Loose Ends
By bricksailor93
Part 2:
They left her for two days after the visit. The doctors and nurses left her to herself, alone in her world of ice cold pain misery. The voices departed from her as well, leaving her to dread their return.
For Azula, though, two days didn't mean anything. In her mind, time no longer existed. How could it? When one day was the same as the last, with the same dull, throbbing emptiness surrounding her, what difference did it make to her what day it was? What was the difference between sunlight and moonlight when you constantly lived in darkness? What was the point of counting the days of your life if you weren't really living?
For two days, Azula did not sleep; she did not eat. She sat by the window where Zuko had left her, seeing nothing, feeling nothing. Later on, she could not recall how many times the sun had set or how many times night had turned into day, but she knew she had not slept. The voices would have sliced her with their razor-sharp laughter if she had allowed herself to slip into that realm of nightmares. So, she remained awake.
It was a shiver on the cold morning of the third day since the visit that broke her from her numb state. Her teeth chattered, and goosebumps rose on her arms. Azula hissed and wrapped her thin arms around her chest. She hated the cold. The cold reminded her of water and ice, of being frozen and helpless by the water peasant's bending. The memory made her shake from more than just cold.
Across the room there was a blanket draped over her simple hospital bed. She could go get it. She could get rid of the cold. Or she could let the cold take her, make her sick and lead her to a quick end. Then another shiver ran up her spine, and her desire to be rid of it won over the desire to meet her end quickly.
Wearily, Azula lifted herself out of her chair with shaking legs. A twisted laugh of sick glee escaped her when she nearly crashed to the floor. Her legs could barely support her frail frame. Every day that passed took more and more strength from her. Soon, she would be too weak, and this would all be over.
"Poor Zuko and his hopes," she cackled to herself, "All of this to have them crushed as always."
It would give him pain, and that was exactly what Azula wanted.
The blanket on her bed was a soft, fuzzy thing meant more for wrapping around newborns than a princess. Upon picking it up, she scowled at the color. Blue. Pale blue, but blue nonetheless. Everything in her room was pale and nearly colorless. White walls, worn wooden floor, pale yellow sheets, pale lilac curtains, white chest. As she flung the blanket around her shoulders, Azula remembered her old rooms. The walls had been covered with bold, strong reds. Heavy draperies bearing the black and read Firenation emblem had hung from the ceiling. Rich, red rugs had adorned the floors. Her bed had been made with fine sheets of red silk. All of her clothing had been red, black and gold, she remembered as she picked at her pale blue hospital gown that hung off of her in folds.
Everything around her was too pale and too empty, much like her. Azula supposed it didn't matter though. It wasn't like she would remain there long. No, soon she would be leaving for good.
As she turned towards her chair by the window, a gleam on the wall caught her eye. What remained of her curiosity rose up inside of her and forced her to take a step closer. It was a flat pane of glass with a very reflective surface.
Suddenly, Azula screamed aloud in fright. There was a monster! A monster was staring back at her through the glass on the wall! Who would let such a thing in a hospital? This was a place for the sick, not a place for demon!
Scrambling away in fear, Azula raised her hands in defense...
...and to her confusion, so did the monster.
She blinked and frowned, daring to drop her defenses and lowering her arms.
The monster did as well.
Slowly, she approached the thing, holding her breath as the monster came nearer to her as well. Extending a shaking arm, she reached out to it, lip trembling as the monster did exactly the same thing as her. Just as they were about to touch, the tips of her fingers came in contact with a smooth, cool surface.
The pane of glass, she thought, but why...?
She gasped and withdrew her hand, trembling from head to foot.
Not a pane of glass, she realized, but a mirror.
There was no monster in the room except her.
Sickly, sallow skin stretched across her facial bones. Her lips were dry and cracked, caked with dried blood and scabby skin. There were scratches all over her gaunt and grey face, standing out like embers of a dying fire. She must have given them to herself, she realized as she studied her fingers, stained with dried blood. Her hair was the black, wild mane of an animal, twisted and tangled in messy strands.
All of this, however, was nothing compared to her eyes, which haunted her most. Azula couldn't recognize them, no matter how hard she tried. They were dark and sunken with deep lines and wrinkles from lack of sleep. Her brow bones stood out, casting a veil of shadow over them. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot, giving her a demonic appearance. The gold color of her eyes was the only thing that hadn't changed, but even that held a sickening shine that stood out in the shadows. The gleam in her eyes was one belonging to a wild animal caught in a cage, mad from confinement and afraid of its captors.
My own mother thought I was a monster.
Was this what Ursa had seen inside her daughter when she was only a child? Had she known in some way that one day she would come to this? Was that why she had loved Zuko more? Because not even a mother could love a monster?
A blood-chilling shriek escaped her lips, and Azula sank to her knees. This was what she had come to. The once proud Firenation princess was a monster even in her own eyes. Her sobs shook her, sounding more like the howls of an animal touched by hot metal than a human girl.
A knock at her door startled her, and her head snapped up viciously.
"What?" she growled at the door, teeth bared and eyes deadly.
A moment passed before someone replied.
"Azula?" a voice said in a worried tone, "Are you alright? You haven't been out of your room in two days, and I thought I heard a scream."
Azula turned away and curled up in the corner. A nurse, of course. A jailer to her prison. Wardens to her misery, locking her in emptiness.
"Go away!" she snapped, hiding herself in the shadows. Why couldn't they just let her be? Was it not obvious that she did not want them to help her?
Azula knew that her mind wasn't in the greatest of states, but she knew "go away" did not mean "come in".
Apparently, to the nurse that was exactly what it meant. The door opened slowly with a creak. She heard footsteps as the woman entered the room.
Go away; leave me alone. There is no hope for monsters. Why don't you just give up?
"Azula?" the woman said when she saw her. She came nearer despite the look of venom shot at her by her patient. She crouched down and looked at her with concerned blue eyes.
In truth, Azula couldn't remember if she had seen this nurse before. After all, a jailer was a jailer. They all had the same intention, no matter what they looked like. But to her knowledge, she had not seen this woman before. This one didn't have the same fear in her eyes as all the others.
She was a tall, well-built woman, looking like she was better suited to leading an army than tending the sick. She wasn't pretty, with her too-small mouth, big eyes and crooked nose, but who was Azula to talk about beauty? After all, she wasn't exactly the fairest in all the land.
After a moment of looking her over, the woman gently took her wrist. Azula hissed and snatched it back like the woman had burned her rather than checked for her pulse. The nurse held up her hands and backed up a little.
"My apologies. Next time I will ask," she said with a sad but sincere voice.
Why bother asking? If you don't do it, someone else will have to anyway.
"I am your new nurse. It seems you last nurse didn't feel she deserved the honor," she said.
Azula snorted.
"Liar," she mumbled, daring the nurse to disagree.
The nurse shook her head.
"It's not a lie. She didn't want the challenge of caring for the royal family."
Silence stretched between them. Azula eyed her suspiciously. This was a trap. No nurse ever sat this long with her if they could avoid it. She was waiting for her to give something away, she had to be.
"It doesn't matter to me," Azula said finally, "You're just another guard looking after a prisoner."
It didn't seem the nurse was surprised or upset when she heard what Azula said. She just shrugged.
"I suppose that's one way of looking at it, in your case. But prisoners are still people, and I've promised to help all people in need," she said.
"I am not in need!" Azula screeched, "I don't want help! You don't need help to die!"
She leaped up and scrambled past her, ducking into the shadows of another corner. She breathed heavily, the effort of moving so quickly taking much out of her. What was this woman trying to do? Make friends? Prisoners didn't befriend their guards.
"I know you want to die, Azula," the nurse said, "And I can't say I blame you. Few have ever gone through so much as you and held themselves together."
Azula cackled softly at the woman's blindness to the obvious.
"You think I'm together?" she said, a twisted grin upon her face, "I've been cut so many times that I'm the furthest thing from together!" She turned and looked at the nurse, who was still sitting across the room.
Shaking her head, the nurse sighed.
"You aren't broken apart in pieces great distances away from each other. No, only some of your threads have been cut, leaving you to unravel slowly. You only need to tie the loose ends together to start repairing the damage."
When Azula looked at her with obvious disagreement on her face, the woman shrugged.
"Or so I've been told by weavers," she said, casting a small smile in Azula's direction. Then she stood up and smoothed her skirt with a sense of accomplishment Azula didn't understand. "Oh, I thought you should know that your weekly appointment with Dr. Lin is today."
Azula froze. Usually they just barged in and snatched her away to take her to the appointment without any forewarning. It was no surprise. She hated the doctor, and fought them every time they came. She hated being forced to answer his questions and being poked and prodded. Zuko had obviously told him to keep her alive or else. Now she was paying the price for it.
"But," the nurse said, "I believe if upon inspection I found you sleeping for the first time in weeks, he would be willing to push the appointment to tomorrow."
Frowning, Azula looked at her with suspicion. Why would she do that for her? She was her patient. If she lied about her condition, the nurse could be punished, especially since she was the Firelord's sister.
"Why would you lie for me?" Azula whispered, suddenly confused.
The nurse smiled slyly and shrugged.
"I believe they've lied to you enough. It's time they have a taste of their own medicine," she said, "No pun intended, of course."
With one last smile, she walked out the door and closed it softly behind her.
Azula was confused. The woman had just had a conversation with her, and Azula had talked to her willingly. Both of them were unharmed at the end of the conversation. Was this woman telling the truth, or was it all an act? Azula wasn't sure.
In the end, she decided it was an act. It had to be, didn't it? Who would honestly take time to care for her?
But they didn't come to take her to Dr. Lin that day just like the nurse had said.
Author's Notes:
Um, hi. I'm new to all of this, so please, bear with me. And I have no idea where else to put them, so let's just put the Author's Notes here. Kay? Kay. Thanks to those of you who reviewed on part one! I really appreciate feedback. To OmniSchreiber: Thanks for pointing out that thing about the visitors. I did put that Zuko was the only visitor to return time after time (as opposed to Ty Lee not returning after 1 visit), but apparently that wasn't very clear. I'll fix that soon. To The Real Iggy: I loved your review. The only thing is I'm afraid I might have set the bar too high! I appreciate all reviews. Thanks again! Sorry about the long wait for Part 2.
