Disclaimer: That '70s Show copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.
CHAPTER TWO
NOTHING SERIOUS
Kelso learned in history class that an army marched on its stomach. But after going on a ton of rides at San Polo Beach and eating too much sugar, his stomach felt like an army was marching on it.
Donna seemed to share his predicament, grumbling and rubbing her stomach. He offered to rub it for her after the last roller coaster, but she shouted, "No!" like he was a misbehaving puppy and slapped his hand away.
She couldn't slap away his eyes, though, and he took full advantage of that fact. Her white T-shirt showed too little cleavage, but her nipples poked through. Khaki shorts covered her hips and ass, but her legs were so long it didn't matter.
"Would you quit staring at me?" she said on their walk to the midway. "You're gonna bump into someone."
"N'uh-uh. I can look at two things at once—three things." His gaze shot to the boardwalk. "See?" Then he refocused on her breasts. "I'm multitasking."
"Whatever." She grasped his head and forced him to look ahead. "Stay."
"Fine," he said but flicked his eyes toward her whenever he could. Her body was hard to resist, but San Polo did have more distractions than the beach by Midge's house.
The boardwalk was crowded with people: oldies, hotties, fatties. Kids who'd someday be old or hot or fat. He kept these thoughts to himself, however. Donna appreciated his astute observations as much as his offers of physical comfort. She should've accepted his belly-rub. They both would've benefited from it.
Luckily, the midway was the land of opportunity. She'd learn to appreciate him here, where he could show off his skills. At the Balloon Pop, he demonstrated his precision with throwing sharp objects, but his darts bounced off the balloons. The game had to be rigged. The darts were blunted; the balloons couldn't have been fully inflated, but Donna popped every balloon she aimed at.
He experienced the same problem at the Barrel Toss. Despite perfect throws, his baseballs bounced out of the barrels. This game had to be rigged, too. The barrels were made of rubber or filled with invisible, ball-repelling magnets.
Donna's throws should've supported his theories, but she didn't have his trouble. Her baseballs landed in the barrels and stayed in the barrels. The greasy-haired game operator must've shut off the magnets or given her a different set of balls. How else could she have made all three of her shots?
"You know, sometimes I wish I was a hot chick," Kelso said as she collected her latest prize, a small, plush starfish. "One, so I could play with my own boobs. Two, so I could get special treatment from dudes the way you hot chicks always do."
"Kelso, quit complaining." She led him past an old lady eating ice cream, and his stomach gurgled. "You get special treatment, too, but from girls. And you could have your own breasts. Just start eating more."
"But those'll be fat-guy boobs."
She laughed, and though she wasn't taking his grievances seriously, he laughed, too. Lifting her gloomy attitude was worth being misunderstood. So far, all his other attempts had failed.
The next game they played was the Balloon Burst. They each shot water from a gun at a plastic clown face. The stream pushed against a trigger, inflating a balloon above the clown. He had this one in the bag. His experience with water guns was unmatched, but Donna's balloon popped half a second before his did.
"Damn!" His shoulders slumped as the game operator gave Donna a plush ice cream cone.
"I'm not keeping it." She dropped the ice cream cone into her beach bag. It wasn't a large prize or even a medium, but at least it was a prize. "I'm giving it to Fez when we get back to Wisconsin."
"But I wanted to win that prize for Fez."
"Isn't the important thing that Fez gets it?"
"No, the important thing is who gets credit. Like when I bullied Eric into writing my fourth-grade paper on the Incas."
"I punched you for that, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but I still got a B-plus." He searched the boardwalk for a game he could definitely win. He found it past five other booths: the High Striker. "Let's try that one."
They peered up at the game's tower together. It had to be twenty-feet tall. Intimidating, even for him, but she said, "Sure."
"Step right up!" the game operator said. "One quarter, one hit." He had a bushy mustache and a potbelly. His sleeveless shirt showed off his arms, and for a fat guy he had some muscular biceps. "Ring the bell, and win a prize for your lady."
"I'm not his lady," Donna said.
"Oh, well..." the game operator elbowed Kelso's side, "maybe if you ring that bell, she'll let you ring hers. Am I right, or am I right?"
Kelso chuckled, and Donna shoved her bag at him. "I'll show you who's a lady." She slapped a quarter into the game operator's hand and swiped the mallet from him. Then, without any practice swings, she thrust the mallet into the air and smashed it onto the High Striker's base.
The puck shot up the tower and hit the bell. The game operator's mouth fell open, but Kelso was more impressed than surprised. Donna had always been strong. He often imagined what her body could do to him when violence wasn't involved.
"I get it now," the game operator said and gestured to Kelso. "You're her lady."
"Hey!" Kelso said. "I might be as pretty as a girl, but I'm not a chick." He paid the game operator a quarter and exchanged Donna's bag for the mallet. He flexed his arms a few times, loosening up his muscles. Then he hit the High Striker's base, but the puck flew halfway up the tower before gravity dragged it back down.
The game operator raised his eyebrows at Donna, an unspoken burn. Kelso threw another quarter at him and hit the base again. The puck soared two-thirds up the tower.
"Closer," she said.
"This thing is rigged." He passed the mallet back to the game operator. "All these games are rigged!"
Donna opened her beach bag and presented her winnings like a model on The Price Is Right. "Yeah, so rigged."
"Rigged so men will lose. God."
"Don't be such a sore loser." She pointed to the Frog Bomb game, where stuffed animals dangled from the booth's roof. "Want me to win you a teddy bear?"
"Will you let me tell our friends I won it?"
"No."
He crossed his arms over his chest. His pride might've been wounded, but he did like when girls gave him things. "Yeah, all right," he said. "I'll let you win me a teddy bear."
Kelso and Donna returned to Surfrider Beach for dinner. They bought food from Gremmie's Shake Shack and sat outside on the pier. Plenty of light remained in the sky, and they had a great view of the ocean from their bench. Bandit—the huge teddy bear Donna had won Kelso—could see it, too. She'd told him to leave the bear in the van, but he couldn't leave Bandit alone with that mermaid ghost. It could end up smelling like dead fish.
"I'm gonna have to visit all of California's beaches," he said and stuffed three French fries into his mouth. "The mermaid has gotta like one of 'em."
"For the last time, Kelso, there is no ghost haunting your bus."
"Yeah, there is—and would you call it a van already?"
"Technically, it's a bus. A Microbus."
"But calling it a bus makes it sound less awesome."
She held up her can of Coke. "I propose a deal. I'll start calling your bus a van ... if you take off its hubcaps tomorrow and find whatever's stinking it up. Because, I swear to God, it has to be coming from the tires."
"Okay," he said and raised his can of 7 Up, "but if a mermaid ghost flies out, and I crap my pants, you're buying me a new pair."
"Deal." She tapped her soda can against his. She took a sip afterward and waited a moment before speaking again. "Thanks, Kelso. Tonight's really been fun. I, like, barely thought about Eric."
"Why would you be thinking about Eric? Casey's the one who dumped you."
She swallowed a bite of hot dog, and her voice lost some of its strength. "Eric dumped me, too—well, more like he rejected me."
"Wait..." He inched closer to her on the bench, unsure if he'd heard her right. "Eric rejected you?"
"After your brother acted like a complete jackass, I told Eric we should be together, and he said he didn't want to be my 'second choice'."
He squinted because her words made no sense, and his tongue jabbed the corner of his mouth as he worked through them.
"Kelso—are you choking?"
"No, this is my thinking face."
"Oh."
"Eric's why you ran away," he said slowly.
"Yeah."
He bit off a chunk of hot dog and spoke while chewing. "You doin' it with my brother so fast totally burned him. That's why Eric burned you back."
"I didn't do it with Casey."
"Didja get close?" he said, and her cheeks flushed. He swallowed down his chunk of hot dog, somewhat painfully, and grinned. "You did."
"I don't want to talk about it." She lowered her head, and her hair fell over her face. It blended her in with their surroundings. The sun had begun to set, oranging up the sky and ocean.
"Close..." He shook the idea of Donna and his brother from his head. "That's so weird, man. I mean, it took you over a year to give Eric the big gift."
Her fingers drummed on the bottom of her Coke can. "I got wrapped up."
He waited for more, but she didn't go into detail. That wasn't unusual between them. Jackie, Eric, and Hyde had the ears she confided in. Kelso's ears were the ones she squeezed when he pissed her off, but they were in California now. How they behaved in Wisconsin didn't have to apply here, and he said, "Were you falling for for my brother?"
She sat back up and sipped her Coke. "I convinced myself I was."
"See, that was your mistake. With the promise ring, Eric tried to get you to make a stronger commitment to him, right?"
"Uh-huh..."
"And you guys broke up 'cause you didn't want to make that kind of commitment yet."
"What are you getting at, Kelso?"
"Instead of taking advantage of your sexual freedom, you ended up in a relationship a few months later."
His logic was sound. It should've inspired her, but she got off the bench and tossed her food into a nearby trashcan. He'd set her off, a talent he was apparently good at. Too bad he couldn't win a prize for it.
She avoided his eyes as she slung her beach bag over her shoulder. He stood up with his backpack and grabbed Bandit, but she strode ahead of him. "No, wait, listen!" he said. Waves were crashing below the pier, and he chased after her. "Donna, when was the last time you were with someone just to fool around?"
She slowed down her pace. "Never."
"You're on the pill. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want. Take your right as a woman, Donna." He pumped his fist into the air. "Women's lib—yeah!"
She kept on walking. He must not have been clear enough.
He darted in front of her, turned around, and walked backward on the pier. It was a tough maneuver with Bandit hugged to his chest. The bear also blocked his sight, but he tucked its fuzzy head beneath his chin. "I'm not saying you should be like Pam Macy," he said. "I'm saying you should try fooling around for fun. No consequences. No pressure."
"Everything has consequences."
She went to the railing and gazed at the darkening shore. Gloom had settled over her again, but he wouldn't give up. Not when they had the whole summer ahead of them.
Donna's fingers curled over the pier's railing. The waves below broke on the shore, leaving their foamy innards on the sand. Kelso's words slammed against her mind just as relentlessly, depositing questions, only to swallow them up for another go.
"I have to trust the person I'm with," she said.
"Trust?" Kelso leaned against the railing with his giant teddy bear. "You trusted my brother?"
"Again, I got wrapped up." In a fantasy, out of desperation. She'd projected a bunch of ridiculous, ill-fitting ideas onto Casey. His frequent departures had worked in her favor. It was the opposite of Eric's smothering, and Casey had given her the space she'd craved—while cheating on her.
She slapped the railing. How could she have been that naïve?
"So," Kelso said, "how about one kiss?"
"Excuse me?"
"We French for a minute or two, and—"
"No!" she said, even as a smile crept on her lips. She flattened it out. The idea of kissing Kelso was supposed to repulse her, like it always had.
"Donna, we've got a perfect situation here. We're both single."
"Technically, you and Jackie are still together."
He waved dismissively. "What part of, 'We're on a break,' don't you get? And it's not like I'd tell her I licked the roof of your mouth."
"Ew." Her stomach clenched. His way with the English language left much to be desired. "You're one of Eric's best friends. I can't do that to him. You can't."
"Sure I can. Never stopped me before. Man, I'd sleep with Eric's mom if Red wouldn't kill me for it. She's a little hottie."
She whacked his arm. "You're a skeevy pig, you know that?"
"Yeah," Kelso said, "but that's what you need right now. Someone who has sex out of joy, not out of love or romance or any of those other girly things."
She pressed herself into the railing as another smile rose to her lips. The sky was on fire with the sunset, and her body started to burn with it. "Why?"
"To loosen up," he said. "To see life doesn't have to be so serious. My motto is: Never stop amusing yourself."
"I can't kiss you."
"So I'll kiss you. And you can tell Eric I made you."
She'd flattened out her lips again, but a third smile crawled over them. They were like gnats, these smiles. No matter how many she swatted, others took their place. "What if Jackie kisses Fez this summer while we're here?"
Kelso shrieked, cooling off some of the heat inside her.
"Exactly," she said. "You'd feel betrayed. Your friendship with Fez would be ruined."
"Yeah, but Jackie doesn't kiss for fun. She kisses only when it means something." He hugged his teddy bear, as if he needed comfort. "Like, she kissed the tiny cheese guy out of revenge, to get back at me for sleeping with Laurie. Also, Fez has been after Jackie the last two years. He wants her as his girlfriend."
"Kelso..." A disapproving groan rumbled in her throat, but his arguments weren't completely off-base.
"But if we go at it..." he trapped the teddy bear under his arm, and he snaked the other around her shoulders, "I guarantee it won't mean anything. No mess, no fuss."
The skin of her neck buzzed where his arm made contact. It could've been the start of a sunburn, but she doubted it. "Just fun?"
"Just fun." His fingertips played with the cuff of her sleeve, raising gooseflesh all over her body. "Look, I'm not saying I haven't had a hard-on for you since I was twelve. But if being with Jackie and Laurie's taught me anything, it's to tell a girl from the get-go that I don't want anything serious." His arm slid off her shoulders, and he hugged the teddy bear to his chest again. "Donna, me and my hard-on don't want anything serious from you."
Nothing serious. The prescription seemed to fit her ailment perfectly. She'd gotten too serious with Casey, and she and Eric were probably over for good. Maybe he'd take advantage of his own sexual freedom this summer—damn.
She dug her hands into her scalp and clutched her hair. This was the type of thing she was trying to stop, letting her life be dictated by what Eric was doing or thinking. She wanted to be with him. But even if she committed to him fully, she had no guarantee he'd be okay with her independence. He could be just as controlling as he was before their break-up.
"Give me that," she said and snatched Kelso's teddy bear. She buried her face in its scratchy fur, muffling the chatter of the pier. If she allowed herself to have fun this summer, would Eric understand? Would he get that they were still broken up? Or would he want her even less because she'd become more polluted in his eyes?
She couldn't live in that kind of fear. If they were to have any kind of future together, she had to live freely, with or without him.
"Okay, Kelso..." she put the teddy bear down by her feet, "kiss me."
His eyes widened. "You serious?"
Her pulse tightened, and she swallowed. "No. We're not doing serious, remember?"
"All right!"
His hands glided around her waist, and her heart pumped so hard it throbbed in her stomach. This was just a kiss, she reminded herself, but her arms trembled as they wrapped around his back. His body felt like a combination of Casey's and Eric's. It was both broad-shouldered and skinny, but her thoughts about her exes vanished when Kelso's lips made contact.
The initial kiss was gentle and a little awkward. She didn't do much to help him out. Her mouth was clamped shut, but his tongue teased the line between her lips. The throb in her stomach threw off sparks, and her lips parted.
He deepened the kiss quickly. His fingers snarled in her hair, and he angled her head to get better access to her mouth. Her breath halted. No wonder Jackie'd had a hard time giving him up, but Donna refused to analyze what she was doing, who she was doing it with—or the blessedly distracting anticipation between her legs. It pounded furiously with her heart, and she clutched the front of Kelso's shirt when he withdrew from her.
"Pretty good, huh?" he said and slid his palms over her butt.
"Better than I expected," she said, trying to hide his effect on her. The waves were crashing louder than before, and the sunset rarely looked so vivid.
"So..." A breeze blew across the pier, tousling Kelso's hair. He was waiting for her to make the next move. If Eric had been here instead, this would've been a romantic moment. But with Kelso, it was dirty and wrong … and just what she needed.
