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"So, you wanted to talk business?"

"Erm, I guess." Lithuania was baffled. Hadn't Switzerland invited him here?

"STATE YOUR OPINIONS CLEARLY!" Switzerland shouted as he almost jumped on the table. Lithuania felt himself start to curl into a fetal position.

"So, why exactly were you spying on me last Tuesday?" Finland whispered from under the bar's window.

"Actually, we were spying on Switzerland", Hungary whispered back as she adjusted her periscope.

"And got caught because you didn't have the awesome me with!"

"Shh!"

"Germany, video working okay?"

"Ja, it would appear so."

Finland coughed. "They don't seem to be getting on very well."

Hungary peeked through her periscope.

"Finland, that's well on its way to becoming the understatement of the century", Hungary said as Lithuania ran out the door. The four horseriders of Yaoi-faniness promptly ran off to analyze their video footage in hopes of making Switzerland's next "date" more enjoyable for both participants.

(*)

"Well, it was... Different?"

"If by that, Preußen, you mean 'Failed spectacularly but in a rather different way to the previous one', then you win absolutely nothing for being correct."

"Who's next on our list?"

"Erm... Actually, we only had two people on the list."

"Unkari! You should always prepare for the worst-case scenario!"

"Oh all right Fin, I'll go and try to seduce him. But then I won't be getting any gay porn out of it, so I expect you to make up for it", Hungary said before walking off.

"Is there in existance a sex tape between two guys that she doesn't have?"

"My awesomeness will surely find one!"

"Bruder, you might have to make one to fill that gap."

"I'm sure Specs won't mind. It is his ex-wife, after all."

"Um, Germany, Prussia..."

"Yes?"

"You didn't ask Switzerland's opinion of hooking him up with people."

Finland gave them his I'm-not-besieging-Staliningrad look. "You really shouldn't assume things about others like that. What if he already has a date? Or just doesn't want one?" Finland then proceeded to switch to his I-will-not-become-a-Nazi-or-go-exterminate-any-Jewish-populations look. "You should respect peoples' decisions and accept them as valid, provided they don't harm others! Opinions are wonderful things, you shouldn't try to force yours onto anyone else! The same goes for any choices in lifestyle one makes."

"So, what should I do when Switzerland turns up at my house high on some kind of hallucinogenic? Congratulate him on having made an independent choice?"

"Take care of him. And I'm sure Switzerland has evaluated the question rather carefully in his mind. If you still feel concerned for him, bring it up once when he's sober." Finland paused. "Trying to manipulate people into changing themselves into something they wouldn't want to be changed into or doing something they wouldn't do is the most despicable act a human can do! When Hungary is out seducing Switzerland, she's trying to manipulate him into doing something he wouldn't do! It should-"

"Hey the awesome me has an awesome plan!"

"What." Finland said, exasperated at being interrupted yet again.

"I have sex with you, my little brother tapes it, we give the tape to Hungary. Problem solved."

"Prussia, what has that got to do with a violation of Switzerland's mental autonomy?"

"Erm, Prussia, isn't Finland still dating Swe-"

"For the four billionth time, Sweden is just a neighbor. A neighbor. Wrap your heads around that- Hey! No fair! Prussia, this is a massive violation of my bodily autonomy! Put me down!"

"Kesesese~ Hey bro, go get the video camera ready. This nation's disappearing into my room~"

"Your room? And here I was, always thinking it was a pigsty."

"I'm way too awesome to sleep in a pigsty!"

"Prussia, you can have sex with me and tape it, but on one condition..."

"What's it, Fin?"

"I get to top."


A/N: Yeah, this one's despicably short, I know. But in the next chapter, you get Swiss-Hungarian seduction attempts to make up! See ya.