Disclaimer: I don't own Batman or related characters.

The Clams Up Inn & Bar, 10:00 pm.

Two men sat at the bar dressed in two ridiculous outfits. No one in the room made a note to point his out to them, however, since to do so would put that person in a very dangerous situation. You see this was the one bar in Gotham where the Mad Hatter and the Scarecrow could come to get a drink and loosen up. So to interrupt this scarce opportunity of relaxation one would befall a certain horrible ending.

It was on this particular night we find our two bookish villains enjoying the comforts of alcohol once more. Sitting at their usual spots at the bar, Jervis Tetch aka the Mad Hatter and Jonathan Crane aka the Scarecrow sat quietly sipping their usual drinks, spiked tea and rum cider.

Jonathan, who prided himself as the wiser of the duo, had learned early on in life to stop at two drinks. But his friend had just broken out of the joint, and was also a bit of a green horn when it came to the wonders of liquor. So the man in straw and rags decided to go up to their shared room to change out of his soiled costume and let his friend get more acquainted with his drink.

"Jervis, I'll be right back. Try not to kill anyone."

Jervis merely lifted his cup towards his friend and leered at the passing waitress. Jonathan shook his head. Why did he hang out with the man in the first place?

It had been a rough night for him, which Jon knew, so he decided to let the man get drunk. Everybody, especially if you were a Rogue and had to deal with Bat-brain, had to get drunk at least once a month if not more.

Jonathan knew that Jervis changed when drunk, hell everyone did. The funny thing was that the Hatter became exactly opposite of his normally shy self. When intoxicated he became a lewd, crewed, pervert. Mistaking almost every woman he'd see for his beloved Alice Pleasance.

"Humph, women."

He finished changing into his clean costume when he noticed his unfinished formula for his latest version of fear gas. It was a powder that could effectively be absorbed through the skin just by touch. Deciding Jervis could wait a few more minutes he began to finish the uncompleted fear-formula. Time seemed to always pass faster when one is occupied and by the time he'd hatched a scheme for rigging and betting against certain sports of his choosing it was already two in the morning.

"Shit, Jervis!"

Rushing out and down the stairs he found Jervis singing at the bar.

"Twiiiiinnnnkkkkklllllleeee, Twiiiiinnkkklllleee, littttttlllllleeee, BAT, HOOOOOWWW I woooooonnnnnnnddddeerrrrrr waht you arrrreee AT! Hehehehehehe…."

"Harooo, Jervis?" The Mad Hatter turned from his stance on top of the bar.

The bar tender, Dodge Doffer, watched the scene with a mild humor. The two were becoming regulars and he was getting use to their antics. The only problem he had with them was when they tried to kill his other customers or when the Hatter called him the "Dodo".

"Really Jervis? Come now, your acting like an ass."

"Buuuutttt, Marchie! I waaaasss just s-singing tooooo the Red Q-Queen!"

Jervis made a silly face while pointing to a picture of a red-dressed stripper, then flopped down from the bar. The Hatter made the landing but managed to stumble forward and crash into his scary friend as the two tumbled to the floor.

"For the love of pumpkin-pie, damn it Jervis GET OFF!"

It was then that Jervis's beer-goggles finally decided to kick in and in seconds the scary masked face with the long golden straw locks of his friend became the soft sweet golden hair-framed face of Alice. It came to a shock to him, however, when the "girl" practically tossed him off of "her" person.

Jonathan stood up rather quickly to retain his dignity. Never mind the fact that it didn't matter since the bar tender and a passed out drunk were the only other people in the bar. The Scarecrow brushed the dust off his shoulders then shrieked when Jervis practically tried to jump on him.

"What the hell are you doing, Jervis?"

"Oh, Alice, isn't it obvious?"

"Alice? Wait what… AHHHHHH!"

Before Jonathan could stop him Jervis had come after him with a 10/6 card. The Hatter had, somehow in his drunken state, placed his partner in crime under his intoxicated control. Grabbing his "Alice" Jervis pulled the chipped Scarecrow towards the stairs.

"Night, Dodo!"

Dodge watched the Mad Hatter drag the Scarecrow up the stairs and briefly wondered what the outcome was going to be like. He began to clean up the mess that the Rogue had made of his bar.

"Freaking queers… calling me Dodo…"

It had only been fifteen minutes, not even enough time for him to put the glasses away, before he heard the first gunshot. Then there were the sounds of screaming, as if a man happened to be experiencing his worst nightmare…

Another five minutes later he noticed he had a customer sitting at his bar.

"Mr. Crane, the usual."

"It's Scarecrow, and make sure it's a double…"

The man's shirt was un-tucked and his mask wasn't centered, as if someone had tried to pull it off. A powdery substance dusted the man's gloves along with black gunpowder residue. Dodge knew he shouldn't ask… but he wanted to know if he had to clean up a body before his boss came in.

"Did you…"

"Certainly not you ignoramus."

"I meant kill him."

"No."

"Why's he screaming?" At this Crane's mask made a wide grin. "Did you… did you gas him?"

"For a bar-tender you're very inquisitive, curious, but I'll have you know that no one died tonight… not yet, at least, nor were they gassed."

"Then…"

"Please, to scare a Hatter all you have to do is shoot his hat."

Dodge left it at that, not wanting to push the mad-man's curiosity any further. He made the Scarecrow's drink, a triple, and later gave him a separate room for the night. As he clocked out and was ready to head home Dodge couldn't help but shake his head.

"I don't get paid enough for this…"