Nightwing, suffering from a hangover, was not in the mood to go hunting, especially hunting for his younger brother on the streets of Gotham at night when it was roughly two degrees outside. This was not the way he wanted to spend his evening. He wanted to spend his evening with ginger ail, a heating pad and a cuddly blanket, but that was not to be.
"Bruce", he whined, "Why does Jason have to come to this stupid party anyway? He's not even supposed to be alive."
"Because", Batman replied, irritated that his eldest was even bothering to question him, "Mr. Tibbles seems to think that he's alive and I have to keep up the façade so I don't lose this stupid deal."
"Why do you even need the deal in the first place?" Red Robin asked.
"The company needs it for various reason", Batman snapped, "and if Lex Corp. steals another deal from me, I'll murder someone." Nightwing rolled his eyes. He didn't really care about big business and he didn't understand it. As far as he was concerned business = money and that was about all there was to it. The finer details were lost to him and he had no inclination to seek them out.
"Alright", Batman said, rubbing his hands together excitedly, "here we go. He's gonna come, I can feel it."
"This is such a imbecilic plan Grayson", Robin muttered, "Todd is stupid, but he is not this stupid."
"Well", Nightwing replied, pressing himself to Robin since he was freezing and Robin's little body was warm, "I think your dad's going for, 'it's so stupid it has to work' although I'm not so sure I agree with him on this one. Get over here Tim and cover my left side. I'm freezing."
"How come you get to be in the middle Dick?" Red Robin grumbled, "I'm freezing too."
"Because you and Damian don't like each other. Now come my brothers. Let us huddle for warmth like penguins whilst Bruce broods alone in the cold." Batman rolled his eyes and gazed coldly down at the street, waiting for his prey.
The Red Hood was not really hungry that evening. No, he'd eaten his fill and he knew it, so his analytical mind jumped to something else, like buildings to blow up and havoc to cause. But, hunger once more entered his psyche when he noticed the sign.
Le Pain was the most prestigious bread shop in all of Gotham, boasting high quality bread that had no match. For them to be having a sale on bread was…unheard of. So, it must be true. No one would be stupid enough to try and trap Jason Todd, the Red Hood, second son of the Batman and scourge on villainy in Gotham with bread.
Gliding down to the street, Jason approached Le Pain, mouth already watering. Naturally, he was crushed when he found it closed. "Damn", Jason cursed, "and I really wanted some bread." Somehow, somewhere, ingrained in his troubled mind, Jason had a no stealing rule. It was stupid and he wished it wasn't there, but it was and he found himself unable to just break into Le Pain and take the bread.
Stomping his foot in a mini temper tantrum, he turned a tight circle and was about to head back up to the rooftops when he spied something interesting. It was a wrapped slice of bread on the ground in front of him. Jason glanced around and, seeing no one, slowly picked up the bread. He unwrapped it and gazed at the flaky goodness in his hands.
Unable to hold himself back any longer, Jason bit deeply into the bread. An explosion of wonderful bread goodness filled his whole being and for a moment, he was transported to a far away heaven in the stars. Angels were singing and doves were flying and Jason was trembling with baked ecstasy.
But, half a second later, the rest of the bread was gone and he fell rather heavily back down to earth. Grumbling about how bread didn't go far enough these days, he happened to glance up the road a bit.
There, lying on the sidewalk, was another wrapped package of bread. Rushing foreward, Jason confronted the package as if it were an old friend and quickly consumed it. And then, looking around, he found another. Swiftly, he followed the trail of bread, each piece even more delicious and perfect than the previous, further and further down the street.
Rounding the bend, he came across the most wonderful site he had ever experienced. There, sitting in the alleyway all alone with no one to protect it, was a magnificently enormous pile of bread. Bread upon wrapped package of bread were stacked neatly atop each other, just waiting for him. Jason thought he'd died again and gone to heaven.
Rushing up to the pile, he dove head first into it. What he didn't expect, however, was for wheat filled walls to suddenly constrict around him. "Damn", he cursed quietly, "I can't believe it."
Batman gave a yip of glee and leapt off the building, vaulting across the street. "What?" Nightwing asked, in the process of picking at Red Robin's hair and chiding him for not taking better care of it.
"It worked", Batman whooped, "I told you it would work."
"It actually worked", Red Robin said incredulously, swatting Nightwing's hands away. Batman nodded and rushed over to his trap, which had worked perfectly and exactly as he had planned it. Jason hung upside down in a snag net, pressed in by the bread. He had a very grumpy look on his face and would have made a few rude gestures at Batman had his arms not been trapped to his sides by large slices of pumpernickel bread.
"I can't believe you would sink so low as to trap me with bread", he snapped, "that's pathetic, even for you."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures son", Batman said gleefully, practically skipping, "I needed you."
"For what", Jason asked.
"Tell you all about it back at the cave", Bruce replied, pressing a syringe into the vein in Jason's banana bread surrounded neck. The last thing the black sheep of the Robin's heard was Nightwing alight, murmuring incredulously to Red Robin.
"I can't believe it actually worked. Who's stupid enough to be trapped by bread?"
Jason woke up to the uncomfortable feeling of having slept sitting up with the added discomfort of handcuffs, which were chaining his arms behind him. Dressed in completely different outfit from the one he had been wearing before, Jason scowled into the bright lights above him where he was sure Bruce was looming somewhere. A moment later, his eyes acclimated and he saw the face of his "father", who looked tense and frustrated. Being of the opinion that a frustrated Bruce was the best kind of Bruce, Jason gave a smirk.
"So, what am I in for dad? Did I steal from the cookie jar again? It was so nice of you to change my clothes too, those others were getting a little old. However, I must admit, that seems a little kinky." Bruce rolled his eyes.
"Those clothes were full of weapons and escape tools and you know it. I had no other alternatives."
"Ohh", Dick said, "don't forget the hair." Jason's older brother suddenly popped up over his shoulder, grinning ear to ear. "I cut your hair. It was looking quite ratty Jason, you really ought to take better care of it. Once this is over, I'll give you a hair care tutorial and we can make sure those split ends never bother you again." He pinched Jason's cheek affectionately, and murmured, "So good to have my baby brother back again."
Jason gave him a bewildered look. "The hair was not my idea", Bruce insisted, "anyway, I have a job for you."
"And what makes you think I'm going to do it?" Jason asked sassily. Dick, who noticed a split end he had missed, hovered back over, snipping the recalcitrant ginger hair on the back of his younger brother's neck.
"Stop touching me", Jason growled, "You are so weird." Dick grinned widely and threw his arms around Jason, hugging him tightly before bounding back up the stairs. See you later Jaybee. Damian sweetie, you need a haircut."
"Hell no, don't you dare touch me with those scissors Grayson!"
"Because", Bruce replied, answering Jason's previous question, "I just recently acquired a new business you might be interested in."
"Ohh", Jason asked nonchalantly, "and what's that?"
"Le Pain now belongs to Wayne Industries and I can give you an all access pass with a guarantee of as much bread as you desire for the rest of your life." That got Jason's attention. Though he prided himself on being independent and not connected to Bruce in any way, there were downsides to that, one of them being not very much money available for bread.
"Fine", Jason grumbled, "What's the favor?" Bruce smiled at him, happy to be getting his way.
"Thank you Jason." Damian chose that moment to dart frantically down the stairs, yelling and tumbling over his own two feet.
"Father, tell Grayson to leave me alone!"
"Ohh, come on Damiboo, just a little off the top."
"Stop calling me that Grayson, leave me alone!" Bruce rolled his eyes.
"You just have to go to one tiny dinner party for one measly night." Jason gazed confusedly at him and Tim flew across the cave, screaming at the top of his lungs.
"Stop it Dick leave my hair alone."
"Ohh, come on Tibbles, those bangs are getting shaggy."
"I don't even have bangs and where the hell do you get these nicknames?"
"Wait", Jason said slowly, "Where are we going to dinner?"
"The Sunbird." Jason snorted.
"If you wanted to take me to dinner honey, all you had to do was ask. What's afterwards, dancing?" Bruce glowered at him.
"I need you and your brothers to come with me and make a good impression on a business partner of mine. A good impression Jason, so be on your best behavior."
"Alright, alright", Jason agreed, "Whatever you want." Damian and Tim exploded from around one of the corners in the batcave and raced up to Bruce, scrambling up onto him.
"Protect me Father", Damian howled, wrapped around Bruce's neck like a scarf, "he's insane."
"Don't let him touch me Bruce", Tim whimpered, arms and legs wrapped around Bruce's middle. Dick bounded out excitedly and, spying his brothers, rushed towards them. Bruce grabbed him by the arm that bore the scissors and held up him, his toes not even brushing the ground as he hung in the iron grip of the Dark Knight.
"Heh, heh, Hi Bruce, wanna haircut?" Bruce glowered at him.
"Ok", Dick said slowly, "Maybe not." Bruce took the scissors from his grasp and tossed them across the cave. Dick gave a disgruntled snort and wiggled out of Bruce's grasp. "Gee", he muttered, "I was just trying to do a good deed. Can I cut your hair Bruce, please?"
"No", Bruce replied.
"Please", Dick said softly, making his eyes as big as they could get and gazing upward hopefully, "Please, please, please." Bruce started to tremble, feeling himself weaken under the pressure Dick was applying.
"No."
"Please."
"Ohh fine."
"Yea", Dick called, rushing back over to get the scissors, "just a little trim, I promise."
"You're gonna regret this dad", Jason chortled, "I can promise you that." Bruce rolled his eyes and sat down.
"Five minutes Dick, you get five minutes with my hair"
"Okey dokey Bruce, no problem." Dick raised the scissors, eager to begin.
"Oops."
"Dick, what did you do to my hair!"
"Nothing."
