The early summer heat was unrelenting in the great state of New York, and my back was hurting from having slept on the cool hardwood floor last night. My parents had had the genius idea to "go green" and were attempting a summer with no air conditioning.
At eight in the morning, it was in the upper 70s, and I took advantage and decided to slip outside to the pool my parents had gotten installed the summer I was in Scotland. In one arm, I was carrying a CD player, a CD binder and a towel, and I was glad my parents had already left for work so they wouldn't catch me scantily clad in a black bikini.
I slid open the back door quietly—careful not to wake the sleeping Wicked Witch—and shut it firmly behind me. I tossed the towel on the concrete slab leading to the deliciously cool water and squatted to set down the giant yellow CD player my parents had gotten me for Christmas when I was sixteen and opened the top. I added in Death Cab, pressed play, and dropped myself deep in the water. It felt like heaven.
I floated to the top and lay on my back, wading through the water lazily as the cursed sun rose. I cast out my senses to find Winnie was still asleep. I shut my eyes and wished I'd had the foresight to bring sunglasses. I sunk down again, sitting on the floor briefly before my body pushed itself back up.
So far, being home wasn't bad. But I was dreading the H word, knowing it would eventually come up and I'd have to explain to Winnie who he is. It came up so quickly last night, and soon she'd be meeting my friends and they wouldn't be able to avoid the conversations.
I missed Hunter so much sometimes that I would call, wait for him to answer, and then hang up, knowing full well that he knew it was me on the other end. After a while he stopped answering.
It had been a mutual breakup.
He had the most amazing job of traveling for the New Charter, and he wanted me to be with him. I wanted to experience college for my parents' sake. Neither of us would budge, and we agreed to separate for a while. And a while turned into three years, and I was hurting every day because of it.
Per Winnie's insistence, I'd gone on dates, had hooked up with guys on our floor, but none of them mattered. I had always faked it and felt like a cheap whore afterwards. After the first guy—Riley something or other—I had cracked and found the nearest Catholic church and made my first confession in two years. It had gotten easier afterwards, felt like the norm for a Saturday night. Drinking, removal of clothing, a few moans here and there, and I was out the door and carrying my borrowed shoes in hand all the way back to my dorm room.
My mind did the dangerous thing and thought briefly of what Hunter would think of my casual behavior when it came to sex, and I sank back under the water as a sob tore at my throat. He was my first, I was still holding out hope he could be my last, but because of me he would never again be my only.
I wished so badly this water could cleanse me from the inside out.
I'd felt like this before, and after a while I would feel better and tell myself that it wasn't a big deal, that Hunter had been with other girls and that hadn't mattered—so when the time came that I saw him again, it wouldn't matter to him. And if it did, he'd be a hypocrite.
"Morgan?" I heard my name from beneath the water and popped up.
My little sister was standing there, dressed in a light summery blouse and shorts, her russet hair in a messy bun.
"Hey," I greeted with a smile, and she bent and paused my music. "How was the drive?" I asked, lifting myself out of the pool. She handed me my towel, and I wrapped it around myself.
"It was good, but I'm beat." She replied with a sleepy smile. I squeezed the water out of my hair and walked back into the house with her.
Winnie was just waking up, and I felt glad I got to see her this way—ratty hair, no makeup, dried drool on the side of her mouth… it definitely made living with her easier.
"Ready to join the living?" Mary K. teased, and Winnie groaned and turned on her front, burying her face in the couch cushion.
"Excuse you?" Mary K. said, dumbfounded by my thievery of her French fries. She swatted my hand as I plucked another off of her plate.
We were at the blessedly air-conditioned diner, Winnie still half-asleep and unusually quiet. She fiddled with the straw in her water glass as she tried to keep her eyes open.
"Sharing is caring, sis." I grinned at her and took a bite of the salty perfection. Mary K. rolled her eyes at me.
"Where's Bree at?" Mary K. asked, sipping her Sprite.
I shrugged. I hadn't heard from Bree in months, the last bit of news was that she and Robbie had decided to call it quits because of distance and jealously, and I didn't blame them.
"She mentioned in an email that she might be home for the summer, but we'll see if that actually happens." I told her.
Mary K. scoffed. "Well no one thought you were going to come home…" she said, and I felt her unease at this topic. It hadn't been easy for my sister without me here. Sure she had her friends and boyfriend, but she didn't have me, and I knew how much it hurt both of us. "But I'm glad you did—I'm really happy you're back." She smiled at me, and I couldn't help but pinpoint the qualities of my sister that had changed over the last few years.
My sister had always been cute and curvy and adorable, but she used to be so naïve—it hurt that she had to be put in harm's way on more than one occasion just to mature. She had deserved to be the bubbly, care-free, normal girl she was born as. My presence had changed all that. I had inadvertently dragged her into a world that scared her. She had her whole life flipped upside down by my introduction to Wicca, and finding out that her older sister wasn't related by blood and that her parents had been lying to her. She'd been kidnapped by my ex-boyfriend's mother as a pawn to lure me in. She went through of period of distrust after lying to her about what happened with Cal. I'd almost been killed, several times, and she knew enough to fear for me.
I would never be able to give her reassurance that she'll be okay, that I'll be okay. And I hated myself for it.
Even now as a 19 year old, she was still cute, curvy, adorable, but wiser…stronger. She wasn't as fragile as she used to be. It was probably due in large part to her high school boyfriend Mark. He'd been her first, and she realized afterwards that they weren't meant to be, but she was glad for the experience.
Mary K.'s Blackberry went off, and she quickly typed a reply, her fingers lightning fast. She had adapted quickly to the technology age, and I could barely understand the little pink Motorola Razr my parents got for me so they could reach me at all times.
"I'm glad I'm back too," I told her once her phone was securely back in the pocket of her purse.
After we ate and paid, Winnie was looking more alert. We were heading out of the diner when Mary K. stopped suddenly in front of me, and I looked up quickly to see Bree Warren and Robbie Gurevitch coming in through the double doors.
Bree paused and smiled after a moment at me, and Robbie followed suit. "Hey, Morgan," she greeted me with a hug. I hugged her back. "I didn't know you were coming home."
"I didn't know you guys were either," I said, glancing between them. Robbie looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I thought you two were broken up?"
Robbie nodded. "We are, but we're still friends." He was now shifting and avoiding eye contact with us.
Bree glanced over to Winnie, and back to me. "Bree, this is my friend, Winnie."
"Nice to meet you," Bree told her politely. Winnie smiled back but said nothing. "Um…" she paused, glancing up at Robbie. "What're you guys doing tonight?" she asked us.
"Nothing much," I said.
"I have the house to myself—want to come over for a girl's night?" she offered.
Winnie laughed and nodded, startling me. She'd been a zombie all day. "Definitely. The Rowlands' couch is not meant for sleeping."
Bree snorted. "Oh, I know. Trust me. Mary K.?"
Mary K. sighed, looking up from her all-consuming Blackberry. "I'd love to, but Jaycee's having a bunch of people over for a little reunion."
Bree's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "You only graduated a year ago." She said blankly.
Mary K. looked defensive. "People change in a year," she said primly.
Bree held up her hands. "Okay, have fun," she rolled her eyes when Mary K. went back to phone. "So tonight, seven?"
"See you tonight," I said, and followed an impatient Mary K. out the door.
I'm so sorry for the long wait, but I'm back and working on the next chapter! Please leave a review and thanks so much for staying with this story!
PS, I've changed the year from the original version. This one is based in 2006, when the book's Morgan is 21. Hope that's not too confusing!
