So here's our first "chapter", so to speak. This will be an ongoing "story", because sometimes my imagination runs wild and I need to jot something down. When I have writer's block, I can just look in here. Now, I'll go eat some pizza.
Why was I so selfish?
I just had to show my true feelings, didn't I?
He became so worried.
Over someone like me.
I had no choice. Because I was selfish.
He asked me what was wrong. I had to answer. There was no way around it.
He cared about me too much.
Me, of all people.
Why is he so nice to me?
He should hate me.
He should despise me.
But he's still nice to me.
And that somehow hurts more than if he simply hated me.
It feels like a knife being ripped across my skin.
All I want is for them to be happy.
All I want is for them to ignore me.
He wouldn't have to waste sympathy on me.
...
He told me that he loved me.
A bat flung against my head.
He told me that he would fix these problems, that he'd fix my punishments.
A spear went through my heart.
I was selfish.
So I deserve these punishments.
And these very punishments are the things that made him hurt, too.
Maybe Monika was right.
Maybe I should kill myself.
But that would hurt him so much.
...
He'll get over me if I kill myself.
If I stay alive, he'll help me until I die.
He'd never get over me if I'm alive.
So I shouldn't be alive.
...
The world would be better off without me.
The world will be better off if I killed myself.
So that's exactly what I'll do.
