INSIDE THE PERVERTED MIND OF DOUGIE POYNTER CHAPTER 2

TUESDAY

Right now I am under my bed with a flashlight. I swear to God that it is the only place where I can have some peace and quite. I would go and sit on the roof to have quiet, but I am afraid of heights. Yes, journal, that is the reason that I make Danny sit next to the window when we fly anywhere. Oh shit! I shouldn't have written that in here, if the other guys see it, I would never hear the end of it. They already make fun of my for being shorter then them in more ways that one. That reminds me of the time that we were bored in the van; we took turns measuring each other's dicks. That was funny, except for the fact that they called my Cocktail Frank for the rest of the tour.

Argh! I went into Tom's closet to borrow a sweatshirt, as all of mine were in the wash, and I saw something that made me want to pull my eyes out. He had a leather boy scout uniform hanging in his closet. A LEATHER BOY SCOUT UNIFORM, JOURNAL!! Danny heard me scream and ran up the stairs. "Who's screaming like a little bitch?" He asked as he came flying through Tom's door. I point to the closet and turn away from it. Danny tilts his head and looks at me. Then he looks to the closet. "Wicked! I have always wanted one of these!" He grabs the uniform out of the closet and I fall to the floor. You know what this band needs? A fuckin' therapy session. I'll even pay for it. Danny puts the outfit on and struts around the room. It's a little big for him, but he is having way too much fun with himself to care. He shakes his ass in front of Tom's full-length mirror. He hoots and cheers for himself. I feel my mind fall out and splatter on the floor. I hear someone coming up the stairs and I scuffle under Tom's bed.

Tom walks into his room, arms filled with his clothing. He gets an eye full of Danny and drops all his shit on the floor. "What the fuck is that?" Danny looks over at him. "Uh, it's yours asshole. I found it in your closet." Tom looks mad for a second and then he looks utterly confused. "My closet? That's not mine. I've never seen that before in my life! It must be Harry's because Dougie is too small for it!" I hear them both snicker and my blood boils. I go to stand up to yell at them forgetting that I am under the bed. My head smacks the boards underneath Tom's bed and I have to cover my mouth to keep myself from crying out in pain. "Let's go. Harry made pancakes!" Tom and Danny skip out of the room, leaving my throbbing headache and me. I crawl out from under the bed rubbing my head. I should sue those two wankers.

I head down to the kitchen to find Danny still in that uniform eating pancakes with Tom and Harry. "Check it out! Dougie's head has an erection!" Harry calls out and points to my head. Fuck! The lump is really that big? I race to the bathroom to check to see if it really does look like my head had an erection. I get into the bathroom and see that sad truth. What did I ever do to be punished like this? I drag myself back out to the kitchen to get my pancakes. I return to see Harry with syrup in his hair, Danny on the floor paralyzed with laughter and Tom reading the paper that is stained with orange juice. Such a waste. Such a waste. I sit down as Danny comes up and glomps me. Now my face is all sticky and he is giggling like a little schoolgirl. It must be nice to act like that all the time. Tom hands me a plate with my pancakes on it and I thank him. For some reason he is giggling too. Are these Hash cakes??! I lift one of them up and inspect it. I see nothing wrong with it, so I set it down and drowned it is syrup. These aren't bad actually. I'm surprised to be perfectly honest, usually Harry burns Corn Flakes.

After breakfast I retreat to my room; I can't stand the stupidity going on in the kitchen. They are throwing the rest of the pancakes and there is mix all over the place too. I don't want mix in my hair. I need to look good at all times, you never know when you are going to meet the right woman….or man. Harry would knock the stuffing out of me if he ever read that. He thinks that being straight is the only way to go. He and Tom had a go around when Tom brought his boyfriend home. I fell of the balcony when I heard about that. I broke my arm in three places and fractured my collarbone. Danny would always steal my neck brace from me and try to wear it as a hat. Speaking of Danny I don't know which way he swings. I tend to think that he has both hands in the honey jar. (Honey Jar! I kill myself journal!) Tom is bisexual everyone knows that, except his mum. She is waiting to meet his girlfriend and nothing else. I can't wait until she finds out. I want to see her beat his ass with a rod. Hold on, journal Danny is calling me.

Danny had trouble finding his loofa. I had no idea what a loofa was until he showed me a picture of him and his loofa, Toby. He named it, I know. He really is the fruitiest Froot Loop I know. We looked everywhere for it and he finally found it in the kitchen under the sink. He hugged and kissed it, then disappeared with it. I don't know where he went with it or what he plans to do with it, and frankly I don't want to know. If I had found something that I wash with under the kitchen sink I would have thrown it away, not shown it any affection. If I didn't have my medication I would probably have lost it by now.

I found myself daydreaming of Danny when I saw him out in the garden again. I imagined him taking care of his garden and how good it must look. I need to knock this thought out of my head. He is my best mate! I can't fantasize about him shaving his crotch for me! That's not right. Oooh! What if he shaved his pubic hair into the shape of a heart for me? That would be so cute. O.0 NO! I did not just think that! I need to get out more often.

Danny sees me looking out the window at him. He winks and pulls his pants down. I think I am going to have a heart attack. I disappear from the window, my chest heaving like I just finished running a marathon. Harry is passing by my door and sees me under the window clutching my chest. He leans into the room and asks "What? Your new A-cups came in?" I am temped to hit him with something, but the only thing in my reach is my journal. And I sure as fuck am not about to throw this at him. I don't want to give him any ammo. I sneer at him and he walks in. "What are you writing in that notebook? Are you talking shit about me?" He tries to snatch it from me. I stuff it down my pants; I know he won't reach in there. He is afraid to go into that territory. Harry pulls back with a look of disgust on his face. "You need to talk to a therapist, Dougie. You have some serious issues. It was only a notebook." He turns to vacate the room. "It's my journal, you ass bag. I don't want your nasty paws on it." Harry laughs and faces me. "Like I could ready your girly scrawl?" He leaves before I can get off my floor.

OH MY GOD! Journal are you okay? I take it out of my pants, just as Danny walks in. "Fuck me. It probably suffocated down there." I look up and turn scarlet. "What do you want?" I ask placing my journal under my mattress. "You have got a mane of pubic hair. Before you write in that you probably will have to comb its hair now." Danny is practically on the floor, doubled up with laughter. "I am very proud of my mane of pubic hair, thank you. What did you want anyway?" Danny manages to stop laughing and look at me. "I wanted to know if you enjoyed my garden show." SHIT! He saw me having a good time watching him shake his ass while he was weeding. I shrug. "I dunno. I have seen better." Danny's eyebrows are raised in shock. "What? Did you want me to grind on a sunflower or something?" My mind is filled with the image of Danny ridding a sunflower like a strip pole. I must have had that glazed over look on my face because Danny is waving his hand in front of my face. "Did you take your medication this morning?" He asks me. I fall backwards onto the bed and shake my head yes.

Danny lies down next to me. "You know what?" He asks. I have no idea what he is going to say. "What?" I ask him, not knowing what he is going to tell me. "Tom tried to commit suicide yesterday." I look at Danny. "What?!" Danny nods. "Yep. When he and Harry went to go see a film. Apparently his boyfriend broke up with him and he wanted to end it all. He climbed into one of those popcorn makers at the cinema, wanting to die by being suffocated by popcorn." Now that is a fucked up way to go, I think to myself, but don't voice my idea. Because I don't say anything Danny continues on with the story. "He was up to his neck in popcorn before someone caught him. One of the woman that work there pulled him out of there and when she was doing so, Tom fell face forward into her chest melons. They are going out to dinner tonight." I feel the color drain out of me. "Wait a minute. He just broke up with his boyfriend and he already has a new girlfriend. What a player." Danny nods in agreement. "He has had more sex partners than Pamela Anderson." I can't help myself, I burst out laughing and soon Danny is laughing with me. Today has gotten a hell of a lot better for me.