At least I was speechless for a better reason.
Ritsu gave me a moment to let it sink in, as it obviously caught me off guard.
"...You want this for us?"
Ritsu bowed his head ever so slightly. "The last few months have been awkward to accept, but yes. I've made you the way I need you. Don't take it for granted. I still own you indefinitely. Once I'm allowed to give you my name, there will be no way to reverse it. A blank is beyond useful, and I'm hoping they don't strip this from me due to circumstances. There are promising pairs out there, and if something were to happen, inevitably they want blanks that are well versed and trained by the best. Don't take this lightly, Soubi-kun, it could be years from now before you receive any name, let alone mine."
"Awkward? What's been awkward other than lately?"
"You're a child, you couldn't possibly understand what I mean on that level. Your grasp of these situations is limited."
I frowned. "Retaining my ears does not make me a child, Sensei. It makes me a virgin. There is a difference."
"Simply a matter of opinion, is what it is," He retorted. "And as of right now, my opinion is law. You're still a child, end of story."
Now I felt offended. I wanted to be angry, but years of being submissive took the reigns. "Then you can't be disappointed with the results."
"I'm glad you think so. Please take note, Soubi, that after this conversation, we will not talk of this anymore. I'm allowing you to speak freely because you've been unbearable. I expect you to maintain your place in the world no matter what happens."
His stern tone and the serious nature of the conversation made me take a step back from my thoughts of wanting to scream and yell and become outraged. He was right, after all. I was his submissive, and I would permanently become someone's submissive, be it Ritsu or someone else.
"I want YOU though." I whispered, clutching the sheet. "I don't want anyone else."
Ritsu reached out, touching my face again. It bothered me that I perceived it as him not really seeing me, but a woman he loved. "We all want things we cannot have."
"Then take what you want."
I'd spoken with such conviction that it startled Ritsu. His eyes widened, fingertips trailing down my neck. He placed his palm over my heart and what happened next was a whirlwind.
Lips crashed, his breath hot against me. I gasped only out of pain as he grabbed me, forcing me closer yet. I didn't resist as he bit and scratched at what little unmarred flesh remained. It wasn't so much that he intended to do damage, but I suppose he wanted to scare me. Much to my own dismay, I was the exact opposite of afraid of him. All the turmoil and confusion suddenly clicked. All the things I couldn't place suddenly found meaning.
I did want Ritsu. I needed him to want me as well. I didn't care at what cost, either. Calling me a child only exacerbated the desire. I was not a child. A child didn't comprehend these actions, these words...
When his lips returned to mine I found courage to kiss him back. I felt inexperienced, but he didn't falter at the reciprocation. His hands trailed up my marred shoulder blades and suddenly everything came to a standstill when I whimpered. "Soubi, we can't do this right now." He pressed his forehead to mine, eyes squeezed tight. His fingers curled into my hair with crushing intensity, and I felt the heat rise between us.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, feeling very foolish.
"Your wounds need to heal. Ripping them open would not benefit either of us, nor would it be worth the mess afterwards." Even though he said that, his body betrayed him. His narrow hips were crushing against me. There was no secret between us about that.
"I wouldn't mind... Pain does not bother me, it's just catching me off guard," I tried to persuade him, but I didn't sound very convincing.
Ritsu laughed, kissing me gently. "Overcome it and we shall see. For now, we need to sleep." He lifted himself off of me, but I grabbed his arms. I wanted him to stay, or to at least be with him right now. "I can't, Soubi-kun."
"Just...stay?"
He hesitated, but complied much to my surprise. I was in excruciating pain from the rapid movements, but I let him curl around me, pushing against me as hard as he could. A hand trailed to my waistband, hesitating slightly.
"Sensei..."
"Tomorrow."
"Take what you want," I whispered, aching for relief. He roughly complied, making me moan. He was not gentle as he sunk teeth into my neck several times. I seized up for a what seemed like forever before he was finished with me.
Weeks went by without incident. My stitches had been removed only days before, and the scars were horrific. They were still red and pink, and probably would be for months or even years before fully scarring over. Ritsu seemed to admire his handiwork from time to time during sessions, dragging his fingers across my skin as I stood braced against a wall. He no longer aimed to draw blood, but would cause as much pain as possible.
Honing my senses, he claimed, was important. Perception was everything. Little did he know I perceived far more than I was going to let on at this point. I knew better than to try and act coy with him. It wouldn't do any good to act needy, either. So instead, I complied and was a good, little submissive fighter. I kept my mouth shut, hoping for the chance to prove to him that his definition of "child" was far-fetched. Battling was the only thing I could do to prove to him I was worthy of the respect and the training. I'd defeated numerous teams, but it wasn't due to spectacular performances. Mostly taking advantage of spells that weren't thought out and could be easily manipulated into my own attack reflected back.
What pained me most was that he would not pair with me during these exercises. I wanted to prove myself to him in every sense. He just wouldn't allow it right now...
I understood why though, I was indeed the product of his training. I wouldn't want to make a fool out of myself and lose just because it was someone I cared about.
Funny how things escalated from paternal figure to this. I never really thought of him as family, mostly due to the fact he never once treated me like it. In fact, he'd made it painfully clear from day one that he didn't want the responsibility. At least now he was trying to figure out how to keep me, which meant more to me than it ever could have before.
I trailed down the halls aimlessly, waiting for Ritsu to return from where ever he'd gone. I was tired of sitting in front of the canvas and needed a break. The chatter from the random students as I passed through the commons was almost irritating. A few of them glanced, some even glared. I'm sure word had gotten around about my recent victories without a sacrifice, but it only made my ego swell. I felt above them, for many reasons. They wanted title and status and fame. All I wanted was Ritsu's adoration, which in my opinion was worth far more than their feeble, superficial desires.
Once I reached Ritsu's room, I stopped just short of the door. I could hear a woman inside, bitching him out. The words were too muffled to hear exactly what was being said, but I caught the phrase "you're a disgusting pervert!" more than once and took a few steps back.
Should I take another walk? I don't want to know who is in there... I hesitated too long, though. The door burst open. Of course it was Nagisa stomping out. When she turned slightly, she looked horrified that I was standing there. Then she took off at a fast-paced walk, head down.
Ritsu stepped out into the hallway, cigarette hanging off his lips. "Ah, Soubi-kun...Didn't know where you had been."
I shrugged slightly, not exactly uncomfortable with the situation I'd stumbled onto, but I was certainly curious. "She seems upset."
"Women are emotional creatures that will never be understood. Nagisa is crazy, don't let it bother you." Ritsu sighed, tapping the ash off the cigarette. "Well, come inside, you've got things that need to be finished."
Later that night, as Ritsu applied more ointment to my back, I realized how unusually methodical he was being this evening. It wasn't unlike Ritsu to be obtuse, but something seemed awkward about it. My skin tingled as he swept my hair over my left shoulder. My heart started racing. Every time he touched me, I couldn't help it. It only solidified my personal belief that I was not in love with him, but purely loved him. His hands hesitated slightly, but trailed down my sides with what seemed to be definite intention. The world seemed to slow down, time might have even stopped, as I felt his lips, tongue and teeth grace my shoulder blades. My loins swelled, and I couldn't hardly catch my breath.
Just do it already! I wanted to scream. If fact, I wanted him to make me scream. I didn't care how, or why. I wanted it.
Ritsu pulled me into his lap, hands finding their prize. I could feel his breath, his hesitancy, his desire. My back was pressed firmly against his chest as he wrapped his arm around my midriff to keep me in place as I trembled. I stiffened, my back arching as he gripped me tighter yet. "Ri-Ritsu...," I groaned, "Wait..."
He steadied himself against me, panting as hard as I was. He caught me off guard when he pushed me out of his lap and flat on my back. Once the world steadied itself and time returned to normal for a brief moment, I saw confusion in his eyes. I couldn't just lay there, looking up at him forever. It made me nervous. So, I leaned up and kissed him chastely. "I said to wait, I didn't ask you to stop..."
He laughed into the kiss, biting my lip. Momentarily he broke the kiss, pulling his shirt over his head. He was staring intently at me, as if observing my reactions. I blushed, of course, but a shy smile crossed my lips as I drug my hands down his chest. He smirked, grabbing both my wrists and pinning them above my head. He was slow to be rough with me, but I didn't care. He was finally mine, and I was finally his.
Hours seemed to pass before he was finished with me. He was trembling as he rolled over, groaning. I couldn't wipe the silly grin off my face as I stared at him. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
"WHAT?" The shrieking behind me caught me off guard. I turned just enough to see Nagisa grabbing for me. "Your ears! What happened to your... who... Who is responsible for this!"
I stood there, silent. It wasn't any of her damn business in the first place. She let go of my arm and backed up slowly, mouth forming words that weren't audible. I cocked an eyebrow at her, as if daring her to continue. She continued to back away in horror.
I smirked as I turned and left her there. Ritsu was waiting patiently for me as usual. I didn't need to elaborate on what made me later than usual, he just pointed to the canvas.
"I heard her shrieking all the way in here, Soubi-kun." He finally sighed.
"I'm not concerned, Sensei."
"Good," Ritsu tapped his cigarette into the ashtray by the open window and exhaled slowly. "I just want you to know, I didn't do this because of the looks you acquired from your mother. I did this because you are mine. You will always be mine, Soubi, no matter what name graces that skin of yours. You are the best, don't ever underestimate yourself."
Part of me wanted to say it was a matter of opinion, but I kept silent as I worked with the paints. Hours would go by before I finally stretched at stood up. I looked around, realizing I didn't know where Ritsu was. I grinned when I saw him fast asleep, feet propped up on the desk, head leaning back. I quietly made my way over to him, observing every feature. I wanted to touch him, but I refused to be responsible for waking him. Instead I leaned over him, kissing him lightly. I was startled when his hands came up, holding my face tightly. He deepened the kiss, and I felt myself blush again.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you-" I started to apologize, but he swung his feet off the desk and pulled me into his lap, handling me aggressively.
"You don't need to lie," He whispered, "Do not be ashamed of this."
Why would I feel ashamed? If anything, I wanted nothing more from him than what this was right now, other than to have his name. How could I possibly be ashamed...
His fingers played with the zipper on my jeans and I stopped him momentarily, staring at the door to the room. "Wh-what if someone...walks in?"
"Then so be it," He growled, hoisting me on the desk. His hand wrapped around my throat, pushing me down. Panic overtook my senses, but I was sure it was due to the unfamiliarity of this type of roughness. I wasn't suffocating by any means.
Ritsu leaned over me, his cropped hair falling around my face as he bit at my earlobes and neck with what was comparably more gentle intention. I reached out, running my hands up the backs of his arms to his shoulders, and then down his back. I could feel every muscle, every movement he was making. I was not afraid of what he wanted to do to me.
I had trouble sleeping that night. Strange dreams of strange buildings... I couldn't figure out where I was, and the dimensions were screwing with me. I'd go up one staircase, only to find a doorway with a staircase 6ft down the wall and an intense change in gravity. I kept waking myself up it became so intense. I must have made noise loud enough to wake Ritsu, because when I woke myself this time, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at me curiously.
"I-I'm sorry-"
"You were whimpering," He interrupted. "It's a noise you haven't made since you were little. It surprised me that even after all these years it can still wake me out of my sleep."
"My apologies, Sensei...," I whispered. "I tried to wake myself up to make it stop, but the dream would continue..."
"Do you need water or anything while I'm up?"
"No, sir..."
"Good."
He surprised me by crawling under the covers with me. It almost made me uncomfortable, mostly because of the unfamiliarity of his actions. His arms wrapped around me, lips pressing against my neck and jawline. He hooked his leg underneath my left knee and around my right leg. I could feel him pressing against me, and I sighed. I was in pain from the last two encounters, and was not sure I could handle a third this soon. It didn't seem that was what he wanted right now, but Ritsu's mind was not one I aimed to understand at this point. After while, he must have fallen asleep. I couldn't get my eyes to close no matter what I tried. I know I laid there for over an hour before drifting off, only to have him shake me awake once more.
This time, my hand was tangled in his hair. He looked the exact opposite of pleased with me. "Soubi, what is going on with you tonight? You're not like this when you sleep."
I couldn't answer him this time, I didn't remember what I was dreaming about. So, I stared at him blankly. He grabbed my right wrist, forcing me to roll to completely face him. Immediately I was hard. I wanted to crawl away in shame but he only smiled sadistically, pulling my hips close to his, rolling on top of me. I wanted to tell him no, but every other part of me screamed in pleasure. The anticipation of this was killing me. I wanted him to be done with it.
But he never once hurt me. He was almost sweet about it this time, sensual even. I touched him where ever I could, nails dragging lightly across his back. Whenever I got too rough with my response to his actions he'd pull away slightly, whispering, "Gentle..."
He finally made me come, but it wasn't without the usual lengthy torture. He always got off after me. It was almost irritating, but it excited me more after the fact. "Now, will you sleep soundly?"
He seemed to ask as if I would know the right answer.
I laughed a little, "I suppose...?"
"Good..." He groaned, spooning me against him. He was full of warmth as he held me tightly. Within minutes I felt myself slip away into sleep once more.
