A/N: Well, even though this severely weirded me out, people liked it… so I finished it. I actually did enjoy writing it, but it was seriously strange. I really would love to hear thoughts on this one, and I sincerely hope no one is offended by what follows. It's just how I thought the characters would react. I want to stress that I have absolutely no qualms with any pairings. I don't enjoy reading them all, but I have nothing against the people that do. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, it's not who I am. So if you are offended, please let me know and I'll figure out an appropriate fix. I know people are serious about their fictional 'ships'.

At a loss for a course of action, the B.A.U. team decided to do some research. They had been delving through the seemingly endless torrent of short stories, and some not so short stories, for hours. Of course they had seen gruesome things. Dead and decaying bodies were about as horrific as you could get, especially considering the kind of people they dealt with on a regular basis and the proclivity those people had to demean said bodies, but having to read about it was a whole other level of weird. Reading the details of themselves and each other being brutally tortured, word for word, was pretty much its own form of torture.

It had been about an hour ago that they had found the first piece of fiction that had boasted "Character Death" in the description. That had been a tough one, one that they had ended up reading together. All in all, the writing seemed to be pretty macabre.

Hotch was finishing a paragraph with the intensely colorful description of one of his agents nearly getting beaten to death when he had decided that he'd finally had enough. He smashed his clenched fists on the desk, effectively disrupting everyone else's reading atmosphere. "If they like us so damn much, why the hell do they keep trying to murder us?!" No one responded because, in the end, it was a good question.

There was something else though, something that was beginning to weigh on Emily. She had read quite a few stories about herself. Initially, it was out of genuine curiosity. Then she told herself that it was an academic need to understand the material before her. However, eventually there was nothing more for her to glean. She just, flat-out, did not get it. "I'd like to know what they see between Hotch and me? No offense, Sir. I just mean that I've been nothing but professional with you since I joined the team." She looked around the room, wondering if anyone else had an opinion they'd be willing to share.

Hotch had completely lost his anger. Instead, he found himself perplexed by the question that Prentiss had issued. "You did pick me up that one time, after Foyet attacked me," he postulated calmly.

"Yeah, but surely they'd base this stuff off of more evidence than that." She still wasn't convinced. "And what about Spencer?"

Rossi jumped on that one. "You and Reid were held hostage together, any sparks fly during that?" It was surprising that he managed to finish the question. Anyone else would have been verbally restrained by a grin that large.

Her shoulders dropped and she gave him a schooled face, careful not to show whatever it was that he was looking for. "I was a little too busy getting my face smashed into a wall to be flirting."

"And you've never been to my home!" Reid almost squeaked. He was definitely going to need therapy after this little ordeal. He was barely containing his nervous energy from his position on top of a table behind Derek.

"Kid's got a point," Derek exclaimed. "Plus, he's 'The Kid'. A little young for your tastes, right?"

"Absolutely!"

That group outburst had sounded a little too unanimous. "God guys, I'm not that old." Emily crossed her arms over her chest and looked to her feet.

Garcia frowned; she didn't like it when her friends were upset. "I'm sorry, Honeybunch, but even just thinking of the two of you… actually any of us with him for that matter, makes me feel a little pedophile-y."

Reid's face contorted in confusion. "Why? Wait, what about J.J.? Were both in our 30's."

"Reid did take you to that 'skins game," Derek pointed out to J.J. helpfully. He remembered giving Reid a rundown on the sport before they went.

J.J. nearly scoffed her response to the whole group. "Again," she pointed to herself, "happily committed woman here."

"Well, what about you and me?" Derek indicated the space between himself and Emily.

"What about us? There's just as little proof there as there is with Hotch." Emily hadn't even considered that pairing for as long as she had the one with Clyde Easter.

"I don't know about that," J.J. breathily murmured with bulging eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Emily's voice raised a couple of octaves along with her indignation.

Her friend just casually looked away, praying that someone else would take the focus. That someone was Reid. "Maybe they saw that cut scene between him and me?"

"What scene?" Emily asked sharply, eyes narrowing inquisitively as she turned to Derek.

Derek groaned. "Man, why'd ya have to go and bring that up?"

J.J. chimed in again. "Maybe they saw the vast amount of similarities between you two."

Garcia was practically glowing in elation. This was a thought that she had experienced herself, quite a few times in fact. Her giddiness could not be detained any longer. "Or maybe they noticed all of the totally blatant sexual tension… Or the endless, smartass banter." She barely paused between theories. "Or, hey, how about all of the dreamy glances you cast at one another, or your inside jokes, or…"

"Okay," she cut Garcia off. "I get it Pen. There's some merit behind the 'DEmily shippers'…" She used violent air quotes to emphasize her displeasure with the conclusion of that one, and rolled her eyes at the absurd name. "Alright, fine. I can see how they got those, however thin those explanations might be, but what about Dave?"

"I must say," the man in question cleared his throat, "I find that one a little unnerving as well. About as much as being partnered with Hotch. I mean, I feel like we have a pretty clear-cut father-daughter relationship." He looked over to the unit chief that was leaning into the right corner of the room, "I mean Emily and I, of course." There were a few light giggles, but Hotch remained stern.

"You want unnerving?" It was Morgan that asked the question, bringing everyone's awareness to the left side of the office. "This is like the fifth one I've seen with her and Strauss," he pointed to the computer emphatically. That little revelation was met with a strange chorus of "ews" and "whys".

J.J. was still very unpleased about one aspect. "I just don't see why there are entries that put the three of us together in any way, shape or form." She was referring to Emily, Penelope and herself. "You guys are like my sisters. I guess, Em…" she swallowed, finding her throat suddenly dry. "Well I've never seen you date anyone, but PG and I are in relationships with men."

Emily's mouth had dropped open at J.J.'s words. "Wow, I'm just going to go ahead and stop this here. I just got back from being literally hunted down by my ex fiancé, I'm not exactly in the mood to 'hit the clubs' and 'troll for dudes'."

"Come on J.J.," Morgan got up and turned to Reid. "I'm an obvious player. Reid here," he clapped a hand on the kid's shoulder, "has had multiple girlfriends," he then pointed to Hotch. "He was married and has a kid, and Dave," he stopped and thought for a moment before throwing his hands in the air in resignation, "he's Dave. Yet there are a ton of entries of us doing all kinds of things to, with, for," he looked at the nearest screen and his eyes widened, "without each other." He sent Reid a flagrant wink. It startled the poor guy so much, that he almost fell off of his perch. "It doesn't have any bearing on us though."

She heaved a deep breath. "I guess. It's just… hard to fathom. It's hard to imagine being with any of you like that, you're all like family to me."

That was a sentiment that they could all agree to.

"Okay," Hotch stood up. His mind was made, and there was no more discussion to be had. "I don't care what federal or state laws you have to break Garcia, I want that site brought down."

"Oh," that command brought Penelope fully back to her gleeful self. "With pleasure, Sir."

A/N: I intermittently laughed about writing this for a good 30 minutes after I finished. I should probably also say at this point that if there were a 'ship' that I believe could actually hold water, so to speak, on the show it'd be Morgan/Prentiss. On FF I can see JJ/Hotch or even JJ/Emily, depending on how they are written. They're both a little bit of a stretch in my opinion though. I know I left out some, but it was kind of hard to keep straight to be honest. I think it's mad cool how different people pick up different things from tv shows though. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Oh, and I was actually kind of sad that they took down FF in the end…

Edit Note: I noticed that I'm getting some followers, and I just wanted to make it clear that I don't plan to add any more to this. If I get an idea in the DISTANT future, then maybe. I have no plans to continue this at the moment though.