Dean tried to keep his face neutral as his insides went into panic mode. Monsters he understood, they were easy, people on the other hand were a completely different matter- himself included. When he was hunting he never felt panic like this.

Shit.

Sam was not even looking at him but there was a small part of his mind that was attempting to tell him that Sam was in his head, reading his thoughts. That he knew everything that was going through his fucked up mind.

Shit. Shit!

He tried to calm himself with out giving away the turmoil his head and heart were in at the moment. He needed to keep it to himself if he didn't want to scare his brother away.

Swallowing hard, Dean somehow managed to keep his voice even. "What all did I say?"

Sam did not look away from the screen but Dean could see that his brother was uncomfortable. For that, Dean could have kicked himself in the ass.

"You, uh," Sam cleared his throat, "you said you loved it when I dominate." A blush bloomed on his cheeks, a light pink, but he acted as if nothing were happening.

Dean could feel his own face and ears getting hot in embarrassment. What should he say? What should he do? His heart was pounding in his chest- at this rate he was going to give himself an ulcer or a heart attack.

"Well then, maybe you should be more dominate." Dean decided to go with being a snarky smartass, he earned a snort from Sam.

The taller man still looked uncomfortable but there was not a lot he could do about it other than hope Sam thought it was some new part of this little game they had been playing and got over it.

On that thought, Dean stripped down for bed.

...

Sam watched his brother strip down to his boxers out of the corner of his eye. He hoped Dean wouldn't notice but found it difficult to look away.

He knew it was wrong, to lust after your own blood but it was something he just couldn't help. All of his life it had been Dean- a parent, a teacher, a brother, someone Sam had wanted to be growing up. Dean was his everything and it only seemed logical that lover should be on that list.

What a fucked up list.

He tried to look away from his brother that was now standing in nothing but his boxers, stretching his arms above his head before laying face down on the covers, a happy sigh escaping his lips.

Sam couldn't help it, he licked his lips as his eyes wandered down the shorter man's shoulders, following the curve of his spine, and over the perfect globe of Dean's ass.

There was nothing he wanted to do more than grab it in his hands, squeezeing the muscular mound of his brother as he ground his hips into him...

Swallowing hard, he forced himself to look away, scolding himself for thinking those sick and perverse thoughts in the first place. If Sam knew one thing it was this: Dean was as straight as an arrow. There was no part of his brother that would be considered gay, even when he slapped Sam on the ass and called him honey. He was still straight.

There was no way in Hell that his feelings would ever be returned, and he knew it. So he was stuck with his sick and twisted thoughts and staring at Dean when the other man wasn't looking hoping for the day he could nut up and take his brother as his own.

A day that was never going to happen.

But still... What Dean had said in his sleep. And the way he said it- breathless and with a hint of a groan at the end. If that wasn't something he could use later in for spanking material he didn't know what was.

Just thinking about it made his jeans grow a little tighter.

He wondered if he would he able to rub one off without Dean noticing. Looking over at his sleeping brother, at the way he was starting to drool slightly and the regular breathing he decided to go for it.

Sneaking into the bathroom, lacking the door on the way, he let himself think of everything he had ever wanted to do with Dean as he palmed himself- coming with his brother's name on his lips like a prayer.