Chapter two

(Coffee and computers dont mix well.)

"So, Sheppard." Rodney's voice was cheerful and literally oozing with glee. "When you, and your merry band of brothers will start first branch of Greenpeace outside of our galaxy?" Colonel looked up from his paperwork with mild irritation. Althought it had to be done, team evaluations were not his favourite method of spending time. The less interruptions, the faster it would be finished and out of his hair. And suspiciously cheerful Rodney was bound to cause big delay.

"What do you mean Rodney?" Of course he had a strong suspicion what brought McKay to his tiny office, but if he could play ignorant and dense long enough, then maybe scientist would get annoyed and hopefully leave him alone. Canadian smirked at him from the doorway.

"There is no need to be ashamed, Sheppard. And i bet you know what im talking about. Its a very touching and heartwarming story about noble men serving under your command." Rodney gave him look of disgustedly false admiration. "Team of rough-and-tough Marines risks their lives to save family of cute, fuzzy rabbits from burning forest. Such bravery!" Level of mockery in nauseatingly sweet voice was sky high now. Sheppard fought the urge to brain his obnoxious friend with paperweight. Then Rodney looked into space with exaggerated inspiration and Colonel cringed waiting for a punchline. "Just imagine what a wondeful movie Disney would make from this story, John. Millions of children around the world would cry happy tears watching it." Rodney casted a glance to gauge his friend's reaction, and stopped cold. There was no smile on Colonels face, not even hint of amusement in dark eyes. "What?" He asked with a frown. "It really is funny." Sheppard leaned back in his chair with sour expression.

"Tyrell broke his collar bone and two ribs. Asagumi has second and third degree burns on her side and thigh. She'll most probably need plastic surgery to fix scarring. Rest of the team suffers from smoke inhalation and small burns all over their bodies. They are so miserable, i couldn't bring myself to give them proper dressing down." He said matter-of-factly. "According to Beckett it will be at least two months before they can return to work as a team. So no, Rodney – i am not amused at all."

"Well, if you put it this way, Colonel..." McKay fidgeted uncomfortably, and came inside to take a seat in front of John's desk. "At least our ladies are happy...- ish now." That brought blank stare from the Colonel.

"Whats that supposed to mean?" Asked Sheppard with obvious confusion. Rodney frowned back. "What, you dont know what happened with the rabbits? Where have you been?" Sheppard rolled the eyes at him. "Infirmary, Rodney. Checking on my men. And these animals are not rabbits, by the way." Rodney shrugged indifferently. "They're furry. They have long ears. They eat plants. And they hop around – close enough for me."

"Whatever!" Sheppard was getting really impatient now, which was clearly visible in the way he tapped table top with his pen. "They're in cages in biology lab now – and good riddance!"

"No, they are not." Smugly said Rodney. Tapping stopped. Sheppard blew defeated sigh, and abandoning all hopes of returning to reports anytime soon leaned back again. "OK, McKay – why dont you just tell me what happened when i've left to find Carson?" Gleeful smile instantly returned on Rodney's face. "First, let me tell you its a real shame nobody in Gate Room had a camera ready when these space bunnies appeared. You and your grunts looked really impressive pointing all this heavy artillery at six little furballs on the floor." Low, almost seismic rumble emanated from the Colonel and Canadian's grin widened momentarily before turning into frown. "Second, isnt that convenient that security recording of this event disappeared from the mainframe?" Sheppard smiled innocently. "I bet its Sargeant Campbell's fault. You know how clumsy the guy is – he's pushing wrong buttons all the time."

"Really." Rodney huffed disbelievingly, not missing slight emphasis placed on Chuck's military rank, but decided to drop it...for now. "Anyway, after you disappeared and your heroic subordinates decided that six itty-bitty bundles of fuzz are not a threat to Atlantis, initial idea indeed was to leave them in capable hands of our frog–cutters. But then Elizabeth, Katie, Teyla and other women had a good look, and 'poof' – instant love."

"You're kidding me." Snorted Sheppard. "I wish Colonel. Unfortunately our little strays apparently have owners, names and official status as pets now." Rodney dejectedly crossed his arms and scowled – clearly projecting annoyance and displeasure. Sheppard questioningly cocked an eyebrow. "Katie 'adopted' one of them, Miko took another one – now i have to watch my steps both in lab and uh, Katie's place. And..." Rodney raised index finger. "Before you start to tease me, you should know that Cadman got a bunny too. Probably its hopping all over armory by now."

"So?" Colonel didn't look worried at all. "Cadman's not my girlfriend, just subordinate. I only need to give her an order and problem is gone. One of small perks of being Commanding Officer." Rodney clearly was not convinced."If you say so, Sheppard. But you dont know Cadman like i do. She won't make this easy for you – mark my words." Physicist stood up and straightened his jacket. "Anyway, i'll let you go back to your paperwork. Dinner later?"

"Sure." Sheppard scowled at the pile of folders before him. "I should be about done by then."

"You better. I heard there will be cake today." Rodney waved and disappeared in his lab's direction. Sheppard glanced at his watch, and with a sigh opened another file.

...

"Plukovnik Sheppard!" John jumped at sudden noise. Before he had any chance to recover, Radek Zelenka slapped a hand on top of the desk and jabbed a finger at his face. "Do something! It cannot go on. We cant work like that!" Czech engineer was beet-red and seething with anger. John backed away from the finger, and instantly bumped his chair into wall. He really needed bigger office, even just to have more space to dodge furious scientists.

"Whoa! Easy there, Doc. Tell me what's going on." Radek took a deep breath and stood back glaring at the Colonel with thunderous face. "Ano! I will tell you...Ne!" Radek stopped abruptly and swiftly moved around the desk. A second later sleeve of Sheppard's jacket was in firm grip, and little Czech was tugging him from the chair with surprising strenght. "Come!" Fearing for his uniform's integrity John stood up and let himself be dragged into corridor. Zelenka was pushing up his glasses, gesticulating and talking in chopped manner at the same time. "I will show you. Ano! You need to see this with own eyes." John was somewhat stunned. Radek Zelenka certainly had a temper, but he didn't usually behaved like this when Rodney was nowhere near to test his patience. Deciding that he'll get to the heart of problem faster if he'll just go with the flow, Colonel obediently followed irate engineer, ignoring curious looks of people watching their little procession. Finally they arrived at entrance to Radek's laboratory and owner of the place stomped inside still muttering something nasty in his native language. Before entering Colonel paused in the doorway and cautiously peered inside. Judging by Radek's fury he expected to find the place turned upside down, or maybe annexed by Rodney as newest part of his ever growing private domain. And yet spacious room was empty and quiet. Of course there were spare parts, bundles of wires and unidentified containers littering every flat space – but it always looked like that as long as he remembered.

"OK Radek, we're here. What im supposed to see?" Zelenka pivoted to face him."This!" Sheppard blinked at something long, thin and black that Radek was dangling in front of his face. "Is that...a piece of wire?"

"Not just a wire." Zelenka shook his hand angrily, and Colonel stepped away to avoid being hit in the nose with ends of mysterious cable. "Its special! Essential for subspace communicator. Isolated to not give interference with our electronics. Very expensive, we have only one spare! Look, ted to je smet. Garbage!" Sheppard took a closer look. Indeed, isolation covering the wire was clearly damaged, one plug seemed to be...chewed up?

"Somebody gnawed at it?" Radek's teeth made grinding sound. "Not someone Colonel. That was one of stupid, stinking rats your soldiers brought here." Ouch. "Listen Radek, i know you are angry. But shouldn't you rather go to the owner of this animal? Rodney told me earlier that Miko got one of these rabbit...things. Maybe it was hers..." Sheppard stopped talking when Radek's bespectacled eyes went wide looking at something behind his back. Slowly, he turned around lowering right hand to his sidearm's butt. Movement on top of the counter instantly focused his attention on small animal – brown, with dark vertical stripes on the back. Its ears were more rounded than pointed, tail was almost as long as rest of the body – but it still looked remarkably like terrestial rabbit. And it was sniffing at styrofoam cup full of coffee standing next to open, working laptop. Radek made a small, whimpering sound, and animal looked sharply in their direction. For a moment Sheppard could swear it sneered maliciously. "Radek, be quiet." He hissed, but warning came too late. Czech moved from behind him making shooing noises and space rabbit bolted.

"Hovno!" Screamed Zelenka lunging forward , but he was too slow. Strong hind legs propelled alien animal in impressive leap from the counter almost to the door, and end of the tail swatted at the cup. Stream of dark liquid splashed over the keyboard and machine sizzled, coughed up cloud of acrid smoke, and died.

"ZARAZA! Pockej ty potvoro! Ja tebe zabiju!" Sheppard cautiously backed towards the door while Radek desperately checked his dripping laptop. "Uh, looks like you gonna be busy here Doc. So, y'know, i'll go talk to now. OK?" Zelenka ignored him completely, still verbally abusing his nemesis in three different languages. Deciding that tactical retreat was a wise thing to do, Colonel quietly reiterated out of the lab and down the corridor. He stopped next to transporter and pondered the situation. During the course of last few days "space bunnies" as they become called by city's inhabitants caused quite the commotion. Almost every female member of the expedition become smitten with new pets, and since initially they have only six, jealousy ran high. And just like Rodney predicted, Lt. Cadman followed example of fellow civilian owners and tried to bring her 'Minnie' to work. He had to have some words with her, and now Laura was offended, rest of his female subordinates were giving him evil looks – and like it was not enough his own 2iC obviously took Cadman's side. Lorne's crush on redheaded Marine was well known secret, but giving his CO silent treatment was a ridiculous reaction. And now this. Thanks to little pest's sabotage Zelenka was on the verge of explosion, which undoubtly would affect whole Engineering, and by extension affect McKay as well. Rodney could be really difficult when things in his Departament weren't working smoothly. Sheppard sighed and rubbed his neck. He could already feel tense knots forming. Something had to be done, and fast. He could deal with military part of the problem, but there was only one person in Atlantis that could effectively smooth ruffled civilian feathers. Door to transporter booth swooshed open and upon entering Colonel determinedly stabbed control panel.