I put chapter two up because the first chapter was super short. I hope this chapter answers some of your questions! Thank you guys for the positive feedback! I want to hear more from you, and see where you think it's going. It might get weird for some people and I fully expect to see some bail on the story, but I hope some people find it intriguing. I think I'm going to update every other day, or maybe every two days. I have twenty-one chapters written already, but when you update frequently the story goes by so fast. I like a consistent, steady pace. Anyway, when you've finished reading this chapter, click that box that's at the bottom of the page, write your thoughts and opinions and then click send! I love hearing your opinions!
Chapter Two
He lifted me off of the counter and hugged me tightly to his chest, my face in his shoulder. I gripped his shirtfront tightly and sobbed. He rubbed my back in slow circles.
"It's okay Bella. I shouldn't have yelled, I'm sorry." He said, hugging me tighter.
"I'm sorry I'm so fucked up," I cried loudly.
"You're not fucked up baby," he said gently.
"I am! I am fucked up! I'm a horrible, fucked up, dysfunctional mess! I don't deserve you! Just leave me!" I sobbed.
I felt him shake his head, "No, no baby, it's okay. It's okay. You aren't fucked up."
I shook my head back, "I am Edward, I'm fucked up. You don't even understand, I'm trying to be normal, but I can't be. I'm not normal, please just go already and find someone normal." I screamed.
He walked out of the downstairs bathroom and went into our private bathroom. He continued to hold me as he turned the tabs on, letting the water run.
He stripped me of my clothes, still managing to keep a hold on me. I felt weak, I couldn't move and I didn't make any attempts to stop him. I just sobbed into his shoulder. I felt awful, he shouldn't be with me, he should be with someone normal, someone who isn't so fucked up.
Once I was naked, he set me down into the steaming bath water; I kept my face in my hands.
"Bella, please look up at me." He asked gently.
I shook my head, more tears rushed down my cheeks. I didn't want him to see me, the fucked up mess he mistakenly put of ring on.
"Please Bella, please look at me." He begged in a soft voice, his hands gently tugging at my wrists.
Slowly, I removed my hands, staring blankly at the tile on the wall. He stroked my cheek with his thumb.
"I love you so much Bella." He finally said after such a long silence.
I turned my head, my face filled with confusion.
"W-what?" I said.
He looked down, his eyes sad, after a moment he looked back up, "Bella, I love you so much. I just want to understand why you were hurting yourself. Were you going to kill yourself?" He asked.
I blushed, "No! I was not going to kill myself! I just needed… a release." I blurted out.
"A release? What do you mean?" He asked, grabbing the wash cloth and started cleaning me.
"I-I don't know." I lied.
"You do know. I know when you're lying to me." He said.
"It was just a rough day." I said.
"So, you hurt yourself when you have bad days?" He said.
I blushed, "I guess so. Stop talking about it please." I demanded.
"You're not allowed to hurt yourself anymore." He said.
I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything. I would be more careful about doing it, but I wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop, it was the only thing that made me feel better.
"Bella, promise me you're not going to hurt yourself again." He said
I rolled my eyes again, "Fine, I promise."
He didn't look convinced but he let it go.
Edward's POV
After I bathed her, she fell asleep. She must have exhausted herself. I checked on the horrific cuts on her thighs, then I shook my head. The cuts weren't too deep, but they'd leave scars. But it seems that wouldn't be an issue because her upper thighs were already covered in semi-healed scars. I had always wondered why she refused to do it with the lights on, and why I wasn't allowed to go down on her, but I guess I figured it out.
Once I knew she was settled and wouldn't wake up, I snuck away to call my mother. She was a phycologist; she'd know what to do.
"Hello?" She said.
"Hey, mom, it's Edward." I said, clutching the phone close to my ear.
"Yes I know, I read the caller I.D., what's up?" She asked.
I sighed, "Mom, I-I think Bella needs some help." I said quietly.
"Help? Is she hurt?" She asked, her voice laced with concern.
"Not exactly. Um, she…" trailed off with a heavy sigh.
"Take a deep breath and start from the beginning." She advised, her professionalism shining through.
I took a deep breath, "Okay, well, I got home early and I found Bella, sitting in the dark, slicing her thigh to pieces with an old, dirty, razor… and when I caught her, she acted like it was no big deal! That I should just ignore the fact that she was trying to mutilate herself. She fought me for a while because, I was trying to clean it… mom it was really bad. I just… what do you think I should do mom? What should I say to her?" I asked.
"Hmm, I was wondering when you were going to see Bella's walls crack." She said mysteriously.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked, becoming defensive; I didn't care if she was my mother, she better not say anything hateful about my fiancé.
Mom sighed, "Edward, from the first time I met Bella, I knew there was something she was hiding. Damages from the past that she kept buried down deep. The more I got to know her, the more damage I saw. I had wondered what her form of release was, and I guess you saw that tonight." She said.
I paused for a moment, "Bella's not damaged…" I said in a soft, unbelieving voice.
She sighed, "Edward, she was cutting herself. The only people who do that are the damaged ones. And look at all the evidence; she has no relationship with her parents and she outright refuses to talk about them, she's only physical with people she's known for a long time, she has trust issues, she clings to your side when she comes around… She's been putting up a façade for you, and now you've seen the damaged side."
"W-what do I do mom? How do I help her?" I asked, if Bella was suffering, I wanted to get her help.
"Well, first things first, you need to talk with her. Really talk with her. Break down those barriers and find out what's causing her such distress. Then you need to find a really good and understanding therapist to help her sort out her feelings." She said.
"But what if Bella doesn't want to? I mean she fought me when I tried to clean her cuts, she's going to fight me on this." I said.
"Edward, Bella needs a stern hand in her life. I've seen this before." She said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Bella is seeking something she didn't receive from her childhood. And when you two are around, she sticks right by your side, so she obviously sees you as the protector. But, what I suggest, is talking with her and seeing if she'd be willing to go see a therapist." She said.
"Yeah, I'll talk to her. What do you think she's seeking?" I asked.
"Hmm, well, it's hard to say. But, from what I've seen of Bella these last couple of years, she's looking for a father figure. Someone to assume the role of the firm hand, the protector, the guide. It's not uncommon for girls with father issues. Plus, from the relationship I've seen between you two, it's what I see with some of my patients." She said.
"What kind of relationship do we have?" I asked.
"Well, you two have that 'father figure,' sort of relationship. She is in need of an authority figure. Someone to kind of take the reins and be the adult, and tell her that everything is going to be okay. And you provide that for her." She said.
I took a breath, "Alright, I'm going to speak with her in the morning. Thank you, mom." I said before hanging up.
I went back in the bedroom and crawled into the bed beside Bella, I stroked some out of her beautiful face. I prayed that'd she'd open up to me…
