Prompt: Outlaw
Warnings: Slash, Creek. Do not try anything within this story at home.
Author Note: I've been totally obsessed with Creek stuff lately and when this idea came to my head, I decided to run with it. This is the very first time I've tried anything slashy, so any comments about how to improve are welcomed. Yikes, I'm seriously worried about posting now... GAH! The pressure!
&*&*&*&
Mayor McDaniels had informed the press of the announcement she had to make twenty-four hours in advance. It made the local paper and radio station and most of the town turned out to hear what was to be said. An announcement usually indicated that they would be in for an interesting, if aggravating week.
The majority of South Parks teenagers showed up too, since no matter what happened on the steps of the town hall usually had some major, dramatic effect on them. Forewarned was not always forearmed, but at least it gave them a hint.
Craig rarely bothered with the meetings – he liked his life nice and boring, thank you very much – but since he had been 'studying' with Token (actually copying his maths homework) and Token had insisted on attending, Craig had tagged along. Spotting Clyde off to one side of the crowd, they made their way over to him and exchanged greetings and idle speculations as to what the latest drama could be about. By the time the appointed time arrived, the crowd was quite thick, but in spite of that, they saw several people they went to school with – Timmy and Jimmy toward the back of the crowd where they were less likely to get jostled and of course, Stan, Kyle and Kenny right at the front.
No Cartman though, thought Craig with a smirk. The fat boy had recently taken to swiping Tweek's Thermos from his locker and drinking it himself – Craig had only discovered this by accident since rather than confront him, Tweek had merely brought a second flask and kept it in his bag. Three days before, Craig had waited for Tweek to leave his Thermos in the locker and then broke into it himself, lacing the coffee with laxatives, then waited around in hiding until he spied Cartman heading down the corridor only fifteen minutes into first period. Sure enough, he removed the drink and swallowed it all in four large gulps. If there was one thing Tweek could do well, it was make excellent coffee.
It was a shame they didn't share second period, Craig reflected later when the news of what had happened reached him. It meant that he had to brave the boys bathroom between lessons, when lesser mortals had given the room and indeed the corridor, a wide berth. Trying not to breathe, he walked in and slammed a hand against the only occupied stall. "Hey Eric!"
"Fuck off Craig, I'm busy!"
"Well, maybe you shouldn't drink things you find in other peoples lockers," chuckled Craig.
There was a moments silence, followed by noisy exhalations from both ends of the other boy. "I'll kill you Craig! I'll make you eat your parents! You hear me? I'm gonna get you for this!"
"Whatever fatass." Craig strolled out of the bathroom, grinning widely. Cartman had not been seen since and Craig had been feeling extremely pleased with himself.
Mayor McDaniels tapped on the microphone and cleared her throat, indicating that she was ready to start and Craig reluctantly focused his attention on her. Whatever it was, it was unlikely to have any major effect on them, since he made a point of avoiding as much of the towns drama as possible.
"Ladies and gentlemen, recently a young man from our town has brought to my attention an evil presence in our town. An insidious, terrible evil that has enslaved our workforce, affected our economy and corrupted our children!"
Cats again, thought Craig, bored.
"We can only thank Eric Cartman for discovering and sharing with me the horrific effects of this addictive, mind-altering substance..."
Craig's head shot up as Cartman, previously hidden from his view by the crowd, rose from his seat and acknowledged the audience. The boy seemed recovered from his recent ordeal, his eyes scanning the people as if searching for someone in particular.
"And reassure the people of South Park that as of this moment, the sale, production or possession of coffee within the town limits is against the law and punishable by imprisonment!"
A cheer met this statement, the crowd caught up with the moment. It would be the next morning when, suffering from caffeine withdrawal and the inability to properly awaken, that the townspeople would question how good of an idea this was.
Token scowled. "That means Tweek's parents are out of work!"
"And Tweek is gonna be going cold turkey..." Clyde shuddered.
Craig's mouth dropped open as he stared at the scene, hands hanging by his sides, too stunned for even the obligatory hand gesture. However Cartman had managed to pull this one off, it meant that Tweek's life was about to get horribly difficult.
And it was all Craig's fault.
As he tried to process the information, Cartman's gaze finally sought him out and their eyes met. Cartman grinned maliciously and flipped him off.
~:~
School the next day was best described as... hellish.
On the steps of the town hall, a contingent of shaky-looking Goths had braved the early hour (or quite possibly been there all night) to form a protest, nicotine consumption gone way up without the added addiction to keep them steady. It was thought however that their protest was a little disorganised. Bauhaus was not ideal protest music and the signs slogans were less than catchy. You'll take my coffee when you pry it from my corpse. You'd like that, like to see us all dead. Bastards.
Harbucks was closed, the door and windows nailed closed while shocked-looking people milled around outside, not entirely sure how to progress with the day without their skinny latte. ATF vans were parked in the streets, agents raiding supermarkets and removing any trace of coffee from the shelves.
Craig waited impatiently by his locker, the one next to Tweek's by virtue of alphabetical order. There was no sign of the blonde boy, although if he hadn't been concerned he would have enjoyed the sight of the dishevelled teachers scrubbing at their eyes and snapping irritably at everyone they encountered. There had been no response to his texts and none of their friends had heard from him.
The warning bell rang and the hallway began to empty. Craig lingered a little longer, wondering if Tweek had simply decided to skip off school and lie in bed shrieking – what the hell were the effects of sudden massive coffee withdrawal anyway?
As he went to leave, he saw a figure heading his way but it took him a few seconds and a major double-take before he realised it was Tweek. The boy was still twitching nervously – nothing would ever cure him of that it seemed – but usually he would be clinging to his bag, eyes darting nervously around to see who or what might be watching him, scurrying because he was late. Instead, his feet dragged on the floor, bag looking as though it might fall off his shoulder any moment. His hands were jammed firmly in his pockets and his head was down, eyes on the floor. He didn't see Craig until he was practically standing beside him.
"Tweek?"
"Huh?" Tweek didn't scream at being taken by surprise, a definite first. "Oh. Hey."
Craig frowned at the flat, monotonous tone Tweek used. "You alright?"
"T-tired. Headache." Tweek opened his locker and stared at the contents, seeming at a loss for what to do next.
Becoming slightly alarmed at the complete turnaround in his friends behaviour, Craig tried another tack. "Have you tried energy drinks?"
"Not the same," replied Tweek listlessly, closing the locker without taking anything out. "And they're e-expensive. My dad just lost his job. Gotta save money or we'll end up in the house next to the McCormick's and I'll have to become a rent boy to pay for college. Or something."
Craig didn't like Tweek's new attitude one bit. "Isn't that a lot of pressure?"
"Meh. I don't care. Gotta have energy to care."
Tweek wandered off down the hall, leaving Craig to wonder if someone had replaced the other boy with a pod person He'd seen stressed Tweek, hyper Tweek, pissed off Tweek, happy Tweek and the memorable week and a half of punk Tweek. Emo Tweek was just... wrong. There had to be something he could do, without resorting to sitting on the steps of City Hall with the Goths.
Resigning himself to a lecture for being late to History, he made his way to the classroom which, just his luck, was all the way over the other side of school. He paused for a second outside, steeling himself for everyone's stares as he came in – he hated it when that happened – when the door flew open and Stan Marsh came barrelling out, slamming the door shut behind him. Something heavy hit the other side of the closed door a moment later.
"What the hell...?"
Stan shook his head. "Don't go in there. Miss Sutherland's gone nuts! I got a question wrong and she started shouting about fucking men, sent me to the Principals office and threw a history of Nazi Germany at me!"
"The thin one?"
"The unabridged."
"Ouch."
"Sixteen hours without coffee and society crumbles," said Stan ominously. "Fucking Cartman. He's doing alright out of this whole thing."
"How?"
"Before the Mayor announced the ban, he went out and bought every can of Red Bull, Relentless and Rockstar in town. Anyone wants caffeine, they have to go to him – and he's charging double."
Craig's mood, not great to start with, took a turn for the worse. "Rat bastard asshole!"
"Yeah. I better get to the Principals office, before she comes out and starts chasing me around again. Damn, this town sucks. What's the betting there's an angry mob involved in this before the end of the week?"
"I'm not taking that bet."
"Right. Actually, screw the Principals office. I think I'm gonna go dig out my Poe shirt and head to the Town Hall."
Stan took off while Craig gave serious consideration to just ditching history – but he spent so much time in the Guidance Councillors office that he really couldn't afford to miss any more work if he wanted to graduate at the same time as everyone else. Instead, he pushed the door open.
Miss Sutherland looked up at him with a murderous expression. "You're late!"
"I, uh..."
The teacher picked up a thick volume on Colonial America and hurled it at him. Craig, who wasn't as fast as Stan, woke up much later in the nurses office and spent the rest of the morning nursing a minor concussion and a bruise right between the eyes.
And making plans.
~:~
Craig had a learners permit and his parents would never let him borrow the car, but his dad was out and his mom and kid sister were engrossed in some girly film, so he simply took the keys and went. If his guess was accurate, it would take him about an hour to drive to North Park and pick up some sweet caffeinated goodness. His first act upon returning to town would be to call Tweek and get the boy his drug. When his friend was back to normal, he could go about selling the rest, thereby putting Cartman out of business.
It was the perfect plan.
Of course, once he re-entered South Park with the coffee, he would officially be breaking the law. He'd be a smuggler, an outlaw. The idea appealed to him. It wasn't like he was a real criminal, he reasoned with himself. It was more of a Robin Hood thing, bringing the people what they needed. And there was no harm in making a few bucks on the side.
He spent almost all his money at the supermarket, stocking up on every kind of coffee imaginable. The woman at the checkout gave him some strange looks as she scanned the items through, but he fed her some bullshit line about an all-night study session and she let it go. If she'd thought about it, with this much coffee he'd be up for a month rather than a night.
On an impulse, he stopped at a coffee house nearby and spent his last ten bucks on takeout cappuccinos. He could stop at Tweek's on the way back and give them to him. Maybe then Tweek would be back to normal instead of the caffeine-deprived depressive he'd turned into that day.
Driving back to South Park with a trunk full of coffee, Craig realised that the clouds that had been gathering throughout the afternoon had blocked out the moon and as he hit the road leading back into South Park, the first drops of rain hit the windscreen. Two minutes later the shower had turned into a deluge, the water mixing with the snow and dirt on the road and as Craig drove down the road, the wheels churned up the mess and coated the car in dirt. Sighing, he turned the wipers on high and struggled to see through the downpour, hoping the rain would wash the car clean before he got home, or that he had chance to hose it down before his dad saw it. Otherwise he was going to freak and Craig didn't like the idea of explaining he'd borrowed the car to do some smuggling.
But South Park was close and pretty soon, he'd be able to get Tweek back to normal – well, normal for Tweek – and make some money on the side. He'd put Eric Fucking Cartman out of business. And maybe he could hold the teachers to a 'good grade' ransom too...
He didn't notice the cop car until he was nearly on top of it.
In the short time he'd been out of South Park, the road into town had gained a new signpost – stop here for contraband checks. The familiar figure of Officer Barbrady was sitting in the drivers seat of the police car, presumably to check all the cars entering town.
And Craig had enough coffee in his car to wire the whole town.
Hoping that Barbrady was asleep, he kept the cars speed steady and passed through the stop sign, trying to look casual. Hopefully, the dirt coating the car had obscured the licence plate and the rain would make it hard to see his appearance through the windows.
The flashing lights on the cop car came on, the engine roaring into life as it followed Craig.
Shit!
For a second he hesitated. If he stopped and pretended he hadn't seen the sign, then perhaps Barbrady wouldn't bother searching the car, considering how bad the weather was and how a search would mean standing out in the rain. Then he reconsidered. He would have to show his licence no matter what and he only had a learners permit. He'd be arrested and the car searched anyway. Plus, Barbrady wasn't likely to be in a lenient mood, what with his probable coffee withdrawal.
He put his foot on the accelerator and sped away from the police car.
The streets were not in an ideal condition for a high-speed chase. The water and snow meant that the roads were treacherous and every corner meant a good chance of rolling the car over. Craig tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he headed down Main Street, taking a glance in the rear view mirror to see if Barbrady had given up. No such luck. The only bright spot in the whole affair was that they were the only cars on the road, thanks to the bad weather.
Craig doubted that he could get all the way through South Park and on the road to Denver without being busted. The best plan was to lose Barbrady somehow and wait until he could get the car home unseen. But how the hell was he gonna lose Barbrady?
He took a sharp right and quickly realised his mistake. On this road, he would only pass a few farms and from there it was a straight road back out of town, where Barbrady could easily keep him in sight. He might even have called for backup. The last thing he needed was to appear on TV chased down by a police helicopter.
He looked over his shoulder and saw the cop car round the corner. Cursing, he turned his attention back to the road, only to realise there was a fence directly ahead of him and there was no way he was going to make the turn in time. With a panicked yell he hit the brakes, but the wheels locked and the car ploughed straight through the fence and into the field beyond, causing some soggy cows to scatter. The car continued through the field, gradually slowing, and rolled into a conveniently open barn, where it came to a halt as it bumped into some bales of hay.
Craig spent a couple of moments taking deep breaths and trying to slow his heart down, then opened the door and leapt out. Peering out of the barn, he was just in time to see Officer Barbrady's car approach the broken fence – and then continue on the road, apparently not noticing the damage and assuming his quarry was still running.
Relieved, Craig went back to his car, determined to wait it out for a while. As far as he could work out, he was on the Denkin's farm and that was bad – Carl Denkin shot trespassers on sight and that was when they hadn't just trashed his fence. But hopefully, once Barbrady had given up looking for him, the farmer would be in bed and maybe he could just drive away without anyone noticing.
Of course, that meant waiting in the barn for the time being.
He checked the damage to the front of the car – nothing too major, a couple of small dents and some scraped paint, maybe he could blame it on someone reversing into the car as it sat in the driveway – and his gaze went to the window and the cars interior. The coffee he had purchased to go would probably be cold, but it reminded him of the main reason he'd been sneaking coffee into town in the first place. Grabbing his cell, he flipped it open and called Tweek. It wouldn't hurt to let him know to wait up for when Craig came over with his stash.
Tweek took a few rings to answer the phone. "Hello."
"Tweek, it's me. You still up?"
"Gnk! Yeah!"
A gnk was an encouraging sign, perhaps Tweek was behaving more like himself. "Great, stay awake. I'll be over in about an hour."
"An hour! You only live five minutes away!"
"Yeah, well... I'm actually hiding out in a barn on Denkin's farm."
"Jesus Christ, get away from there Craig! He'll kill you if he sees you!"
"I can't go yet." Craig wondered if it was a good idea to tell Tweek what had happened, since it would only get him worked up, then decided to tell anyway. It'd make him sound rebellious and cool. "Barbrady was after me. I gotta make sure I lost him."
"GAH!" Yup, that was the Tweek he knew and loved, in a totally platonic and manly way of course. He'd probably been swilling cheap generic cola to get over the coffee withdrawal. "The cops! Shit! We gotta hide you! I'll be there as soon as I can!"
The line went dead and Craig took the phone from his ear and stared at it as if he'd never seen it before. Taking a definite course of action without being cajoled, bullied or manipulated into it certainly wasn't Tweek's style. It was probably because he couldn't wait an hour for the coffee – although, thinking back over the conversation, Craig wasn't sure he'd gotten as far as mentioning the coffee.
He probably won't show anyway, he thought to himself, keeping an eye out at the barn door for any signs of police cruisers, or crazy redneck farmers. He'll spazz out and still be running around panicked when I drive over there.
After twenty minutes or so, he was beginning to relax. There had only been one set of headlights passing on the distant road and they hadn't even slowed down. Denkin hadn't put in an appearance. His parents hadn't called his cell to ask why their car had been involved in a police chase. Even the rain was slacking off. So when he saw movement from among the trees, at first he thought it was one of the cows he'd almost killed getting brave enough to investigate.
As the shadows moved he saw it was a person, a black-clad figure trying to sneak through the field without being seen. Just for a second, he wondered if Barbrady was trying to apprehend him through stealth or maybe Denkin had decided he needed to get closer to shoot him for a trespasser. Then he noticed the persons familiar shape and the nervousness of the movements.
He shook his head in disbelief. Tweek. That boy never failed to surprise him. Sticking his head out of the barn, first checking for Denkin, he called out.
Tweek spotted him and dashed toward the barn, pulling Craig inside where there was no chance of them being seen. Craig was amused to note that Tweek had gone all-out for his mission, dressed from head to toe in black – he was wearing a hoodie and a balaclava. The only part of his face visible were his panicked hazel eyes.
"Here." Tweek pulled a second balaclava out of his pocket and handed it to Craig. "Put this on so – gnk – no one recognises you. We gotta get out of here!"
"Whoa, chill Tweek." Craig smirked as he took the balaclava anyway. "What, are you a ninja now or something?"
"I just wanted to blend in!"
"So no swords?"
"Gah!"
Craig leant against the car. "You didn't have to come out here y'know. I'm fine and you got yourself soaked."
Tweek snorted. "And it's not even like I can have a coffee to warm up."
"Well..." Craig turned and leaned inside the car, pulling out the cardboard container with the takeout coffee stashed in it, mostly unspilled in spite of the car chase. "It's probably cold, but it's coffee."
Tweek stared, then pushed the hood down and yanked off the balaclava, which had messed up his hair worse than usual. "You brought coffee into South Park! It's illegal!"
Craig grinned as Tweek grabbed the container off him, "You don't even drink that much coffee! Shit! We gotta hide the evidence right now!"
Obviously deciding that the best way to dispose of the coffee was to ingest it, Tweek popped the top off the first cup and finished it in three long swallows. Craig left him to it while he went to the rear of the car and opened the trunk. "Uh, Tweek?"
Finishing the second cup, Tweek opened the third and final drink before walking around to see what was up, visibly calmer. "Yeah?"
Craig reclined against the trunk in a casual manner, indicating to the stash of coffee inside. "There's a lot more evidence to hide."
Tweek's mouth dropped open as he gazed at the caffeinated goldmine, then at Craig. For a few moments he just looked, then he darted forward, put a hand on the back of Craig's head and, pulling him forward, kissed him. Hard.
Craig's eyes flew wide open as he had the chance to register the taste of coffee that lingered on the other boys lips and the warmth of the mouth on his, but somewhere along the line his brain had short-circuited.
A couple of seconds later Tweek pulled away and glanced back into the trunk. "You're fucking insane."
Craig merely stared, not moving, words completely failing him. Tweek had kissed him. The boy never failed to surprise him.
"You're crazy! I mean, shit! We have to get out of here! We have to hide all this stuff!"
"Uh... did you just kiss me?"
Tweek raced around to the front of the car, dropping his last coffee in agitation. "Come on! Before someone finds us!"
A voice in Craig's head told him it might be a good idea to leave stunned mode behind for the time being and get moving before Tweek totally spazzed out. But damn. He could still taste coffee.
"Craig! Shit!"
Forcing himself to move, Craig slammed the trunk closed and got into the drivers seat, Tweek jumping into the passenger side. Starting the engine made the blonde give a quiet shriek of nervousness, so Craig drove the car through the field as fast as he dared and got back out onto the road. There was no sign of Barbrady's cruiser anywhere and the rain had finally stopped.
He negotiated the roads in confused silence. A part of him wondered if he'd imagined the whole thing – it had happened and been over with so fast - but he only had to run his tongue over his lips to disabuse himself of that notion. Incidentally, he had been doing just that since he got behind the wheel.
Three blocks before they reached Tweek's house, he pulled the car over to the side of the road and shut off the engine. Tweek twitched violently, staring sideways at Craig, although Craig kept his eyes firmly forward.
"Why did you kiss me?"
"GAH! D-don't ask me that!"
"Did you do it because I had coffee?"
"No!" Tweek leant forward and locked his hands in his hair. "I'm not totally obsessive! I did it because you went out and got the coffee."
"Uh, it's not all for you," said Craig, studying his hands intently rather than look up. "I'm gonna sell some."
Tweek shot him an irritated glance. "Well, duh."
Startled into a laugh, Craig finally managed to look at Tweek, who continued talking. "I d-did it 'cause you went and got it and called me first and got me takeout and – y'know, maybe I'm a little dependant on coffee..."
Craig rolled his eyes. A little dependant. Classic Tweek understatement.
"And I don't think you would have done it just for the money because – gnk – getting it was a pain in the ass. So I – Jesus, I am not having this conversation! This is way too much pressure!"
"Tweek." Craig reached out and disentangled Tweek's hands from his hair before he could pull it out by the roots. "Chill out. And fuck conversation."
Leaning forward, he pulled Tweek closer and kissed him back.
~:~
Craig's life as an outlaw, with Tweek as his partner in crime, lasted three days. Then it got to the weekend and the Sunday morning hangovers, which were a norm for many of the townsfolk, kicked in with a vengeance. With no coffee to wash down the aspirin and take the bleariness off the traditional exhaustion, the people of South Park formed the sickest-looking angry mob since the last zombie incident. In spite of the relative quiet – it was hard to get a good protest roar going on when half the crowd were clutching their heads and moaning – Mayor McDaniels revoked the law against coffee, since she hadn't realised how vital the substance was to those in a high pressure job, including herself. The mob gave a muted cheer and crawled back to bed.
The Goths were mildly disappointed. They had discovered that drinking coffee when it was illegal was far more enjoyable than buying it from Benny's and besides, being persecuted made them happy.
Cartman was pissed off. The sudden appearance of illegal coffee had flooded the market and killed his energy drink business dead. He had expected to make a fortune before the town came to its senses; instead when coffee was legalised, he still had enough Red Bull in his basement to see him through four years of college cram sessions. And no money.
Worse still, his revenge on Craig had backfired spectacularly.
The Monday morning after the coffee ban was lifted, Cartman spent the entire time at his locker bitching to Kyle about the situation, until Kyle finally managed to get his stuff out of his locker and take off. Deprived of his unwilling audience, Cartman slammed his locker shut and noticed Craig and Tweek stood by their own lockers, talking about something. As he watched, Craig glanced over to him and he muttered something to the blonde, who chuckled.
Cartman glared at them. "I hate you guys."
Smirking, Craig threw an arm around Tweek's shoulders and the pair of them flipped him off.
