I actually didn't know what to do for this chapter so i decided to do a medical drama sort of thing. I wanted it to be sort of like House, but i don't think it turned out that way. So, please read, review, and enjoy
House...or not
"Doctor America! Doctor America! This is terrible!" Italy raced into America's office, out of breath. His white lab coat was in disarray from his run.
The blonde haired doctor looked up from his gaming system. "Huh? What's the dilemma? Did we kill another patient?" He seemed rather unfazed as the news and looked back at the giant TV screen hooked to his ps3. Nurse Tony sat next to him, pushing the buttons on the controller furiously.
"No..." Italy breathed.
"Ok...so did we get sued gain? If we did then go talk to Director Canada. I don't deal with lawsuits."
"It's not that either...Eh? You're not even listening to me...Wait...now I can't remember what it was that I was supposed to tell you..."
"Well then it probably wasn't that important." Doctor America assured him.
"But I was sure that it was, that's why I ran down here." Italy scrunched his forehead together in thought
"America! Italy!" They both jumped at the booming sound of Germany as he slammed the door open. "What are the two of you on break for?"
"G-Germany!" Italy gulped, cowering behind America's desk.
"What are you doing here?" America asked, pausing his game of Black Ops.
"What am I doing here? That's what I should be asking you!" Germany slammed his hands angrily against the desks, knocking the cactus onto the floor.
"Calm down. You knocked Señor Cactus onto the floor." Stooping down, Doctor America picked up his desk plant and set it back on the desk. "Now what do you want, Doctor Germany?"
"I want you to get your butt out there and help our patient!"
"We have a patient?" America asked inquiringly. "Huh, when did this happen?"
"Don't give me that!" He roared. "We've had a patient for at least four hours! You told us to go check their blood for signs of an autoimmune disease and then you snuck off to play games? And you call yourself a doctor?" His blue eyes glared out at America from behind his glasses.
"Oh yeah…that's what I came down here to tell you, Doctor America." Italy poked his head out from behind the desk. "The patient doesn't have any signs of autoimmune disease so we're stuck again."
"So what do you want me to do about it?" The doctor leaned back in his chair, letting out a sigh.
"Get off your butt and cure the person! That's what you're paid to do!" Germany hauled him up by his coat.
"Alright! Alright! I'm going I'm going!" America cried and Germany released him. "Ok, get everyone together and we'll discuss this. Tony, break's over."
The alien gave an annoyed grumble and stood up after shutting off the gaming system, dusting off his light blue scrubs.
America walked through the glass door dividing his office from the room next door, Germany and Italy following behind. The doctor slid into the steel chair, tapping his finger against the glass table top. A few minutes ticked by before the rest of Doctor America's team arrived.
"Doctor France, Doctor Russia, what took you so long?" America asked as they took a seat.
"France was flirting with some of the nurses." Russia told them.
"So? They say that love heals all wounds." France defended, flipping his hair. "Well you were harassing nurse Latvia, nurse Estonia, and nurse Lithuania."
Russia stared at him with a blank smile on his face. "But it was fun." He said finally.
"Blimey! I can't believe both of you bloody wankers were slacking off while we have a sick patient. Truly a disgrace to the Queen!" Britain scoffed. Russia and France turned to him.
"What does the Queen have to do with this? Honestly, you're pathetic. Always doing whatever that old lady tells you to do, using her as an excuse for everything. Can't you go one day without mentioning that old woman? I bet she told you to wear that trashy haircut of yours." France retorted.
"Shut up, you bloody wanker! Don't you dare insult the Queen or I'll string you up by that girly haircut of yours!" Britain hissed.
"Britain you were the one drinking tea while the patient was having a seizure. You were eating scones and drinking tea while our patient lost control of her limbs and stopped breathing. You were eating while our patient was near death." Russia pointed out and Britain stiffened in his chair. The scariest part was that Russia was smiling cheerfully as he stab Britain with words of guilt.
"Well…uh…it was…tea time…so I uh…had to take a break." Britain stammered, averting their penetrating gazes. "Besides, it's not like I missed anything!"
"The patient stopped breathing and Germany had to revive her." Russia told him with a smile. Britain's face grew pale.
"You guys wouldn't bloody understand!" He shouted and turned away in shame. "You guys are my only friends." He sniffed and petted the flying mint bunny and Uni the unicorn. "Hey stop that. That tickles!"
"Uh, Germany, who's Big Brother France talking to?" Italy asked, leaning over to Germany.
"I have no clue…" Germany replied as they all stared at Britain in confusion. The British doctor seemed to be off in his own little world, petting the air and talking to something.
"I think that gaudy haircut of his is starting to effect his brain." France said, scooting back from Britain. "I hope it's not contagious."
"I think Doctor Britain might need to be checked into the hospital instead." America commented. "Well, while Britain's on whatever drug trip he's on, can someone tell me who the patient is?"
"You mean you don't remember? What were you doing the whole time I read the case file to you?" Germany snapped, turning to his boss angrily.
"You know, I don't really remember. Hehehe, could you remind me again?" America laughed.
"Don't 'hehe' me! We have a serious case on our hands! It's amazing that you're still the top doctor at this institution!" Germany ranted.
"You know Canada can't fire me. Without me, the hero, this place would be nothing. Now cool your frankfurters, Doctor Germany, and give me the patient's name." America casually shrugged.
"Fine, our patient's name is Hungary. She came in after collapsing suddenly. We don't seem to know what's wrong with her. Her medical history is clean. That's about all we know." Germany huffed, reading over the medical records of Hungary from a manila folder.
"Wow, that's surprisingly boring. Why couldn't we have picked a cooler case? I'd find it more interesting if were had a vampire who had a sun allergy. Or a zombie with an allergic reaction to brains! That'd be so cool!" America exclaimed, jumping to his feet. The room was silent and crickets could be heard chirping.
"I hear crickets." Italy said.
"Really, I hear Mozart." France said. Sure enough, the sounds of Mozart being played on the piano filled the room. "Where's it coming from?"
"Doctor Austria, why are you here?" America asked the black haired pianist. He sat in the corner at the baby grand piano, moving to the rhythm of the music as his fingers danced across the ivory keys. "Actually, when did you get here as well as where did you come from? Also, how'd you get the piano in here?"
"I don't think you can get through to him right now, once he starts playing he's really focused." Italy told him as Austria played on. Suddenly the floor under the piano began to sink into the floor.
"Why's the piano sinking into the ground?" Russia asked as the piano and Austria disappeared. The floor turned to normal and it was like there had never been a piano in the office.
"So there's where the batcave went!" America mused. "Guess I need Tony to make a sign to remind me where it is. So guys, any ideas on what our patient might be suffering from?"
"Nope, not really." Russia smiled. "Maybe she's suffering from downsizing?"
"Maybe she ate some of Britain's cooking." France suggested with a snigger.
"Shut up, you bloody wanker!" Britain hissed.
"She might have some internal bleeding or hemorrhaging in her brain." Germany said with all seriousness.
"From trying Britain's food!" France said again.
"That's it I've had it with you, you freakin' limey!" Britain jumped on France and they began to fight.
"Maybe she doesn't get enough pasta in her diet." Italy suggested.
"No, vodka would be better." Russia told him and Italy looked at him curiously.
"Will you two stop fighting?" Germany barked at France and Britain, but they ignored him. "That's it! I'm going to break you two up now!" He struggled to separate them but it was no use.
"Hey guys, don't we have a patient to see to?" America's voice made them all go quiet. "I don't see how you guys have time to fool around when someone's sick. Geez, and you call yourselves doctors? You should take your jobs more seriously." America began to walk out of the office with Russia and Italy behind him. "If you guys keep lazing about, I'll have to deduct your salary again!"
"Why you little-?" Germany seethed storming after the happy-go-lucky boss. "You're nothing but a hypocrite!"
"I'm sorry? Did you say that you want to work as a professional hobo and never be able to work anywhere ever again?" America asked with a smile.
"Uh…never mind." Germany buried his next line of raging comments in order to keep his job. America could be so threatening at times and then the next be a complete idiot.
"Here's the room." America stopped and peered in. "Hey, Doctor France, stop flirting and get your butt over here!" He turned and shouted to France who had slipped away and was trying to put some moves on the pretty nurses at the reception desk.
"Fine! See you ladies later." Blowing them a kiss, France reluctantly pulled himself away to join his team.
"And who are you?" the patient lying in the hospital bed asked suspiciously as America walked in. "You can't possibly be a doctor, can you? I mean, you don't look like one."
"What's wrong with my outfit? This outfit is cool! It's my hero uniform!" America looked down, studying his brown bomber jacket with wool lining. "Of course I'm a doctor! Why would you believe otherwise?" Unlike the other doctors who dressed in white coats, America wore pretty much whatever he wanted to
"Is he serious?" Hungary asked the other doctors.
"Yes, sadly he is…" Germany sighed.
"So, what seems to be giving you the most pain?" America asked her as he strolled over to her bedside. There were IVs running out of her arms and she was hooked up to a heart monitor.
"Uh…my chest and my back…" she responded. "So what's wrong with me? I have to get back to work as soon as I can."
"Actually, we have no idea so we're just gonna preform a bunch of useless and random tests on you and see what happens."
"...You can't be serious?"
"I am."
"What kind of doctor are you?"
"The cool kind!" America replied with a thumbs up.
"...What are you going to do to me first?" Hungary asked wearily.
"Well first we're going to-"
"We're going to preform intimate medical care while seizing your vital regions!" Like a ninja, Doctor Prussia appeared out of nowhere, towering over the sick Hungary menacingly while wearing an evil grin on his face.
"Wha? When did you get in here?" America and Hungary exclaimed.
"No! Go away, go away!" Hungary screamed, grabbing a broom that just happened to be lying around and began to beat Prussia with it mercilessly.
"Ow! Hey-? Stop it!" Prussia cried out, trying to shield himself from the vicious blows.
Suddenly Hungary started gasping for air, dropping the broom. "No…Not my vital regions…" She choked and the monitor began to beep.
"Great, now look what you've done." America said to Prussia as Germany and Britain began trying to keep Hungary's heart beating. "You've caused our patient's heart to give out. I'm going to have to remove you from here and fire you. Prussia, you're fired. Nurse Tony, please remove him from this hospital."
Tony walked into the chaotic room without a word and dragged Prussia away. Walking towards the exit, he shot him into the sky.
"You haven't heard the last of me! I will be back! And I'll seize all of your vital regions!" Prussia shouted as he disappeared into the sky.
"Well now that that's taken care of, how's the patient?" America asked, turning back to his team of not so highly trained doctors.
"She's stabilized for the moment…but she keeps moaning something about…vital regions…" Germany replied, glancing uncertainty back at the patient. .
"Give…them….back…! Give me back…my happy place…! Give me back…my vital regions! I must have…my vital regions…!" Hungary moaned in her incoherent state.
"You know, she's kind of cute when she's sleeping." France studied the sleeping woman with a glean in his eyes. "The best part about unconscious women is that they can't say no."
"No, Doctor France, no raping the patient. Besides, you've slept with enough women for today." America told him. 'We have to focus, guys! What could be wrong with our patient?"
"Maybe she needs CPR. I'd be happy to give it to her." France suggested with a smile.
"I think she should become a part of Russia." Russia said.
"I want some pasta!"
"Italy that has nothing to do with what we're talking about at the moment." Britain chided him.
"Judging by her symptoms, I'd say that it might be severe shock of some sort." Germany said.
"Hold on! I think I've got something!" America cried and they all turned to him.
"What is it, Doctor America?"
"First, I need a hamburger. Doctor France, go make me a hamburger." America pointed to the blonde.
"Eh? Why me? I don't like to cook something as tasteless as that!" he whined. "Go make it yourself."
"Don't ask questions and do as you're told or I'll make you listen to the Canadian national anthem sung by Canadian born, Justin Beiber!"
"Oh please no!" Unable to complain anymore, France went off to go obey his boss's command.
"And make it quick and jumbo sized!" America called after him.
"So what have you discovered, America?" Germany asked.
"Hold on, I need my hamburger first." Germany rubbed his forehead in frustration.
"Why must this always happen? Why am I working for such an idiot like America?" he grumbled.
Several minutes later, France returned with his boss's hamburger.
"Alright, now will you tell us?" Germany pressed.
"Wellph, allph youphm, need tomph do is-"
"No one can understand you with your mouth full of food, you dolt!" Britain snapped.
"Well you guys are just too stupid then. Fine, I'll take slower so that you can understand." America stopped stuffing his face for a moment. "Alright, Hungary is clearly suffering from Vital Regionitis. All we need to do is return her vital regions to her and she'll return to normal."
"Is there actually such a thing?" Germany pondered.
"That could explain why I feel ill sometimes. Also I feel that way when my sister Belorussia is near." The color from Russia's face drained a bit as he stood with a nervous smile on his face. An unpleasant aura settled over the room as it emanated from Russia.
"Oh look, it seems as though Prussia left something when he was escorted out." America stooped down and picked up a package labeled "Vital Regions" on it. "This should do the trick. Here, put this on her forehead and see if it works." He held out the package to Germany.
"I really don't think this is going to work, but if you say so…" Hesitantly, he place the box on the unconscious patient's head. At first nothing happened, but then a smile spread across her face.
"Ah…my vital regions…they're back…" She sighed happily and slipped off into a blissful dream.
"I don't believe it…it actually worked!"
"I told you it would!" America said and turned to leave. "Well, case closed. We cured the patient and now we can go home! I think I want another hamburger. Hey, Tony, let's continue our game!"
Russia, Germany, Britain, and Italy watched their boss exit, leaving them along in the room.
"Our boss truly is a mad genius." Britain muttered.
"Or he's just plain stupid." France said.
...And that's what i managed to come up with. i think i used the phrase vital regions too much and now it sounds dirty. Oh well. The morale of this story is that the hetalia characters make horrible doctors. Except for maybe Tony
