Chapter 2

Jack couldn't sleep and the half of the turkey sandwich he choked down was churning in his gut. The big man had left it with a bottle of water and left him in peace but there was none to be found.

He wished love was just bullshit. He wished he didn't have to feel this way. It hurt in his throat and deep in his chest. This illusion that once made him feel so good, warm inside and happy now made him angry and empty. Bright smiling hope crumbled and slipped away. He could mask over most of it but the anger kept seeping through. When he thought she was dead the loss almost broke him. Finding her safe and smiling up at him was so soothing to his troubled soul it took him quite a while before he remembered that she was seeing another man. He carried on, yep, that was him; carry on whatever life throws at you.

He didn't need her to love him, deep down he knew she did – but not enough. Not enough to throw everything else away for him? Would he do it for her? Yes, if only he knew.

Was that the problem? Was she selfish or was he inadequate? Was he being selfish and childish? Had he denied Carter her needs? Were there things he didn't or couldn't give her? Was he holding on to the pain because it was the only part of Carter he had left?

What he wanted, what he really wanted was for her to realize that she loved him. She needed to stop thinking and to allow her other senses to … what …just feel? Right now he wished he could stop thinking and stop feeling.


Teal'c returned from bringing food to the Colonel and stared out into the void. He seemed unapproachable and Sam hadn't seen so much emotion sparkle in Teal'c's eyes in a long time. It seemed like years but was only months.

Usually Teal'c's eyes were like chips of obsidian –dark and hard but absorbing light rather than reflecting it. His emotions were strictly under check especially in the early years. But it was on the way back from Proklarush as they were reentering Earth's own solar system that Sam remembered Teal'c's eyes. He had returned from the back of the Tel'tac where O'Neill was modifying the rings, his eyes were filled with emotion.

"He knows." He said simply.

Carter looked confused. Daniel nodded.

Teal'c didn't know whether to be angry at her stupidity or to pity the woman.

"He knows he is lost and alone, lost in his mind, lost within his body and compelled to fight his last battle alone. He is aware he will not taste victory – only death."

Reflecting on this, Sam didn't know what to do. Should she see what was wrong with the Colonel or let him rest? Sam approached the alcove and saw the inert form draped in a blanket facing the wall. She thought she'd like to sit by him with her back against his, her body against his – so he'd know she was there but not have to say anything if he didn't want to. He wasn't her CO now, not now but as soon as they got to the SGC…things would change back. In her indecisiveness she did nothing.

Jack heard the footsteps approach, hesitate and then retreat. He knew in time his pain, like fleeting hope, would slip through his fingers.