Disclaimer: If we were Jo, Fred wouldn't have died.

A/N: Don't kill! We come in peace. Super sorry we disappeared, but we're back (and have pop!corn). Read, Enjoy, & Review!

The boys are looking at me. The boys are glaring at me. The boys would be shooting laser beams out of their eyes if they could. I'm scared.

I'm very scared. I have no clue what I did and yet they are mad at me. At least I think they're mad at me. They better be mad at me after all the glaring they've done or I'll be mad at them.

"Uhh... guys?" I asked, trying not to sound too terrified. "Why are you glaring at me?"

They didn't answer me. They just glared even harder. Darn them. If I weren't so scared I would have been mad.

So do you know what I did? I bet you don't. You know why I bet you don't know what I did?

Because I am a genius/mastermind- no one knows what my next move is, that's why.

"GET ON WITH IT!" JIMM yelled.

Fine. Be so mean.

I glared right back at them.

And you know what they did?

They stopped glaring! Apparently my glare beats all (insert evil laughter).

"I don't like you Lily Openseason Evans!" Peter declared still glaring at me.

Everyone in the room gasped. Even JIMM.

But something else was on my mind.

"Openseason?" I asked. "That's not my middle name!"

Sirius stood up to defend Peter.

"Oh yeah? Well what is it then?"

"It happens to be much better than Openseason. My full name is Lily Marie Elizabeth Donna Sally Jane McNoodle Evans."

"Well that's a mouthful," JIMM said.

Yes, but it's a beautiful mouthful!

"Is not!"

Is too!

"McNoodle... hee hee!"

Stupid JIMM.

The boys started laughing. I mean can you believe that? Laughing! As if my name were funny! Well, it's not.

"MCNOODLE?!?!?!?!" James and Remus asked together, both in fits of laughter.

"It sounds like something McDonalds would come up with!"

"SALLY!?!?!?!?" Sirius giggled.

The stupid boys stopped laughing, and we all stared at Sirius.

"Padfoot..." Peter started warily, "Sally isn't a funny name..."

"So?"

We just stared.

Laughter. Where is all that laughter coming from? There's nothing funny so no one should be laughing. I look at the boys and see that none of them are laughing they're just looking at me. Like I'm the lunatic laughing.

Oh bugger, I am.

"Lily..." Peter said using the same tone he did with Sirius. "Why are you laughing?"

I thought about it for a second. I wasn't really sure.

"Because JIMM thought it was funny and is now forcing me to laugh, like his little puppet."

Oh bugger, I can't believe I just said that.

Sure, I might have mentioned JIMM to Sirius and Peter a few times but never to James. How am I supposed to explain that I have him in my head? And he would probably take it the wrong way. You know, thinking I like him and whatnot. I don't. Like him, I mean.

"JIMM?" Remus and James asked. I guess Sirius and Peter remembered the last time I mentioned the stupid voice.

"You know... the James In My..."

OH NO YOU DON'T JIMM!

"In my... my... My My My don't you boys look hungry!"

I hurried myself around looking for snack. Inside though, I was triumphantly gloating to JIMM.

See that JIMM... I took controlled and it worked out FANTASTIC!

"Look at them Lilykins... not so fantastic."

The boys were looking at me like I was insane. I heard Sirius mutter something about taking me to the loony bin.

"Oh. Did I forget to tell you? I'm trying out for a play. I want to be the lead. The lady who is err schizophrenic. I was just trying it out. You know... to see how I was."

"Ohhh" The boys comprehended.

Wow they are stupid.

"Well... you're a sucky actor!" Sirius supplied lamely.

"Why am I a sucky actor?!"

"Because... I DON'T KNOW GOSH DARNIT!"

We all laughed. Even Sirius. Even Petunia. I didn't even know Petunia was listening to us. That's called eavesdropping missy!

"Sod off Freak!" Petunia said as she practically skipped out the door.

She disgusts me. Almost as much as her fat stupid boyfriend Vernon.

"Why was she laughing then?" Peter asked.

"She's weird."

"Not at ALL like you" Sirius remarked, using what he thought to be a sarcastic voice.

"Of course not," I said. "I'm not weird."

The boys apparently thought that was hysterical, because they burst out laughing. Side clutching, fist pounding laugher. How rude!

"What's rude?" JIMM asked.

Rude is what you and your friends are most of the time.

"They're your friends too."

But I don't even know WHY. They just showed up at my doorstep yesterday.

"What? You've never showed up at your friends house randomly?"

No. Well yes, but they weren't my friends then. They were just my annoying fellow Gryffindors.

"Aha! They ARE your friends!" JIMM said triumphantly.

Well NOW they are. It's hard to go into a dusty pudding store dressed as a poofy fairy carrot and NOT become friends!

"But what about James and Remus? They weren't there."

Remus is cool. James, James is just... James.

JIMM laughed. "You do realize you used the word 'James' three times in a five words sentence right?"

Shut up.

"Whatever you say dearie!"

And JIMM was silenced.

I looked at the boys. They stopped laughing, but were staring at me like I was a lunatic. I mean seriously, me? A lunatic?

More laughter. Where is it coming from? Oh. Me again.

I hate you JIMM.

I decide to not acknowledge my strange behavior, and instead became very perky.

"WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT TO DO TODAY?!!?!"

The boys backed away slowly.

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO AFRAID OF ME? HUH?"

Ok, so apparently I don't do perky. How did I know?

Well, Peter started crying.

Why is Peter crying?!?! I didn't do anything!

JIMM chuckled. Can you imagine? He CHUCKLED! I made an almost fully-grown wizard cry and he was LAUGHING. Screw you JIMM. Screw you.

"Peter?" I ask sweetly. "Are you okay?"

I take a step towards him and he runs away screaming.

"What's bugging him?" I asked no one in particular.

Sirius, Remus and James all looked at one another then at the same time all said, "Spaghetti."

Spaghetti? Why the heck is he crying for spaghetti?

"Uhh Peter?" I called. "I'll make you some spaghetti if you want."

"Your spaghetti tastes bad!" Peter screamed. Like a little baby.

I was deeply offended. My spaghetti is world class!

"But..." I sniffled. "You've never had my spaghetti!"

At this point Peter laughed at me, and I did the only rational thing I could think of.

I started to cry.

As soon as I start to cry, James gets scared and starts screaming. I don't think he's ever seen me cry before. But there was a lot of noise.

"YOU DON'T LIKE MY COOKING!" I sobbed.

Sirius started at me like I was mental. That made me cry even harder.

"I AM NOTA NUTJOB!"

I was nearly hysterical at his point.

Peter started circling me like a vulture.

"Spaghetti….. Spaghetti…. Spaghetti…" he whispered at me.

I stopped crying, out of pure fear.

Soon, James, Remus and Sirius joined Peter. Scary, scary stuff.

I did the only logical thing to do.

I screamed.

"AHHHHH!!!! HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP!"

To my surprise, someone came to my rescue.

A hot muscley fireman.

Inwardly I swooned, but then I remembered why I was screaming in the first place.

"Thank goodness you're here! These boys are mental!"

The fireman that I will call Bob, for my pleasure, looked around.

"This isn't my granny's house!" he exclaimed, pouting.

And he walked out; leaving me with the loonies I called friends. Sort of. I started screaming again. Stupid Bob. I will never again swoon inwardly to a fireman.

"Hee hee, swoon inwardly"

SHUT UP JIMM!

"I'm in your mind you know, I know about all those times you swooned inwardly for a certain someone in this room!"

I stopped to think. Who did I swoon inwardly for? I don't do much swooning as it is.

Sirius? I asked him. I seriously didn't know. Hah. Serious, Sirius. Hah. Hah.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

They stopped chanting spaghetti and looked at me strangely. I was doing it again. The whole laughing thing.

In the past two days, I've learned a thing or two. The first thing I learned? That I get undeserved strange looks. Seriously. I get strange looks from everyone! And I'm always perfectly rational.

JIMM giggled. That's right. He GIGGLED!

"You? RATIONAL?!?" he asked. "You are to rational, as hand is to shoe."

Well HAH! I thought. Hands and shoes go perfectly…. Wait… no they don't. Darn.

JIMM giggled some more. This infuriated me.

Well you know what mister? You are to stupid as glue is to potato!

JIMM stopped giggling. "That doesn't make ANY sense, and now I am confused."

Darn again. I'm really off today. I used to be a smart kid you know.

"You can't fool me Lily, I was with you all your life. You were never on."

But I used to be smart! Admit it! I was a bloody genius until I met these four losers.

JIMM gasped.

"My, my, such bad swear words from some a pristine lady!"

Since when was I pristine? How do you even know what that means? The real James wouldn't.

"Just in case you haven't noticed Lily, I am not James. I am just a figment of your imagination that sounds and talks just like James because deep down you really love him."

...No.

JIMM laughed. He likes to laugh at me a lot.

"Yes you do Lily. You know it. You looooove him. You wanna date him. Yes you dooooo. Yes you do….."

I couldn't stand to let JIMM spout all this lies about me in my mind. What would the rest of my body think?

"I DO NOT YOU STUPID BUTT!"

Oh crud. I screamed out loud again. I have got to stop doing that.

"James," Sirius said looking at me as if he never saw me scream something randomly. "You're girlfriend is a nut job."

He's right. I am a nutjob. Wait…

"I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!"

I changed the subject before JIMM could start making me do something totally weird.

"So… how bout them Dodgers?"

"What are Dogders?" Peter asked.

"Um. I dunno. I think it's some American thing."

There was a collective "Ohh…." In the room.

That's when the spaghetti chant began again.

"Okay! I'll take you to the spaghetti! Just stop the madness!"

I thought long and hard about where I could take them to get spaghetti.

"Hah hah. Long and hard!" JIMM guffawed

STOP IT! My mind is rated PG-13!

He shut up after that.

That's when I thought of the perfect place- Speckle's Spaghetti and Pancake House.

I wanted to say, "We can go to Speckle's Spaghetti and Pancake House", but instead I wound up saying, "My mind is rated PG-13"

They looked at me funny again.

Remus cleared his throat. "That's nice Lily dear."

I started sobbing again at that point.

"I AM NOT CRAZY YOU KNOW! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE I'M LIKE THIS!"

James jumped up and attempted to punch Remus' lights out and hug me at the same time.

"MOONY! YOU MADE LILY CRY! I'LL KILL YOU! It's alright Lily, I can kiss you and make you feel better!"

I jumped up.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME JAMES! I AM THIS CLOSE TO LOSING IT!"

I climbed out the window and stood on the window ledge, flat against the wall.

"Don't tempt me…. I'll jump!"

"No Lily! DON'T JUMP! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" James screamed.

"Just in case anyone didn't notice... WE'RE ON THE FIRST FLOOR!" Remus screamed.

"Oh."

I didn't care. They have tormented me and made me feel insane one too many times.

So… I jumped.

It was exhilarating falling, but it only lasted 3 seconds, before I landed head first into the petunias my mum planted after my sister was born.

I heard screaming from inside the house and the stamping of feet. If I hadn't been in such an uncomfortable position it would have been very amusing to hear.

"Lily Marie Elizabeth Donna Sally Jane McNoodle Evans." JIMM scolded me.

"That was very irresponsible. You are checking yourself into a self-help clinic as soon as the sexy and godlike James helps you out of these blasted flowers!"

If he's so sexy and godlike, why don't you go out with him?! And I do NOT need help! I didn't even hurt myself!

"But you tried to hurt yourself Lily! That's the point. If that window had been higher up, your brains would be all nice and on the ground and not in your head! Imagine how gross that would have been."

If it had been higher up, I wouldn't have jumped. Gosh!

"Whatever Lily, your going to a self help clinic."

Am Not!

"Are too!"

Am Not!

"Are too!"

That's when I heard James sobbing. "She's dead!"

Sirius was very somber when he said, "She was so young and full of life. Now… not so much. Anyone up for some ice-cream on Diagon Alley?"

"Oh! I want ice-cream!" Remus said.

Mean people. They don't care that I'm dead.

Peter chimed in with an "I'm in!"

The only consolation was that I was pretty sure James would be looking at them incredulously, because I was dead and he cared. Maybe he would even beat them up- I mean he beat Sirius up when he made fun of my hair once.

"Ok! I want chocolate and vanilla, and butterscotch…."

"Haha," JIMM said, rubbing in my face that not even James cares that I'm dead.

So obviously I responded with a 'shut up.'

The only thing is, that I might have said it out loud.

So James, who was still going on about all the flavors he wanted, said "Don't be rude Lily dear. We'll get you ice cream too don't wor… LILY YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Since he was extremely happy that I didn't die, and since he was James, he didn't go through the door to hug me endlessly. He jumped out the window. And landed on me.

"OOF!" And all the wind was knocked out of me.

James went "OOF!" too, but I'm not exactly sure why. I mean I was the one with a really heavy guy on me. He had no OOF!ing rights.

Hehehe. OOF!ing rights sounds funny.

It sounded so funny that I attempted to laugh. But seeing as how I had the wind knocked out of me, it sounded like I was a crumpled horned snorcack or whatever it is that Peter's always going on about.

But even with my crumply horned snorcacks sounds, James didn't get the hint to get off me.

"James get off of me!" I cried.

He laughed sheepishly. "I kinda can't…. I'm stuck."

"Darn."

So I started screaming bloody murder.

"HELP! THERE'S A JAMES POTTER ON TOP OF ME! HELP!"

James started screaming then too.

"HELP! I'M ON TOP OF A SCREAMING LILY! GET ME OFF OF HER!!!"

Screaming wasn't the best thing to do though. I heard Sirius shout "Have no fear, Sirius is here!"

The next thing I know Sirius jumps out the window. And lands on James. Who is still on me. And then he said, "Dammit. I'm stuck too."

So now we were all screaming like our lives depended on it. Well my life kind of did, because now I had the weight of two very heavy boys on me.

But I must admit James smelled very good. Like soap. Ivory Soap.

That's when JIMM decided to grace me with his presence.

"Aww Lily, you think he smells good!"

Ummmmm……………. No I don't. He smells like soap. I don't like soap.

"Ew. You don't like soap?" Sirius asked. He then started screaming even louder. Apparently I said that last part out loud… again.

Before I could defend myself and say that yes, I indeed use soap, Peter came to Sirius' rescue. And he used the window.

There were more OOF!ing noises. And I really could not breath, seeing as there were three very heavy boys on me. I tried to join in on the screaming but I couldn't. Because I couldn't breath.

So my screaming sounded like this- " ."

That's when I heard Remus say, "Don't worry, I'm coming!"

And I found the last breath in my body and screamed, "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

But then I heard the door open and Remus started speaking again. From outside. And he wasn't on top of me.

He sighed. "Ok, well if you really don't want me to help you, I guess I'll be going then. Bye!" and he skipped brightly away.

"Good job Lily Openseason Evans!" Peter said in a very very mean voice. "You made our helper go away! AND WE'RE STUCK!"

"Shut up Peter. You're fat."

"I am not! I'm pleasantly plump!"

Sirius intervened. "Shut up Peter. You're fat. And not all that pleasant. And stop complaining, you don't have a fat person on top of you!"

"And you don't have THREE fat people on you, Sirius. So you have no right to complain."

Instead of letting him retort, I started screaming again.

"HELP! THERE ARE FAT PEOPLE ON ME! I CANNOT BREATHE! I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M SCREAMING SINCE I CANNOT BREATHE, BUT HELP!!!!!!!!"

"Do you need help little lady?" I heard a voice say.

I tried to nod vigorously, but it didn't work, because once again- there were fat people on top of me.

The next thing I heard was Peter screaming, "STOP POKING ME YOU MANIAC!" and then he toppled over.

A little more air made it to my lungs.

Then I heard Sirius giggle, "Heh heh, I'm being poked. By a weirdo." And then he toppled over.

And I could breathe a tad bit better.

And then James, who yelled, "GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU!" And then at last, he finally rolled off of me.

And I took a gloriously big gulp of air.

The stranger helped me up and without realizing what I was doing, I began to hug him. He was very short. And fat. And little-looking. And stupid looking. And weird.

"Hi. I'm Brent. I have upright seizure things when I play my instrument. I love you. Who are you?"

I never got to tell him who I was because the next second James was on top of the poor kid beating him up. I wanted to feel bad for him but I thought it was funny. So I laughed.

"HAHAAHAHAHAHHASNORT!"

Oh crud. Did I just snort?

"Haha Lily you snorted. You're like a pig. Snort snort snort!"

Shut up JIMM. You're stupid and mean.

"Such a witty comeback. I'm surprised you didn't call me a Poop Face."

That was next on the list. Grrrrr….

"Wow Lily, you're so predictable sometimes."

Am not you….. Booger.. Sprout!

"Ahh! I'm hurt! You called me a booger sprout!"

I'm sorry. Was that too harsh?

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"THANK GOODNESS!!!!!!"

The boys are looking at me funny. James even stopped beating up Brent.

Brent looked up from the sidewalk on which he was sprawled across and said tearfully, "You're glad he's beating me up? I thought you were the love of my life! I was going to ask you to go to Chuck E Cheese with me!"

And he ran away in tears.

Oops. I guess I said that out loud. I really need to stop doing that.

And then Remus came skipping back to my front lawn. And he was eating ice cream. It was chocolate, vanilla, butterscotch, pistachio, jelly, mango, banana, strawberry, and blue flavored. I wanted it.

So I jumped on him. I mean I really really wanted that icecream. It had blue on it for goodness sakes. Hah. That reminds me of the Santa Clause song.

So as I was dangling on the back of Remus' shoulders, I began to sing- "YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! YOU BETTER NOT CRY! YOU BETTER NOT POUT! I'M TELLING YOU WHY!"

I was just about to tell the neighborhood why, when Peter did it for me.

"CUZ SANTA CLAUSE IS COMING TO TOWN!!!"

As if on cue, the other three boys started singing,

"He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake, He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!"

They were pretty good singers. Til they started to dance.

Since Remus was pretty preoccupied with singing and dancing, I decided to try to take a bite out of his ice cream. It worked! So I took another bite. And another. And before I knew it, I finished his ice cream.

Lucky for me Remus was still doing his dance that was oddly coordinated with the other boys dancing, to notice that it was totally gone.

Until, the dance abruptly stopped, and Remus looked at the hand that had once held the ice cream.

"WHERE DID MY ICE CREAM GO????????"

"Errr.. It fell on the ground and I figured you wouldn't want it anymore. But ice cream that good can't go to waste. So I did the only logical thing was to do and ate it off the ground."

There was a collective shudder. James looked at me incredulously.

"You ate it off the GROUND??!??! That's gross. And to think I wanted to make out with you!"

I nodded sheepishly. "Well it was really really good. I can't pass up Blue! You shouldn't expect me to!"

Peter nodded in concurrence. "She's right. We've all been tempted by that wonderful good goodyness that is Blue before."

"Yeah, but I would never eat it off the ground," James said, still looking disgusted.

"Er, James, hate to break it to you mate but you have eaten ice cream off the ground. Many times before, now that I think about it," Sirius said. That made me feel much better. At least I wasn't the only one who ate ice cream off the ground.

"Lily you never did eat ice cream off the ground. You just made that up so Remus didn't yell at you," JIMM reminded.

Oh yeah.

I was relishing the feeling of not being so weird, when Peter did it again. He started chanting, "Spaghetti………….. Spaghetti……….."

"NOT AGAIN!!! I'LL GET YOU YOUR FRIGGIN" SPEGHETTI!" I screamed. I couldn't handle yet another spaghetti chant. It didn't end well last time.

"But, I don't like spaghetti."

"Oh, of course you don't" I said sarcastically.

Peter looked surprised.

"You understand?"

Now I was confused. I didn't understand anything really. What was he talking about?

Not even JIMM could help me.

"Sorry Lils, I have nooo idea what Peter's going on about."

So I decided I would just play along.

"Of course I understand Peter! It's not a very hard concept to grasp!"

Peter gazed at me admirably. It was rather creepy.

"So are you ready?" he asked.

"Ready for what?"

"THE GLASS FIGURINE MUSEUM!"

"Oh, right the glass figurine museum! Of course I'm ready for that! Just lead the way!"

"WAIT!" Sirius shouted. "We should wear our costumes from yesterday! That way people on the streets will recognize us!"

No. There is no way im going to be a poofy fairy carrot again.

"Good idea Sirius! But James and Remus will need costumes too."

I really hate you JIMM.

"Love you too Lily darling," JIMM quipped smugly.

Meanwhile, Remus and James were brainstorming ideas for their costumes.

"How about the big bad wolf, Moony?"

"Like I haven't heard that one before…."

"Why do people suggest you should be a big bad wolf?"

The boys immediately looked uncomfortable.

"Erm….. it's a long story actually….. shouldn't we get going to that museum?" Remus mumbled.

I shook my head. "I wanna know!!!"

Sirius sighed.

"Ok Lily, I guess there's no point in hiding it from you. Remember the time that Remus couldn't remember the password for the common room, and tried to 'huff and puff and blow the tower down'?"

"Oh yeah………" I agreed. That was really funny.

"Yeah, well we never let him live that down."

"Oh. That's not very nice."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked. "You're not exactly a bowl of pickles yourself dearie."

Obviously I'm not a bowl of pickles…. I would be a lot greener then.

"Actually I AM a bowl of pickles."

Grr. Stupid JIMM controlling my mouth again.

The boys stared at me.

"Lily, you're not a bowl of pickles. You'd be green." Remus said slowly.

"Excuse me, but who are you to tell me if I'm a bowl of pickles? I am very pickle-y!"

Apparently, JIMM not only has control of my mouth and hands, but my legs also. Because I started to jump around chanting "Pickle, pickle, pickle..."

The boys stared at me some more. And then joined in.

So there we were, four of age wizards and a witch, hopping around yelling "Pickle, pickle, pickle…."

It probably would have continued for a long time, if it hadn't been for my neighbors.

All of them came outside and started watching us. They stared at us for a bit and I was getting ready to tell them off for being so rude and staring at us, when JIMM beat me to it.

"C'mon everybody!" I yelled. "Stop staring and do the pickle dance!"

Unfortunately for me, I had weird neighbors who didn't like to do the pickle dance. So they completely ignored me and continued to stare.

"You're neighbors stink Lily. I'm disappointed in them. The pickle dance is fun!" JIMM said.

And so he took control of my mouth, and made me sing the pickle dance song.

"Oh Pickles, pickles, pickles

I am a pickle, pickle, pickle!

All green and bumpy and greeeeeen!

The Pickle Dance Song!!!!"

We all finished the dance at the same time, with Remus and Pete doing back flips and ending on James and Sirius' shoulders. They all had jazz hands.

The neighbors continued to stare at them in disgust. Until little Linus from down the lane launched into laughter and applause. "Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!"

I put my hands up and said, "No, no. We must go."

And as if the boys read my mind, we all apparated.

A/N: Yeah….

Next chapter they go to glass figurine museum! Get ready for more Agnes!!!!