~ Selfish ~
I guess this is a one-shot collection now.
The heartbeat; it was rhythmic, gentle, enchanting. Even in the false bodies of mims the humans inhabited had pulsing hearts. It represented life. It was what kept them human. The heartbeat was a part of human emotions, it sped up when excited, and slowed down when relaxed. It could tell you a lot about a person.
It was Elma's favorite thing to hear when she woke up. In a city bustling with activity like New LA, there were a great many things some could wake up to hear. The shouts of commanders or the mechanisms of skells rang in the early morning air. But the heartbeat meant something special to Elma. It represented her growth as a person, her challenges, her patience, and her reward.
But this heartbeat she held so dear was, of course, not her own. She clenched her eyes tighter as a body shifted below her. She was in bed, resting her head on Cross's chest. Her right ear was pressed against his body right where the heart was gave Elma the perfect place the listen to the most relaxing sound in the world. She again felt Cross shift in the bed. She had to adjust a little herself to hear the heartbeat just the way she liked it.
Mornings had become more of a struggle. Sharing a bed with someone you care about makes it so much more difficult to get up.
Elma held onto Cross a little more tightly, as she had both her arms wrapped around him. It was her subtle way to telling him she didn't want to get up yet. She felt his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath. Her lips curled into a gentle smile as she felt his fingers begin to lazily run through her hair.
She shuddered as she enjoyed his touch. It was interesting how Cross adopted old habits from his past life before he lost his memory without even knowing it. Though this was still new to Cross, Elma was very familiar with this situation. She had missed it.
The previous night, Cross had been getting the couch set up for another night of sleep when Elma came in looking for him. She seemed surprised by the notion he'd think to sleep anywhere other than with her. Elma had to consistently remind herself that while this was all so familiar to her, it seemed like a brand new experience to Cross. At first the man seemed a little nervous about the idea of following her to bed but a few kisses later he changed his mind.
Lin was surprised to find Tatsu insisting he didn't want to sleep alone on the couch. He had followed her into her bedroom and was quick to make himself comfortable. She threatened to skin him if he got fur all over her bed. She went to Elma to ask for help with Tatsu but found the woman was too busy with her unscheduled appointment with Cross's lips to be any assistance.
"He was appointed to be your responsibility, Lin," Elma said for the brief moment she broke contact with Cross. "You take care of it." Elma seemed annoyed by the disturbance the young girl provided. It was then that Lin realized things might never be the same in their little group. Shoulders slumped, the girl returned to her room to find her potato friend breathing a sigh of relief. There was no sign of Elma around the corner to kick him out.
"L-Linly, what's wrong?" He asked, noticing girl's damper mood. To which Lin didn't reply. She wordlessly crawled into bed and threw her covers on top of her and Tatsu, not saying a word. "Lin… Linly?" the little nopon began, his body slumping a little. "If Linly really that upset… Tatsu can leave."
…
After a moment of silence. Tatsu grabbed his little blanket and began to get off the bed.
"Tatsu… wait," he heard Linly finally call out to him. "You can stay."
Tatsu grinned, wanting to do a dance of happiness, but figured it would be best not to push his luck. As he began to make himself comfortable in bed he yelped in surprise as Lin began to cuddle him like a pillow.
"Don't ever change, Tatsu," he heard Lin's muffled voice say.
The nopon blinked in confusion a few times before chirping. "Silly Linly, Tatsu always be Tatsu."
It was a fairly quiet night in the barracks from there, until Elma's alarm went off. She groaned, preferring to lay in bed with Cross all day rather than get up. Cross reached over to look at the alarm, to his surprise it was still early enough to be dark out. He asked Elma why she would wake up at such an ungodly hour, to which she grumbled he could turn off the alarm. They laid there in the quiet, Elma continued to listen to his heartbeat. She wanted to fall back asleep but her conscience wouldn't let her.
She could feel Cross's hand running through her hair a bit more lazily before it fell to the bed. He had fallen back asleep. Elma continued to hold him tightly, as if afraid to lose him again. She never wanted to sleep in an empty bed again. The cold nights, before she had told Cross about his past, were lonely and miserable.
And his heartbeat… oh she had missed his heartbeat.
It was moments like these she didn't care to worry. There was always the chance Cross didn't really love her and he was just doing this because he wanted to keep her happy or thought he had to because of his past with her. She wanted nothing short of genuine in this relationship, but she felt she'd be cursed to worry for the rest of eternity. Not even she was really sure what Cross could say that would change her mind.
But here she lay with him. She kissed him, loved him, made him her's, and she was his. At the very least Elma felt she had earned this. After all the waiting, she finally had the courage to tell Cross what she knew and she her little not-so-human secret. He didn't seem to mind. He had been shown pictures of what her alien form looked like, to which he had said he thought there wasn't much difference from Elma's mimeosome.
Again, this was the same thing he had said when Elma had shown him her true form on the White Whale. She also felt it was unfair how well she knew him in contrast to how well he knew her. But Elma shook the thought from her head, realizing he would get there eventually. With that she finally began to doze off again.
The sound of the FrontierNav ringing was the next thing Elma remembered hearing. Cross let out a groan as Elma let go of him and rolled over and grabbed the device to answer it.
"Elma! Where the hell have you been?" It was Vandham, his tone of voice and question caused Elma to glance at the clock.
"Commander! I'm very sorry," she suddenly sat up straight. "I must have overslept." Cross began to sit up as well but quickly ducked back down when he started to appear in seeing range of the FrontierNav's camera.
"Is there someone in there with you?" Vandham had noticed the sudden movement in the background.
"Commander I believe I'm allowed to have a private life if I please," Elma told him sternly.
"Not if it means being late for work," Vandham told her a bit grumpily. "Get your asses over here."
"Yes, sir," Elma said, biting her tongue. "Sorry again, sir." With that the call ended. She knew it was her own fault, she should have gotten up with her alarm.
Meanwhile Lin was standing around the kitchen area with Tatsu. The Nopon was laying on the ground, stuffed to the brim with food that Lin had cooked for him. Normally the girl wouldn't make him third or forths but without Elma and Cross around she had gotten bored and focused on cooking.
Lin looked over from the dishes she was cleaning as a sleepy Cross stumbled into the main quarters. His hair was messy and his tank top was on inside out. He stretched and let out a yawn before turning to Lin and giving her a smile.
She smiled back but quickly averted her gaze back to the dishes, scrubbing a little more viciously. Cross took note of a passed out Tatsu on the floor before walking over the the fridge and popping it open.
Lin raised a brow as he poured some milk into a glass, Cross had always been more a juice person. Her questions were quickly answered when Elma came out and he handed the glass to her.
"That's sweet of you," Elma thanked the man, before taking a sip of her milk. Lin continued to look away until Cross, who was about to put the milk back, asked if she wanted any.
"No, it's alright," Lin told him quietly. The man nodded and put the milk away before pulling out the juice Lin was used to seeing him drink.
...
"How was sleeping with Tatsu?" Elma asked Lin. She felt a little bad for leaving the girl to fend for herself last night.
"Tatsu sleep great!" The little Nopon sprang up. "Bed is much more comfortable than couch!" Cross gestured towards Tatsu in agreement. "Tatsu always happy to share bed with Linly!"
Lin set the now clean dishes down before stepping over to the table and picking up her gear. "I'm heading out," she said, keeping her focus off her friends. "I have a lot to do." With that she hurried out of the room with a final goodbye. She figured they'd rather have more time to themselves than with her.
"L-Linly wait!" Tatsu scurried over to his backpack and put it on along with his cap. "Tatsu coming too!" He rushed out as well. Elma's brow furrowed, Tatsu was just being his plain ol' self but there was something wrong with Lin. Now wasn't the time to think about that though, Vandham was already upset she was late.
"Let's suit up," she told Cross. They hurried to get their gear on and made their way to the exit, but Elma stopped Cross before he opened the door. "Hey, I-" Elma tried to speak before quickly giving up and giving Cross a kiss on the lips.
"I'm sorry," she quickly turned away with embarrassment. Cross seemed confused but content. "I just… back on the White Whale we always kissed before we left to work." The man assured her it was alright he'd be happy to make it a daily thing.
Cross attempted to open the door again but was surprised when it opened on it's own, Irina stood at the door. "Hey," she greeted the two. "I just saw Lin making a mad dash to the Industrial District with Tatsu. Is everything alright?"
Cross showed a bit of concern but said he thought things were fine. Elma assured Irina they would check up on her soon. After reaching BLADE tower and getting chewed out by Vandham they were given their mission which, wouldn't you know it, required Lin's assistance. "Yeah, some of the probes in Oblivia are acting up," Vandham told them as he gave them the coordinates. "I imagine Lin could fix them in a jiffy, so get your butts out there and we can forget this late business ever happened."
As they left the BLADE tower Cross asked Elma if she thought Vandham knew about their arrangement. "He's sharper than he looks, I wouldn't be surprised if he figured it out," Elma told him. "That or Tatsu told him." She hadn't really been banking on keeping anything a secret now that Tatsu knew.
Irina had mentioned Lin was going to the Industrial District, most likely to work on the skell flight module. Cross and Elma got themselves transported over to the district and headed to the Outfitters Test Hangar. They could see Tatsu standing by himself and he seemed a bit worried.
"Tatsu? What's wrong?" Elma asked as they approached him.
"Oh! Friends here!" Tatsu exclaimed in relief. "Friend Doug not here to test scary, flying machine! So Lin test it herself!"
Elma and Cross looked at each other. As if on cue, a blast of wind rushed by them as a smoking Skell flew past. It went back towards the sky but it was clearly struggling to stay afloat, ready to crash at any moment. "Lin!" Elma called out before rushing to a nearby skell in the hangar.
"W-wait you can't!" An engineer called out. "It's under maintenance there's-" But Elma had already gotten in and was getting the machine ready to go, ignoring the man's warnings.
"Elma! Wait!" Cross called to her as the skell she had boarded ran by. He ran after her, Tatsu tailing close behind.
Lin seemed to have lost all control of her skell, and it was rocketing towards Repenta Diner. Elma sped her Skell up and leaped into the air, crashing into Lin's skell and knocking her out of the way of the diner. There was too much momentum though to stop either skell from tumbling off the road and into the water below. Cross heard a loud splash and didn't hesitate to leap off the road directly into the water. Normally he'd be hesitant but with Mira's lighter gravity and the durability of his mimeosome the dive wasn't too painful.
The skells were a smoking mess, floating in the water. Cross swam towards them in a panic, Tatsu calling to Lin and Elma from the street. Elma's skell opened up and the woman managed to crawl out, she seemed pretty badly hurt though. Cross grabbed onto the skell and tried to climb up to help his lover but the woman stopped him. "I'll be alright," her mimeosome was leaking a bit. "Go help Lin." Cross nodded and hurried to get the girl out of the cockpit. As he got her out, he quickly realized she was unconscious, her mim seemed to take more damage than Elma's.
"Hang on," Cross told her, as he hefted her over his shoulder. A transport plane was lowering itself down next to them to pick them up. Someone in the sky must have noticed the crash. Cross hopped aboard and handed Lin over to another BLADE officer. They set her down and swiftly began to patch her up to reduce her damage.
With a thunk, Cross jumped back onto the crashed skell and helped Elma stand up. Her legs were shaky but she didn't seem nearly as hurt as Lin. "You did good," Cross assured her slinging her arm over his shoulder. They carefully boarded the vehicle and Cross sat Elma down. The woman gave him a weak smile.
"Linly!"
Frantic splashing could be heard before a soaking wet Tatsu tried to jump onto the vehicle. He couldn't get enough air to board though and dangled over the edge, but Cross was quick to help the nopon up. Tatsu scurried over to Lin and looked at her worriedly.
"Linly can't go! Who cook delicious meals for Tatsu? Or keep him warm in bed?"
Elma breathed in sharply as a medic wrapped a bandage around her leg. "I'm sure Lin will be okay, Tatsu." Cross nodded in agreement.
Soon enough they were landed and Lin was taken to have her mimesome repaired. The medics tried to take Elma as well but she insisted she would be fine. Cross watched worriedly as she limped over to a bench and sat down. He exchanged glances with Tatsu before walking over to her. She let out a long sigh before leaning up against him.
Cross smiled and rubbed her opposite shoulder. "Nice work," he told her, praising her for the quick thinking.
"Thanks, I... I could have done better though," she told him, glancing at her wound. Cross tried to assure her it was the best outcome they could have hoped for.
"It's not that," Elma assured him. She knew the skell situation was beyond anyone's control. "But it's unlike Lin to be so reckless. Doug was always her test pilot because he's one of the best... Why did she suddenly decide to do it herself?"
"Linly seem upset at something other than Tatsu for once," the Nopon chirped up. The two hadn't even noticed he was still there. It was odd to see him around without Lin. "When friend Doug tell Linly he was busy, Linly get all huffy puffy and climbed into big machine herself."
Lin was brave but not stupid. She knew it was too dangerous for an untrained pilot to fly a prototype skell. Elma had warned her many times never to do that, and Lin had always agreed it would be a dumb idea. "Tatsu, has Lin said anything strange to you lately?" Elma asked.
Tatsu shook his head. "Tatsu not know, but when Linly grumpy, she is very nice to Tatsu! Linly make Tatsu lots of food for breakfast, snuggle Tatsu at night, and tell Tatsu never to change!"
Then it clicked. Elma wanted to kick herself. In the back of her head she had thought about it but she didn't want to consider it an actual option. "We neglected her," Elma looked up at Cross. No, it wasn't right for her to include him. "No... I have," she murmured. She felt like a shitty team leader. She had gotten so wrapped up in her romance she had forgotten about the world around her. Lin was very mature for her age, but she was still so young. The girl was like a daughter to her and yet the last few days she had practically forgotten her presence.
"I have to make it up to her," Elma said, standing up. She winced and stumbled a little bit as pain shot through her leg. Cross was quick to grab her and help her balance. "I have to talk to her."
"Hey, come on," Cross drew her back to the seat, telling her there was little she could do while Lin was unconscious.
So they sat there and waited for news. Hours went by with no news. Eventually the sun set below the walls of New LA and the moons began to fill the sky. After receiving little word from the maintenance center, Cross insisted Elma return to the barracks to sleep. She would be insisted to stay if not for her leg. With an arm slung over his shoulder, Cross helped Elma make their way to the barracks with Tatsu.
The Nopon was quick to scurry into Lin's room to sleep, leaving Elma and Cross to themselves as they made their way to Elma's room. Elma's gaze turned downward as she sat down on her bed. "Maybe this was a bad idea," she murmured. Cross stood before her, not saying a word. "This thing between you and me... It seems to cause nothing but problems."
Cross tilted his head a bit, pursing his lips as he tried to think of something to say. Elma let out a deep breath. "It's gotten me so wrapped up in what I want for once, and now..." She flopped down on the bed. "... I can't have nice things."
Cross looked to her sadly. He rubbed the back of his neck for a moment before crawling into the bed and laying down next to Elma. "It's alright to be selfish every now and then," he said, he glanced over at her, to find her gaze locked on the ceiling. He told her selfishness was all part of being human, there to keep people from hurting themselves too much.
"But others always seem to get hurt in return," Elma replied. "Lin is... Lin is so young. She's just a girl."
Cross didn't have an answer to that. Elma could tell he was a bit unhappy as much as he tried to hide it. No matter what she decided someone would be upset. She looked over at Cross. She wanted to hold him and kiss him, but what if that made things harder? "Cross, I…" she instinctively reached out and brushed the tip of her fingers against his cheek. "I don't know what to do." Cross gently took her hand in his and held his against his cheek. They looked at each other wordlessly for a while before Cross's eyelids began to droop. Elma could tell he was trying to fight to stay awake. But soon enough he fell asleep, his hand still holding her's.
Blurry vision made it hard for Lin to initially come to her senses. But the seconds passed and everything slowly began to clear as the girl became aware of her surroundings. She realized she was in the mimeosome maintenance center recovering from a…? She was having a hard time remembering what had happened. She had stormed out of the barracks with Tatsu and gone over to the industrial district, found out Doug wasn't available to test her new flying tech, so she tried it out herself and then-
"Oh god," she murmured to herself. "Did I hurt anyone?"
"Everyone got out fine, Lin, except for you."
Elma stepped up to the container Lin was being held in to heal. From what Lin could tell the woman seemed tired, and was limping. "Were… were you the one in the other skell?" Lin asked.
To this the woman nodded. "I-" Lin began. "I'm sorry."
Her commander shook her head. "It's my own fault," she said, leaning against the container. "I wasn't treating you fairly so you were upset."
Lin turned her gaze downward. "No, Elma… I was immature," she tried to blink a few tears away. "I was reckless and it could have cost someone dearly."
Elma took in a sharp breath. "Well… things are gonna go back to normal," she said quietly. "I'm going to end things with Cross."
Lin's eyes widened. "What? No!" she exclaimed. She wanted to get out but her body hadn't fully recovered yet. "Why?"
…
"Because I can't have nice things," Elma responded in frustration. "It gets in the way of what's more important."
"Elma, that's not true," Lin told her, shaking her head. "If anyone deserves some happiness, it's you. You've worked so hard to get us where we are."
Elma turned and began to walk away, trying her best to hide her limp. "I've already decided it's for the better. I'll be back to check on you in the morning, Lin."
The girl squirmed around in the pod, unable to do anything. "Elma! I'll never forgive myself!"
That stopped the woman in her tracks. "W-what?" she asked in confusion.
Biting her bottom lip, Lin continued. "I wouldn't ever forgive myself for taking something that's special to you away," she explained. "I haven't seen you this happy since… ever, actually. Cross is really important to you and I can see that." She could hear Elma's footsteps as she approached her. The woman came into Lin's sight again. "I know you'll say that it's not my fault but it is. I'll be the girl who took the little bit of happiness you had from you forever."
"Lin…"
"Just stop," the girl said. "I know what you want, and I've seen the glimmer in Cross's eyes. He wants it too. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you lost him all over again."
Now Elma was blinking away the tears. She needed to keep her composer. She was a commanding officer for god's sake. "I-… Thank you."
Lin smiled. "I should be thanking you," she said. "You saved me during that skell crash."
Elma finally smiled. "That was still my fault for mistreating you."
Lin shook her head. "I'm sorry for being selfish. It was really immature. I realize now that you guys need quality time." Her smile grew. "Just as long as you guys spend quality time with Tatsu and me too."
Cross's eyes fluttered open. Though the room was dark was could tell Elma was gone. The bed was empty and some of her gear with gone. He scrambled out of bed and felt around in the dark for his pants. He quickly dressed enough to leave the barracks before heading outside. He already knew where Elma was. He began to dash towards the mimeosome center but was surprised to meet Elma at the halfway point. She was limping back to the barracks. Her bad leg gave out from under her and she began to fall, but Cross was quick to run up and catch her in his arms.
The man was going to ask what she had been doing even though he already knew but stopped when he realized how oddly affectionate she was suddenly being compared to before he had fallen asleep. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around him tightly with fists full of his shirt in her hands, holding him as if she didn't want to lose him. "What's up?" he finally asked, adjusting to hold her in a more comfortable position.
Elma was ashamed. How terrible was she to retreat to the norm so quickly? Cross didn't deserve her backing out on him when she was the one who pulled him in from the get go. "I'm sorry," Elma felt like she was doing a lot of apologizing today. "I shouldn't have given up so easily."
The man gave her an understanding smile and kissed the top of her head. He assured her it was okay and that she had been worried because she had been thinking of Lin.
All seemed right in the world again. Sharing their embrace, Elma felt nothing could go wrong. She rested her head on his torso and pressed her ear against her favorite part of his chest, her lips curling into a smile.
She really loved to hear his heartbeat.
I'll probably update this form time to time as new ideas for one-shots/drabbles come to mind. Hope you enjoyed reading.
