The Reckoning of the Q

Don't step on the crack.

Those words echoed in Ratchet's mind as he navigated through the streets of Meridian City. Any other time, he would have laughed them off as superstitious nonsense, and he still did today. Despite making his way through a city that could very well be disintegrated at any moment, Ratchet knew he didn't need luck. No matter how lacking you were in luck, there were very few situations that a RYNO V could not handle. But when the entire population was cowering in their homes, leaving the streets empty of all but the occasional rodent, Ratchet needed something to focus his mind on other than the very real possibility of a laser sight trained on the back of his head.

Ratchet wasn't scared, but it was still not healthy to think about it too much.

Of course, focused as Ratchet was, he didn't expect to be attacked by the wall that he didn't notice.

"Ow!"

"Ratchet, eyes up!" hissed Tristana, a woman slightly younger than him with bright orange fur and black stripes. Only an hour ago, she had been introduced to him as his third cousin two times removed. Or was it six times?

Regardless, she seemed to prefer the role of annoying little sister.

"Honestly, Tachyon must have been blind and deaf if you managed to beat him".

There was stifled chuckling from the three other Praetorian Guards with them. They silenced as soon as Ratchet shot them a cold look, but could not hide their smirks.

Tristana seemed quite proud of herself. Ratchet resolved to make her regret it later.

Looking up at the wall he had run in to, Ratchet identified the building as their target.

"Right, where's the door?"

"Ratchet, I seem to remember saying eyes up!"

"Yeah, and?"

Ratchet looked closer at the wall that was curiously door-shaped.

"Oh".

Tristana shook her head, smirking, and stepped forward while Ratchet was busy pretending he didn't exist. She flipped a switch and the door slid upwards smoothly, revealing a large hallway decorated with too many statues and busts of an all-too-familiar individual in spandex.

Green spandex.

"All right, this way to the presidential office", said Ratchet, having been shocked out of his spell of embarrassment.


Being the president of the Polaris galaxy was more difficult than the job was made out to be. Sure, there were the very flattering public appearances, the audiences that would listen to everything you said, not to mention the satisfyingly large hot tub in the ensuite.

However, there also happened to be the very real possibility of being the one everyone expected to save them when a space armada was knocking on your door.

Still, Galactic President Copernicus Lesley Qwark had made sure to make plans should such a thing occur. As such, when the first news of a fleet leaving warp space over Igliak reached his ears, he had not hesitated to make effective use of the ten-thousand bolt desk he had had installed the previous week.

Qwark heard a knock on the all-too-thin door, and made sure to tuck his arms in.

"Qwark, are you in there?" came a muffled voice.

The president tightened his vocal cords as much as he could bear, then offered an appropriate response.

"This is the president's secretary, Janet. He isn't here right now. Can I take a message?"

"Damn it, Qwark! Open up, it's Ratchet!"

"I already told you! Qwark's not here!"

There was some distorted muttering. Then a clang, like something had been slapped on the door.

"Qwark, we're coming in! Just stand away from the door".

"Stand away from the door? Why would I want to do tha-"

A loud and sharp cracking sound interrupted Qwark, followed by a screeching sound and a dull thud. Smoke filled the room.

Qwark swiftly buried his face in the floor, but was yanked out from under the desk by several sets of strong arms.

"Remind me why we're moving this guy to a safe house again? Look at him, he's useless!" said one of the lombaxes that Qwark found himself face-to-face with.

"Because the vice president is a monkey".

Qwark then stood to his full height, almost scraping the ceiling, and thrust out his abnormally huge chest.

"I'll have you know you are looking at Captain Qwark, hero of three galaxies! And vice-president Scrunch is more than capable of his duties".

Qwark's claim was only met by a grunt and a surprisingly firm grasp on his collar by an orange female.

"Greetings, Mister President", she said with a smile. "I'll be your chauffeur today, so please follow me and shut up or I'll have to get Ratchet to pull his chimp-o-matic out and you can join your vice-president at the zoo".

Qwark turned to Ratchet and held his hand up to whisper to him.

"I don't think she likes me, Ratchet".

Before Qwark could see Ratchet's response, he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head and he knew no more.


"What did you do that for?" demanded Ratchet, staring incredulously at the now unconscious Captain Qwark.

Tristana shrugged.

"Fine, but you're carrying him", stated Ratchet.

Ratchet's cousin shot him a glare as she raised her wrist communicator. "We've got the man in tights. You flyboys going to pull us out or what?"

"Tristie, I've told you a thousand times already! I'm 'Brick Patrol' and your squad is 'Sunday Pickup'!"

Ratchet snorted. "Tristie?"

Tristana rolled her eyes back at him. "Does the code thing really matter anyway, Daddy? It's not like Jerec won't be able to guess why we're here".

"We'll talk about this when you're back home, missy. I've locked on to your beacon now. ETA five minutes".

"Thanks, Daddy". Tristana then shut off the transmission.

"So… now we wait?" asked Ratchet.

"That will not be necessary, Ratchet", said Clank from his back.

"Why? What's-"

Ratchet trailed off as he span around to find Jerec's pistol between his eyes. Ratchet instinctively reached for his belt, but stopped when the pistol was almost shoved through his brain.

"Don't even think about it", hissed Jerec.

Ratchet glanced about as his companions dropped their weapons, each with muzzles held to their temples by masked lombaxes. Ratchet recognised their armour as hyperflux plating, having worn it himself.

Jerec seemed to notice Ratchet's recognition.

"Do you like the new Praetorian uniforms? Securing Grummelnet headquarters has been rather beneficial. The Grummels even offered to fit each set of armour with a cloaking device for us. Such contraptions do still leave the faint outline of their user, but lying in wait in the President's office, keeping very still… I'll leave the rest for you to work out".

"How did you get in without blowing the door like we did?" asked one of Ratchet's Praetorians.

Jerec rolled his eyes.

"The president of the entire galaxy left the window open. We were actually waiting for you lot to come in the same way. Still, the light show was impressive".

Ratchet held back a hiss. Jerec seemed so aloof, as if he were better than everyone else in that room. Perhaps he thought he was.

"Why aren't you up there?" Ratchet said, looking briefly upwards to emphasise his point. "Shouldn't you be commanding the fleet?"

Jerec smiled slightly, then said in an alarmingly pleasant voice; "If you want something done properly, then do it yourself, especially when the son of Kaden is involved. I don't underestimate my enemies, Ratchet".

"Mister Jerec", piped up Clank. "I know you believe you are doing the right thing, but please, stop this".

"And let the chaos resume? The universe needs order, Clank, and as the rightful guardians of the galaxy, lombaxes have to make sure order comes about. It's only a matter of time before yet another villain rises up to plague us again. Azimuth had the right idea; we need to provide security. He simply made the mistake of trusting… others. Tell me, Ratchet, don't you want to retire, instead of save the galaxy every time it gets itself in trouble? Who is going to be the next Drek or Nefarious?"

"You are", growled Ratchet.

Upon those words, Jerec's ear twitched.

It was all Ratchet needed.

"Now!" he cried as he slapped his belt and a brilliant orange dome materialised around him.

Jerec stumbled backward in shock, but recovered quickly and fired his weapon.

The shot bounced right off the shield surrounding Ratchet, who slapped a button again and flipped out a large, orange frog-like creature mounted on a handle.

Jerec only had enough time to widen his eyes before the xenogote's lungs filled and the words sonic eruptor registered in his mind.

"BUAAARRRP!"

Jerec was thrown back out the door and down the corridor, disappearing from view.

Ratchet swiftly drew his mag-net launcher and aimed it at the first of Jerec's Praetorians, who was in a wrench-lock with Tristana. After a moment's thought, he switched the power down to incapacitate, then he fired.

The lombax in black and red armour was swept off his feet and thrown against the far wall, twitching against the net of lightning that encased him.

Before Ratchet could move to the next enemy, a low humming sound filled the air. A boxy transport craft pulled up beside the open window then stopped, floating in midair. A hatch on the side slid away to reveal a single male lombax with identical markings to Tristana.

"Get in!" he yelled.

Ratchet glanced around to see the other armoured lombaxes advancing slowly towards him and his team, who were crouched around Qwark's massive body.

"Grab him and go!" commanded Ratchet.

Tristana nodded and, with a heave, lifted Qwark's shoulders and started dragging him towards the window. The other three batted away Jerec's lombaxes with their wrenches.

Ratchet shook his head at his own stupidity and quickly drew his tractor beam and pointed it at Qwark's limp form. He pulled the trigger and before Qwark had even floated off the ground entirely he flung the spandex-and-suit-clad superhero-gone-president into the waiting vehicle.

The others wasted no time in throwing themselves in after Qwark, and with another quick shot from his sonic eruptor Ratchet leapt out the window also.

The transport pulled away from the presidential complex without a word and began the ascent into space, leaving its passengers panting.


"Sir! Brick Patrol says extraction is complete!"

The bridge of the Voidflare rocked again.

"Tell Verpine Squadron to give them an escort to the Phoenix's hangar, and tell all ships to prepare for a warp jump on my signal".

Another salvo from the Liberty sent tremors throughout the bridge.

Come on, hold together, thought Zander.

"Brick Patrol is docked!"

"Engage warp drive! Now!"

Then the stars turned to ribbons and the shaking ceased.

Zander slumped back into the captain's seat, sweating profusely.

Another day, and it still continues, he said to himself.


Yep, that's right, another looooong-delayed chapter (though as a special treat it is longer than usual). I just got a bit stumped as to how to introduce the action sequence. Originally, Jerec was just going to walk in the door, but I thought "Where is the fun in that?" The cloaking device idea proved most useful in getting past it.

Be prepared, for as action-packed as this was, it is not long before the plot really thickens. And I mean that. Impossibilities will become possible.

Damn it, I just want to tell you all right now! Jerec is...

*CENSORED*

There! I bet that blew your mind away, huh? I mean, how is that even possible? I just doesn't make sense! What kind of crazy writer would come up with that anyway?

Oh wait...