Chapter Two
Uni was unsettling today, not the classes they were normal and the literature teacher only threw a white board marker at me once! So a good day really, what was upsetting me was that Todo asked me the same question as my brother.
"When would you move out on your own"
I knew it was not coming from a bad place and Todo only meant well and in all honestly a young man of twenty-two should want to be out on his own right... but it just doubled my guilt at telling my brother a lie.
One that I have spun since I was eighteen. How do you stop that kind of lie, the excuses kept tumbling on to each other, I think my sister-in-law may be on to Usagi and me but I can't stop the web of lies.
Then at the flower shop an old woman gave me advice (unsolicited I might add), she was buying flowers for her sister's grave and told me how she never told her sister of how she stole her boyfriend from her on junior high and how the lie still bothered her.
"Never lie to the ones you love the dearest" she said to me as she got money out of her purse to pay, she didn't see the pain and shock in my eyes at her simple unasked for advice I had gathered myself enough by the time she looked up and smiled and bowed to her as she left. Her words kept playing over and over in my head for the rest of the shift.
I have been so afraid of what will reaction Niichan will be towards me, will the four years of lies or the confession hurt him the most.
But the old women made me think, if the worst was to happen to Niichan, and he passed with me never telling him, the guilt would eat me alive, no I have to tell him and I need to do it soon!
Finally, work and Uni was over for the week and finally I get a day off tomorrow, if I was remembering correctly Usagi's book would be done by now. Meaning we could spend time together might be too late for dinner but I will cook a fantastic breakfast for us tomorrow and we can start the day, face Niichan together and own up our lie.
I hope he doesn't hate me after I tell him, I'm almost past the face that I'm gay (almost) but being 'outed' was not really what's held me back from telling him. It's the fear that he will hate me and push me away forever, leaving me with no family in this world.
The condo is quite and dark when I got home, but I can see the light on in the office. I will just pop my head in and tell him I'm back, then take a shower and wait for Usagi.
It's still too hard to be the one to start anything with him, but I know what triggers him now and I know what to do if I need him to notice me, an acknowledgment and the mention of the shower should do the trick.
The office is surprisingly free of smoke as I pop my head in "I'm home Usagi".
He mutters "Welcome back" his hands never stop moving on the keyboard, ah so he's already moved to the next project.
What do I do now, if he wants to work on it tomorrow in place of coming to Niichans I can't ask him to not do his work? I will see how he gets up tomorrow, I can just spend time with them anyway no need to force myself to confess.
"I'm taking a shower," I tell him, watching for a reaction but getting nothing, not even a tiny pause in his typing speed. Hmmm do I ramp it up a bit, I really miss his touch.
"I'm going to use your shower gel, to wash... myself with, mine ran out" I try, nothing.
Oh wait, I saw him have to use backspace I guess I made his mind trip. I left the office door slight ajar and went to the shower to wait.
I hear the bathroom door open, and I pretend not to notice as I keep my back to the door, but my body knows and I'm already starting to react to just his presence. He's slow to undress tonight, I can feel his eyes watching me through the steam and water drops on the shower door. I move my hands from my hair down my body and bite my lip to keep silent as I brush my own semi-hard member. Come on Usagi, just get in the damn shower!
But he makes me wait, I desperately want to turn around so I can see his naked body, he hardly ever lets me see him completely naked. I want him so bad now but can't face him yet, my embarrassment will take over. I'm naked and wet and slick with shower gel and warm water... and he's waiting.
I run my hands down my body, and brush my hardening member again, I didn't bite my lip in time and let out a tiny moan. This gets him moving, the shower door opens and the cooler air rushes in.
He says my name and I want to fall to my knees in need "Misaki" the whisper is too much I turn and face him.
Oh shit! He's totally naked. I knew he would be, and part of me know you have to be to have a shower but he stepped in with me and I can see all of him.
Ok, I totally thought I was ready, but nope I can't do it, I can't start anything.
Embarrassed by my foolishness I push him and start my usual complaint "Baka! Let me shower alone..." I have so much more to say but it's cut off as he moves his head under the spray and captured my lips and invades my mouth with his. He lifted both my hands above my head and pushes me gently to the back wall of the shower. I felt trapped, wanted and safe. I stop resisting and let my body melt into his.
The warm water runs past my closed eyes and I let it caress me as Usagi's body presses hard against mine. Forcing my back to hit the cold shower tiles.
"Misaki" he whispers again as he moves from my lips to my neck, using just enough pressure to pull a whimper out of me but not marking my skin. I wiggle a little, I want a hand free, I want my hand in his silver hair, I want my other hand on his back but he holds me tight.
He leaned to capture my nipple with his mouth and has to let at least one hand go to not hurt himself. I move my freed hand to his hair and push very gently on his head letting him know I want it harder, suck it harder.
He moans around my abused nipple and his breath feels almost cool on my water warned skin. With my other hand now free and I grab his shoulder and feel him start to breathe heavily with his own need. It spurs me on, I can't think, I just want.
"Usagi" I moan and he moves from my nipple and snakes his body lower, where is he going? There is more than one nipple that needs his attention. I don't wonder anymore as he gently licks my hardening member.
I turn bright red, he can't see me but it's embarrassing nether the less. I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and the shock of my face in pure need makes me slip down the shower so I can't see myself. We both end up on the shower floor, I soon forget the mirror as he starts to work my balls into his mouth. His hand slips from my chest and starts to gently rub my throbbing member. I want to touch him as he's pleasuring me, I want more of his skin next to mine, it's so rare to have it all exposed to me. I need to touch it all. I move my hands to his sides and start to trace my way down his ribs. He pulls away in shock. It's the fear I see in his eyes and it hurts a little. The emptiness I feel the loss our closeness is painful.
He captures both of my hands by pulling them off himself and smiles as me "Ahh no, Misaki. You know I'm ticklish there" he says sadly, he's not ticklish there I'm sure of it. It's his scar, I must have touched it. It's something he will not talk about.
Pulling my hands back above my head he leans into kissing my mouth once more "Misaki. I love you" he whispers as he roams my body and lands kissed everywhere. I moan and lift my body upwards till it touches his, I lean into him and press my groin into his body in time with each flick of his tongue over my nipple.
"Usagi" I moan again, stop making me wait.
The water is still warm and it's still beating down on us but I could care less as he meets my body needs to be touched and reaches his hand down to stroke me. Gasping at the pleasure-pain of his grip I give in, I'm totally his again. His other hand releases mine again and I'm free to feel his body, the pressure is building in my groin and I can't hold on longer, I need to touch him too, my hand slips down to the shower floor them over his firm legs and brushes his hard member. I blush again, I want him to feel pleasure and make him forget his name. I wrap my hand gently around it and his eyes snap to mine in surprise. The sheer amount of love in them is startling but I move my hand up and down and his eyes close in pleasure.
"Misaki" rolls from him, and it bounces around the bathroom walls, I plumb harder and get the pleasure of hearing him moan. He matches my pace and for several minutes the only sound is our joined moans vibrating around the shower and the sound of hands moving in the water. Lavender eyes meet mine, and he leans into me for a passionate kiss. I have to break it I'm trying so hard just to breath, I can't considerate on a kiss. The pressure is building so fast now. We touch foreheads and lean against each other as we work each other to the point of no return.
"Misaki" he cried out again and that's enough, I spill all over his hand I cry out loudly "Usagggii" it was louder than I thought but it pushed him over the edge too and he's coming into my hand seconds after me. Oh My God! That was like lightning!
He gently let's go and I do the same, he wraps me in a tight hug "Misaki I love you" he says with so much conviction how can I doubt him?
"Hmm me too" I mutter back, why can't I say it! How cowardly of me. I bury my head in his chest and let the water wash away my fears. All too soon the water starts to feel cool, and the floor starts to feel too hard, time we move.
Usagi gets up first "you finish in here Misaki, I will come to bed shortly," he says as he leaves the shower and me behind.
