Disclaimer: I don't own RK or the song by Hoobastank, "Crawling in the Dark." so no Johnny Cochran stuff, okay?
Chapter 1:
"Fool Proof Plan"
Kenshin, Yahiko, and Sanosuke all sat around their usual dining table at the Akabeko, drinking their sodas, and chowing down on extra large burgers, they all agreed that a meal at the Akabeko was indeed the best, whether it be dinner, lunch or even breakfast. Right now, it was afterschool, Friday night, and all of them were discussing Saito's party which was going to take place in about two hours. None of them liked Saito since he was a total jerk, but they usually got invited to his parties anyway, being that they kiss some major ass beforehand. His parties were where all the chicks went on Friday nights and wherever the girls went, the guys were sure to follow, no matter how much ass-kissing was required. Even Kenshin went to Saito's parties on occasions that he insisted that he had nothing else to do.
Kenshin cleared his throat and took out his breath spray, spraying it onto his tongue more than the amount suggested on the side of the bottle and he made a disgusted face. Sickened, he stuck out his tongue at the fowl taste and Sanosuke burst out laughing, disrupting everyone else in the restaurants' meal. Yahiko sighed. Kenshin wasn't going to be there at the party tonight; him and his fool-proof plan about finally getting a girl was a little skeptical to Yahiko, but he kept his mouth shut. Not like he was getting any farther then Kenshin was on the base scale anyway. Sanosuke was, as usual, bragging about his own plans for a night with the ladies.
"Yeah, good luck with that one, Sano," Yahiko scoffed, rolling his eyes at his friend's impudence. Sanosuke was the only one of the three that had actually gotten farther then second base with a girl, so to him, Sanosuke found himself superior.
"What? It's gonna happen!" Sanosuke said, defending his plan, "You just know those little goody goody Christian school chicks are gonna be crawlin' all over me! They're cooped up all day with nuns! They've got to be horny as hell!"
Kenshin rolled his eyes. It was bad enough that Sanosuke had gotten farther with women then Yahiko and he did, but just the fact that he had to find himself better than them at just about everything else was just straight out irritating. Sanosuke thought he had everything figured out when, in reality, he didn't even understand all parts of long division; let alone the world.
"That may be true, Sano, but I don't think they're going to run after the first guy they see," Kenshin said, trying to be sensible, but Sanosuke only got defensive.
"What are you trying to say, Kenshin? What, you think that they wouldn't just kill for a stud like me?" Sanosuke asked angrily, getting very annoyed by his friends' lack of faith.
"Stud?!" Yahiko practically scoffed with a prodigious grin on his face, "I don't see any stud here... If anything, she'll probably throw some holy water in your face and expect you to melt! I can just see it now: 'Ah! It's the Devil!' The poor girl will probably run out and get herself blessed or something, go into confession or whatever."
"I really doubt that she'd go run to get herself blessed," Sanosuke argued, no longer offended, after all, it was only Yahiko, his opinion wasn't the one that counted at the moment, "well... not in that particular area of the body anyway..."
Kenshin and Yahiko fell silent. This was one of those areas of talk that they didn't have any idea about and also the sole subject that Sanosuke found himself an expert on. He loved to bring up the fact that he knew about touching a girl, when and where, and he brought it up as often as possible, just to rub it in their faces. Looks like this was another one of those times. Kenshin pretended not to be interested in the topic, but it was easy to see that his ears were slightly perked in Sanosuke's direction.
"Hey, uh... Sano?" Yahiko said, lifting his hand a bit in question.
"Hm?" Sanosuke asked, leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head, only looking at his friends with his eyes half closed, a satisfied smile on his face. He knew it was one of those times where he would just have to sit back, relax, and bask in his "expert-on-women" glory.
"What does third base feel like?" Yahiko asked and this time, Kenshin couldn't hide his interest as he straightened up and leaned forward to hear his answer. Sanosuke's smile grew wider and he closed his eyes fully, putting two fingers up in the air for display.
"Like warm apple pie," he replied. Both Yahiko and Kenshin nodded their heads to show they understood and Kenshin curiously tried to copy the strange thing Sanosuke was doing with his fingers, turning them over so he could examine what it was he was doing. Sanosuke opened his eyes again to see his two friends imitating him and his hand gesture and he laughed out loud.
"You guys are hopeless!" Sanosuke said as he picked up his jacket and stood from his seat, stretching a bit before he spoke again, "Well, I gotta go pick up my date now. Kenshin, good luck with the club hopping, man. Yahiko... uh... change your shirt. See you guys later!"
He waved and left the diner, leaving Yahiko and Kenshin still at the table. Kenshin was still trying to imitate the hand position when Yahiko slapped his hand down impatiently, finally noticing all the questioning stares they kept receiving with Kenshin's odd "experimenting."
"Dude, cut it out!" Yahiko said as Kenshin rubbed his throbbing hand, "I gotta get to Saito's party before Yumi leaves and you've gotta get to the club. Wish me luck!"
With God-like speed, Kenshin grabbed Yahiko's wrist and spun him around, saying, "Yahiko, I think Sanosuke's right, that I do. Maybe you should change your shirt."
Yahiko growled intolerantly and grumbled under his breath, but agreed anyway. He didn't want to look like an idiot in front of Yumi tonight; knowing that she would be at the party tonight was his whole reason for going. That, and also that nice girl in his Chemistry class that he got partnered up with sometimes. 'What was her name again?' he thought to himself, 'Tsubame, I think... Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was it.' Tsubame worked at the Akabeko sometimes, but tonight she was most likely at Saito's party already. Yahiko shook his head to get the girl out of his mind and his thoughts drifted back to Yumi. Yumi was who he found a lot more attractive anyway. She was his 'ultimate goal' for the night and if his friends thought he looked stupid in the shirt he was wearing now, there was a high chance of Yumi thinking that too. Yahiko decided to go home first, change his shirt, and then head over to the party. Not like changing his shirt was going to take anymore then five minutes anyway.
"Alright, I'll see you later, Kenshin!" Yahiko said and he bolted out the door. He didn't want to waste any precious time he could be sharing with Yumi right
this very moment. He had already wasted two minutes talking with Kenshin and he wasn't about to throw away anymore. 'Go home, change shirt, go to party,
see Yumi...' Yahiko chanted in his head, 'Yup! Sounds like a good plan to me!'
Meanwhile, back in Sanosuke's car, he had picked up his date, Sayo Magdaria, the previously mentioned Christian goody-goody, and they were now parked at Make-out Point. Since Sayo wasn't exactly familiar with places like these, she was completely unaware of Sanosuke's intentions on their, as she called it, 'outing' together. Innocently, she smiled, not even looking at him as she watched the stars from the passenger seat of his car, never noticing the way her "date" wasn't particularly interesting in the sky at all, but more in having a staring contest with her breasts. Sano continuously tried to make a move, but it was a bit difficult to do so when she kept talking about all her boring prayer stuff. He rolled his eyes for what seemed to be the fifth time that night when she wasn't looking, wishing on a shooting star that she would just shut her mouth, but hell, that wishing stuff never comes true! Sayo continued talking and Sanosuke had to use all his willpower to keep his head upright and try not to fall asleep. He doubted she would even notice if he nodded off a bit since she really wasn't paying attention to him anyway.
Finally, she stopped talking, after what seemed to be days on end of non-stop religious chatter and she turned to watch the stars again. 'Haha! Now, time to make my move!' Sanosuke thought to himself, biting back a malevolent snicker as he pretended to yawn and put his arm behind the head support of her chair. Sayo didn't seem to notice and Sanosuke took this as a good sign. In one quick movement, he pounced on her, pushing her down against the seat of the chair with his body, and she yelped at the unexpected action. He lay on top of her, trying his best to plant a kiss on her mouth, but she smacked him across the face, pushing him off of her in an eternal struggle. He drew back after the slap as it continued to sting his face and she pushed him away again. Sputtering and still in shock, Sayo climbed out of the car, pulling her little school girl cardigan tighter around her body to cover herself from his lingering eyes. She angrily pointed a finger at him, rage flaring in her eyes.
"I forbid you to leave this car!" she screamed at him, causing Sanosuke to give her a confused look, "That is not how you treat women! You need to respect them, you don't just try and... well... you know... on the first date! It's preposterous! No woman likes to be treated like a toy! You... you... you perverted brute!!!"
At that, she stomped off towards the top of the hill, muttering to herself about how many Hail Mary's she would have to recite for this and she wrapped her cardigan closer to her body to keep out the harsh cold of the night air, praying to God that He forgive the man she had just yelled at.
Sanosuke watched her disappear into the distant cover of the hilltop and he casually just shrugged his shoulders like nothing had happened. It really was no big loss, she wasn't all that cute anyways, especially when she slapped him, that wasn't too cool. Putting the key in the ignition, he started up his car and turned on the radio, one of his favorite songs playing on the first station he turned to. Pulling out of the parked area, Sanosuke sang along to the song as he headed over to Saito's party, his last and only resort if all else failed.
Show me what it's for, make me understand it,
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer,
Is there something more? Then what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.
A/N: A big congrats for those of you who remember the lines Sayo originally uses in the actual series when she calls Sanosuke a brute and forbids him to leave the room, I just kinda changed it around a bit so that it fit in with the story. Also, as another note, this does have K/K and S/M and just a tad of Y/T and S/T. Sorry, no A/M, it doesn't go along with the story so a bunch of apologies to Aoshi fans because he's not exactly in this fic. Please wait until Japanese Pie 2 to see him. Yes, I'm making a sequel. And also, expect to see Yahiko get embarrassed at least once every chapter! P.S. there will be pie!
