By the next week, Suzaku had talked himself into going back to Zero again. The SAZ was far from perfect, with the overwhelming response from the Elevens wanting to be registered as Japanese causing bureaucratic back-up and the skyrocketing housing and rental prices in Tokyo from profiteers, but the lives saved from the cessation of hostilities made it all worthwhile.
Made this all worthwhile.
Again, Zero wasn't in the room, but neither were the champagne and robe. Instead, the room was bare of accessories, save for the chains attached to the bed.
And another note, placed artistically between the chains.
Suzaku,
Please remove all your clothing this time and chain yourself positioned on your back. I should be there soon.
Zero
No cutesy little P.S.'s, no exact time, just the vague 'soon', nothing to make Suzaku at all comfortable.
It was, oddly enough, more comforting than the romantic gestures of the previous week.
Suzaku followed the orders, getting his ankles in easily enough and one of his wrists, but struggling with the last one when Zero walked in carrying nothing but the blindfold. Suzaku's stomach clenched mostly, but not quite entirely, out of fear.
"Well done," Zero said, approaching the side off the bed and helping Suzaku with the last wrist manacle. "Head up, please." Suzaku bent his neck as ordered, remaining calm as Zero placed the blindfold over his eyes and, after removing that damned mask, kissed his forehead. "There. You're fine. Just relax."
There was more laxity to the chains this time, giving Suzaku's legs more freedom of movement. His arms were still stretched to the point of near strain, but he had the freedom to close his legs, hiding what he could from view.
He should have expected Zero to take that freedom away.
There was a short pause as Zero stripped, then the sound of a heavy drawer opening and the rattling of more chains. "Spread your legs for me, Suzaku."
Zero's leather-clad hands were gentle as he guided Suzaku's knees until Suzaku was spread, frog-legged, with padded chains securing his knees open and pressed against the mattress in a position that was uncomfortable, but not painful.
"Oh." For long moments, Zero said nothing, removing his gloves to smooth his hands up and down Suzaku's inner thighs, his breathing soft but audible and fast. Once his hands left Suzaku's body, Suzaku tensed in anticipation, but nothing stimulated any of his remaining senses until he heard the sound of a camera. Suzaku flinched, hating the idea of a record of this humiliation almost as much as the idea of the humiliation itself.
"You have no idea how good you look," Zero said, taking a few more pictures. "Like a dream come true." Apparently, that was all the patience he had to spare, because he put aside the camera and returned to Suzaku's body, kissing his stomach and chest, running his nails lightly over Suzaku's thighs and side, pressing his erection against any part of Suzaku close enough to get some kind of friction.
Suzaku took some pride in resisting this time, remaining flaccid as Zero worshipped his body with lips and fingers and cock. Eventually, Zero made it up to Suzaku's lips and kissed him lightly, still holding true to his promise of not trusting Suzaku's mouth quite yet.
"I'm going to suck you off," Zero said, breathless and excited, sounding oddly young. "How do you like it?"
Suzaku could feel his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands in frustration. "Why are you doing this? Why don't you just take what you want?"
Zero stilled, his frantic motions stopped by Suzaku's plea. "I am." He kissed Suzaku's forehead, his cheek, the tip of his nose. "I want your pleasure."
He moved down Suzaku's body, trailing down light, teasing kisses, nothing like his frantic actions. Suzaku wanted the mindless rutting back, not this lie of tenderness and care.
As if reading Suzaku's mind, Zero smiled against his stomach, just under his navel. "I'll make this good for you, Suzaku. I promise." He dipped his head, his nose trailing through Suzaku's pubic hair, his breath hot and eager, wafting over Suzaku's skin.
"Zero, please…" Suzaku begged, not sure what he was begging for.
"Shh," Zero said. "Don't worry. I'll take care of you." And wet sucking heat surrounded the head of Suzaku's cock as Zero went down on him.
Suzaku wanted.
He wanted to grab Zero's hair and direct his mouth to the best angle, he wanted to buck up into the heat of Zero's mouth, he wanted Zero off him, he wanted to run away and never return.
He wanted to beg for more, for Zero to stop; to be released, to find release. He wanted to cry out in wordless joy, wordless hate, anger and guilt and gratitude and resentment.
He wanted, and he repressed those wants, tightening his fists until he could feel a trickle of blood from his nails digging into his flesh, biting his lip until it bled to keep all but the most strangulated sounds from passing his lips. Zero kept going, moaning around Suzaku's length as he took in more and more with each pass, occasionally stopping to suckle at the head, tongue the slit, once even pulling off entirely to kiss and suck at Suzaku's balls.
He tried everything, and Suzaku's body loved every moment; every swipe of tongue, every light graze of teeth, every suck, every vibration from Zero's moans. He was hard and leaking when Zero finally pulled away, panting and breathless, leaving Suzaku to bite back an instinctive complaint as the cold air hit his cock.
The sound of the camera brought a hot flush to Suzaku's cheeks, and Zero sighed, snapping more pictures before placing the camera aside again and returning to Suzaku's erection. He'd gotten his breath back and, as he'd apparently been working up to it, after a few long sucks he managed to take Suzaku down his throat, swallowing around him as his nose pressed against Suzaku's groin.
It was too much. Suzaku had been fighting off orgasm, but the shock was enough that he found himself spilling down Zero's throat without any control, his pulse thudding in his ears. He felt the loss as Zero pulled off, but that didn't stop him from coming over his chest and abdomen, pulling against his leg restraints as he tried to arch his back. Under the roar of his pulse and the mental scream of frustrated release, Suzaku could hear Zero grunting as well, and a new series of warm spurts coated Suzaku's stomach, from a different angle.
When Suzaku recovered, the first thing he noticed was the sound of the camera going off again, followed by the soreness in his hands from where he'd broken through his skin and his legs where he'd strained against the restraints. After Zero put the camera away and freed Suzaku's knees, he curled up beside him, his cock soft against Suzaku's side.
Suzaku tried to escape as much as he could, shifting his hips away. Zero sighed and let him move. "I'm sorry. I should have asked first, I couldn't help it."
At least Suzaku hadn't had to watch it. He wasn't sure how he'd feel if seeing Zero come undone made his own orgasm better.
Zero continued running his fingers through Suzaku's hair, resting his head on Suzaku's shoulder. Suzaku could feel Zero's eyes on him, even if he couldn't see them.
After about half an hour, Zero kissed his cheek and stood, releasing Suzaku's left manacle. "The shower is free. Have a nice week."
By the time Suzaku freed himself, the semen had smeared over his chest and stomach, his and Zero's mingling into a single sticky mess. This time he didn't even bother looking over himself, ignoring the blood on his hands and the half-crescent indents through his palms and the bruises on his knee. No lasting injuries was the deal, and even Suzaku's self-inflicted cuts would heal in days.
He showered off and dressed, refusing to look himself in the mirror on the way out. Zero had left the photographs on the table. Suzaku didn't look at them either.
In fact, over the next six days, Suzaku found himself avoiding his reflection whenever he could, unable to meet his own eyes. He had training exercises with the Lancelot, a few press conferences standing behind Princess Euphemia, the occasional meeting with some of the Black Knights (including Toudou but never Zero), and his fitness regimen. He could have found time to visit with Lelouch and Nunnally and everyone at Ashford, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He felt unsteady, uncertain, and if anyone asked the wrong questions, especially Lelouch, Suzaku wasn't sure he could hide what was happening.
Still, it was for the best. It had to be. Suzaku had to keep believing in that.
Over the next month, Suzaku watched Tokyo transform into the SAZ of Japan, as Britannians and Honorary Britannians and Japanese came together in relative harmony. There were issues that cropped up, growing pains, as Zero called them, but overall between the careful watch of the Britannian royal family and Zero and the Black Knights things were moving more smoothly than expected.
Suzaku's weekly visits escalated gradually, but never ended without Suzaku coming at least once. He'd tried his best one week, jerking off repeatedly before arriving, using pain and thoughts of Nunnally's pity and Kallen's disappointment and Lelouch's disgust to try to stave off orgasm. Zero had played with him that night for hours before finally wringing an orgasm out, one that was equally unsatisfying to both of them.
The next week, Zero made Suzaku come three times, twice with his hand and once with his mouth. They'd cuddled afterward with Zero whispering about how much better that had been, hadn't it? Suzaku hadn't answered, but when Zero kissed his lips, Suzaku kissed him back.
It would have been simpler if Zero had been crueller. He had reason enough to resent Suzaku, after everything they'd done against each other, but none of that came out in their time together. Even Zero's occasional distance, his cool voice and the touch of his leather-clothed fingers, seemed as much to protect himself as to keep Suzaku at arm's length.
He'd said he'd wanted this for a long time. Sometimes, when Zero held him and caressed him, Suzaku could almost believe that Zero was in love with him. But that didn't change the fact that the only reason Suzaku came to his bed week after week was to ensure the peace treaty remained strong.
"You know that, right?" Suzaku asked after he and Zero had finished (at least their first round, that was no longer a guarantee of the night being over) and Zero was spooned up behind him, one hand tracing along Suzaku's chest and side, the other kneading through his hair as his lips peppered soft kisses against the nape of Suzaku's neck. "You know I'm only here for the peace treaty."
"I know." Zero's hand slid up Suzaku's chest, cupping his chin and turning his face up for a kiss, over his shoulder. "It's still more than I ever thought I'd have."
Suzaku still wasn't sure why Zero had wanted him in the first place, or why he was content with this when Suzaku left his chambers still hating him (well, mostly. The SAZ and the new peace had endeared Suzaku somewhat to both the terrorists and their leaders) and returning only because he had to.
But there was no doubt that Zero was satisfied. He never lost his patience, kept asking Suzaku for what he wanted, what he liked, and did his best to give Suzaku what pleasure he could. He improved with practice, to the point that Suzaku would have considered him a considerate lover, in any other context. Suzaku often left Zero's chambers in a confused mess of satisfaction and disturbed guilt. He never told Euphemia or anyone else what went on behind Zero's closed doors, and Zero seemed just as discreet, which almost made things worse, as if this was some shameful secret they were both hiding.
Speaking of shameful secrets, Zero hadn't once let Suzaku see his face. He continued taking pictures and leaving them for Suzaku to see, as if proving that Suzaku was enjoying himself to Suzaku, and Suzaku kept leaving them behind, untouched. Zero was never in any of the pictures, not even a hand or leg. But Suzaku had figured out some things.
Zero was skinny, much thinner than he appeared. He either shaved very carefully before his encounters with Suzaku or he was young enough to not have a lot of facial hair. His fingers were long and strangely calloused, like a musician's rather than a soldier's. He wasn't strong, but he could be quick when startled. He was a fast learner, and read Suzaku well, despite the blindfold.
He really liked kissing, especially when Suzaku kissed back.
It was that last discovery that gave Suzaku an idea, driven by curiosity and the determination to take back some control.
OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO
"You're not prepared." Zero sounded disappointed. Suzaku couldn't blame him; this was the first time since their first time that Suzaku hadn't followed instructions. The chains lay unused on the bed and Suzaku was still clothed.
"You keep asking me what I want," Suzaku said. "I'm ready to answer."
He wished he could see Zero's face, read if he was surprised or pleased or something completely different. As it was, all he had to go on was the slight pause before Zero answered.
"Well?"
"I want to touch you." Zero leaned back against the wall, his posture relaxed and uncaring. Suzaku didn't believe it for a second. "I want to feel your skin, hold you while you move, catch your release in my hand." Suzaku felt his face flush. He was being far more explicit than usual, and it was hard. "I don't want to be your sex toy any longer. I want to participate."
Zero didn't move for a long moment, and Suzaku wondered if he'd pushed too far, too fast.
"You could kill me with your bare hands."
"That's a risk you take every time you're alone with me," Suzaku pointed out. "You asked what I wanted, and that's it. And I think you want it too."
Belying his relaxed posture, Zero's hands fiddled anxiously with the blindfold, lending credence to Suzaku's suspicion that he was young enough to be naturally clean-shaven. Suzaku didn't wait for an answer, and strode forward, taking Zero's gloved hands in his and guiding them towards Suzaku's face, pressing the blindfold against his eyes.
"Go on."
Zero's hands slid out from Suzaku's grip and tied the blindfold off. Suzaku's heart skipped a beat in anticipation, and he wondered when he'd become so well-trained to start anticipating this.
"There are rules," Zero said, his voice changing as he took off his mask. "You are not to remove the blindfold. You are not to leave. You are not to–"
"Can I kiss you?" Suzaku interrupted.
"Oh." Zero's voice sounded suddenly breathy. "I… I suppose…"
Suzaku tried to convince himself that permission wasn't the same thing as orders, and used a hand around Zero's nape to guide himself to Zero's lips.
Hmm… just a shade taller than Suzaku, two or three inches…
"Suzaku." Zero grabbed at Suzaku's lapels, deepening the kiss into something hot and desperate and Suzaku stopped calculating and allowed himself to sink into the simple world of sensations. He hadn't done anything like this for so long. Being chained and held down was different than being active and participating, but it hadn't been so long that Suzaku forgot what to do.
He backed Zero against the wall, careful and gentle, more guiding than pushing. Zero was surprisingly pliant, and Suzaku wondered if this was what he'd wanted as well.
They undressed, a little. Zero's ridiculous cape fell to the floor and both he and Suzaku nearly tripped over it. Suzaku's dress tunic followed it, then his tie and Zero's ascot thing (which was easier to tear off him than Suzaku had suspected). There was still precious little skin-to-skin contact, and the openings to Zero's outfit weren't placed in any logical or easily accessed location, far too hidden for Suzaku to find without being able to use his eyes.
There was, however, an easy way around that. Suzaku dropped to his knees and Zero gasped, his fingers threading through Suzaku's hair as Suzaku mouthed at the bulge in the front of his pants.
"Let me," Suzaku said. "Please."
He wasn't sure if it was the 'please', or if Zero just wanted it as much as Suzaku did, but there was a soft curse and then Zero was fumbling his pants open, freeing his cock before returning his hands to Suzaku's hair. Suzaku smiled as he leaned forward, his mouth watering in anticipation. "Thank you."
Zero was ominously silent as Suzaku took him in, only his hard breathing and the eager little twitches of his hips relaying his pleasure. Suzaku had never done this before, but it couldn't be that different than with a girl. Licks and sucks and remembering what had felt good when Zero had done this for him were enough to start with, and Suzaku had always had good instincts when it came to things like this, and they were telling him to take it as far as he could.
Deepthroating, as Zero had done for him ever since their second time together, was apparently too far. Suzaku pulled off fast, before his throat could spasm and his gag reflex came into play, and Zero made a small helpless sound and came all over Suzaku's face, dripping off Suzaku's nose and chin, and off the blindfold.
The sound that came from Zero's mouth was a strangled laugh. It wasn't exactly mocking, but Suzaku ducked his head, feeling oddly more vulnerable in this position than chained to the bed.
"No, don't," Zero said, reaching down to cup Suzaku's chin. "I just… can't believe you did that. For me."
Suzaku swallowed past the taste of bile and other flavours he didn't want to think about. "Yeah. I guess, neither can I."
"I'll try not to take that personally." Zero chuckled, guiding Suzaku to his feet and drawing him in for a kiss. Suzaku wondered what he tasted like, although Zero had sucked him off often enough to know what he was getting into.
The kiss went on for a longer time than Suzaku had expected, languid and undemanding while Suzaku ached, and then it hit him. This was the first time Zero had come without making sure Suzaku had first been satisfied. It was no more than Suzaku had done for his previous lovers, but given that he and Zero weren't in what anyone in good conscience could call a 'relationship', such consideration seemed pointless. It wasn't as if Suzaku would leave if he wasn't satisfied, as long as the SAZ remained intact.
As if sensing Suzaku's changed mood, Zero broke the kiss and slid his hand down Suzaku's front. "Hmm… that was thoughtless of me, wasn't it?"
Suzaku gasped as Zero's hand pressed just hard enough to renew his focus. He closed his eyes tightly behind the blindfold. "You don't have to…"
"I want to," Zero said, his voice lazy with satisfaction. "I want to watch you come undone. I want to savour it." He undid Suzaku's pants, fumbling only a little, which was impressive as this was the first time he'd undressed Suzaku rather than coming to him already nude, and wrapped his still leather-clad palm around Suzaku's cock.
Suzaku wanted it. He wanted Zero to take him apart, to wring him out and use him however he wanted. He wanted Zero's touch, his voice, his scent, his skin.
And he wanted it badly enough in that moment, that he almost forgot that he didn't want this, any of this, at all.
"No, wait." Suzaku twisted out of Zero's hold, careful not to risk any parts of him he didn't want injured. Zero let him go, apart from a weak grasp on his forearm.
"Suzaku?"
Suzaku's stomach lurched. "I can't do this."
"What? Do what?" Zero sounded concerned and anxious and Suzaku desperately wanted to leave. He fumbled his pants closed and groped around, still blindfolded, for his tunic. "Suzaku, what's wrong?"
"We're not lovers!" Suzaku burst out. "We're not anything. This isn't some kind of romantic innocent game, it's… I don't know what it is. But I can't… I'm sorry." He found the tunic and grabbed it, stumbling to the doorway, tripping over everything in his path in his hurry to escape.
"Suzaku!" Zero hadn't moved, hadn't come after him, and his voice was still more anxious than angry. Suzaku hoped that boded well for the alliance, because he knew full well that no matter what the cost, he simply couldn't stay here any longer.
There was a difference between being used and being forced and willingly giving yourself. Suzaku had never felt used, although he had certainly felt forced, and somehow the progression from unwillingly participating to eagerly taking control had felt natural. And Zero had let him, no doubt pleased that his pet was taking some initiative.
Zero hadn't tried to get any information from Suzaku, or plant any seditious ideas in his head. Instead, he'd been training Suzaku for… something. Turning him into something pliable and servile for Zero's own needs.
And he'd made him desire Zero. No more. Suzaku would return next week, but he'd return to his place, chained for Zero's pleasure, at his whim, taking nothing for himself.
A proper sacrifice for the good of Japan. All he'd ever wanted.
