Hi, this story is actually falling into place pretty well (I hope) and so enjoy chapter 2, it's short but there is more on its way real soon.


Chapter 2

Rimmer walked back and fourth across the room, until finally he stopped and looked up at the worried Kryten.

"OK, so what your saying is that if we leave him like this he will probably only live a few more days before his body will go into shock and kills him, right?" he asked.

Kryten nodded. "Indeed, the lack of food alone is serious enough without even considering the viruses own attack on his system."

At this point the Cat spins into the room. "Hey what's happening?" He notices Lister still in the AR suit still. "Hey what's up with Monkey face, he was meant to be playing chase the string with me this afternoon." He said holding up a bright blue ball of string.

"He's gone and gotten himself a virus and is now stuck in some sort of AR supported coma." Said Rimmer.

The Cat looked puzzeled. "He's what?"

"Mr Lister is not well, and can't leave the artificial reality suite game. This suit. "said Kryten pointing to Lister and his dark blue suite. "This suit is keeping him from producing an effective anti-body.

This didn't seem to help the Cat one bit and still looked puzzled.

Rimmer noticed this and simply said. "He's sick and can't come out to play."

The Cat smiled. "I see, well why didn't you just say."

Rimmer rolled his eyes. "Clearly the Cat here is going to be next to useless in finding a solution." Said Rimmer turning back to Kryten.

The Cat sniffed Lister. "Curry, Indian, possibly small dark space." He said looking up.

"What?" said Rimmer.

"Sir, thank you for your input but I think we all know what Mr Lister had for Dinner." Said Kryten.

"No he's thinking it." Said the Cat.

"What?" said Rimmer again.

"His sweat has it written all over him." Said the Cat sniffing Lister again.

"Are you trying to tell me you can tell what Lister is dreaming." Asked Rimmer.

"If that's what you call it, yeah." Returned the Cat.

"My my that is impressive. Have you always been able to do this sir." Asked Kryten.

"Sure, why the heck do you think I stopped sleeping in their room." Said the Cat pointing to Lister and Rimmer.

"What, you could read my dreams, my private space." Rimmer paused and thought for a second then spoke again. "You didn't sniff the one with me and Sammy did you?"

"What, I can't remember, I gave up I lost so much kitty sleep." Said the Cat sniffing Lister again.

Rimmer pressed some more. "Sammy, the seal, me and Sammy, dancing naked down the water front."

The Cat stopped sniffing and looked up at Rimmer. "Man you're one strange person you know that, and anyway it was monkey boy's dreams not yours, I can't sniff you, you're dead."

Rimmer clenched his teeth, knowing he had just given away a secret. "Oh right, thank goodness." He said.

Kryten filed the information under embarrassing stories for dinner and cross referenced it with black mail data, then turned his attention to the Cat.

"Sir, does this mean you can tell what he's doing?" he asked.

"Kind of, it's not digital telly you know." Replied the Cat.

"Well at least we can get some idea of what's going on inside Listers head, at least until we can find a cure to get him out." Said Kryten.

Rimmer shrank back. "Are we sure we want to know what goes on in Listers head, it's bad enough out here, let alone going inside his thoughts."

"Sir, I fear unless we can tell his state of mind we might not stand any chance of getting him back."

The nearby screen flickers into life and a slightly balding mans head appears on screen. "Alright dudes, what's happening?" he asks.

Kryten turns to Hollys image. "Mr Lister has a virus and is trapped in his own self induced game, supported by this AR suit. Mr Cat here can sniff his dreams, but we need a cure to the virus."

Holly sighed. "Some days I wish I had never asks." He says.

"Look Holly, is there anything you can do?" asks Rimmer.

"Hang on a tick I'll check my databases." Hollys face takes on a thoughtful expression.

After 30seconds Rimmer can't wait any longer and asked. "And?"

"Nearly there…..there done." He said smiling.

Rimmer repeats his last statement. "And?"

"Well, according to all my knowledge and the knowledge of the 25 volumes of Junior Britannica Encyclopaedia there is only one option." States Holly looking smug.

Rimmer sighs. "OK, let's have it."

"Chop his head off." Says Holly a little too smugly.


Lister slumped down into his new / old favourite chair with a six pack of larger on the floor and a large takeaway carton of curry in his hand. "Now this is smegging more like it." He said flicking the small TV on via the remote.

The TV flickered into life and he whooped for joy as he quickly realised his favourite movie of all time had just begun. It's a Wonderful Life.

About 20 minutes into the movie Lister began to notice something odd about his curry. It tasted fine, in fact it was the best curry he had ever tasted. It was the fact that he was still hungry that got him. It wasn't a small dish at all; he had gone with the super size family version with extra poppadoms. It was just a nagging feeling the food was not making him feel any less hungry.

He got up and ambled over to the fridge, he pulled a fresh 6 pack of larger from the chillier and a tub of raspberry ripple ice cream. The Ice cream he had picked up at the shop on his way out from signing the rental agreement. The terms had been very favourable, not at all like the original ones he had signed. These ones made him virtually liable for nothing, wasn't that a little bit odd. 'Naaa' he thought.

He sat back down and dipped his spoon deep into his ice-cream. It folded perfectly onto his spoon and he noticed the wisps of vapor rise from it has he placed it within his mouth. 'Dam this was good ice-cream, this was super smegging crazy sex good.' He replaced the spoon quickly and was pleased to find the second was better than the first. Then he stopped.

He looked from the non-melting ice-cream to the perfect curry take-away box to the smooth lagers that where only 5 pence a can. He thought. 'Something is not smegging right here.'

Next Time: Lister begins to suss that this is not the real Earth and something is up, while Kryten and the others boards the once more to find a cure.