Okay anyone know any Mandarin translators? How about any online book sites? Anyways here's the new chapter, and I have a guest for the first disclaimer of the story, my small rebellion shall last! So here's Tsunade! (An obviously drunk Tsunade walks in)

Tsunade: Waddaya want?

Me: You promised me a disclaimer, and I'm here to collect.

Tsunade: Darkdesolation does not own anything at all… He's even using his parent's computer to type this.

Me: Here's your chapter.

Naruto awoke at O'600 hours and went to grab a pack of instant ramen only to trip over an unused kunai pouch. He hit the ground and slowly rose to his feet, hopeful to eat and get to Training Field 7. He finished cooking the ramen, and forgot that it hasn't cooled yet. He brought the bite towards his mouth, only for the scalding hot noodles and broth to give his tongue a blister.(1) He cursed and drained the cup, completely ignoring the burning feeling in the back of his throat. He made his way to the training grounds and opened the scroll that was sealed into the Shodaime's message. He started to read the first line.

Dear Reader,

If you have opened this then congratulation you are going to be a bender. I will show you the places in the order that I found them, in other words you will have directions to the Koi Fish, then the Badgermoles, then the Dragons, and then the Bison. If you cannot learn any skills from the animal I suggest you move on, and come back later if you are the Avatar. The reason you will know that is that the first creature of your element you meet will give you an animal guide which will be able to communicate with you, and these animals are intelligent enough that you won't get a wrong answer. Now for the directions, for the Koi Fish go to the northern part of Nami no Kuni, and head towards the western area, the ground should start to be snow-covered and there is a cave in a clearing to the left of the center, in there the Koi Fish reside. Next the Badgermoles, the Badgermoles reside deep within the heart of Hi no Kuni, our home land, they reside in tunnels under Mount Haku. Now for Dragons, surprisingly they reside in Kaze no Kuni, this place is the ruins of the sacred sun temple close to a wide mountain range. The Bison are located in Tsuchi no Kuni, there are ruins of an old temple filled with monk's clothing and such. I would like you to be able to cast minor bending, so from what I have gathered, for firebending, channel both anger and love into your attack of fire, for waterbending, remember that water is always flowing, and never stopping for anyone, airbending is about freedom and being able to adapt to any situation, and earthbending is about facing your problems head on and being unflinching in the face of danger.

Sincerely,

The Shodaime Hokage

Hashirama Senju

Naruto was amazed at what he read, Nami no Kuni. Hi no Kuni, Kaze no Kuni, and Tsuchi no Kuni, that was to much for him to take in and after stuffing the note in his kunai pouch he fell asleep.

"… N… Na… Nar.. NARUTO!" He finally caught Sakura yelling at him in time to get kicked in the groin by Sakura. Naruto did the one thing he could do, he screamed.

*Iwagakure no Sato*

A loud scream is heard which seemed to be male in origin," I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even the Kiiroi Senkou," Oonoki, the Sandaime Tsuchikage said cringing as he saw his granddaughter polishing the hidden knife in her boot.

*Kumogakure no Sato*

In an almost deserted training grounds, a dark-skinned man cringed as he heard a high pitched scream, giving his students time to land in five hits. "Yo yo yo, that is a foul yo!" The male yelled before a pale-skinned blonde woman with eyes like a cat kick him in the groin. He yelled out in a voice uncharacterized to such a large man, "Aiyeeegh!"

In the Kage Tower another dark-skinned man stood fearful of the woman in front of him, "M-Mabui let's be reasonable he- Itai!" He screamed as she hit him in the groin.

*Sunagakure no Sato*

"M-Mother, why am I scared?" a redheaded boy questioned as he heard the three loud screams.

"Gaara run and hide NOW!" The voice in his head told him. Gaara did as he was told and ran from the village on Sunagakure with his blonde sister at his heels.

*Kirigakure no Sato*

In the Mizukage's room in the tower, the auburn haired woman cackled evilly and stared at the cowering form of her blue haired secretary, "Oh Aoi get over hear so I can HURT YOU!" She yelled running after his retreating form as she put on her 'pimp boot' as everyone called it.

*Konohagakure no Sato*

Naruto held his groin area and looked up at the now terrifying pink haired girl while Sasuke cowered in the corner and Kakashi fell out of his hiding spot in the trees overhead. "Okay team… Now we will start the bell test…. All you have to do is get a bell!" Kakashi stated with an eye smile.

"Okay sensei, but don't be sad if you lose!" Naruto yelled from his prone position still hurting from the kick to the groin.

Kakashi did a half hearted good guy pose before yelling, "Ready…. Set…. GO!" And he jumped back towards the lake pulling a little orange book from his pocket.

Naruto ran forward intent on attacking Kakashi as the others snuck off into a hiding place. Naruto went to throw a punch at Kakashi's face, but misses as kakashi reappeared behind him with his book closed and his hands in a tiger pose. Kakashi's hands snapped upwards and went strait into Naruto's anus. Naruto's screams were triumphed only by the combined screams of himself, A the Raikage, Killer Bee, Aoi, Oonoki the Tsuchikage, and Aoi. As Naruto flew towards the lake he exploded in a poof of smoke.

Hidden in the forest of Training Ground 7, Naruto prepared to use a small push of airbending hopefully pushing the little orange book into the water. Naruto jumped in front of Kakashi and turned a 360 degree turn and pushed both his arms forward sending Kakashi's book into the water. The three Genin fell to their knees as a great amount of killing intent(KI) was sent their way, and Naruto appeared hanging upside down a kunai at his groin.

*Random Brothel*

Jiraiya of the Sannin cringed and yelped scared and thought, 'so someone has threatened another man's manhood while an Icha Icha has been destroyed'

*Konoha*

Naruto sat scared as a small funeral was held for the fallen Icha Icha book. "Go say something" Whispered Kakashi angrily with a kunai still held threateningly at 'Naruto Junior'.

Naruto walked up to the stand, "Ahem, we are all here for the wet Icha Icha book that I completely and utterly feel terrible about, and I also-" as Naruto drawled on Yuu Uchiha snuck up on Kakashi and snatched the bells from his belt grinning wickedly as he didn't notice.

*3 hours later*

Finally finishing his speech Naruto handed Kakashi a stack of ryo. Kakashi looked back down to his belt and saw no bells. He turned around and saw Sakura and Yuu asleep with a bell in a hand. Kakashi's visible eye narrowed in anger before he took a blow horn, giving Naruto earplugs and putting some on himself, he lowered the horn to the duo's ears and squeezed the rubber ball thing. "Aiyee!" Sakura and Yuu both screamed at Kakashi and Naruto as they darted up from their slumbering position. "What the fuck Kakashi!" Sakura questioned and screamed at the same time.

:"You two!" Kakashi started with evil clouds and such around him, "Made this team pass!" He finished with a fake sun behind him. "You see, I can tell that you two had Naruto destroy my Icha Icha to distract me long enough to get the bells," Kakashi stated as the three Genin sweatdropped. "I want you to meet me at the Hokage Tower tomorrow for missions," Kakashi finished before shunshining away. The three Genin went their separate ways as the lunch rush at Ichiraku's started.

The next day, the three ninja entered the tower ready for some missions. As the entered, the two people on duty greeted them, "Hello Naruto(-kun)" The Hokage and Iruka said at the same time.

"Old man, Iruka-sensei what are you guys doing here?" Naruto asked/yelled.

"We assign missions Naruto-kun," The aged kage said as he handed them a mission.

The Genin exited the Tower and entered a random forest thinking that this mission to find the cat was important.

Okay Team 7 just got their first mission, next chapter is probably going to be a filler or it will be entering the Wave Arc. My Wave Arc is going to be what starts taking away cannon, don't worry though I will have the Chunin Exams.

If you were wondering Yuu is Sasuke I meant Yuu but I accidentally made a typo… Give me some ideas please