CH2
THE AVETT BROTHERS
"Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise"
There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it
When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected
If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it
There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out
There's a darkness upon you that's flooded in light
And in the fine print they tell you what's wrong and what's right
And it flies by day and it flies by night
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it
...
Steve had held on to Bucky's shaking body until the soldier's tremors finally had lessened. When he relaxed his arms and Bucky sat back on his knees, their eyes met for a moment and The Soldier looked at Steve with more confusion as he reached up and touched Captain America's wet cheeks, wiping them off with his flesh hand.
"Are you hurt?" The Soldier asked in response to seeing Steve cry. He knew that when human beings felt pain their tear ducks in there eyes leaked salt water. That was one way he knew he was not really a human because he did not think he could cry tears. Steve smiled at his friend and nodded. He took Bucky's flesh hand and placed it over his own heart.
"It hurts here when I see how much pain you have suffered and how badly Hydra hurt you!" Steve explained with a sad smile. The Soldier cocked his head to the side, brow knit and eyes staring hard at his hand on Steve's chest.
"I think... I know that kind of pain,... but I don't remember why." He exhaled a weary breath as his eyes dropped and so did his hand limply. He had begun wheezing again and Steve could not help but notice how pale he looked and how hot his skin had felt to the touch. He studied his long lost friend and knew that he needed a doctor who understood how to work with superhuman's, especially those who have escaped the hands of Hydra. Steve shook his head and sighed, first thing first he wanted to see if Bucky would eat because Steve had a feeling he had been running on empty with out food or sleep since the crash. Then he had to get Bucky cleaned up and out of the filthy clothes that smelled like a dumpster in the summer.
"Are you hungry?" Steve asked and was greeted by a blank stare. "Do you need food?" Again The Soldier did not answer but this time his brow knit and he bit his lip in concern. He knew that failing to provide an answer received a punishment at Hydra and although this new Handler promised No More Pain, he still did not want to test that statement. He tried to comprehend why he would need food as he had no understanding of how to process it. He had seen human's putting it in there mouths but he did not have a memory of him self doing that on his own or receiving it from Hydra. He vaguely thought it might have something to do with receiving nutrients to keep one's body functioning but he had received his through tubes connected to his arms and legs during his revitalization time after he was removed from Cryo-freeze before a mission and after during repairs. Steve sighed and patted his shoulder. "Common,... lets try to get something in you!"
Steve stood up and the Soldier, the man he called Bucky stood and followed him with slow, cautious steps toward the kitchen, his body stiff and soar with even minimal effort.
"Sit down." Steve nodded with a smile as he tried to remind him self to give directives instead of suggestions or questions. The Soldier sat at the kitchen table rigidly as he concentrated on watching his new Handler rummage in the fridge. The Winter Soldier was still unsure about his decision to forsake Hydra and switch alliances but so far this man Steve, who he could not accept as a mission, seemed to be more concerned with the well fare of the weapon then with the possible danger he presented.
"I tried to kill you." The Winter Soldier spoke with a monotone voice as his questioning eyes connected with Steve's surprised gaze. Captain America held in his hand a frozen pizza that he was about to place in the oven.
"Yea... but you didn't,... And then you saved me." Steve confirmed with a steady nod and kind smile as he placed the food in the oven then turned around and grabbed a gatorade from the fridge and placed it in front of Bucky. The Soldier examined the bottle of neon green before opening it. "Try it,... It took me a while to get use to but the electrolytes are good for you!...Replenishes your body and you look,... well you look exhausted." Steve sighed again feeling a pang of sympathy.
"This... will fix me?" The Soldier asked unsure as he awkwardly held the plastic bottle so he could see through it to the light.
"Not completely,... to be honest we need to get you to a doctor to understand what Hydra has done to you and... what we can do to help you feel,...good again, healthy and...Human." Steve said these words as he took a seat across from Bucky, eyes watching the man that looked so familiar and yet was not at all the Bucky of his Soidier nodded once and then opened the bottle and took a sip. His eyebrows went up and he made a face that brought a smile and small chuckle to Steve as he shook his head. "Yea thats pretty much how I reacted when I first tasted it," Steve nodded in encouragement and the Soldier drank more, not stopping until it was empty. He placed the bottle down with a frown, uncertain how he felt after consuming the neon liquid.
Steve chuckled a bit as he leaned in, elbows resting on the table and ignored the man's sudden stiffness, still on guard by the Captain's close proximity.
"Yea I wasn't sure if I liked it either but it does grow on you." Steve admitted.
"Grows...on...you?" The Soldier questioned. his frown deepening as he quickly examined his body.
"No, no,...not like that I mean,... the taste,... you...you start to get use to the way it tastes." Steve quickly reassured. The Soldier still eyed him with uncertainly, leaning back in his chair as he set his hands on the table. His eyes were locked on Steve and his expression was weary and untrusting but not aggressive or on edge, just uncertain. There was a tense silence between both men as The Captain offered a soft smile, knowing that it was going to take a while before Bucky felt comfortable around him. There were so many questions he had and so many things he desperately wanted to tell his old friend but he also didn't want to overwhelmed him or scare him away. The thought struck him that most likely Bucky too had questions that perhaps he was not asking because he was not use to being able to speak without being spoken to.
"Buck,... I want you to know that you can ask me anything,... anytime!... What ever questions or thoughts you have I will answer them honestly!... You don't need permission from me or anyone else to speak... ever again!" Steve started off softly but ended with forceful conviction because he wanted Bucky to hear his words and accept them as an order. "Do you understand?" Steve asked. That was a question the Soldier had been asked before but in terms of mission objectives or how to use a new weapon or a strategic lay out or blue prints. The Soldier looked down at his hands and considered the question now. Did he understand? This new Handler was so different from the others and now he was giving him permission to speak freely and ask questions?... It was a confusing thought and it created a degree of anxiousness in the Soldier as he bit his lip subconsciously and his brow furled. His breathing increased again as the beginning of a head ache was forming. The Soldier had discovered much to his frustration that when ever he thought too long about how he felt or what he wanted a nauseating pit would form in his stomach and his head would start to ache, as if he was programmed against such free thought or willful choice.
"Buck?... It's oaky,... you don't need to ask me questions I just thought..." Steve's voice held concern and patience as he watched the inner struggle and turmoil play out on his friends face. He was surprised when he was interrupted by a quiet question that was delivered through slow, unsteady words.
"Hydra's mission... save the world... set it free... My missions... help Hydra,... I am Hydra's Fist,... I am their Weapon...The Asset... What is your mission?" His eyes slowly drifted back up to the Captain, his steady breaths wheezing in his chest as beads of sweat dripped down his face, deep, dark blue eyes stared at The Captain through his tangled curtain of hair. Steve's eye brows went up and he sat back with a heavy breath as he tried to think about the best way to answer.
"Hydra did not want to save the world they want to destroy it, take away freedom like they took away yours... My mission, is to help America and help the world be safe and free,... to protect it from people who want to cause pain, and death, and in-prison others." Steve stated the words so that they related specifically to the Soldier, hoping that he could better understand Hydra's lies and who Steve was.
"I caused pain and death." The Soldier stated in a mumbled way again looking down at his metal hand.
"That was not your fault Bucky,... they forced you,... they made you their prisoner and then made you hurt others." Steve leaned in again and reached out, his flesh hand resting on Bucky's metal one despite the tenseness the contact created. Bucky stared hard at the hand on his, fighting the urge to pull away and lash out. He considered Steve's words and then once more rose his eyes, his chest feeling tight as his head ached more.
"You,... will protect me?" The Soldier asked with an unsure tone and a slight tremor in his voice.
"Yes Bucky!... I will protect you from anyone who means you harm!... Are you worried?... About Hydra?" Steve asked with genuine concern as he tried to read his friends expression. The Soldier was not sure about the word "worried" so instead he just stated the fact that had contributed to his need for action.
"Hydra is looking for me.,... want me to be their weapon again,... They will not let me remember,...They will punish me for not completing my mission." The Soldier spoke once more in a monotone voice, devoid of emotion, but his eyes held an intensity as he glared at his metal arm, jaw locked as he breathed through his noise
"How do you know they are looking for you?" Steve asked, his concern growing as he thought about the possibility of an ambush and how unsecured his apartment building was.
"I have seen them tracking me,... They have been watching you... Two of their agents,... snipers... they almost shot you and the bird man three days ago... I slit their throats." Once more his tone was matter of fact, no influx of emotion but Steve could tell that The Soldier had felt conflicted about killing the Hydra agents and was thinking about the possible consequences for his actions if Hydra did get their hands on him.
"Thank you Buck,... For saving me and the bird man... His name is Sam,... He is a friend of mine." Steve stated as he attempted to make eye contact with the Soidier who seemed lost in thought as he chewed his lip and stared at the table. He hesitated, wanting to ask a question but not sure how the Soldier would take it. He sighed and finally said what he was thinking.
"You saved me from drowning,... and you saved my friend and I the other day,... Why did you come here and attack me?" Steve asked in a calm voice with no anger or suspicion, not wanting Bucky to feel defensive or on guard. The Soldier kept his gaze distant, brow crumpled. When he spoke his voice sounded confused and he shut his eyes tight as his flesh hand went up to his head.
"I... didn't know what to do,...I am broken,... I am not fully operational...Hydra can fix me... if I complete my mission,... but I... I knew you,... I..." He struggled with the words and how to explain the complexity and confusion his recent exercise n free will had created and the desperation he felt." I don't want to hurt you,... You are Steve,... I need to be fixed,... you said you can fix me,... You will be my Handler,... I can be... No...Hydra...I can remember..." Bucky felt his head pounding and with out warning both hands gripped his hair as he gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes against the pain he felt ripping his thoughts to shreds and confusing his words. Steve watched his friend and understood the dilemma he had attempted to explain. The Soldier had attacked Steve out of desperation because he didn't know how else to get the help he needed to survive other then returning to Hydra even if he didn't want to.
"I understand Buck,... It's okay,... I understand!...Everything will be oaky now!" Steve confirmed again, trying to pursued Bucky that he had made the right choice even if he was confused by it. The timer went off for the pizza and the Soldier was shocked out of his thoughts reacting on impulse as he through a knife he seemed to pull from nowhere at the alarm before Steve could even react. The Captain's eyes were wide as he looked over his shoulder at the six inch knife sticking out of his oven's clock. He turned back toward Bucky who had ducked beneath the table and was now slowly rising up, just his dark blue eyes above the surface staring at the oven, his breathing frantic and raspy. "It's okay,..." Steve said again, a little shaken by the fact that in a matter of seconds a knife had sailed only inches past his head at the targeted alarm. He needed to remind him self that while Bucky was reaching out for help and was barley able to stand he was still a deadly assassin and was perhaps even more of a threat now that he was unstable and emotionally erratic. The Captain looked back and offered a reassuring smile as he slowly stood up, making no sudden moves. "The pizza is ready,... That was the alarm letting me know it was done... I am going to take it out of the oven now... You can sit down in your chair,... you are safe." Steve spoke the words feeling guilty for sounding patronizing but he realized that slow, simple explanations was what were needed for now and a lot of reassurance.
The Soldier remained where he was crouched only his narrowed eyes visible over the table edge as he watched Steve remove the food and place some on two plates. He walked back over to the table and smiled again gently at the Soldier as he set one plate down in front of him and the other in front of himself. Taking his seat he made eye contact with The Soldier who had now risen slightly as he smelled the food. His eyes had grown big and he carefully picked up the over turned chair he had knocked down when he dove under the table. He sat down and looked at the pizza then poked it with his flesh hand before holding it up to examine.
"It's good,... I mean its not like,... the best but for frozen it's oaky... Try it." Steve encouraged and The Soldier made a weary face as he watched Steve take a big bite and chew it. Steve was chewing big on purpose to show his friend who apparently was completely unfamiliar with the process of eating. That reality made Steve desperately angry and sad but for Bucky's sake he hid these feelings and smiled as he swallowed the food with another over exaggerated motion. Steve ate two whole slices despite not being that hungry before Bucky finally placed the pizza in his mouth and took a bite. He chewed only once and his eyes lit up, his face betraying an array of emotions as he chewed, following Steve's lead before he finally swallowed. Hastily he took another bite then another, unaccustomed to the sensation of taste besides his own blood, saliva, water and the rubbery taste of the mouth guard he bit into during the mind wipes. He was so focused on the excitement of the sensation of eating that he failed to recognize his stomachs complete lack of preparedness for solid food. After only half a slice he stopped suddenly his eyes shutting tight as his abdomen was gripped in cramping pain. He let out a grunt before he pushed away from the table and stumbled out of his chair. Steve was up suddenly, a confused look on his face
"Buck?... Whats wrong?" The Captain questioned as he slowly approached his friend who was hunched over on the kitchen floor on his knees, body shaking and eyes squeezed tight. With out warning he fell forward onto his hands and began throwing up violently with gasping breaths and swimming vision. Steve was at his side hand on his back in alarm, not sure why the pizza had suddenly made Bucky so sick. He hastily considered the reasons when it dawned on him, Bucky hasn't eaten in God knows how long and the first thing I feed him is Pizza!? Steve angrily shook his head feeling like an idiot for not realizing the effects the food would have on someone who has been starved. "It's okay,... Bucky.., I am so sorry,... It's okay, just breath, just breath Buddy!" The Captain encouraged as he silently cursed his own stupidity and hoped that this would not further hinder Bucky's trust in his new "Handler." When he was finally done wrenching he collapsed against the kitchen wall panting in a pained expression, curled tight and eyes squeezed shut. "Buck,... I am so sorry!" Steve started again when Suddenly the metal arm came out and griped his throat, Angry blue eyes locked with his as he heard a ragged whisper that trembled.
"Did you poison me?" The Soldier asked with a level of hurt betrayal that stung worse then the tightening pressure on Steve's throat.
"No... Buck,... I swear!...I ...I just forgot..." Steve chocked as he brought a hand up to the Soldiers arm, unable to breath.
"Explain!" The Soldier demand, hurt and confused and still trembling in pain and crippling nausea.
"Food,... Your stomach,... not use to food,... made you sick... I am sorry,... wasn't thinking...My fault!" Steve pleaded. He could fight back, twist the arm off and over power the weakened Solider but he wanted to be let go, not fight his way out. Bucky looked at Steve with angry and violent eyes but with a few harsh breaths he released the man and turned away, shutting his eyes again in pain.
"You are my Handler,... You said you could fix me,... you made me sick!" The Soldier's voice was small and anguished as if he was more frustrated and disappointed in Steve then actually angry or threatened.
"I know,... Buck... I am sorry!... I am trying to be a good Handler,... I need to get you to a doctor. I can not fix you alone... I am sorry!" Steve gasped out as he rubbed his soar throat. He sat panting on his kitchen floor as The Soldier lay crumpled against the wall body constricting violently with shudders as he was gripped by pain and nausea. After a while Bucky opened his eyes that stared blankly again and he let out a deep breath.
"No more food!" He stammered and then peered at Steve with a deep frown. The Soldier knew that he should not ever speak defiantly to his Handler but for some reason he felt like he could with out pain or Captain nodded with a remorseful expression.
"No more food,... Until we see a Doctor!" The Captain agreed but added the latter because he knew eventually Bucky would have to eat and he didn't want to make a promise he knew wouldn't be kept. After a few more minutes both men were breathing calmly and Bucky looked more exhausted then before, the pain still evident on his face. "Bucky,... lets get you cleaned up, okay?" Steve asked trying to catch his friends eye. Bucky looked at him but again with confusion, still not sure how to answer Stave's question. Captain America sighed reminding himself to stick with orders for the time being until Bucky could gain a better understanding of how to communicate as a man rather then as a mindless weapon.
"Bucky you need to get clean!...Come with me." Steve stated in a simple and direct voice that did not threaten, only state with purpose. Bucky nodded once, instantly responding to the order and attempting to rise to his feet and follow his new Handler. Steve put a hand out but was not surprised when Bucky ignored it and struggled to his feet, ever muscle felt stiff and ached, much like the rest of him inside and out. Steve lead the way toward the bathroom and The Soldier followed, feeling more then a little unsteady as a wave of vertigo washed over him. Steve turned and quickly caught Bucky just as he was about to fall forward through the doorway. The Captain helped him sit down on the toilet and then gave the order to remove his cloths. Bucky complied with out thought or hesitation, his eyes fixed forward and his breathing short as more pain squeezed his chest and tightened around his lungs. Steve turned on the shower to a comfortable warm and then turned and took a step back slightly surprised by a completely naked Winter Solider who held his trash clothes in a bundle not sure what to do next.
"Here,... This is the soap and you cover your body in it and use this wash cloth. Steve held up the soap and cloth feeling dumb but the Soldier intently examined the items with his eyes as if unfamiliar with them. "How did you get clean after a mission when you went back to Hydra?" Captain America asked it with out thinking about possibly triggering any negative memories.
"The doctors,... used white powder and hoses,... it burned,... They said it killed the infections." The Soldier stated matter of factly as he recalled the hazy memories of mission's past and his routine after completion before they put him back into his frozen coffin to sleep. Steve frown but moved on holding up another bottle. "This is called Shampoo and it goes in your hair... Do you understand?" He asked receiving a nod. Steve took the gross clothing and stepped aside as The Soldier slowly stepped in. Steve could not help but notice the severe scars covering his friends body and he felt his teeth grind and his anger turn in his gut. Steve looked away as Bucky turned toward him again not wanting The Soldier to miss read his angry expression. The Soldier stood naked and exposed with an expression that suggested he was still not certain what to do next. Steve offered a quick smile and then pulled the curtain shut and turned to go out of the bathroom deciding to leave the door open in case of, ...well, just in case.
Steve threw the cloths in the trash and then placed the trash in the hall outside the apartment spraying the air with fabreze and the areas around where Bucky had been sitting with lysol. He had just picked up the phone to call the Black Widow and ask her for covert and under the radar assistance, wanting the least number of people to know Bucky's wear a bouts when he heard a loud cry from the bathroom and the sound of crashing. Steve dropped the phone and ran into the steamy room to find Bucky laying in the tub convulsing in a seizure, the shower curtain fallen over his body and the water spraying down.
"Bucky!" Steve shouted as he turned off the water and quickly cradled his friends head. He looked down in panic as Bucky's eyes rolled in his head and he made chocking sounds, his limbs flaying wildly and his back arched. The Captain quickly thought about what he knew about Seizures and rolled Bucky on to his side and placed a folded up towel under his head. He watched with uncertainty as after a minute or two Bucky's body calmed and the Jerking became slower, clumsy gestures, The dark blue eyes of the Winter solider finally settling back into his skull with heavy lids and painfully shallow breaths, Bucky looked around him in disorientation until his eyes landed on Steve who was talking, the words sounding comforting but the meaning lost. It was a few more moments until his brain could process the words"It's okay, I have you, your safe, your alright, just breath."
Steve helped Bucky as he struggled to sit up strait in the tub, body still experiencing tremors. He looked at Steve with exhaustion as he gasped for breath, eyes communicating vivid pain.
"Buck!... Has this happened before?" Steve asked to which The Soldier nodded with a frown as his flesh hand rubbed his own soar neck. "How many times?" Steve asked with a growing sense of urgency, realizing that Bucky was in worse shape then he thought.
"Nine,... in,...12 days..." The words came out sputtered as the Winter Soldier groaned and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself. "I am broken,... I need maintenance,... fix me... I cannot continue... to function... I am weak,... my body is... pain..." The words were slurred and accompanied by the sound of despair and desperation. Internally the Soldier felt anger toward himself for throwing himself so pitifully at the mercy of his mission, a man he was meant to kill. He cursed his weakness for not following orders the first time and again contemplated his decision, wanting at the moment to be fixed and back in hibernation more then his fragmented memories of a life past and a human connection to this Man, this Steve. But then the feeling happened again, the warmth of a human touch that brought a comfort and solace he had never even known he was missing so terribly. Steve placed his hands rubbing soothing circles on his bear back. The strange sense of need and longing it triggered inside the emotionally unstable Solider was intense and he fought another urge to cry out. Until recently he did not even know what theses feelings were or that a weapon could have them.
"I will fix you Bucky,... Just hang in there!... You'll be good as knew in no time." Steve's voice sounded too optimistic but genuine in intent. Knowing he had to finish getting him clean and that Bucky was too sick and hurt to manage he grabbed the wash cloth and gently pulled the broken curtain out of the tube. He turned the water on but just the bath not the shower. He put soap on the wash cloth then paused as he looked at Bucky who's face was on his arms resting on his knees. "Bucky,... I'm gonna help you wash up." He almost asked okay but remembered that he had to be The Soldier's Handler before he could be Bucky's friend.
"I need to get clean." Bucky muttered, repeating the order, face still hidden. Steve nodded despite the fact that Bucky wasn't looking. He gently pressed the cloth to Bucky's back and washed off the dirt and grim that hadn't come off just from water. Bucky's breathing had calmed and his tremors had slowed, relaxing. Steve felt the tenseness of his friends muscles and wondered when was the las time he was able to relax and the question that was evening more heart breaking, when was the last time Bucky felt a human touch that didn't inflict pain or handle him like a weapon to be maintained. He heard a soft whimper and stopped. The Soldier looked up at him, eyes pleading and bottom lip trembling.
"What,... dose it hurt?" Steve asked in confusion. The Soldier shook his head and closed his eyes.
"it... I... it feels..." He struggled with the words to express himself not use to feeling anything at all let alone something positive. After a few more moment's of sluggish thought he managed the rest of the sentence... "good to get clean." He stammered and instantly turned away as if embarrassed. Steve smiled and continued to wash the warn down man that only an hour ago had broken into his apartment and tried to stab him.
Steve grabbed a glass off the bathroom sink and filled it with the warm water. He poured it over the Soldiers head who sat up straiter and leaned his head back welcoming the warmth. Steve repeated the process and began shampooing his friends long messy hair. Bucky sat very still and although his brow was creased Steve could tell that the message on his scalp felt good. As The Captain began to rinse the hair he noticed a scar on the back of Bucky's neck. Curiously he moved the hair and instantly felt a surge of rage run through him as his eyes locked on a Hydra Brand just below Bucky's hair line where his neck met his shoulders, marking him like he was cattle, property to be owned. The symbol was the circumference of a golf ball and raised in scare tissue that would never heel or fade. Steve touched the brand gingerly and Bucky shuddered as if the burn was still sore. Steve's eyes felt wet again and he looked away. When he turned back he saw dark blue eyes watching him from behind a dripping curtain of wet hair.
"They don't own you Buck!... Nobody does!... You are your own master!" Steve said with a steal tone as he resumed rinsing his friends knotted tangles. Buck looked a bit confused and worried but then Steve sighed and smiled. "But yes,... I am your Handler!" He rolled his eyes as Bucky nodded and closed his eyes again reassured.
It seemed that after the seizer and the warm bath, Bucky was completely exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open or stand on his own two feet. Steve dried his friends hair and then wrapped the towel around his wast and help him stumble to the Bed room where he practically collapsed on the bed. Steve grabbed a pair of sweat pants and helped Bucky slide them on not at all concerned with the nudity as they had been friends and in the army together, but still trying to respect his dignity and privacy.
"When is the last time you have slept Buck?" Steve asked with concern as he pulled back the covers and rolled his friend in, The Soldiers body was heavy dead weight as Bucky barley held on to consciousness.
"Weapons don't sleep,... must stay vigilant on the mission." His words were slurred again through his heavy breaths as once more his face contorted, another wave of pain ripping through him.
"You are not a weapon! You are a Soldier and a Person and you need to rest!" Steve ordered realizing that in all likely hood Bucky had been constantly moving until passing out completely over the past few weeks. He must have warn him self out and been completely out of options when he finally came to Steve for,... he wanted to think help but the reality was Buck had tried to kill him, even if it was a half hearted, desperate attempt. Steve tried to remind himself that it didn't matter that Bucky only accepted his help out of desperation, what mattered was he was safe and was going to get the help he needed to be right again, to feel human again. Steve smiled down at Bucky who's heavy eyes drifted shut but still popped open trying to remain conscious.
"It's okay Buck,... your safe. close your eyes and rest!" The order was gentle and as he stroked the hair from his friends face, Bucky mumbled.
"You are a good Handler." Bucky said the words more to himself then to Steve but still the Captain heard them and felt a wave of relief for the first time since he saw Bucky almost a month ago. As The soldier allowed himself to drift to sleep he tried to think of the words to describe Steve. He had managed to grasp the word good and it's opponent bad but everything so far that had happened seemed to fall some where in between those two poles or maybe even could be described by both. From some distant recesses of his mind the word, "Kind" surfaced and with it the face of this man Steve but younger, as a child. He knew with out being able to state the meaning of kind, just the familiarity of a long lost understanding and innate knowledge that could not be wiped out. He might not remember what it was to be kind but he felt it in his bones and in the thankfulness he felt that he was given a second chance to be more then a Weapon, to be human again.
