart doesn't sometimes. You look at Momma Cedes like she hung the moon, and I never seen you look at anyone like that and at the wedding you were the happiest I have ever seen you in my whole life." Kade said.
"Yes, I was the happiest because I was marrying the woman of my dreams and gaining two awesome daughters while being the dad of the best sons ever who were standing by my side. Why wouldn't I be the happiest man in the galaxy?"
"I understand dad and I should have guessed what Kade was feeling instead of disobeying you and bringing Wolverine. I could have ruined your wedding and got Wolverine more hurt because if Wolverine would have attacked Momma Cedes I am sure her Black Ops bodyguards would have killed our dog. Seriously dad, Momma Cedes' bodyguards are no joke. That one picked up her up while she was carrying Shelley and brought them into that house like he was some sorta of Luke Cage superhero."
"Are we straight, do you two know that I was mad for a reason and now I am only sad that you two are still upset when I have to leave on what should be the happiest night of my life."
"I am sorry daddy we don't ever want you sad again. Go away and have fun with Momma Cedes." Kade said as his big green eyes no longer welled up with tears were shining with happiness.
"If you only knew little Kade if you only knew." Sam said with a goofy smile returning to his face.
"Stop being gross dad. I promise to be a better big brother while you are gone and take care of my new little sisters as well as this scalawag." Craig said with a grossed out expression on his face.
"So we are straight fellows," Sam says to his boys hugging them and playing in their hair when they agreed all was well and did the Evans' men secret handshake before leaving them to find his bride.
