Honestly, after the full cat fight Pete had had with Stephanie, Dan was wary about going anywhere else with him. Not that he was against the violence that Pete brought down like the wrath of an anient god, no, he was just afraid that his phone would die if Pete kept fighting everyone in sight.

Fighting, though, wasn't on the agenda this time.

"I'm gonna fuck Bill, Dan."

"Pete, we have two rules. One, don't commit murder. Two, don't fuck geometrical shapes. We made pact."

"Yeah, but I'm still gonna fuck the shit out of him, fuck the rules."

"He doesn't have a dick! He's a triangle."

"We'll find a way, don't you worry, son."

They finally landed, and when they stepped outside the machine (Pete had upgraded the name of it to Meat Wallet, and Dan still refused to acknowledge it) it seemed like a normal forest, in cotrast to the shitty TV set they'd endured in LazyTown.

"Fuck, did we find an actual forest? Because, if so, I'm gonna be pissed. I wanted to kill some shit." Dan swore, grabbing Pete's hand and pulling him into the woods, leaving the machine behind them.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours of walking, they found a clearing, which lead to a trail, which lead to both of them crying because they weren't athletic, but eventually Pete and Dan ended up going past a billboard (Pete had put emphasis on Bill, winking at the sky, as if Bill was watching to see a teenager made a pun about his name) that proclaimed "Gravity Falls" in huge block letters.

This, evidently, was not the end of their walking, because apparently billboards about entering the town's limits can be up to a mile away from any kind of food. By the time they had made it downtown, Dan was filled with a hungry rage.

"Do you have any money?" Dan asked, eyeing Greasy's Diner.

"No, the puppets stole my wallet."

"Goddamnit, Pete."

They stepped inside, only to see a machine, which had the words "RING THE BELL AND THE PANCAKES ARE FREE!" stamped above it. It looked like a strongman machine, and even though he was very chubby, there was nothing Dan couldn't do when it came to ahieving free food.

A few patrons chuckled as they saw the teenager pick up the mallet. After all, if a grown man- Stanford has become the laughing stock of the town after failing to hit the bell after three attempts, and he was very sensitive about the subject- couldn't ring the bell, how could a boy hit it?

"I've got a sugar high riding on you, famioli." Pete said, in the way on encouragement.

Dan gripped the mallet, envisioned the assload of syrup he would pile onto the panakes, and then swung, hard. The bell rang, loud and clear, and Dan was handed a plate piled high with pancakes.

Pete and Dan sat down, divided the pancakes, and wolfed them down. Maybe, just maybe, they would get out of this without anyone getting dicked-

Stan, Dipper, and Mabel entered the diner, and Dan was overcome with the feeling that, yes, God did hate him.

"I don't see why you're so worked up about it, Grunkle Stan. No one ever wins those pancakes." Mabel said, causing half the diner to burst into laughter.

"Well, a kid just won those pancakes, so it can't be that hard!" A man called, and the twins and Stan easily zeroed in on the scrawny gay boys eating a pile of pancakes.

Pete had been lost in his food, so Dan had to hit him and give him a pointed look, which was the nonverbal equivalent of "our actual daddy just entered the goddamned dinner and you're scarfing down pancakes, you fuck." Pete put down his fork, and both boys attempted their best puppy dog eyes, but the group just sat down at a booth across the diner from them, saying nothing.

After a few moments of Pete and Dan inhaling their pancakes, they left the Diner, both of them looking at the floor. Of course, Pete was a thirsty fuck, as always, and ran towards the woods again, leaving Dan standing in the parking lot.

Well, Dan thought, shrugging. At least I don't get to see him molest Bill.

Dan walked around aimlessly for bout an hour, and then he heard the screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Bill zomed out of the woods, with Pete close behind. Somehow (and Dan really didn't want to know) he had been trapped in his human form.

Dan had learned a long time ago to not question what Peter did while he was thirsty, but this was too much.

Pete ran out after Bill, spotting Dan. "I told you I'd find his dick, Dan!"

At this point, Dipper, Mabel, and Stan arrived, entrapped by the show as well.

"I have never seen Bill that terrified." Dipper monotoned, and Dan shrugged.

"I guess I should go get him before he drives Bill up a tree or something." Dan sighed, taking off in a run in the direction of the shit, Bill had pipes.

Dan, Dipper, and Mabel found Bill and Pete, and, while the twins were horrified, Dan simply ran up and grabbed Pete from behind, causing the shorter man to kick.

"Dan, what the fuck!" Bill collapsed on the ground, chest heaving.

"I told you not to, you gremlin sized ass bitch." Dan argued, beginning to drag Pete into the woods.

Bill, Dipper, and Mabel watched this, but didn't say anything.

"Bye guys! Sorry Pete almost screwed you, Bill!" Dan nodded at all of them, and then prceeded to drag Pete back to the mahine, throw him in, and glare menacingly.

"I was so close." Pete whined.