"I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you." Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

Sam was done. Usually he had a higher tolerance when it came to his brother. But then again Dean has always been an emotional rock with a cocky overcoat. Sam has never encountered whiney, bitching, wildly pining Dean Winchester. He's only know this guy for a few days now, had two considerably short conversations with, and he was already acting more like a girl than in Sam's seventeen years of experience. Sam has never seen Dean act this way over anyone, ever. He was more of a one night stand then never speak to again kind of guy. Infact, Sam was pretty sure Dean had never been in a comitted relationship before. It didn't help that his attention span was famous for lasting no longer than two seconds. Hence why Dean spent so much time at the firehouse. There were endless lists of things he could do. Want something to do? Do the dishes. Done with that? Tune up the trucks. The fact that is was plumping up Sam's secret college fund was just an added bonus. With Dean off today, he was driving Sam up and down the walls. Not even school could save him, when he would check his cell phone during passing period there would be a handful of texts from his brother, coming up with piss poor ideas, then calling himself various variations of the word stalker. This is where Sam drew the line. So he powered up his laptop and immediately went to Facebook. Every teenager has a Facebook these days, especially ones as infamous as Gabriel Novak. It wasn't hard to make the connection, especially with such a strange last name. Though in this case, that strange last name made the result instant, Gabriel Novak, Lawrence High School, Works at Sally's Sweets on Main. Thankfully his contact information wasn't guarded, so Sam jotted down the number then slapped his laptop lid shut. He practically ran down the stairs to retrieve the landline since he'd left his cell phone in the car, not wanting to go outside.

"What the hell are you running for, Sammy!" Dean practically shouted from his spot the coffee table used to be. He must have cleaned it and went out to buy a new one while Sam was doing his homework, because he was holding instructions, while the pieces were strewed out around him. As well as a package of half empty Oreos. The TV was on but only as back round noise, Dean wasn't a fan aside from his Dr. Sexy, but that was probably because he would tune out five minutes in and then suddenly he'd missed the whole show. Besides, Dean would much rather be doing busy work. Sam found it a strange existence, since he loved sitting at home doing nothing but reading or surfing the net.

Sam grabbed the landline, nearly knocking a stool over in the process, then ran up the stairs and slamming the door. He could faintly hear Dean yelling 'Don't slam the door, you little bitch!'

The phone rang three times before someone answered. "Hello you've reached king of the lollipops but you may address me as Gabriel. How may I help you?" He sounded jittery, he was either high or had way too much sugar. He only thought the latter because he called himself "King of the Lollipops.'

"Hey, this is Sam Winchester, we have Home Economics together. My brother Dean won't shut up about your brother, pining like a teenage girl. I've personally had enough. Your brother said he would give Dean his number if they saw each other again, so I need your help." Sam ranted, slightly out of breath by the end.

"Deano! The firefighter! Castiel's mentioned his a few times since Saturday, he's been acting like a love sick puppy. Wait! I have an idea, you said Home economics, right?" Gabriel said with a tone of excitement.

"Right."

"Okay, sit with me tomorrow, and I'll take care of the rest." Gabriel said deviously, hanging up the line.

Dean woke up groggy and uncomfortable, rubbing his eyes to get the never ending nightmare out of his head. Every night it's the same. The house burning, practically no breathable air outside his room. His small mind instantly went to one word. Sammy. He could hear his Dad yelling his mothers name, so he opened his door and ran across the hall. Sam was still in his crib, crying and screeching. When he opened up Sam's door again to leave with his baby brother in hand, he was face with his father who said only one word.

Run.

Dean dragged himself out of bed, his hair sticking up in all the wrong places. Dried drool on his cheek, feeling the least bit sexy a man can ever feel. That's saying something. He went through his drawers picking a long sleeve shirt and well worn jeans as well as mismatched socks, knowing full well he'd have to change into uniform at the station. Well he didn't have to persay, but Rufus tended to yell about protocol less when he wore it. His shower wasn't anything special, maybe on the cooler side but Dean didn't bother to adjust it. When he finally made it downstairs, he slapped thirty dollars on the counter with a note, 'Feed yourself. Be back in two days.' This was a regular occurrence, Dean was out the door by five thirty.

People started really waking up by eight, demanding breakfast. Also demanding that it was Dean's food, and definitely not Garth's. Everyone in this station knew that Dean's cooking was by far the best, beating everyone's expectations every single time. Then again after being served Garths burnt to a crisp turkey last year for Thanksgiving, the bar wasn't all too high. Dean cracked out the ingredients for his home made chocolate pancakes, with strawberries to chop up and put on top. According to the men, they were practically as good as sex, as good as a food orgasm can get.

Things were moving along quickly, flipping the pancakes at their peak. While waiting for the rest to cook Dean started to drum along to 'Carry On My Wayward Son' with freshly cleaned butter knives, soon enough he was belting out the song in full. No one bothered to holler at him, saying ungraciously to shut up, because by now they knew he wouldn't; and frankly he wouldn't care if they did. Soon enough Dean's mind floated away even though he kept singing. The scar on his arm brought him back to his childhood and teenaged years in that wreck of an apartment living with Sam and his angry, bitter, drunk of a father. Dean and Sam would probably have never been so close if it weren't for the fact that they were forced to share a room up until Sam was a teenager, a young teenager, but still in fact one. But Dean's over protectiveness of his brother did play a role. All the nights that Sam would fall asleep to the sound of drunken John either screaming or tossing Dean around was enough to take an emotional toll on any kid. Dean hated the man with a passion, long forgetting the kind and caring father he had as a small child. Sam never knew the man their father used to be, but still felt pain when he passed on. Not to the extent most people feel when a parent dies, but still pain to a degree. Took the day off of school for John's funeral but no preceding days. He didn't feel that was needed. He missed the mother figure he never knew more than he ever missed John. Dean missed his mother more than he would ever be able to admit. Not even to Sam. He'd never been close enough to someone to ever consider it. Always fuck and run, he didn't even mention it to Jo or Ash. The memory of his mother was deeply engraved in his mind, like a movie on the silver screen. Too precious to share with anyone just in passing.

As Dean was plating the pancakes, Rufus strutted into the kitchen grabbing a plate of food while shouting, "Breakfast, ladies!" There was a ruckus as everyone crowded into the kitchen for their fair share. As everyone left to crowd around the long kitchen table in the main area, Dean remained in the kitchen as always with his food. Not that he'd admit it to these jackasses, he was a claustrophobic panic attack waiting to happen. Though he'd always been like that, times of high stress were worse. He's been out of his mind with stress since Eric died, the town hating him just added to that as well as his own guilt.

"Dean, someone's on the phone for you!" Garth yelled from the other room. For a moment Dean questioned it until he remembered that his cell was still broken so if someone wanted to get a hold of him they had to call the station. Dean walked out of the kitchen and grabbed the corded phone from Garth with a nod.

"Dean Winchester, resident badass speaking."

"Son, shut your cocky piehole before I beat your car with a wrench." Bobby said gruffly.

"Don't you dare threaten my baby, Bobby Singer. Whatcha' need anyway?" Dean mused, leaning against the brick wall.

"The shop is booked out through next week, can you give me a hand when you're off?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, sure old man. Anything for you."

"Don't call me old man, and get a new friggin' cell phone, ya idjit." The line ended as Dean's laughter rang out. Crazy old coot, Bobby was. Though he was more a father than anyone had been, and he could rely on him when he needn't someone, he was always there for him. Every time he'd run away for a week or so, he'd try and make it on his own but end up on Bobby's door step, the old man took him in every single time. Gave him a hot shower, place to sleep, and enough food to feed an army. Dean had been a rather skinny kid up until he moved up, then he could finally have three meals a day and sleep in peace. Once he moved out, he went from a light sleeper to dead to the world within two days. Never had a sleep problem again, aside the nightmares. But Dean resided that those were probably there to stay. At least for the foreseeable future.

Sam walked into Home Economics with a bounce in his step. Knowing Gabriel, this will either be dangerous, illegal, or both, but as long as it gets Dean here than Sam's happy. Something deep inside Sam was hopeful that this would kill the whining side of Dean. He had enough on his plate with preparing for college and trying to find his place in the world. He'd started sending out college applications, more than most people. But his heart was sold on Standford. He just hoped his grades were up to par, praying that the B- in Spanish wouldn't hurt him in the long run. Dean says he's over reacting and that I'll get in without a question, but Sam wasn't so sure. He wasn't as confident with himself as Dean was in him. But Dean was an arogant kind of guy, maybe his view of his brother was warped as well?

Gabriel grinned from the third row, and patted the stool next to him. His smile was nearly demonic, how could he be named after the messanger of God with a smile like that? But when Sam sat next to Gabriel, he glanced at the boys backpack, that was when he was truly worried. It was suspiciously overpacked and smelled slightly like gasoline. What was he getting himself into?

Mr. Crowley walked into the room looking even more hung over than usual. The guy was a wreck, "Class, muffins, stuff is on the counter, go fucking bananas." Mr. Crowley was the type of teacher who didn't care that cursing could get him in trouble, infact once he swore a students ear off for singeing his own eye brows off while fucking around. His head only rose from his desk when his phone rang, after a few moments he looked frantic, running out into the hallway yelling "I need someone to watch my class!"

"You get the materials, and I'll do the rest, Samsquatch." Gabriel said with a wink, making Sam scowl as as went and gathered the needed muffins to make basic muffins. When he returned to their table, Gabriel had several suspicious objects on the table, while looking around the room nervously.

"We gotta do this quick before a teacher who actually gives a shit comes in." Gabriel whispered, dumping things into the mixxing bowl.

"What the hell is that stuff?" Sam asked in a hushed tone, wrinking his nose in disgust.

"Lighter fluid, grease, little everclear, and a few things I wouldn't dare tell a cop about." This guy was insane, absolutely insane. But it was too late to turn back, as they were filling the runny mixture into muffin cups. Things were going according to plan until none other than Mr. Novak walked in. They couldn't tell if this was great or going to get them caught.

But again, it was far too late.

When Castiel's eyes laid on Gabriel, he had to take a double take, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was already hard enough to control Gabriel in his own classroom and at home, but here too? Castiel's day couldn't be going worse. He had hit a baby porcupine on the way to work since he'd been up all night grading a story assignment, with the prompt, "How you know you're in love." Personally he knew it would be a disaster the moment it was picked from the prompt bowl. He was right, since most of the boys papers had been related to errects and wet dreams. Something deep down in him had hoped they would be mature with the assignment, but that was shattered as he read, 'I know I'm in love with my hoe when my dick sticks up when I see her.' written hundreds of times. Then another teacher spent fifteen minutes before school chewing him out for not filling the coffee pot. He'd never even used the schools coffee machine.

"Okay, I set the timer for ten minutes, hundred degrees higher than I was supposed to. We have ten minutes until shit goes down."

It happened in four.

"Mr. Novak?"

"Yes? What do you need?"

"Our muffins are on fire!" This caught Castiel's attention.

"Everybody out! Pull the fire alarms, call nine one one! Get out!" Castiel started yelling, opening the classroom door for everyone to exit. Soon after the fire alarm was blaring, sending the whole student body into a panic. They say that fire drills will prepare you for the real deal, but when that true feeling of panic hits you, you realize no matter how much prep you do, you'll never be ready for a fire. Even Dean was still terrified of the prospects of an uncontrolled fire, no matter how many fires he's been through, or lives he's saved.

Castiel stayed in the classroom, trying to air it out as much as possible, opening every door and window. His mind was raising and terror was rushing through his veins like an evil drug. The smoke seeping through the oven door was getting to him. The top of the oven was starting to sink in from the heat. For the first time in his life, Castiel was truly terrified. Not like before a twisty roller coaster or when you have to speak infront of tons of people. But actually worried about his own well being as well as everyone elses. He didn't know why he stayed in the room, he probably should have left. Espcially when he started coughing and got light headed, then a steady stream of thick black smoke was pouring out of the oven. His body felt like jelly, and he couldn't move. Castiel's mind was screaming leave, but his body wouldn't cooperate. Whether it was because of fear or lack of oxygen, he didn't know. But he did know that he hit the cold hard floor.

Firefighters rushed into the room minutes later, one yelled, "Get the civillian out of here!" So Castiel's lifeless body was carried out of the room by a man with gorgeous green eyes, who was muttering, 'Cas you stupid, stupid son of a bitch.' He may have been holding back tears and the screams that were clawing at the back of his throat.

"I need a paramedic!" Dean yelled, holding Castiel's body close to his own, like he would protect him with his life. Maybe he would. He jogged towards Bela who was pulling a gurney out. He layed Cas down flat as Bela put an oxygen mask over his face. Dean let out a scream of frustration as Bela pulled the gurney towards the ambulance. Why did fire have to take away everything good in his life?

"Dean, come on! Get in the ambulance or we're fucking leaving you!" That was unexpected, but he looked at Bela with eyes that practically read, 'Thank you.' as they were budding with tears. He jumped into the ambulance before the could see the guilty, grief stricken looks on Sam and Gabriel's faces.

Sam couldn't help but think that maybe there was never a whiney, bitchey, teenage girl version of his brother. Maybe he'd just never seen his brother fall in love at first sight, as the ambulance drove away. He'd never seen his brother in love at all.

Castiel's eyes fluttered open half way to the hospital, when he tried to sit up, Dean gently held him back.

"Take it easy, Tiger. We're on the way to the hospital. Just relax, you're in good hands." Dean whispered, Castiel noticed the cracking in his voice but didn't mention it. Infact, he only said one word as his hand wrapped around the wrist of the man holding him back.

"Dean." He muttered, a small smile forming on his face. The man that has been on his mind since the moment they met. When he shut his eyes, he saw his face. The freckles, his green eyes, slightly tanned skin, infectious grin, every little thing about him, every part that Dean hated about himself, among the all too long list.

"Gave me a scare there, Cas." Dean said softly, pressing a short kiss to Castiel's forehead. Dean had never felt sparks or even emotion in a kiss before. But this innocent display of affection hit him like a flood of emotions. All of them were good. It was like starting a new, if only for a second.

Cas didnly reply, just layed there in a state of both bliss and anxiety. Was that even possible?

Dean's cellphone beeped, signaling a text message. Beep another time, making Dean raise an eyebrow. He rarely got texts from anyone besides Sammy.

Lisa Braeden

Look's like you found that sexy teacher on your own, Dean!

Samsquatch Winchester

Dude, I don't care what you think or say, but you love that guy. Don't get hurt.

To think he'd asked for a brother.

Dean didn't reply to either, just intertwined his hand with Cas' while muttering, "Lisa was right, you have a killer ass." Which made Castiel laugh until he was coughing.

"Lisa Braeden? She's been oggling my ass?" He asked, as if it were an absurd idea.

"Yeah, I may have as well when I saw you at the career festival." Dean admitted while blushing, trying to laugh away his embarssment.

"Well to be fair, your ass is a work of art."

"God you two are more of a couple than most couples!" Bela said with fake disgust. Dean's face lit up like a Christmas tree both from embarrassment and happiness. Cas brought him happiness. There wasn't a rhyme or reason. He felt hole after spending years picking up the broken pieces of his soul, glueing himself together along the way only for someone to come along and crush him all over again. Eventually the pieces were too small to pick up so Dean created a newer version of himself. One that liked classic rock, hot chicks, and sexy cars. One that didn't care what you said about him, one that didn't care what you did to him. Even though his old self was trapped inside, screaming LET ME OUT. But Dean never turned back. Today was the first day he'd ever stopped and considered letting himself out or his internal cage.

"Are you busy tonight, Cas?"

"Not at all." He lied. He had so much work he was supposed to be doing, but his skin was vibrating against Dean's.

"Come by the firehouse at eight, I'll cook you dinner, and then steal you away for a perfect date... whilst still being on the firehouses property." Dean laughed, burrying his face into Castiel's hair. Nothing felt more perfect than this.

"We're here ladies, say your goodbyes, Dean has to get back to work." Bela informed them.

"Can I-" Before Dean could even finish his sentence, Cas' lips were on his. Chapped, wet, and absolutely perfect. It only lasted a few seconds before Bela started pulling the gurney out of the ambulance.

"I'll see you tonight, Dean!" He called as Bela pushed him away from Dean's view.

"I can't wait." He smiled to himself.

Fireworks were nothing compared to how that kiss felt. It felt like he'd finally found every part of himself that was missing. He was complete, filled himself with a blissful feeling that lasted for hours after that. He could still smell Castiel's shampoo. When Dean walked into the hospital to use the payphone, he was practically sailing. Garth could hear it in his voice when he asked for somone to come pick him up.

"Sure thing lover boy. How was the kiss?"

"It was the best three seconds of my life." he breathed, his mind was blank for the first time in a long, long time.

"Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and just go where your heart takes you." Unknown.

Dean was in a mode between a cleaning panic and nervous pacing. He had to beg the guys to act civil tonight, having to bribe one or two of them. His body was vibrating with nerves, something about this felt too perfect, that terrified Dean. What if he wasn't smart enough, or as compelling? He has a high school diploma (barely.), never even bothering to apply for colleges. Dean knew he wouldn't be able to face the rejection letters.

Half way through sweeping the floor for the third time, he thought his brain was going to explode.

"Jesus Winchester, take your meds for once!" Victor shouted as he walked past Dean.

"Victor I'm not on any, you know that you ass!"

"Well you damn well should be you, you're a nervous wreck!" There was truth behind his words. He'd stopped taking the only medication he was ever on, as a teenager. Dean knew he should eventually see a psychiatrist again and at least get the ADD back under control so that he doesn't space in and out of reality, but he was terrified of being labeled a freak again. Being an adult doesn't change the fear of rejection nagging in the back of Dean's brain.

"Fuck you!" Dean yelled without any venom behind his words. Victor just smirked at him and left Dean with his ever racing thoughts.

The hours went by quickly while Dean had things to do. But by six oclock at night he'd run out of things to do, and was officially driving everyone insane with his worry. At first he kept his jumbled thoughts to himself until his outrageous worries spilled out into the fire station, finding everyone who had ears. In other words, everyone. Some people took it easier than others, like Garth and Matt, while others wanted to lock him in a closet until Castiel arrived. Maybe even until he was off shift. He'd gone from hot headed fireman to fourteen year old girl in less than a week. This would take some getting used to, if it even lasts. They'd never seen Dean bring someone around more than once when there was a sexual attraction. But here Dean was, practically having Castiel meet his family on the first date.

They assumed this was going to last, based on that very fact alone.

"Someone quiz me!" Dean yelled, pacing nervously in the main room, respectively going around the TV to avoid punches and verbal abuse. They were very serious about Tivoed football.

"Don't be stupid, kid, you can't quiz about someone you barely know." Rufus hushed, hand fishing in the chip bowl, eyes never leaving the screen. it always reminded Dean of highschool, he'd been the running back. His favorite player to this day is Marshawn Lynch, to this day. Though after those four years, he'd discovered why the back of his mind was always screaming quit. It was because he hated running. At least it had kept him in shape, without it he'd probably have never been able to become a firefighter. Wiry with a little chub in the tum, could have never carried people out of a burning building, one after another, never quitting till he saved every person he could.

"I'm going to change, fuck the uniform." Dean said, smirking at Rufus. Dean was famous for breaking every rule in the book, uniform being one of them. Rufus just put up with his insanity since he was a damn good fireman, and has saved more lives than some men can count.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that!" Rufus shouted at the same time that Garth called, "Awe, cmon' Dean, maybe he's got a fireman kink!" Every one groaned at Garth's comment. Jo would have cracked up to the point of tears at that one. Dean mentally noted to tell her later, since when he called her earlier while cleaning, she demanded to know every detail of the date the moment it ended.

Dean started tearing through his duffle bag trying to find something worthy a first date. Even worse, a date with Castiel. Literature teacher with the looks of the gods, how is he supposed to live up to that?

In the end he slipped into a hole filled pair of jeans and the only shirt that didn't have an oil or grease stain on it. It was a gray ACDC t-shirt. After getting dressed he got his old fashioned iPod out along with headphones. If he was going to have a hipster mp3 player, it wasn't going to be one that broke like a pussy. He had three brilliantly named playlists. Every day, Shame File, and Panicking. The names explain themselves quite well. When Sam asked what shame file meant, Dean had told him to just click it. He had, it was filled with Dean-approved music that was listened to by the popular public. So basically, Pop, and Punk Pop, along with a few slow songs that he wouldn't dare name. Though Sam had saw the word Kesha before Dean slapped the laptop closed and said 'go play outside little boy.'

"Do I look okay?" Dean asked shyly, they just motioned for him to leave, so he walked into the empty public bathroom. His shaking hands gripped the sink hard as he stared at himself. Veins coursing with adrenaline, and pure terror. His eyes were pinning slightly from the bright lights above him.

Dean didn't like the person he saw.

His head dropped. "I don't think I can do this." He muttered under his breath. Voices were bouncing through his skull, some were his mothers voice saying 'Dean you can do anything you put your mind to.', others were his father 'Boy, you'll never be anything respectable or worth any pride.' The loudest was his brothers. 'Dean, you can talk to me.'

Dean nearly sprinted to the phone, yelling "Move it, assbutts!" instead of the customary excuse me. Though no one said anything about that, just questioning his word choice.

He punched in the number he knew by memory, Sam Winchester of Sioux Falls.

"Yo, you've got me, what do you need and how much will it cost me?"

"You brat. Sam I asked Cas on a date, he's coming here, and freaking soon. At eight." The tone of his voice had fear in its cool overcoat. One headphone was still in his ear playing Led Zepplin. Go to calming song, which was slowing his heart rate if only by a little.

"Dude, you're already in love with this guy whether you're a man enough to realize or not. It's called love at first site. Believe me, he's head over heals two. The way you looked at each other was like you were fucking each other already."

"Way to turn a chickflick moment into a hard core porno. I've raised you well. Thanks, Sammy." Dean said smiling as someone walked into the room behind him.

"Is there a Dean here?" He asked somewhat loudly, so that the yelling men who were arguing over their fantasy football could hear him. The voice stopped Dean dead in his tracks, as well as his heart.

"Yeah, that's me." He squeaked, literally squeaked. Sam was laughing over the line. "Shut up Sam, I've got to go. Don't drink my beer or I'll kill you." He whispered fast before slamming the phone on the reciever.

Dean looked far less composed than when they met.

"Hey, Cas." He said shyly, closing the distance.

"Hello Dean." Cas felt just as disheveled as Dean looked.

"Oh, shit, dinner. I'll make it now, we can just hang out in the kitchen... If you want, of course."

Before Cas could answer, Victor shouteed his comment, "Dean was too busy panicking over you to remember to even seperate lights and colors. Now I've got pink everything!" Which made everyone laugh, even Cas. While Dean was blushing redder than a rose.

"That'd be perfect." Cas said warmly with a gentle smile that hushed all Dean's internal chatter. Dean's hand reached out, grabbing Castiel's.

"I'll show you the way, Teach'." Dean said teasingly with his gorgeous smile. He swore he could hear someone mutter the words 'get a room.' but he was too happy to care. Cas had came and he hadn't puked.

"Quick question, you eat fish? All we have besides veggies galore. They ate around the two. If not I can just or—"

"Fish is great, Dean. Breathe." Cas said soothingly, which helped more than any music ever could. He took a deep breath and nodded as they stepped into the kitchen. There was only one person in there, and of course it was the person Dean was the most worried about.

"So you're the guy he's been growing lady parts over!" Rufus exclaimed with a smoothie in his hand, sipping enthusiatically.

"Maybe? I'm not sure th—"

"Yes, okay Rufus, this is Cas. Will you go now? Please?" He begged, giving him the eye.

"Yeah, okay, you know the rule Winchester, no damn exception." Rufus warned as he walked out.

"What's the rule?" Cas asked curiously.

"No sex where anyone can catch you. Dont worry! This isn't just sex. Believe me, I don't do dates." Dean assured.

"Then...What is this? Friendly chat?" Cas frowned, taking a deep breath.

"Hell no! It's definitely a date, fuck I can't talk. What I mean is, I've never actually been into someone enough to ask them out. Let alone bring them to the firehouse around these apes." Dean said, looking as if he were going to pass out. Dean kept thinking to breathe but he was starting to think he was going to have a panic attack. This is a date, not something to panic about. Man up, Winchester, he thought.

"Wow.. How old are you?"

"Twenty-one, why? How old are you?" Heart rate was going faster and faster. He swore this guy was going to be the reason Dean dies early.

"Most people are in at least one relationship by twenty, even if they last less than a week. I'm twenty-four by the way." He answered. Heart rate slowing to an unsteady seventy-three.

"Yeah, well I'm one of the odd ones. That's too long of a story for the first date though, assuming there will be more." He laughed, rubbing his neck unsure.

"Unless you're a psycho murderer, I'd say it's safe to assume so." Castiel smiled.

"Okay, great." He grinned as he started grilling cod while Castiel chopped the vegetables.

"So, Cas, to make sure we're not psychos, let's get to know each other without all the first date small talk bullshit." Dean laughed.

"Okay, you start."

"Who the hell names their kid Castiel? No offense, I mean it's kinda hot but really?" Dean blushes when he realizes he'd just said the mans name was hot.

"It's actually after an angel, but thank you for the compliment," Dean was blushing even harder. "My Dad was some recluse writer so when I was nine they divorced and I went with my mother. She was supported by her grandparents until she died, she left me everything so I could raise Gabriel well, it pissed my siblings immensely. Which is how I'm here now!" Castiel explained.

"I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel better both mine are dead."

"It doesn't, but it's entirely sweet of you to try." Castiel's smile was unlike any other Dean had seen before. Maybe it was because of his lips, they were they were perpeturally chapped and how he licked them between turns of speaking.

"Why are you a firefighter?" Castiel asked, trying to change thee topic.

"Horrible topic changer, teach. She died in a fire, I did road work for a little while till I could buy a wrecked house for Sam and I. Refused to let the state take him, fought tooth and nail. Did everything to show I was suitable even though I wasn't. After road work, I took the job here like I'd always wanted. I'd thought that if I had a job here they'd think I'd randomly die and Sam would end up back in the system."

"That sounds awful. Honestly since we can't get off the topic of death do you just want for us both to explain? Out in the open?"

Dean gulped and said something he'd never thought he'd say. "Yes."

"Well, my mother had ovarian cancer. It took a long time, it was hard for everyone. No one knows about my father, my two older siblings never tried to, neither did I. Gabriel isn't old enough to legally try anything but says he doesn't care, doesn't have a single memory of him." He shrugged, handing the cutting board of vegetables to Dean who dumped them in a pan to saute.

"I'm so sorry about your mother. My dad was around until I was eighteen, unfortunately—" Dean pauses to check Castiel's reaction. He looked taken aback.

"He was a really bad guy. Real depressed, real drunk, and real mad. Never touched Sam though, thank god." Dean breathed, with a small smile of relief. He didn't see Cas' face mirror Dean's pain.

"Did he touch you?" He asked, moving closer so that they were side to side.

"Doesn't matter, Cas."

Castiel twisted Dean's body towards him, their faces inches apart.

"You don't think you matter, do you?" Dean's eyes were wide with shock and terror. He hadn't let anyone into his barrier, his heart beat shot past eighty easily as he hyperventilated. This time he knew there was no stopping it.

"I—I'm having a panic attack." He gasped out, bolting out the back door so no one else would see him. He eventually found himself outside, running from the firehouses small property onto the park neighboring it. Cas wasn't far behind. Dean couldn't calm his thoughts nor breaths. His body felt like it was on fire and everything inside him told him to keep running and never stop. But he did, collapsing in the middle of the park onto his back. Every negative thought he had about himself and the world came to surface, drowning every other thought he'd ever had. No happiness, just thick black goo. He felt like he was choking, drowning in water that wasn't there, until Cas pulled him up. He was kneeling on his knees between Dean's legs, as he grasped Dean's shoulders.

"Dean, breathe slowly. Tell me about your Sam, in class he's studious. Tell me all about him."

Dean dragged in a ragged breath, "He's a good kid. Really good, applying to Stanford. But he's a little shit at the same time." Dean managed to laugh, making Cas grin.

"Good, good. Tell me about what you do for fun?"

"What do you mean?"

"Fun, Dean. You know you can have it, right?" Cas laughed, squeezing Dean's shoulder.

"Of course I know," Dean scoffed. "I just.. I don't really have hobbies. Work, eat, sleep, Sam. Sometimes I work at my Uncle Bobby's mechanic shop, I love it but it's still work. Before you ask, no he's not actually my uncle. More of a father figure. Taught me all the stuff your old man is supposed to. Ride a bike, talk to a girl and in my case both genders, and especially how to work on cars. I took to that like water. The other two, not so much." Dean rambled on and on about Bobby and Sam, as well as when he worked as a mechanic, never really touching the subject of his actual job. He kept talking long after the panic attacked stopped, he'd just learned he really liked talking to Cas. But he also really liked to have someone to listen.

"So Mr. Novak, you tell me about you now." Dean said as Cas layed next to him in the grass, no space between them with their fingers interlaced. Maybe Bela was right, more like a couple than some couples. But it didn't stop them in the slightest.

"Well I was going to be a librarian but found teaching more exciting, so I got the joy of books and the excitement of teaching!" Castiel laughed, Dean stared at Castiel intently with a giant goofy smile on his face, listening to every word that came out of Cas' mouth.

"My college experience wasn't like most peoples. I mean I did go to parties and had friends, but I was more of a by myself kind of person, studied a lot, and had a part time job so I was pretty busy."

"What were you like in high school?" Dean asked turning his face to Cas'.

"Nerdy, scrawny guy. I didn't fill out till I was twenty, late bloomer like you wouldn't believe. When I was graduating high school she told me she accepted me for my skinny, short, self. That was extremely embarassing. But here I am, six feet with a damn good runners body. What about you?"

"Hmm. Well I was a football player but I was different, believe it or not I'm pretty smart. The counselor sent me in for testing because my grades were so bad. I scored One-fourty-six. I'd pay to see the counselors face again. Apparently it was the ADD going rampid since I stopped taking the meds. I've learned to deal with it. Only a few friends, didn't mind. A lot of hook ups though." Dean admitted.

"I believe that you're smart, the way you hold yourself. You're articulate when you're not being lazy. But why did you stop taking your meds?"

"At first because my Dad refused to pay for them anymore, but then I started telling myself that's not why, it's because I don't want to be a freak. Eventually I believed it. I don't take them now because I'm afraid it'd affect work, and all of my extra money is going to Sammy's college fund. Stanford ain't cheap, teach."

"Believe me, I know. I was going to apply but then saw then number, my eyes about buldged out."

"God, me too. I gotta admit though, it'll be really hard when he leaves. I've been with him my whole life. Then suddenly there will be this whole in my life. First time I'll ever be alone, you know? He's been my rock instead of me being his. If you havent noticed, I'm ninety percent crap. All the cocky, arogant, self confidence. I'm a nervous wreck on wheels, with the same level of self loathing as an ocean of depressed teenage girls. Honestly. I have nightmares and panic attacks, and am emotionally unstable. Now to make me feel better list your worst flaws as well."

"Hmm, I eat way too much, I snore, I cry over sad romantic movies, and I obviously fall for someone way too easily." They started to lean into each other before a downful of flash rain started to soak ever inch of them. The air was thick with the water, and as they were standing they were already soaked.

"Call me at the station tomorrow, we can set up a real date!" Dean shouted over the roaring thunder.

"Most definitely, I'd really love that, the real Dean Winchester."

"I can't wait, the real Castiel Novak."

Dean tipped Cas' face up to his own, kissing him properly this time. Long, wet (not counting the rain), and indescribable. Their toungues explored each others mouths and they melded like they were made for each they parted, both of them were panting. Both of them started jogging to the firehouse where Cas' car was parked. But jogging turned into a race. Cas may be a fast runner but Dean had literally been trained for fast running. They didn't call him Unstoppable Winchester for nothing. The Marshawn Lynch of high school football.

"Slow down, asshole!"

"I was a runner back, baby! I could do this all day!" Dean shouted back.

Baby. He liked the sound of that. He wondered if Cas had noticed.

He had. And he liked it too.