I slide my arm from my forehead, not even realizing it was there in the first place, as the feeling of the morning sun blankets my face.
Sigh. Already? Why does the inevitable always come as a surprise?
My eyes open and I see the orange rays of light filtering through the blinds, playing across the ceiling, reassuring me that morning really is here. I sink further into the bed, and endlessly toss and turn, attempting sleep once more. However, the sound of the apartment door opening and closing puts an end to that hopeless battle. I hear Brynn's hurried footsteps running down the hall, growing fainter with each step.
Damn her for being so motivated.
I sigh heavily, rubbing my eyes for what seems an eternity.
You may be sleepy, eyes, but you're going to damn well open.
I continue the assaultment as I wait for what I know is coming; whatever ridiculous song Brynn's chosen this morning.
Wait for it...wait for it…
And we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen. Today the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy has found his way to my room. "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems" vibrating down the hall, under my door, and right to my appalled ears. I'm all for the "different strokes, different folks" aspect of life, but seriously, B. Seriously.
I reluctantly lift myself from the bed, swing around, and let my bare feet meet the cool wooden floor. A chuckle escapes me, still amused by Brynn's song choice. I reach back and fumble around my disheveled bed, searching for the hoodie I threw there last night.
I shuffle out into the hall, robotically pulling the sweatshirt over my head and down my torso, arms finding their appropriate sleeves along the way. I don't even bother to gather my long curls from beneath the garment, as I lazily make my way through the living room. Brynn's there and already in the middle of her morning routine, kicking out her legs a bit, hopping from one foot to the other, stretching her body. I mosey into the kitchen, moving on to my morning routine, which I'm sure you may have already assumed, isn't quite as honorable.
I mumble a "Hey" and she replies cheerfully with just the right amount of sarcasm, "Morning, sunshine!"
I laugh briefly at her mock enthusiasm, and walk over to my version of a breakfast nook; the fire escape window sill, grabbing my butts and lighter along the way.
Breakfast of champions, obviously.
In one clean motion, I lift the window and take a seat, unlit cigarette hugged between my lips all the while. I sit comfortably, straddling the wooden panel; one foot in, one foot out, not fully committing to either.
I can be so symbolic.
I smile at my own insight, cupping my hands around my treasured little friend as I light it. Tilting my head back, I take the first drag. Cherishing it deep in my lungs, I tightly ask, "How was the run?"
"Oh you know...the...same as…every other...day." Her ragged breaths pique my curiosity and I glance her way. She's working away at crunches now.
It's safe to say you'll never see me doing those.
We do our own thing there for a bit, enjoying each others silent company. I have to laugh every now and then as the one and only notorious B.I.G. serenades us. Brynn switches things up at some point, continuing the crunches on her side. She's currently facing me. Huffing and puffing away from the strenuous act. Meanwhile, here I am huffing and puffing for an entirely different reason. I feel her gaze on me, perhaps a little disgusted with my utter fullfillment from my dirty little habit this early in the morning.
"So...was it the" a tiny grunt escapes her small body, "...dreams this...time?"
I nod lightly and look out towards the morning sky, twirling my cigarette slowly between my fingers, ashing it every now and then.
Oh yeah, the dreams. Something I forgot to mention. Another one of my nightly treats. They don't always happen, but when they do, they're strange and unsettling. You know the kinds that go way beyond a dream, the ones that could be real. I'm almost convinced their inspired by a past life. Last night I was treated to the one with the brunette. Actually, more often then not, it's that one. I never get to see her face, and we never talk. I'm just in a constant state of racing after her. I just have to get to her. Do I know why? Nope. But everything in my being shouts that I need her. I have to find her. No matter how desperate I am, or how hard I try, I never reach her.
And it drives me completely insane.
"Wanna...talk about...it?"
"Nah..." I shake my head a bit, "...thanks though, B." She sits up and looks at me with nothing but understanding, and maybe a touch of sympathy.
She's good like that, knowing when to push, and most importantly, when not to.
She tiredly stands, linked hands stretching far above her head, some muted cracking coming from her small frame. It looks as satisfying as each one of my drags. "Well, I'm off to shower, gotta get ready..." she sighs, rolling her eyes "...I've got Roberts lecture this morning."
Now it's my turn to look at her sympathetically, "Ahhh yes..." Inhaling another delicious hit, voice coming out strained as I continue"...is he the one with the sweaty pits or..." finally exhaling and breathing out "...the one with the stutter?"
Her eyes widen, "Both!"
I can't help but cheerfully reply, "Right! Well good luck with that!"
She walks over to our ancient stereo, and shuts it off.
"Thanks a lot!" her words swimming in sarcasm as she turns back towards me, drinking from her water bottle. "You got any plans for the day?"
I flick the remainder of my cigarette beyond the railing of the fire escape, and bring my outside leg up to the ledge, arms hugging it against my body. "I'm not sure...Tracy needed an extra shift, so I gave her mine." I keep my gaze fixed on the neighbors' roof, watching a lone fichus tree blow in the morning breeze.
"Ahh nice. Just..." she pauses, knowing to tread carefully.
Here it comes.
I close my eyes knowingly. "Please don't sit around here all day, come on Spence, it's spring, it's gorgeous out. Go for a run..."
My eyes open, solely so they can roll.
Come on, B, you know me better than that.
She laughs and continues, "...ok, that's stretching it, I know. Just do something! I say this with absolute love...it drives me nuts thinking of you wasting away in here. It's seriously depressing."
I amuse her, and nod my head. "Fine, fine. I promise I'll find something productive to throw myself into until you grace me with your presence later. Speaking of which, it's Friday...what do we have planned for tonight, woman?
She arcs an eyebrow, mischievous smile surfacing, "Tonight..." she turns to walk down the hall towards the bathroom, and continues over her shoulder, "...tonight. we're hitting up Lucky."
Oh brynn, how I love your predictability.
I laugh while I lazily move from one favorite spot to another; the couch.
Obviously she'd choose Lucky; it is "Ladies Night" after all.
I lie comfortably on the couch. Loving the fact that it's as ancient as our dear stereo. Therefore it's thoroughly broken in, completely allowing my body to sink further than any couch should allow. But that's the way I like it. I hear the shower start in the distance, when the buzzer to the apartment goes off. I slowly make my way to the door, when it goes off again.
Jesus, can't a girl get a little time?
I don't even bother to ask who it is, just pushing the button, and returning to my refuge on the couch. I know it's pointless, but whatever. The knock on the door comes too soon, and I heavily walk towards it. I pull the door open to find a petite, pretty, blonde young woman standing behind it, holding a box. Getting a good look at her now, I can tell she's had better days.
Either she's had the most fun night of her life, or the saddest.
I blankly stare at her, as she does the same.
"Um..." I try to not sound as annoyed as I feel, and continue "...do I know you?"
She takes a minute, and finally breaks out of whatever reverie she was in, slightly stuttering "O-oh, sorry...yeah...well no, not really." She shakes her head; it looks like she's trying to gain some composure.
"No. You don't know me." She plainly states and throws the parcel at me, catching me by surprise.
"This belongs to you."
I look down at the heavier-than-it-looks box in my hands as she goes back to staring at me.
Finally she speaks again, "I couldn't get it all...which you probably would never even know, but, oh whatever..."
What the fuck is she talking about?
I'm about to ask that very question, but she turns to walk away before I get the chance. I stand there watching her in utter confusion, when she stops walking. She turns back slightly, looking at me with new empathetic eyes, "I'm sorry, Spencer...for everything."
Ok, how does she know my name?
One last meaningful pause, for a reason unbeknownst to me, and she's gone. I stay put in the doorway for a minute before I turn back inside, kicking the door closed behind me.
Brynn's out of the shower now, frantically towel drying her shoulder length hair.
"Who was that?"
I keep walking, feeling strangely unsettled, "I don't know"
Towel in hand, she motions to my new possession, "What's that?"
"I don't know."
Catching on to my sudden mood swing, she joins me on the couch. I tilt the box a bit to see some words scribbled in black marker, but can only make out "Dr. Howard Mierzwiak" and my own name.
My first instinct is to just open the lid, indifferent to whatever rests inside. But then something in the air changes. Something somewhere has shifted, and now it all seems way too important. I'm fixated on the 3-dimensional rectangle in my lap and I can't move.
"Well...I mean, aren't you going to open it??"
Brynn's voice snaps me out of it, and I look up to her. I find myself barely nodding at her. I feel so removed from the situation. I can't shake the feeling that whatever's inside this box, whatever's in there, is going to change something. No...not just something. It's going to change everything. And I don't know if I'm ready.
Come on, Spence, stop being such a pansy and just effing do it.
This little pep talk with myself is enough to gain back some of my composure. I inhale deeply and lift the top at a slow pace. Perfectly content with taking my time.
But as the lid drops to the floor, as my face goes white, as my hands begin trembling, I realize I'm not ready for this. Inside nothing makes sense, everything's absolutely foreign to me. All but one thing. One familiar item and it's blatantly staring back at me. It's looking me straight in the eyes, almost teasing me with how fucking clueless I still am. What's facing me, what has me frantically searching for my breath, is a photo. One photo of me and someone else. And even though I don't recognize her face, I immediately know who she is. Of course it's her. There before me, is literally the girl of my dreams. The untouchable brunette, smiling right at me. And here I am staring right at myself beside her. A smile on my face that I don't even recognize. A life in my eyes that I don't ever remember living. Her arm's wrapped around my body, looking like they've never known anyone elses. And I'm quick to notice, my own arm has found a similar home around her.
Breathe, Spencer, just keep breathing...
I can hear all the obvious questions coming from Brynn, but they're in a language I don't understand. I don't understand anything right now. Her voice becomes further and further away as I slowly turn the photo over in my hands. And there it is. I don't know what it means. But I know it means something far beyond what I can comprehend. I know the words that I'm now reading are not going to go away.
"Spencer and Ashley. Spring 2006."
That's when the picture slips from my hands, and I fall from that "proverbial" cliff. I don't even know why or what's happening. All I know is I'm falling so fast. Faster and faster. And I realize there's no turning back, no matter how much I reach out for something to hold onto.
