"I could never really love someone else but you.
I have never wanted anything else but a love so true.
But just like a dream that comes in the night; in the morning you were out of my sight
Turned away from me, sadly as I see - away from where I stand..."
Jackson's POV:
Live at the moment, that's what Jackson told his wife when she brought up their current predicament. Truth be told, he wanted to scream at her and tell her she's being selfish for choosing her calling over their marriage. Two weeks have already passed since their agreement and now, he's being forced to face the reality that she's leaving him. Yes, he understands where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean it hurt less. "Fuckity fuck!" he cursed as he buried his face into his palms.
"Cursing spree?"
Jackson turned his head to the side and saw Callie leaning on the doorframe, "Sneaking on people now, Torres?"
Folding her arms on top of her chest, Callie quirked a brow; "It's not considered sneaking if I already knocked twice" she replied.
He threw her a confused look, "You did?"
"I did, but you seem to be lost in your own little world" Callie replied. She then pulled away from her perch and started walking towards the vacant chair beside him, "You okay?" she asked as she sat down.
"Yeah," Jackson replied. "Why'd you ask?"
"Because you were supposed to be in the Conference Room 20 minutes ago," Callie replied.
He furrowed his brows, "For what?"
"Oh sweet Jesus!" Callie exclaimed. She leaned forward and braced her elbows on top of her knees, "You arranged a Board Meeting yesterday, but I don't think you remember."
Jackson stared at Callie for a moment before he jumped out of his chair, "Shit!"
Callie stood up and slipped her hands inside her lab coat pockets, "Mer has been sitting inside that room staring blankly at McDreamy's chair. So I suggest you gather yourself and go there before shit starts to hit the fan, " she said before walking towards the door.
He grabbed his tab and coat before storming out of the room.
oOo
The meeting went by without further delays, he received a few disapproving looks from his friends, but it went better than he expected. Everyone has been very cooperative so they were able to come up with a decent solution to every quandary.
"Jackson?"
He lifted his eyes from his tab and was surprised to see Meredith sitting in the same spot, "You're still here?"
Meredith let out a sad smile, "I have nowhere to be," she replied.
"She's still on indefinite leave, you idiot!" he chastised himself. He lowered his tab on the table and cleared his throat, "Yeah, I know - sorry about that," he said.
She pulled Derek's chair closer and draped her arm on top of it, "When is April leaving?" she asked.
Leaning back in his chair, Jackson let out a defeated sigh. "Tomorrow,"
"And you're okay with that?"
"I don't think I have any choice about the matter," he said with a hint of bitterness.
Meredith furrowed her brows, "What do you mean?"
He rested his elbows on top of the table, "She already made up her mind even before she told me and knowing April, there's nothing I could say or do, that will change that."
"But you guys are married; you're supposed to make a decision together."
"Well, I guess ours doesn't work that way, " Jackson said.
Meredith leaned forward and folded her arms on top of the table, "Don't let her," she half whispered.
"Don't let her what?" he asked.
"Don't let her leave if you really want her to stay," Meredith said, her voice filled with pain. "Don't make the same mistake I made Jackson," she paused to clear the lump in her throat. "Don't let her leave without saying anything, simply because you feel that you're doing it for her own good. I did that to Derek. I told him to follow his dreams because I didn't want him to feel like I'm keeping him from his calling."
He opened his mouth to speak, but words seem to evade him. He closed his mouth and just stared at her, digesting every word that comes from her mouth.
She hastily wiped the tear that escaped her eye, "You've both been through a lot, so don't let it end this way. I know how much you love her, shit - you pretty much showed us when you stole her away from her own wedding," she said with a chuckle.
He can't help but smile at the memory.
Meredith pushed away from the table and stood up, "You already did that once, I'm pretty sure you can do it again."
"How can I ask her to stay when she already decided to leave?" Jackson asked sadly.
Meredith placed her hands on her hips with a determined look on her face; "Do you see yourself loving someone else?"
"Err - what are you-"
"Just answer the question," she said, cutting him off midsentence.
He swallowed hard, "N-no,"
"Then tell her that, don't let your pride get in the way" Meredith said as she padded towards the door. "Beg if you have to, I would've gone down on my knees and asked Derek to stay - if I did that, then maybe he wouldn't have died" she said before quietly closing the door behind her.
oOo
Jackson tried to push the conversation he had with Meredith at the back of his mind but he's failing. He already snapped at two residents and made one intern cry, making him feel miserable.
"If you can't get your acts together, I suggest you take a walk or better yet, go home" Miranda said sternly.
"I don't need to-"
"Na-ah, I don't want to hear your petty excuses" Miranda interrupted. She then braced her hands on her hips, her eyes softening; "Look, I understand that you're going through a rough time but that doesn't give you the right to bite every one's head off. You're a well liked Attending, don't let your personal problems affect your work, so go home and sleep it off or do whatever you do to release some stress."
He stared at Miranda for a couple of seconds, "Okay," he said.
"Good, Rogers is here so you don't have to worry about anything," Miranda said.
"Page me if you need me?" Jackson said.
"I doubt we will, but I'll keep that in mind."
He smiled ruefully, "Okay, I'll go now - sorry about that..."
Miranda nodded, "I'll take care of it,"
Jackson turned on his heel and started walking towards the double doors, his shoulder slumped in defeat.
oOo
He's been standing right in front of their door for 15 minutes yet he can't seem to make himself open it. He knows that she's in there, preparing all her things and unknowingly stuffing his heart inside her suitcase. He rested his forehead on the wood panel, his eyes and fists closed tightly as he tried to calm his erratic heart.
"Jackson?"
Snapping his eyes open, he turned his head to the side, "April?"
April shifted the paper bag in her arm, "What are you doing?" she asked with a quirked brow.
"I have a headache," he replied, a lie easily escaping Jackson's lips.
"Okay," she replied. She then gestured towards the door, "Can you open the door? I have something for the pain" April said.
"Does it work with chest pains too?" he joked.
Her eyes widen in alarm, "You're having chest pains?"
He slipped his hand inside his pocket to fish his keys out, "Don't think about it, I can handle it" he replied as he unlocked the door. "I hope" he added as an afterthought.
She furrowed her brows as she followed him inside, "Are you sure? You shouldn't downplay stuff like that," she said as she kicked the door close.
"Don't worry about it," he replied as he placed his bag on one of the high chairs. He rounded the breakfast bar and made his way towards the fridge; he pulled it open and grabbed a bottle. "Want one?"
She placed the bag on top of the countertop, "Sure, thanks" she replied.
He opened the bottle before placing it right in front of her, "Welcome," he replied before taking a large swig of his own drink. "Done packing?" he asked casually.
She took that chance to move the bottle to her lips, delaying her response on purpose. After swallowing her drink, she let out a contented sigh and met his gaze. "Yeah, I finished everything before I went out."
He shifted his eyes towards the large paper bag on top of the counter, "Where do you plan on putting those if you already packed?" he asked.
She shifted on her perch, "Err - I'm not bringing that...that's for you" she said.
A surprised look crossed over his features, "For me?"
"Yeah," she replied. She moved the bottle back to her lips, drinking almost half of the beer, "It's just groceries, the pantry is a little bare" she explained.
He leaned towards the bag and took a peek, "You didn't have to do that but thank you" he said.
"You don't need to thank me Jackson, it's the least thing I can do before I leave..."
His chest started constricting again; the pressure is so heavy that it's making it hard to breathe. He didn't want her to see him this way, so turned around and emptied his beer. He made his way towards the side and disposed the bottle on the garbage can; "I'm gonna take a shower, my head still hurts" he lied.
"Right, the meds - I'll go get it" she said as she pulled away from the counter.
"No, it's okay - I'm good" he said hastily. "I'm sure the shower will take care of it," he added.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, don't sweat it" he said. He threw her a small smile before making his way towards the living room. He felt her eyes on him as he walked away, he subtly moved his hand towards his chest, rubbing it in circular motions, hoping that it would somehow lessen the ache his feeling.
oOo
After taking a lengthy shower, Jackson made himself scarce. He quietly retreated to the balcony with a few bottles of beers, thinking that even for a few hours, he can forget the fact that tonight would be their last night together. He popped the cap of his third beer, "Get used to it, it's just you and me starting tomorrow," he whispered to the bottle before taking a large swig. He's in the process of swallowing another mouthful when he heard the sliding doors open, as much as he wants to look back, he forced himself to keep his eyes on the sky.
"Did you at least eat before you started drinking?"
"I'm good," he replied. He straightened his legs and crossed his ankles, "You should rest, you have long day tomorrow," he said.
She walked towards the adjacent chair and plopped down, "I'm good, I had a lot of rest today," she replied. She then pointed towards the last bottle on the table, "Can I?" she asked.
He didn't look at her but he nodded.
April popped the cap as she leaned back on her seat, "So..."
He knows where this conversation is heading so he decided to change it - after all, he's not ready to say goodbye just yet, "Do you still remember our first day at Mercy West?" he turned to meet her eyes.
She threw him a confused look, "Yeah, why?"
He let out a wistful smile before moving his eyes back to the sky, "I was so nervous about being recognized so I kept my head down, even when I'm just walking along the hallway-"
"-and you smacked right into me, sending me to the floor" April finished with a chuckle.
"And you yelled at me for 5 straight minutes"
"You deserved that,"
"I did" he agreed. He then leaned back on his seat and swallowed the golf-sized lump in his throat, "From a little red head farm girl, you turned into a kick ass Trauma surgeon - I say, you've come a long way Apes. You should be proud, hell I'm proud" he said.
She bowed her head and started peeling the label off the bottle, "You've come a long way too, and I'm proud of you as well," she replied.
A familiar feeling started churning inside his gut, making his eyes sting; "We had a good run, don't you think?" he asked.
"Y-yeah, we did" she half whispered.
"We did," he repeated. He emptied his bottle in one go and stood up from his perch, he moved towards her and offered his hand; "Let's go to bed, it's late..."
She placed the bottle on the table before placing her hand in his, "Jackson I-"
"Let's just enjoy our last night together" he interjected. He wrapped his hand around hers and pulled her up; "Tonight, it's just about me and you - nothing else matters, understand?" he asked.
She tilted her face to meet his gaze; after a moment, she let out a long sigh before nodding. "Okay, me and you - nothing else" she said.
He tugged her to his chest and buried his face into the crook of her neck; "I love you so much, don't ever forget that" he whispered.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, "I love you too Jackson..." she croaked as she hugged him.
"Make love to me?" he whispered.
She tightened her hold around him as she wrapped her legs around his waist, "Take me to bed" she whispered.
oOo
They made love for hours, only stopping when the sky started changing its colors. She's been asleep for awhile but his mind won't allow him to follow. So instead of staring at the ceiling like he normally does, he opted to watch her sleep, committing every curve and every eye lash to his memory. He moved his hand towards her cheek, "You're everything I never thought I wanted until I almost you to Matthew..." he ran his thumb on her soft cheek. "When I stood up on that barn, I swore to myself that I'd never let you go again...but how can stand by my word when I know that I'll only end up hurting you?" He cupped her cheek as his eyes started stinging, "How can I ask you to stay with me when I'm no longer enough to make you happy?" he asked brokenly. He shifted closer and pulled her sleeping form to his chest, "I love you April...I love you enough to know that I need to let you go" he whispered as he let himself succumb to the tears that he refused to fall ever since she told him that she's leaving. He closed his eyes as he pressed his shaking lips to her head, "Be happy..." he whispered.
"Someone's always saying goodbye, I believe it hurts when we cry.
Don't we know partings never so easy and with all the achings inside,
I believe some hearts won't survive. Trying hard to pretend that we're gonna be fine..."
When the clock hit 8, Jackson quietly slipped out of bed and went for a run. He knows that she would be up soon and he didn't want her to see how much he's hurting. He ran around the park three times, thinking that exhausting himself would numb the other type of ache his feeling but alas, it didn't do a damn thing. He stepped out of the elevator and made his way towards the door, he took a deep calming breath before unlocking it. He pushed it open and saw April standing by the couch, freshly showered and luggage in tow. He closed the door with his foot before slipping the key on the hook; he swallowed back his emotions and forced a smile out. "You're all set?"
She shifted on her feet, an unreadable look marring her usually bright features. "Yeah," she replied.
He wiped the sweat of his forehead, his eyes never leaving hers. "I know we've already talked about this but..." he paused to clear his throat. "Do you want me to be there?"
She opened her to speak but clamped her lips shut. She continued staring at him for a few seconds before opening her mouth again, "N-no, it's okay...I already called a cab - it'll be here in a few minutes" she replied.
He felt the air get sucked out of his chest but he didn't let it show, "Oh okay, at least let me help you with the luggage..."
April nodded, "Yeah...that would be great" she replied. "About the rest of my stuff..."
"You can leave it here...until you come back" he said. He then took a deep breath and pointed towards the bathroom, "I'll just take a quick shower before your taxi arrives, that okay?" he asked.
She swallowed hard, "Sure, go on - I'll call you once it's here" she replied.
He threw her a look before silently walking towards the bathroom.
oOo
He was slipping his sneakers on when heard a soft knock, he stood up from his perch and made his way towards the door. He pulled it open and saw her standing on the other side, "Cab is here?" he asked.
"Yeah,"
"Okay, let's go then."
He pushed his emotions back and locked it as tightly as he can; he briskly walked towards the living and made a bee line towards her bag. He slung the backpack on his shoulder and grabbed the trolley's handle; "Do you have everything you need?" he asked.
She fell into step with him, "Y-yeah," she replied. She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself; "I'll get the door," she said before walking away.
He tightened his hold on the handle as he followed her, "You will not make this harder than it is, you will smile, hug her tight, tell her to be safe and kiss her goodbye - that's what you need to do man. You can do whatever shit you want later" he thought.
They made rode the elevator in silence, keeping their eyes off each other. They walked side by side towards the door, stepping out into Seattle's gloomy morning. He lifted his hand and signalled for the cabbie; "Your ride is here," he said.
She turned towards him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears; "Jackson..." he croaked.
He handed the back towards the cabbie, "Give us a minute?" he asked.
The cabbie nodded and made his way towards the back of his car.
He kept his emotions in check before facing her; like what he practiced, he pasted a smile on his face. "Well...this is it" he said.
Fat tears fell on her cheek but she hastily wiped it, "Yeah..."
His heart was breaking but he kept a brave face, he placed his hand on her shoulders and pulled her to his chest. "Take care of yourself" he said as he hugged her fiercely.
A sob escaped her lips as she hugged him back, "I-I'm sorry...I love you...so much"
He closed his eyes, "I know...I love you too" he replied. He let her clung to him for a couple of minutes before slowly releasing his grip, "You need to go-you'll be late" he said shakily.
Slowly, she pulled away from him. She tilted her face and stood on her toes, she closed her eyes as she pressed her lips to his.
He closed his eyes and gave into the kiss, silently begging her to stay with his lips.
After a few seconds, she broke the kiss and ran towards the cab. She yanked the door open and hastily slipped in; she closed the door with a loud bang and kept her eyes up front, never sparing him a glance.
"Fuck it all," he mumbled to himself as he watched the cab vanish from his sight.
A/N: Sooooo...what do you think about this chapter? I had to hold back my tears while writing it, crazy I know but that's how I envisioned Jackson's reaction to their situation - closed off and trying to do what he thinks is best for the both of them. ^-^
To those of you who are wondering why the timeline on this story is not parallel with RLGA - I only have one answer – It's intentional. I wanted to create my own version of things - hence, Cristina showing up during the burial. (I wanted that to happen on RLGA but alas, no luck - she's still MIA. LOL)
Going back, I'm thinking about putting up another chapter - to tie some loose ends, what do you think? Let me know soonest! Again, thank you for reading my story! ^-^/
