1Chapter 20

I sat down on my bunk, tearing open my journal. I couldn't lose this burst of inspiration! I insanely scribbled my notes into my journal in just a few short minutes before sprinting back to the studio.

I burst through the doors and ran to the sound room. They were still working so I stood outside the door, impatiently rapping my fingers on the wall. Finally the boys exited the room. I grabbed Joe by the arm and drug him to the hospitality room, almost throwing him into a chair.

"Whoa..." was all he could say.

"I did it!" I said slamming my journal down onto the table. "I started writing a song!"

"Cool, let me see!" he said excitedly gabbing at my journal.

I cringed, "Umm...yea...I only have it in note form. I needed your help with it."

"Well, then let's get started!" he said pulling me onto his knee.

--

"Well, it's a start." I said leaning on my elbows.

Joe closed the journal after looking over our work one final time. "Better than nothing. What time is it?"

"It's a quarter till six." I said glancing at my phone.

"Not bad for an hour's time. Wanna run through it really quick?" Joe said with his puppy dog face. "Pwease."

"Oh, alright." I giggled, giving in to the adorable boy before me.

We ran through what we had of the song twice before concluding it was a worthy piece of work.

I looked at Joe for a moment, squinting one eye. "Joe, sing to me."

"Why?" he said drumming his hands on the table.

"Well, it's only fair. I sang to you."

"Fine, what do you want me to sing?"

"That's the hard part, I don't know the name of the song. But I saw this movie once and there was a pretty famous singer in it singing a duet with someone else."

Joe smiled, "Can you remember the lyrics?"

"Yeah, I think so." I put my chin on my fist for a moment to appear deep in thought. I perked up after a minute, cleared my throat and started singing.

"You're the voice I hear inside my head
the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you"

Joe just smiled his breath-taking smile. He took my elbows and pulled me into a kiss. He then took my hand in his and led me out of hospitality room and back to the sound room. He picked up a guitar and started strumming.

"Everytime I think I'm close to the heart
What it means to know just who I am
I think I've finally found a better place to start
Where no one ever seems to understand
I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be you're not that far?

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you"

He put his the guitar down and I ran into his arms. "I love you." I said laying my head on his shoulder.

"I love you too." He said squeezing me and lifting me off the floor. I pulled my head away looking into his eyes before leaning in to kiss him. He smiled another one of those breath-taking smiles, kissing me again. This was some new record, three kisses in one day.

We made our way out of the room and through the studio. We found everyone in the lobby. Mr. & Mrs. Jonas were talking with a producer and Kevin, Nick & Garbo were playing truth or dare.

"Hey guys, can we jump in on this game?" Joe asked not waiting for a reply and joining the group. I sat down beside him and waited to begin.

Kevin looked around the group before starting. "Ok, well then Alexa, you're up first. Truth or Dare?"

Never being much of a risk-taker I chose truth. "Ok, when was your first kiss?" Kevin asked. Everyone but Joe leaned in to hear my answer. I guess he didn't want to hear it.
I started blushing and hid my head in my knees. "Do I have to answer that?"

"Yes!" the entire group said in unison, except Joe.

I bit my lip and looked towards the ceiling before answering. "My last night in the hospital two weeks ago."

Everyone's mouth fell open and Joes snapped his head around. I knew his question without him ever asking it, I could see it dancing around in his eyes. "Really?" I nodded, keeping my head low.

"Awkward..." Nick muttered. Joe glared at his brother for using his word. He then returned his eyes to me. I felt his hand find its place on my waist, and draw me closer.

Garbo ruined the moment. "Ok Joe, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Joe replied, his gaze never wandering from mine.

"What have you and Alexa been doing for the last hour?"

Everyone else "ooohed" at the question.

Joe looked up and them and smirked. "We were writing a song."

"Really? Can we hear it?" Nick said almost jumping off his chair.

"Sure." I said getting up and going to retrieve a guitar for Joe. When I returned I explained the song to them. "It's not finished yet. There's 3 verses; one for each of us respectively and one that's a duet. We have the duet and the chorus but that's all. Ready Joe?"

He didn't answer, he just started playing. He strummed through the portion of the song where the first verse would be and I began singing when he reached the chorus.

"You see me, when I'm down and low
You see me, and you know I've lost control
But you're still there for me
And I just don't understand why--
Do I still cry?"

He strummed through his verse before beginning to sing his chorus.

"I see you, when you're down and low
I see you, and I know you've lost control
But I'll be there for you
and I just don't understand why--
Do you still cry?"
It was time for the duet. I had never felt closer to him than when we sang together.

Joe:"We've been all through this together, nothing could be better now."
Alexa:"This storm my heart can whether, I will find a way to stay somehow."
Joe:"My love for you is endless, I will find a way to make it show."
Alexa:"You're my knight in shining armor, hold me close and never let me go."
Joe:"Your love will make me stronger, I will do my best to be your man."
Alexa:"My heart is so confused, I just can't seem to understand--."

"Why you see me, when I'm down and low
Why you see me, and you know I've lost control
But you're still there for me
And I just don't understand why--"

Joe and I prepared to sing the final chorus which was me winging the regular chorus and Joe echoing in the back ground.

"You see me, when I'm down and low."
(low--)
"You see me, and you know I've lost control."
(know you've lost control)
"But you're still there for me."
(But I'll be there for you)
"And I just don't understand why--"
(And I just don't understand why--)
"Do I-- still-- cry--"
(Why--)

We finished the song and looked into each others eyes. Joe took my hand and pulled me to him, taking me into a great bear hug. He ended the hug and we looked at the group before us. Again, they all sat, mouths wide open, staring at us. Mrs. Jonas stood behind Nicks chair with her hands clasped at her mouth, a few tears running down her face. Mr. Jonas had his arm around hee and his other hand on Frankies shoulder.

Joe and I just looked back at each other, love gushing from every pore in our bodies.

Chapter 21

Singing with Joe has brought closer to him than I could ever imagine. Just to think, less than four months ago, I was a regular teenager like everyone else. There was no promise of anything unbelievable, and yet through an amazing turn of events and gracious caring friends, here I sat, singing with the man of my dreams.

I love him so much. It's going to be so hard to leave. I don't know what I'm more afraid of, hurting myself or hurting Joe. It's a hard decision but I have to distance myself from him so that separating will be easier.

"Hey, you ok?" Joe asked shaking my arm.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." I had done it again. Venturing off to the farthest corners of my mind to contemplate my life after the tour. It took all of my wheel power, but I started it…. unwinding our relationship.

I took his hand and removed his arm from around my shoulders. I placed his hand on his leg and patted it gently. He looked at me, his eyes full of questions. I never turned to him; I just sat and stared at the floor. He sat there unmoving for a few moments before getting up and walking away. It hurt so much. It took every ounce of my strength to restrain myself from jumping up and running after him.

It continued for several days; each day the neglect getting worse and we began drifting apart. It affected him strongly, not just privately but on stage as well. He still had his energy but it was obvious something was missing. It was hard to see him like this, but I had to stay strong with this plan. My goal was to be able to leave and have him not miss me so that he could move, continue his life of fame and glory, while I returned home to live my quiet, unnoticed existence.

--

We were finally back in North Carolina. Oh, how I had missed this place so much. Our first concert was in Charolette. Although I wasn't expecting anything, for some reason I had this intuition that something amazing was going to happen at this concert.

The concert went on routinely. Everyone performed their best, my dancers proved themselves well, something was still amiss with Joe… After autographs and meet & greets we were finally allowed to rest. We were having random discussions in the break room when there was a knock at the door.

The deep voice of Big Rob boomed through the door. "Visitors for you Ms. Alexa." I looked at the boys who simply shrugged and looked back at me. Something about their faces told me they were up to something. I opened the door and screamed.

"BRIANNA!!" I shrieked, tackling her into the wall.She screamed back at me "LEX!!" We stood hugging for several seconds before I heard several more calls from behind me.

"ALEXA!!"

I turned to see Bretta. Lucy, Dexter, and Brittainy running towards me, arms out-stretched. I let go of Bri and charged towards the group. Bretta was small so I took her in a hug and spun her around in the air. It had been so long since I had been with someone I could pickup.

Lucy pulled me into a quick hug before releasing and dancing around me, wrapping her scarf around my arms. "Gonna thank me yet?" She asked, tying the scarf tight so I couldn't move.

"I guess so…thanks Lucy."

"Whoa…you mean it. You never call me Lucy unless you're being serious."

"Well why wouldn't I be? Through your sneaky actions I was able to have a glimpse of the life I had always wanted."

"Had? You don't want it anymore?"

"I don't know, Lucy. Let's not talk about this right now."

Brittainy pushed Lucy aside, snarling "What are you're doing upsetting my baby like that? Ugh! Get this crap off her!" She grabbed the scarf and tore it from around me before taking me into an almost brutal hug. Dexter just stood by casually, waiting for everyone else to finish before making his way over to me.

"Hey, doll. Lookin' go--od." He said wrapping me in a tight hug.

"Aw, Dexy, I've missed you. How's everything going back in Spruce Vegas?"

"Oh, you know. Same old crap, day after day."

Kevin started yelling for after a while and I returned to the room with everyone in tow. I introduced everyone and noticed two things right off-hand. Nick and Bretta had taken to each other almost immediately and Joe was just sitting passively in the corner. Dexter started chuckling and hid behind my back.

"What are you doing?!" I whispered trying not to be noticed.

"That one on the corner is quite a looker, is he single?"

"Dexter, no, bad!" I said smacking his arm and winking at him.
Once everyone was in conversation, I pulled Kevin out to the side. "Did you guys have anything to do with this?"

"Not us."

"Then who?" Kevin nodded towards Joe who was still sitting in the corner. "He's mad at me." I said turning back to Kevin.

"I think so." He replied, giving me his most sincere sympathetic face.

I walked over and sat by Joe "Hey, thanks for doing this. It means a lot to me."

"Oh, look who decided to talk to me." He said with disgust and promptly stood up, leaving the room. No one else seemed to notice. We continued talking with everyone for several more minutes before Big Rob reappeared to escort my friends out of the building.

I walked out with them, hating to watch them leave. I hugged them all again telling each of them how much it meant that they had come to the concert. I laid my arms down on Bretta's shoulders. "Did I see a few sparks between you and Nick."

"What?! Oh No, but he is pretty cool…for a celebrity."

"Well I should tell you, he has a flying unicorn with rainbow hair and he's going to use it to fly down and carry away the girl of his dreams someday." I said with a wink.

Bretta's mouth dropped momentarily, then she burst out laughing as she realized I had used her own obsessions against her. "That would be pretty great." She said rolling her head crazily.

"Bye all! I love you guys!" I screamed from the building as they made their way across the parking lot.

Joe came around the side of the building. His eyes were bloodshot and his face stained with tears. Everything good moment I had just relived instantly crumbled with I saw him. I didn't know what, but I had to do something soon.

Chapter 22

I went to bed crying that night. It was so hard to continue with this plan, but I knew it would better for us both when I left. I had never seen Joe cry. It was like someone had wrenched my heart from my chest and crushed with all the pain a person could ever feel. I know Joe must have thought I didn't care since I never showed any emotion around him anymore, but that's just because I had learned from previous relationships how to hide my pain and sadness.

Later into the night I heard a rustling of sheets and a little while longer, muffled sniffling. I looked over to see Joe laying on his bed with his back towards me. Thoughts crawled through my head. "What would people say if they found out I made this wonderful boy cry? What would they think if they knew he was crying over me, someone who clearly does not deserve him?" I wanted so bad to just crawl beside him and take him in my arms, but I couldn't.

The next morning was just as bad. Joe came through the bus with dark circles under his eyes which were swollen and red. I died inside again, for the umpteenth time is just a few short days. We arrived in Raleigh fairly early. All the guys went out for a little while and Mrs. Jonas stayed with me.

Immediately after they left I set to work on a letter which would explain everything that had been going for the past few days. I only got a small portion written when I broke down. I think Mrs. Jonas had been expecting it as she was there as soon as I started. She took my letter and read what I had written. She looked back up at me. "Alexa, why?"

I pulled my knees to my face. "I don't know, I just thought it would make everything easier when I leave." I managed to say through the deluge of tears. Mrs. Jonas put her arm around me while I continued to cry. After about ten minutes I finally dried out and felt I could continue the letter. I finally finished, leaving a few tears on the paper. Mrs. Jonas and I had girl time for the rest of the day until it was time to meet the boys for dinner.

Dinner was at a small restaurant in the heart of Raleigh. We were in close quarters during the meal, being seated in a medium sized booth. I was right against Joe, I could feel the warmth of his body, something I hadn't realized I missed so much. No spoke, we ate in complete silence. I sat trying to decide when to give him the letter.

It was time for the concert. Again, everything went smoothly. Joe was exactly the same as he had been at the last concert. After I performed I ran to the changing room and found the clothes Joe would be wearing after the concert. I slipped the letter into the pocket before returning backstage. When it was over we went to the meet and greet. It was the same as always; crazed fans gushing their love and wanting everything they owned signed. But someone in the crowd caught my attention. I left my seat and walked around the outside of the line looking for them. I found them and started crying immediately

"Mama Holtzclaw..." I cried taking this dear woman into a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"Why, I'm here to see the hottest boys on earth. Darlin' why do think I'm here? I'm here to see you!" I cried as I hugged her again. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I can't tell you here."

"Why not?" I motioned towards all the staring fans. "Ooooh, backstage?"

"Sounds good."

I led her back to our dressing room and told her everything. "Sweetie, I don't know what to tell you. There's nothing you can do until he finds the letter. Oh wow, it's getting late. I'm sorry, darlin' but I need to go. You did great out there tonight, loved the show."

I gave her hug and led her back to the entrance. I gave one last hug before watching her run out into the drizzling rain. I returned to the dressing room and grabbed my phone, I'd change later. I had no pockets so I stuck my phone into my bra.

I made my way out towards the bus. Halfway there I heard foot-steps and felt an arm slide over my shoulders. I got goose bumps, had Joe really found the letter that quickly? The arm continued to slide around me, pulling me into a hug. I relaxed a little, but immediately became alert when I felt the hand make contact with the skin of my shoulder.

This was not Joe! Joe's hands were softer and his touch much gentler. Their grip tightened. My thoughts raced. "OH MY GOD! They're choking me!" I struggled and tried to scream but their other hand closed over my mouth and nose. I started feeling sluggish and time slurred. One last thought ran through my head before I lost consciousness. "Joe...I'm sorry."

Chapter 23

I awoke bound, gagged and blindfolded. This was obviously not a dream. I was laying in the backseat of a moving vehicle. It smelt strangely familiar. The car screeched to a halt and I rolled into the floor. The driver flung the door open and drug me roughly out into the rain. Standing me up, they lead me into a dank smelling building. It was freezing and reeked of abandonment.

My captor threw me into a chair and tied my arms and legs to it. They circled the chair for several minutes. I felt hot breath on the back of my neck. "Hello Alexa."

My breath caught in my throat. "How…"

"How did I manage to get out? I know people and I have money. You didn't think I could be locked away forever did you, you stupid girl?"

"What are you going to do when they catch you?"

"Catch me? And just how are they going to do that? I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon and you have no means of communication with the outside world."

"Thank God for bras!" I thought, remembering the cell phone tucked into mine. A small amount of moving assured me it was still in place and out of sight. "They're going to come looking for me, you can count on that. And when they find you they're gonn-"

I was interrupted by a solid slap across my face. My face burned scarlet from the impact. "You will learn to keep quiet. As for now you're going to spend some time in the closet," With that they grabbed my arm in their powerful grip ad threw me into a small closet. I heard the click of a knife and my bonds were severed. They slammed the door and I heard several locks clink into place.

I took advantage of this solitude, removing my blindfold, and digging the phone out of my chest. I started texting everyone on my list, hoping someone would answer my plea. After several moments of waiting, I was relieved by an onslaught of messages. Quickly replying to all of them, I was told that they would begin trying to trace my phone. I cried softly knowing that people out there cared for me so. I had mixed feelings about not receiving a reply from Joe. My wondering was short lived as I heard the locks clink out of place. My captor re-entered and stared down at me. How I hated him…how I hated Joseph.

Chapter 24

(Narrator POV)

Angela Holtzclaw had seen everything that transpired in the parking lot. She tried following the car but lost it in the pouring rain. She returned to the venue in hopes of finding help. She entered soaking wet, and began frantically searching. She came across Nick, who celled Big Rob upon seeing this wet, disheveled woman running at him. Rob easily lifted the woman and began walking towards the exit. "Alexa's been kidnaped!" she managed to scream before they reached the exit.

Her scream set off a chain as it echoed through the halls. Big Rob carefully set her down and backed away, Nick ran to her and Kevin, Mr. & Mrs. Jonas materialized out of thin air. She was in the middle of relaying everything she had seen when she received a text message.

"It's her!" she cried. Moments later Kevins phone shook with a new message, followed by the phones of Nick and Mrs. Jonas. Joe too, had received a message and came stomping down the hall.

"Is this some sort of joke?" he yelled. The serious faces and tears welling in his mothers eyes assured him otherwise. "She's really gone..." he said putting his hand on his head. He would have responded to her text if he hadn't thrown his phone against a wall when he received the message, thinking it was a joke.

Joe left the group, which were desperately trying to find help. He needed to think so he headed for the roof, but not before grabbing a picture out of the dressing room. He sat on the roof, cradling the precious picture in his hands. It was his favorite picture of them together, taken when she stayed with them before the tour began. She had gone to church with them and they were standing by a rose garden, Joe with his arm wrapped around her waist. She was beautiful beyond words in her white sundress with a white lily tucked behind her ear. Tears rolled down his face as he sat running his finger over her printed face softly singing, "I need to find you, I gotta find you."

He returned ti the group which had not made much progress. He put on a coat and headed for the door, but the group stopped him, questioning his motives. He announced to everyone, "She may not love me anymore, but I have to find her."

His mother turned to look at him. "Doesn't love you? Honey, look in your pocket."

Joe searched his pocket and found a neatly folded letter. He opened the letter and read, his heart leaping into his throat.

Chapter 25

Joseph pulled me roughly to my feet and out of the closet. He led me to an open area with low-lying rafters. There, he tied a rope around my wrists and chained my feet to the floor. He circled me, examining every available inch of me. He ran his finger down my spine, sending paralyzing chills through my body. His hand grasped my hair as he wrenched my head back to smell my scalp. He brought his face close to mine in hopes of stealing a kiss. I spat in his eye causing him to backhand me across the face. He brushed his fingers across the spot of impact but I moved away from his touch.

He took my face roughly in his hands and pulled me towards him. "Don't turn away from me." He spat through gritted teeth.

I glared into those two dark pools he claimed for eyes. I had never despised anyone as much as I did him now.

"Say you love me." he requested. I stared at him in disbelief, saying a few choice words and once again feeling the sting upon on my cheek.

"Say you love me." This time it was a command. I refused to answer. He grabbed my hair, pulling me level with his face. "Say you love me!" he yelled into my face.

"Never.." I muttered.

He released my hair. "Fine, I'll make you say it." He walked around behind me once again. I heard something hit the floor. Panic gripped my insides but I kept my surface calm. Whatever it was began flying through the air, making a heavy hum as it did so. It snapped as it made contact with my covered back, breaking both clothing and skin. I screamed in agony as he continued to flay me with the whip. "Say it!" he bellowed between every lick.

I would never allow myself to utter such lies. I restrained myself by quietly singing as I slipped away from reality.

"I will go down with this ship
I won't throw my arms up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love, and always will be."

Chapter 26

Dear Joe,

I know you probably hate me right now, but I have a confession to make. The tour will be ending soon, and we will go our separate ways. That is why I have been distancing myself from you, so that neither of us will be hurt when that time comes. I had promised myself that I would never tell you of this plan, but seeing the pain it has put you through, I would break even the most sacred of vows to keep you from suffering any longer. I still love you and it is for that reason that I write this letter. I hope that you will be able to forgive me and that we may still be friends.

Always yours'

Alexa

There was a loud knock at the door of the venue. Mr. Jonas went to open the door. The woman standing at the door flashed a badge, "Inspector Filipa."

Mr. Jonas led her to the group of anxious faces. After thirty minutes of questioning she asked that the group return to the station with her. The ten minute ride to headquarters felt like eternity for the group, but it felt even longer to Joe, who softly cried against the car window.

After another round of questioning, Inspector Filipa gathered the cell phones of the group members and set technicians to work trying to find Alexa's phone signal. After a short hour of searching, the Inspector returned to the room. Something was different, there was determination in her steps. "We've got her." She announced.

--

(Alexa's POV)

I regained consciousness to find myself alone again. The searing pain in my back had lessened. Joseph reappeared carrying a large bucket full of liquid. He ventured behind me dumping the bucket on my back. My screams of pain confirmed to him that the alcohol had it's desired effect. I hung my head low as tears welled in my eyes.

The ringing of my phone startled both of us. To my greatest displeasure Joseph stuck his hand into my shirt and took my phone. Flipping it open and answering I could hear every word. "This is Inspector Filipa of the Raleigh P.D. You have five minutes to release Alexa Lawson, free of harm, to our care. If you fail to do so we will enter, by force if necessary.

Joseph started laughing, snapping the phone closed. "You surprise me Alexa. Still too weak to fight for yourself."
Before I could answer his fist made brutal contact with my cheek. After a brief pause I felt his fist at my stomach, then my shoulders, then everywhere. My strength fled from me as he fiercely beat me. "Is it really over?" I thought. "My saviors are just outside, but I'll never survive to see them."

I was to close to giving up when I heard a loud clank. There was a screech of metal and the warehouse filled with light and footsteps. We were quickly surrounded. My bindings were severed and I was carried out of the building. Joseph fought hard as he was drug from the building.

I looked around me to see staring faces everywhere. Joe emerged from the crowd but completely bypassed me. I tried to call his name, but I could form no words. Joe walked towards Joseph, his hand scrunching into a tight fist. He stood before Joseph only for a moment before turning and walking away, leaving the imprint of his ring on the bridge of Josephs now broken nose.

Joe made his way over to me. Neither of us said anything. Finally he softly laid his hands on my shoulders, pulling me into a gentle hug. "I thought I had lost you." He whispered.

I couldn't say anything, tears stopped the formation of all words. I took his face in my hands and locked my lips with his, pouring every fiber of my soul into that kiss. How could I ever let myself push this boy away from me?