Eating Her Up

"So, you can't feel any of this?" Katniss asked. I shook my head no. It didn't matter how long the train ride was going to be she'd never get it. "But I thought the tourniquet-"

"Katniss, you did what you could," I whispered, still wishing I could feel my leg rather than the heavy weight at the end of my knee. Katniss would blame herself and let it eat her up. I knew it would bother her for ages, knowing that she couldn't do anything to help me. I held her close and tried to make her ignore it but somehow I knew that it would a constant reminder of the Capitol's hold on us.

That night we fell asleep together in her cabin. I hoped so desperately that Haymitch wouldn't come in and interrupt the little sweet time we had together. Luckily, Haymitch was drunk to the world and allowed us to sleep in. When I woke Katniss was still asleep and our comfortable snuggling had been separated by a blanket now encompassing her. That was when I realized that the cold metal of my leg left her shivering. That was when I came to terms with the way things were going to be.

When she moved in with me I could see the reproach in her eyes as I hugged her or sat near her. Every night when I tried to snuggle with her she would move away. I felt as though it would never be possible to be near her with this terrible scar from the Capitol. I thought things would get better with time but even as the thought crossed my mind I knew it was impossible. Katniss wasn't one to change.

Nothing was different the night of our wedding. The day was easily the happiest one of my life and I'd hoped the night would be too. I made us a romantic dinner and as we retired to bed she curled up into an impossible ball, reassuring that all I could do was wrap an arm around her.

I next spent the day baking, she wondered where my spontaneous actions came from but I just smiled and continued. She didn't yet know that I baked when I was nervous. I had a plan for the night though. She's see soon enough.

"Peeta, could you throw my sweater upstairs for me?" she asked, handing me her light sweater. I smiled.

"Sure Beautiful," I agreed, walking past the thermostat and clicking the heat up one degree on the way upstairs. I knew the oven was making it hot in the house too, but that would only make my plan even better. When I came downstairs I found that Katniss had hidden another cheese biscuit in her chipmunk cheeks. I laughed and came to her squeezing her cheek, causing her to laugh.

She attempted to speak but only managed to make various ridiculous sounds. I grinned and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm so happy Katniss," I promised, kissing her cheek. She blushed an embarrassed shade of red as she did every time I kissed her.

"How'd I get so lucky, Sweetie?" she asked, once her mouth was empty. I didn't reply until I'd thought on it.

"I guess the odds were in your favor," I said in my best Capitol accent. I just hoped they were also in mine. That night I curled up in bed with Katniss at my side. She tangled herself in the blanket only to kick it off and cling to my cool skin and metal leg. She embraced me like she never had before. I held her like that all night long as the heater blew warm air at us.

I felt clever, sure. I enjoyed holding her in my arms. I loved waking up to her face. I did feel like I tricked her, but I felt marginally better after she woke up in my arms and kissed me on the lips.

"Peeta," she croaked. "Don't think I didn't notice what you did there."

I searched her face for a reaction. She wrapped an arm around me and nuzzled into my chest. I figured that was a satisfactory response. I didn't even worry about the heater, I merely held her close knowing the odds had always been in my favor.