She did come back the next day. Peeta was a bit worried when she didn't come back, because she had told him than she'd be back in no time, but she explained the situation and he understood. It was clear that Gale was in a very delicate condition, and would need all the help he could get.
It was a sunny Tuesday that day, and Katniss even took a few flowers for Gale's hospital room. Not the most colorful, but ones that had a very nice smell - so he could feel like he was in the forest again.
Maybe she was being too nice. She had hated him for a reason, had kept her distances for a reason.
(But then she hadn't known how much he had suffered, how much pain and horror he'd endured because of what he'd done. She had imagined him happy and that filled her with bitter thoughts. Now she knew that what she had imagined was not the truth. It had never been.)
I have to be there because he's sick, she told herself. He needs reassurance, company, things that will make him want to recover. The important thing was that he got better, that he got out of that darkness that had been destroying him. He deserved better.
When Katniss got to the room, Gale was sleeping, like the previous day, but this time he wasn't alone. Hazelle greeted her very warmly, enveloping her in a hug.
"He didn't think you'd be back." Hazelle said softly. "But you're here. And you brought flowers! Let me put those on water, all right?"
Katniss handed over the flowers and sat on the same place of the previous day, between Gale and the wall, watching him sleep. There was a new addition today, one of those plastic tubes under the nose to help one breathe better.
"Is he worse?" Katniss asked, concerned that he was still as pale and haggard as the previous day.
"No, he's stable. The oxygen is just to help a bit, given that he's so weak because of the blood loss and... But he will be fine. Gale's strong. He's always been."
Mrs. Hawthorne sat next to Katniss and smiled softly.
"Thank you so much for coming, dear. I felt I was running out of options. And sometimes it's more important who says something than the words spoken... He sounded a bit better last night, probably because of you. So, thank you."
"It's the least I could do."
They stayed like that in silence for a while. And then Katniss asked something. possibly tactless, insensitive. But she wanted to know.
"Was it you who found him?"
"No, I was out of town. And thank god... If I had actually seen him in that crimson bed... The image would be forever burned into my eyes. No, I asked one of his neighbours to watch out for him, and that morning her dog started barking like crazy to the door, probably smelling the blood. She went in, worried - practically tore the door off its hinges. Bless that woman. That's her card, right there."
Katniss looked at the get well card and saw that there was only two of them: the one from the neighbour and another one from the family, signed by all of Gale's siblings.
Then Katniss looked back at her sick friend and saw that although his eyes were still closed and he was still soundly asleep, tears were falling from his eyes.
"Is he...?"
"Yes, that happens a lot. Probably because he doesn't let himself cry properly when awake. I shouldn't have tried to raise him to be so strong.. we all have limits... Still, it's better than the dreams that end in screaming and panic."
Katniss gently wiped the tears away, but more kept falling to the cheeks, while his chest rose and fell rhythmically. It spoke volumes about Gale's state of mind.
"Hazelle, why don't you go and try to get some rest. I'll watch over him." Hazelle nodded, grateful. Sometimes it was too much for her to handle alone, but she didn't want the kids to see their brother like that. Not at least until he got a bit better.
"Thank you for this, truly. I know it must be hard for you, coming here and staying, leaving your family behind. But it has been hard on him too, really hard. It's really good for him to have a friend around."
Hazelle smiled again, kissed Gale on the forehead and left.
And they were alone again.
Just Katniss and Gale, like in the old times. Only in the old times he hadn't been all that broken, all that filled with scars. She remembered him as a kid, tall, big, handsome, hunting alongside her in the woods. He was a just a normal kid, trying to help out his family. Just like so many others in their district. And now...
He woke up a couple of hours later, eyes still wet and bright. Gale had a bit of hard time focusing, just like he always did since he landed on that hospital. His head was swimming but even through the fog he could tell that it was not his mother in front of him. It was someone else.
"I told you I'd be back."
Katniss. She'd come back, just like she said. Well, this was a surprise. He'd imagined she'd be halfway to twelve by now, back to her family. To Peeta and her home. But she was still here. He tried to sit up, but it was harder than usual, and took him a couple of minutes. No wonder. He'd been fed by IV since the... incident. (That was what her mother called it, at least).
When he finally managed to get in a decent sitting position and the world stopped spinning, he looked to his friend, who was saying something.
"Sorry, what?"
Katniss drew a small smile.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I'm being slow cooked." He said, trying to be nice. Trying to look normal. Trying to be the friend Katniss thought he still was - the person she cared about. Not this black hole of misery he'd become. It was best if she didn't see that.
Katniss put her hand in his forehead and felt it way too hot.
"Shouldn't the fever have broken by now?"
"It comes and goes. Doctors say it'll five days or so until the infection totally clears off. But don't worry, I've had worse."
Katniss smiled softly and caressed his face. He'd lost so much weight and color, his cheeks looked sunken, but still, he remained handsome. She had missed that face. Those beautiful eyes, the dark hair. HIm. All of him.
"And how are you?" He asked.
Katniss thought about it for a bit, and then spoke.
"Depends on the day, you know? Some days I don't even want to wake up, with all the memories coming back. Other days I'm really happy with my life. I feel like... every day I'm closer to accepting myself, every day I'm more at peace with my past."
(She realised she hadn't told this to anyone, not even Peeta. Maybe because Peeta's past was even more difficult than her own. Maybe because she was still careful when around him. Or maybe it was just because Gale had always been the guy she could tell everything to. When things were bad at home, or when she was worried about something she would go to Gale. She could always count on him.)
More at peace with her past. That sounded good to Gale, very good. It was Katniss deserved, after going through so many horrors in said past.
"Must be nice." He said - he didn't hope he could feel like that some day. That was one of the reasons why he did what he did. But it was nice to see her smile. Just that little smile was more uplifting than any other word he'd heard in the last week.
"Enough of that. So, what are you doing now? Tell me about your job." She asked, curious.
"I studied for a while, now... I help construct and design buildings. Sometimes I go to the construction sites, too, and help the builders."
"Sounds nice." She liked the idea of Gale building things, repairing them. Helping both with his mind and his hands. It had always been destruction for them (hunting, fighting in war), it was nice to see the change. That he had chosen to change and that he was able to change.
"What's the last thing you built?" She innocently asked.
Gale couldn't look at her eye in the eye when answering, so he looked up at the ceiling. It had too many connotations. Too many memories.
"A hospital."
Of course, that made her think of Prim. Of course, he would be building a hospital. She shook the thoughts away - today was not about her, but about Gale and his pain. And trying to find a way to lessen it.
"Tell me about it."
"It has twelve floors and an underground one. We call it floor thirteen."
"Clever." Katniss said. "And what's on dist-... I mean, floor twelve?"
"It's solely dedicated to amputees and prosthetics."
Like the survivors from a bombing, for example. There was a theme in this, Katniss could see it clearly. Redemption. He was looking for it everywhere. Anyway he could.
"Let me guess. You help design prosthetics, too?"
"I do what I can."
He was still looking at the ceiling, his voice merely a whisper. No. This was not good, not good at all. This misery, this constant pain he was in. Gale was strong, Gale was tough.
(But Gale was also sick, and his sickness was in his mind. He couldn't blame for this, couldn't blame him for being this depressed. And wouldn't blame him anymore. She had placed the blame on him for too long.)
Katniss had a terrible urge to fix things. To make him who he used to be again.
"Gale, look at me." He was still looking at the ceiling. "I said, look at me."
His eyes were bright, full of emotion. Gale felt that he had no right. No right to feel proud of his job, no right to tell her. No right at all. He deserved only the pain - nothing he did now would erase what he'd done in the past. The lives he'd taken. She wouldn't ever come back. He had no right to happiness.
And Katniss could see that all his efforts towards redemption had felt useless, to him, at least. There had been no one telling he was doing a good job, that he was making up for the past. No one that mattered.
"You're doing good, Gale. You are helping others and you have a family that loves you. I still care about you, Gale, more than I would like to admit."
She caressed the face, again, softly. Gale closed his eyes.
"Now you have to let go of the past."
But there was something else wrong... something big.
"You didn't answer me yesterday... Why did you do it? Just because of the nightmares... or was there something else?"
It was too much. Too much for him to handle. Only days ago he was ready to die, had everything prepared and now... it was too much. The mere thought of hope... Now. It would all be destroyed again. He closed his eyes and pain crossed his features, the machines around him making strange sounds. Too much. It was all too much.
Doctors ushered Katniss out of the room.
"I'll be back, Gale." She managed to say before she left. "I'll be back for you - I'm not leaving you again."
A/N: Hope you enjoyed! I checked for mistakes here and in chapter one, hope it's better now. Reviews always appreciated!
