I don't own D. Gray-Man. I kinda wish I did.
Chapter 2
Lenalee was worried. It wasn't clear on her face, but anyone that was even remotely close to her knew what was written blatantly on her heart. Then again, that was exactly why she hadn't been branded a traitor by Central for caring about a 'Noah'.
The Chinese girl let out a silent sigh, thinking again about how this entire thing had gone to the birds. Her entire team-well, that's what she called the four of them silently, and she knew many others referred to them as such-was missing.
Kanda had gone after Allen, so she was sure that he would be fine. Scuffed up by the irritated swordsman no doubt, but he would be fine. But, right now, her thoughts weren't focused on the snow-colored haired boy who had left in the Ark, or the man who reentered her life only to leave again days after. No, not even close. Her entire mind settled on one person as she roamed the halls.
Lavi. Bookman Junior. Somehow, he had wormed his way into her heart with his jokes and lighthearted manner, even when she knew that it was a fake. There was just something about it all that seemed so…real.
When he laughed, it sounded real. When he smiled at her, or teased Kanda and Allen, it sounded real. It was never a lie to her. Even Allen mentioned once that Lavi didn't seem fake to him. Maybe to the Bookman Junior himself, but to all of them, he was real.
The first time Lenalee spotted the man, it was through bitters tears, and she could only make out the shape of spiked red hair. The next time she properly saw him, he'd attempted to hit on her, only to be shut up by his mentor.
After that, everything changed. She found another person that could be her friend. Kanda was more like a brother than anything else, but he was always so quiet and cold. True, it was endearing in its own way, but Lavi's childish personality was a welcome reprieve.
After another two years, she'd truly gotten to know him and his mask. Every time they would laugh, there would be a split second where Lavi would look at her in regret, like he wasn't supposed to enjoy the time he spent with her. With any of them actually.
She reminisced about the redhead as she walked into the cafeteria. It wasn't empty, but it wasn't full either. Chaoji, Miranda, and Krory were all at the table, and they waved her over.
She politely sat down and began to pretend to listen and she dug in. In truth, she pushed inward to her memories once more.
The first time she truly heard his utter pain was when he yelled at her for moping. He punched a hole in the window, and it had frightened her. Still, she could see that he was upset. He was upset because she was.
That was the single time Lenalee saw that he did like them all. Loved them actually.
When she heard his voice calling to her, it was a distant sound, like he was screaming for her, but she couldn't respond. When she finally thawed out in a sense, he pulled her up gently and teasingly smiled at her. That had warmed her up more than fire and warm clothes ever could.
After that, she wanted to see more of that Lavi. She wanted to know more about who he was, and why he was so scared of letting them in. Sure, it was his job to stay distanced, but how was he able to do that so easily?
She found her answer when Road said that she had broken his mind. That blank look in his emerald eye was frightening to the core. He attacked Allen repeatedly, and the idiot had done nothing but take it. It was as if Lavi truly just…disappeared.
If that was Bookman Junior, the girl desperately wished that side would never have to see the light of day again. It was after that she understood that Lavi did care, he just wasn't allowed to show it. He was still human, and yet had to act as if he wasn't.
Lenalee sipped lightly at the water in the cup. Standing back up, she excused herself. Walking to Kanda's training room, she settled herself there, hoping to find peace. She knew enough from Kanda that one had to empty their mind of everything to successfully find a silent sanctuary, but she couldn't bring herself to. She was on roll, and if she stopped, she was afraid it would mean letting the memories of the redhead go.
Right now, as she sat there alone, all she could ponder was why it had to turn out this way. After Alma's return, her entire world had tipped upside down. Whose fault was it really? Even if it was the Earl that had taken Lavi and probed Kanda to bring his friend back to life, it had been the stupid Central Supervisor that kept Alma's body.
She was now alone. All three of them were gone. She didn't even know where Lavi was. After all the time that had passed, both Lavi and the Bookman were presumed dead, even though they all knew both would be kept alive for information.
It was painful, knowing that two-three, if you counted Johnny-were on the run, and another was in the hands of the Noah.
She couldn't be sure when Lavi had finally figured out that he could be himself here. He didn't have to be fake, or put on a mask for them. They all had sad lives, he didn't have to hide his past from them. It felt so wrong for her to want him to just be himself, but at the same time…it was so right.
Lenalee really wanted them back. But, most of all, she wanted Lavi here. It was him that had helped her realize, whether her knew it or not, that hiding herself was never the answer. She wanted the redhead to march in and ask about Allen and Kanda, and then laugh at Allen's statement, or snort about Kanda's going after the Moyashi.
She needed all of them.
The Chinese girl loved Lavi. If it was as a friend, a brother, or something more, she wasn't sure of it. But, she didn't care. As long as he came back to them, she would be okay with it.
The Bookman Junior side was fading from him, and she felt like they had all been making progress. This entire stupid thing would only set them back. But, most of all, she needed to tell him.
Lenalee needed Lavi to know that he was accepted here.
She opened her eyes slowly, knowing it was stupid to think that focusing on his voice would be the answer to bring him back. It didn't stop her from trying. A part of her kept at it, even as the rest of her drifted.
She knew Lavi was alive. Whether he was alright or not was a different question. She only wondered, as she stood up, if he knew.
She wondered if Lavi felt the same way about them.
Jazz again! So, how did I do? Better? Worse? Same? Worth a response at all? Well, don't be shy!
