Companion track: Into the West, Return of the King
When I wake up, I instantly want to banish the world and head back to my dreams. I remember vague impressions, like the smell of the ocean and the thrill of being carried by the waves. And my friends. Finnick, and Toby, as well as Annie were there. But no peacekeepers. Nobody was there to tell us to stop, to come back to shore. It was wonderful.
I hear Annie roll over in her bed and am reminded exactly why I wanted to keep dreaming. Today is reaping day. Everyone has to be in the square by ten, which means we have a few hours, but they will be the worst hours of my life. They always are. And now, Annie is in the reaping too. I have to be brave for both of us now.
I sit up and slip into my swimming clothes. I won't be able to get a boat, but I can at least swim in the shallows. My hair is loosely in the braid from yesterday, but I don't try to fix it. I just need to feel the water on my skin. Just once today, then I'll be back home to help Annie get ready for the reaping.
As I walk barefoot along the dawn-lit road, I hear another set of quiet footsteps and feel a warm, rough hand slip into mine. Looking around, I see Toby walking silently next to me. He glances at me and I can see that he's just as anxious as I am. Neither of us talks until we're on the beach.
"How's Annie doing?" Toby asks.
"I don't know," I say guiltily. "I left before she was awake."
Together, we wade out until the waves lap around our thighs. I remember doing this as a child, to help 'get my sea legs'. On regular days, you can see scores of small children standing in the shallows learning how to hold their balance when the water is constantly moving. After so many weeks of this, the children feel the ebb and flow in their very skin. Its a wonderful sensation that never truly goes away.
"We really shouldn't be nervous," Toby tries to reassure me. "Someone from the Academy will volunteer and we'll be fine."
I say nothing. What he doesn't know, and I do, is that there were only three kids eligible for volunteering—until a week ago. They somehow violated their rights to try for the games when they broke some serious Academy rules. So there will be no volunteers from District 4 this year.
"Toby, what would you do if Finnick was picked?" I ask suddenly.
Toby laughs uncertainly. "What do you mean?"
I look at him and repeat my question. "What would you do?"
Toby stares off across the water, a frown drawing lines on his brow. "Try not to go mad," he says quietly. I'm confused by his answer until I remember that he once had an older brother. Anuk, his name was. At the age of fifteen, he was picked in the reaping and, out of spite, nobody volunteered for him. I don't remember watching his games because I was only five, but I remember the stories. He died of dehydration in the middle of a desert. Toby became nigh unreachable, I hear, and the only thing he would do was sit in a tub full of cold water, as if it would somehow right the wrong done to Anuk and bring him back.
"Claire, do you remember the promise we made a few years ago?" Toby asks after a while. The sun is nearly above the horizon now.
"Yes," I say with a slight smile. I quote the words woven into the bracelets we made. "Protect each other no matter the cost-"
"'Because that's what Odairs and Crestas do'," Toby finishes. He's not really Finnick's brother, but after his parents died, the Odair family took him in. "And that's what's going to happen if any of us is picked. We'll protect each other no matter what."
I'm a little taken aback at the fierceness with which Toby says the words, but I'm glad that he's so adamant. It's reassuring. We stand in the waves a while longer but when the sun is fully up we turn to head back home. Toby walks with me the whole way, stopping in front of my door but not relinquishing my hand just yet.
"I made something for you," he says, reaching into his pocket. What he pulls out is a simple gray oyster shell strung on a length of the rough cord we use for making nets. He tries a smile, but it looks more like a grimace. "I know its not like those polished shells you can get from the market, but I was hoping you'd wear it today."
I take the necklace and run the cord through my fingers. It helps calm me down a bit. "You made this?" I ask. Toby nods. I rub my thumb on the shell. It must have come from an old oyster, because the it's thicker than most shells I've seen. "Its perfect." I say. I hold it out to him. "Help me put it on?"
Normally I would manage by myself, but everyone feels closer on reaping day. I pull my messy braid off my neck and turn around so Toby can tie the knot. My skin grows warm where his fingers brush, and I wonder briefly about the future. When we turn 19 and get out of the reaping, would we end up together? Its something I avoid thinking about, because as far as I know either or both of us could be on our way to the Capitol this very afternoon.
We say our farewells and I head back to my room to begin getting ready for the reaping. We've got about two hours now. Annie is up and combing her hair, twisting it back into a more difficult kind of braid she must have learned at school. When she sees in the mirror, she smiles and says hello.
"Are you going to wear your blue blouse?" she asks. "It makes your eyes so pretty."
I hadn't given much thought to what I'd wear, to be honest. "I think I will," I say. I cross to the bureau and extract the blouse in question. It has belled sleeves, and a smooth tan cord that bunches the neck when tied. Another, wider strip goes around my waist, and the bottom hem falls even with my fingertips. I change, pulling on a soft white skirt as well. Then I unravel my braid so Annie can do something with my hair.
I sit in front of the dressing table and watch Annie as she cleverly weaves my hair into something beautiful. The way the strands are twisted reminds me of ropes, and when she is done I look in amazement at the soft brown net she's formed on the top of my head. I reach back to feel that it ends in one strand over the rest of my hair that has been left loose.
Annie rests her hands on my shoulders, and for a while we just watch ourselves in the mirror.
"Are you scared?" I finally ask.
Annie presses her lips together, worry lines forming briefly on her face. "I guess so," she says. "I'll be glad when its over, though. Papa says he's going to make his lobster bake for supper."
I smile, because I know that it's Annie's favorite. Not that I'm surprised. Papa made us tuna steaks after my first reaping. I glance at the small clock on the dressing table and see that we've only got twenty minutes to get to the square.
"We'd better go," I say, pushing the chair back and getting to my feet. "We'll get in trouble if we're late."
We meet our father on the stairs and he pulls us into a tight hug before he walks us to the square, an arm around our shoulders. Between the three of us, we don't talk much. We can say as much in a hug as we can with words. More, even. So when I feel the reluctant way Papa lets us go, I know what he means. I love you. No matter what happens, I love you.
I check in and join the group of sixteens. Slightly ahead and to my right, I can see Toby with his head down and his fingers skillfully knotting a short length of rope. He does this whenever he gets nervous. Usually, though, he doesn't watch what he's doing, but I know he'd rather see the rope than the reaping. I crane my head around, trying to spot Annie and Finnick through the crowd, but there are too many people. Too many kids who might get picked for the games. I turn back to face front.
Lana Delzim, a rather tall and regal looking woman from the Capitol steps up to the microphone to begin. She introduces the showing we see every year, and I automatically tune everything out, passively watching the woman until she crosses to the glass reaping bowl. Suddenly I'm as focused as anyone.
Lana fishes around in the bowl for what seems an eternity before pulling out the small slip of paper that will announce our girl tribute this year. My breath catches in my throat as I think of Annie. Lana clears her throat once she's back at the microphone, and she smooths out the paper.
"Claire Cresta!"
Something's wrong. My legs are moving, and the stage is drawing near to me, even though I'm certain I couldn't do anything but stay rooted to the spot. How could I be picked? How? Somewhere in the back of my mind, the fact registers that people are muttering. I guess my name is familiar, and everyone knows me by sight. They're either interested or unhappy about a one-armed girl going into the games.
When I mount the stage, I see a slight scuffle in the twelve-year-old section. Someone is holding Annie back, covering her mouth even. I see the girl, a second-year in the Academy. I see her looking at me sadly. She's protecting Annie, I think. Stopping her from volunteering.
Lana says something, and there is scattered applause through the crowd. I notice that while some people clap enthusiastically, others only put their hands together a few times before they stop. These are the people who know me, who know the Crestas personally. The ones who know we're not fighters.
I see Lana move to the boys' reaping ball, and I try hard to focus. Whoever gets called with either be enormous help or hurt to me. I need to pay attention.
"Finnick Odair!"
What?
Lana, that's not right, I think. Read it again and get the name right.
But it must have been right. Finnick is walking stiffly up to the stage, his eyes locked on me. A silent plea for help. But I can't do anything, he must know that. I'm as much at their mercy as he is. He begins climbing the stairs, and between the ground and the stage I sense a shift. He's less stiff when he comes to stand on the other side of Lana, and I amazingly see a look of calm determination on his face. We shake hands, and I can see a slight tone of terror in his eyes. I understand completely, because I'm feeling the exact same thing.
In the Justice building, we are escorted to separate rooms. Mine has a window that overlooks the ocean, and I force it open to let in a breeze, because the air is verging on suffocating. I lean on the windowsill and gulp in the salty air. I can hear the rumble of the crowd leaving the square, and the sound blocks out the waves on the shore. I move away from the window.
The door opens and Papa and Annie run in. I'm startled to see Annie's crying. We hold each other, not saying anything. Annie has a vice-like grip around my waist and I'm certain that if it weren't for the peacekeepers she'd never let go. But all too soon the door is opening to a white uniformed man, and we're saying our goodbyes. Then the door is shut and they're gone. And I'm petrified I'll never see them again.
A few minutes later, the door opens again and Toby comes in. In an instant he's got me wrapped in a hug. I teared up a little when Annie and Papa were in here, but with Toby I can't hold back.
"You're going to be alright," he says. His voice breaks, and I'm glad my face is buried in his shoulder. I want to say something, and I snatch at the first thing that comes to mind.
"You'd want me to win instead of Finnick?" I ask quietly, remembering what he said earlier. Toby must be thinking of it too, because he says, "I would be heartbroken if Finnick died. He's the closest thing I have left to family. But..." he swallows. Hard. "I would lose the will to live if you were gone."
Its the closest thing Toby has ever said to 'I love you,' but for me it's close enough.
"I don't want to leave," I cry. "I never want to leave."
Toby pulls me back so he can look me in the eye. "And you won't," he says. He presses the heel of his hand to the hollow formed by my left shoulder and collar bone. Over my heart. "Do you feel that? It matches the sound of the surf. And you've got more salt water in your blood than anyone I know. Your sea legs will never leave you, and you've got years of perfect Sundays to look back on. Remember all of that, and you'll never really leave."
"What if it's not enough?" I whisper. Toby considers this, his dark blue eyes penetrating mine.
"Then I'll give you one more thing," he leans forward and lightly kisses me, first on the forehead then on my lips. "I hope that will keep you safe," he says softly.
The peacekeepers open the door and make to usher Toby out. Before they do, he taps the shell around my neck. The one he gave me. "Wear that, will you?" Then I'm alone.
I don't have any more visitors, so I'm escorted by peacekeepers to the train station. Here I see Finnick, and notice that his eyes are just slightly red. He's cried a bit, and I wonder if Annie and Papa went to see him. I decide not to ask.
Lana Delzim gets us onto the train, and we're on our way to the Capitol. She says we'll arrive there this evening and be able to have a good night's rest in our level of the training center. After a few failed attempts at conversation, Lana just leaves us alone.
I hide my head in my arm on a polished wooden table, and I hear Finnick sink into a chair next to me. We're quiet for what feels like hours, and nobody disturbs us.
"Annie came to say goodbye," Finnick says quietly. I lift my head, because talking at all is unexpected. Finnick sighs, and I see that he's got the length of rope Toby had earlier. Now that we're in the privacy of the train, and not in front of dozens of cameras, I can see he looks stunned and emotionally drained. "She told me to come home."
I don't know why Finnick is telling me this. But I do understand why Annie would say something like that. Papa has always told us that after we die, we go to a paradise to be with our loved ones. And that we should never be afraid of death. That we should only be afraid of not living the best we can. And even though I feel like my chest is being crushed with sorrow, I cannot bring myself to resent Annie wanting Finnick to come home instead of me. So I lift my chin and try smiling at Finnick.
"Then you've got to win." I say. And I know I'll do anything in my power to protect him, because that's what Odairs and Crestas do.
