Everyone in Marley, as well as in [redacted], where Zeke had gone on his vacation, still called Zeke "Zaykay", and it was all Pieck's fault. She wanted to fix this, to set things right, but she couldn't figure out how.
Then the Festival was announced, and Pieck had an idea.
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"And so I declare war on Paradis and stuff!1!" said Willy. Suddenly Pieck rushed onto the stage, pushing Billy aside.
"Everyone!" she said. "This joke has gone on long enough - please pronounce Zeke's name correctly now!"
Just then the Attack Titan crashed out from the building behind the stage and threw Pieck up into the air, splitting her into two pieces.
"Shit," muttered Villi. "That was s'posed to be me."
"THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT!" Zeke cried from within the crowd. "AS EXPECTED OF PIECK! OH GOD WHY!"
Eren, you bastard! he thought. I was gonna try and save you from Grisha's brainwashing, but now fuck you!And he transformed into the Beast Titan right then and there, crushing a few unlucky people in the process - only Falco and Reiner, so nobody important, luckily.
Zeke charged angrily at Eren. He was so focused on Eren that he didn't notice Levi swooping in behind him.
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It was a quadruple funeral. Life in Marley was busy, so they decided to save time by mourning Pieck, Falco, Reiner, and Zeke all at once. Due to budget cuts, there was only one graveyard in Marley, so they piled all the coffins on top of each other in the same hole in order to save space.
Plunk.
Crash.
Crunch.
Smash.
At the reception, Willy was the first to give a speech.
"aHEM," he said. "Since I was so rudely interrupted last time, we've decided to try this again. Eren is waiting behind the wall, and this time he will get the right target. RIGHT EREN?" He shouted to the wall behind him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHH!", came a roar from behind the wall.
"I'll take that as a yes," said Pilly. "Anyway, I declare war on Paradis and stuff!1!"
Everyone waited politely.
Ten seconds passed. Levi checked his watch. Mikasa yawned.
Muttering angrily, Quilly marched out of the hall.
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"Eren!" said Zilly. "You were supposed to crash through the wall and kill me!"
"Sorry," mumbled Eren, stuffing his face, "but this funeral cake is to die for."
"No! Me!" shouted Silly. "I'm the one who's supposed to die!"
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While Hilly was arguing with Eren, Porco gave his speech.
"Zaykay Yayager was a great man, and Pieck [redacted] was a great woman," he said. "I remember the first time the three of us [censored] a [censored]. It was absolutely [censored]. Pieck really knew how to [censored] a man's [censored] - that woman could [censored] some mean [censored]. And Zaykay - I'm straight, but that man was an exception. His [censored] was almost as [censored][censored] as the legendary [censored] of [redacted]."
"Ohhh, yes, don't stop, I'm almost there," said Levi, masturbating furiously.
"I don't get it," said Ms. Tybur. "How can you get off on [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored][censored]?"
"[censored]ly," said Levi, [censored]ing into his tea.
